How Wusses Are Created and Relationships and Marriages Are Destroyed As a Result

Wusses are made, not born (with rare genetic exceptions, of course), and the only kind of women who like them are sadly their own mothers and the parasites and predators who can take something from them. How are they made? That’s easy…

I caught something on television recently that I can’t get out of my head, partially because it’s offensive to me and partially because there is a lesson in it for all of you. And it’s not one that is easy to teach, so I’m going to ask you to bear with me.

First of all, some of the examples I’m going to have to use have potential political implications, and we’re not here to discuss politics. There could also be controversy over whether what I’m about to show you is coincidental, accidental, or deliberate.

For the purpose of this exercise, I’m going to ask you to ignore all of that and look strictly at the mechanics and psychology of what is really happening so that you can learn this universal process and not only protect yourself from its dark side, but use it to better yourself. So turn off the emotions, political bias, conspiracy theory machine, etc., and put on your thinking cap for a few minutes, because you need to be as cold and ruthlessly logical as I am to get through it with maximum benefit.

Sometimes it’s late in the day before I find inspiration for the content of this newsletter; I prefer to do it as the very first thing after responding to whatever reader e-mails are in my Inbox when I first sit down at my computer in the morning, but the world doesn’t always work the way I want it to. Sometimes I can receive as many as 200 e-mails from readers and not be able to use anything out of them for a newsletter, either because of the appropriateness of the content or not being able to obtain permission to reprint their letter in time (I a stickler for reader privacy).

When that happens and I end up not being able to compose a newsletter until late evening, my wife likes to watch some flavor of the CSI (Crime Scene Investigation) series on television while I work, and I hear it in the background but pretty much ignore it. A few nights ago I heard something that caught my attention.

The investigative team was standing in a metal building with about a hundred bullet holes scattered all over the walls, and one of the guys had looked it over and was reporting to his colleagues that it was a 9 mm, and then tagged onto the end of the sentence, “probably semi-automatic.”

For those of you who don’t know anything about firearms, that means that you pull the trigger, one shot is fired, and the next round is chambered and the weapon cocked and ready to fire, but it does not fire until the trigger is released and pulled again. A firearm that will keep shooting round after round for as long as you hold the trigger pulled is fully automatic, also called a “sub-machine gun” or simply “machine gun.”

A few minutes later in the show, they had finally figured out how all the bullet holes were put in the wall. Some boys had held up a very long bamboo cane, about 30 feet tall, run the cane through the trigger guard of a fully automatic sub-machine pistol, and pulled the trigger back with a wire tie just before giving it a spin and letting it spiral its way down the cane pole. Yes, stupid, and one of the kids got shot through the chest.

Now here’s the important part. For everyone who didn’t know the difference between a “semi-automatic” and “fully automatic” firearm, they thought that the fully automatic sub-machine pistol shown spraying bullets all over the building was semi-automatic, which is simply the pistol that most police officers carry in their holsters, because the CSI officer erroneously said that's what it was.

Intentional or not, that is what’s called “disinformation.” Someone shows you something that is incorrect or misleads you to assume something incorrect and you have a tendency to accept it as correct because of the source, or because you see it a lot, and the message, although wrong, is consistent.

A lie or error told often enough becomes the perceived truth (but not the truth). The Earth is at the center of the universe and it’s flat and you’ll sail off the edge of it if you go too far in any direction. Bleeding someone with leeches will cure any ailment. Governments love and serve their people faithfully and flawlessly. And women like nice guys. Remember?

Yes, that lie has been told for decades. Look at what you see on television today. Stunningly beautiful women running around with hopeless wusses and acting like they’re “Studly Do-Right,” totally ignoring the fact that the guys are dressed sloppily, don’t project an ounce of intelligence, sense of humor, social skills, leadership skills, or most importantly, self-respect.

Men are consistently shown as being sub-average, bumbling jackasses who can’t make a decision to save their life, and yet they still get the girl at the end of the show, and to beat it all, they cry for joy and thank her for the privilege of being seen with her. (I’m so sick of those commercials for Sonic restaurants making men look like idiots that I joined John Alanis long ago in boycotting Sonic, and wrote them a letter telling them so.)

When you see that all the time, there’s something that happens in your subconscious mind that tells you that you should be acting as those guys do. They have what you want, and if you do what they do, you’ll have what they have. But your subconscious mind doesn’t know that it’s only television fantasy; it can’t discriminate like that.

So the lie that is told over and over becomes perceived reality – accepted as truth by those who don’t know or seek the facts, but not really true.

However! Awareness can override this negative programming, and better still, you can use this same principle to lift yourself up! Instead of watching wusses give all men a bad name on television, hang out with successful friends who are happy with their lives and have the alpha male tendencies that women enjoy! Since your environment can program you, let it program you for success instead of failure!

But that means doing something really smart: You have to acknowledge your betters as potential mentors and positive influences instead of envying their success and resenting them. Can you handle that? Can you handle hanging around with one or more guys who have a strong personality that women love and are successful at what they pursue?

No, they don’t have to be filthy stinking rich to be successful. Wealth is not always a man’s goal. Some men prefer to succeed at fishing, hunting, wood or metal working, rebuilding cars, throwing darts, collecting stamps – you name it. But a man who succeeds at one thing will generally succeed at many things, because he has the formula – and he can demonstrate it to you simply by you being around him.

This isn’t rocket science, Gentlemen. Not by a long shot. Do you recall hearing an axiom called “Occam’s Razor” when you were a student? “The simplest explanation is most often the correct one.” By the same token, the simplest paths to success are most often the best. And what can be simpler than exposing yourself to people who are what you want to be and just letting it all soak in?

If you hear hooves beating behind you, do you think “horse” or “zebra”? There’s a reason clichés become clichés: they’re so universally true and therefore so frequently quoted that people get tired of hearing them. At least in most cases.

Some would have you believe that you can never understand what a woman says or what she really wants. I believed it for a long time, as did many who came before you, until it came down to a do-or-die situation and I had to learn. How do you think I learned? Did I go to the Himalayas and ask the Dali Lama, or to Rome to ask the Pope? Did I consult ancient mystical texts like the Bible, Quran, or Cabbala? Did I seek the counsel of alien races? Or contact the dead through a crystal ball? Hardly…

I asked a bunch of women!

I had to learn to speak “girly-ese” (some of my readers are calling it “feminese” and I rather like that one, too) before I could make sense of a lot of what they wanted to tell me, but believe me, they wanted me and every man alive to know. All this time that we’ve been shaking our heads in frustration because we can’t understand them, they’ve been angry and frustrated because they didn’t know we didn’t understand and thought we were choosing to ignore them. Imagine that!

In the end, they are neither complex, weak nor stupid. They’re just enough like us to make us think that they’re entirely like us and just different enough to drive us crazy sometimes, but they are simple, strong, smart, and one hell of a lot of fun to be around once you tune in and gain their trust – they’re mostly emotionally driven, and want more than anything to feel safe in feeling anything for you, lest their emotions be used against them as they have many times in the past, like when date after date said, “I’ll call you tomorrow,” or “Sure, I’ll still respect you in the morning.”

What you need to know is how we’re alike and how we’re different, and in plain language, not an encyclopedia full of psycho-babble. You need to learn to speak girly-ese, which sounds a whole lot like whatever language you speak, but the protocols are different. You need to know things about a woman’s emotional make-up, like the fact that being bored is as detrimental to her health and ability to think rationally and make good choices as being terrified is to you. And you need to know how to flip her switches and ignite that spark that will never let her feel bored again and make her fight – indeed, to kick the crap out of a running saw mill if necessary – to protect her relationship with you.

If you’re interested, go to http://www.makingherhappy.com/ and download your copy of "THE Man's Guide to Great Relationships and Marriage" -- it’s ALL in there, just as I described, in plain language that a child could understand (and a few smart-ass remarks just to keep you entertained as well!). And if you’re not interested? Well, I hear you can get used to being in the dog house, getting yelled at all the time, and even getting divorced and losing everything you have in the process, but that’s one challenge I’d just as soon skip.

In the meantime, live well, be well, and have a wonderful day!
David Cunningham

Nice Guys Finish Last, Especially in Relationships and Marriage, Part 1

We’ve all heard the old cliché, “Nice Guys Finish Last,” and it seems counter-intuitive, but let’s face it, clichés get to be clichés precisely because they are so universally true and self-evident. Let’s look closer at why this is true and how you can correct any problems it may be causing you…

A friend forwarded me an article asking if men honestly thought that being nice was a drawback when it comes to women. I had to say something…

What difference does it make whether men “think” it or not? It’s a proven fact. Just look at “nice guy” behavior! And most important, it’s something you can easily fix, too!

Before I start, let’s make sure we’re all on the same page. We’ve been through one major debacle over men failing to realize that women never speak the obvious, so let’s avoid another by speaking what some will consider obvious and most others will have been oblivious to…

Back in the 1980’s, we were told that women wanted a man who could be sensitive. They meant sensitive IN ADDITION TO being a manly man, not INSTEAD OF. And by “sensitive,” they meant “being in touch with our feelings,” not “being overwhelmed by feelings” like they often are. Hence, instead of remaining our normal, rough, rowdy, fun, sexy selves, we started acting like wusses and crying with women at chick flicks. And we’ve all noticed where that got us over the last thiry-plus years, right?

So when women who realize what they’re saying still say they want a nice guy, they don’t mean a guy who is ONLY nice, and has no other positive attributes. They’re talking about a man who is a manly man but not an abusive man, a man who gives them an input channel when decisions need to be made and recognizes that when she spends two hours making herself look great to go out with him that he at least make the effort to show a little self-respect by wearing things like real shoes, a belt, clothes that fit, tucking in his shirt, which by the way, has a collar on it and maybe even a neck tie, depending on the occasion, socks that match his pants, etc., in recognition and appreciation of her effort.

And by the way, a genuine compliment like, “You look really well put-together tonight. Thank you for making the effort,” instead of complaining that it took her so long to get ready would be a good idea, too.

So in a nutshell, when a sane, undamaged woman wants a “nice guy,” what she is really wanting is a man who notices and respects her and her efforts to please and nurture him. That’s a far cry from a guy what we’ve been led to believe, isn’t it? It actually sounds like a pretty natural thing for a guy to do if he’s with the right woman and he’s an adult.

Okay, now that we have that straight, let’s look at the things that make a nice guy NOTHING MORE THAN A NICE GUY. What do you always notice about them? Or more to the point, what makes them so boring and wussy that women immediately label them as “just a nice guy”?

First and foremost, they’re a pushover. They make the biggest mistake a man can make: deferring all decisions to everyone else. Any risk of discussion or conflict is too much, and they’ve mistakenly been led to believe that leaving decisions to others to make unilaterally or letting somebody else lead the action by making the first suggestion is somehow considerate or polite. Is it?

Duh! Not just no, but hell no! Putting somebody else on the spot or dumping a choice into somebody else’s lap so that they are deciding something for you is shirking your responsibility and putting it on them. Ask someone, especially a woman, who looks uncomfortable about making a unilateral decision that concerns more than herself about what is bothering them and they’ll tell you, quite bluntly, that they don’t want to make the decision for everybody.

So how nice is that, really? Not!

And besides, it’s our job to lead, remember? That doesn’t mean that we make all the decisions in a relationship unilaterally, or even any of them. It means we initiate discussions, lead off with suggestions, invite participation, and actively sift through everything being said to come up with a satisfactory option, then announce it as a decision and prompt everyone to start acting on it. Leadership, not control. Motivating as you take action, not just barking orders and pushing people around.

And keep in mind the first rule of thumb in any relationship with a woman: if you can’t stand up TO her, and WITH her, you definitely can’t stand up FOR her. Ergo, you’re a wuss. And boring. That’s really sexy, right?

I was going to go through this whole thing in one edition, but it’s going to take several, so we’re going to stop here and call this “part one,” because this is already more than enough for you to be chewing on for the next 24 hours and trying to root it out of your life. We’ll be talking about these major mistakes that “nice guys” make (and that makes “nice guys”) for the next three or more editions, so grease yourself up, strap yourself in, hide all pets, stow your bags under the seat in front of you and make sure your tray table is in its fully upright and locked position, because it may end up being a pretty wild ride.

Yes, really. You’re more than likely going learn some things that you’ve been doing for a long time with the best of intentions and getting the exact opposite results that you wanted. That means you’re going to get to stop doing some things that you probably didn’t like to do anyway and start getting better results, not just with your partner, and not just with all women, but with everybody around you.

And yes again, that sounds like a tall order, so don’t miss it. I can’t tell you everything I know in the next three newsletters (it took a whole book just to hit the major points!), but I am going to give you a lot more than enough to see two things: that you do indeed have a lot of room for improvement, and that you can make those improvements easily, especially with my help.

You think not? Take me to task! Put me to the test! Go to http://www.makingherhappy.com and download your copy of "THE Man’s Guide to Great Relationships and Marriage," and see what you find. My guarantee is simple: read it and use it for a whole year, and if you don’t think you got your money’s worth, you keep your money and my book.

Do you think you’ll get the same offer at a brick-and-mortar bookstore for some tome full of theory and opinion? Good luck with that. Meanwhile, you remember Kevin, who, by the way, has been married over twenty years and just learned how to play with his wife, from the last few days? I’ll let him tell you about what works. I got this from him today, and I had to “soften” some of it to get it past the spam filters who would otherwise block it for being “for grown-ups only”:

Hey there David!! Man I hope other guys reading what you shared with them from what has been positive to say the least with me are giving it all their effort. It can work for sure. Further proof my friend....

Guys should give this using "panties" a try in whatever way…panties seems to be something that has rather strong influence in having fun with the wife and maybe any woman. Now, I like panties play myself so it influences me a great deal for fun sex play!! The visual of seeing a woman playfully and sensually pulling down her panties certainly gets my rise going!!

Also, it’s sensually fun for me to pull down the panties! So verbally talking panties play gets us going for sure. Now to where I was going with this.....We went to a Halloween party last night and I attached a picture of us which includes a fun girlfriend....Anyway, my wife I guess decided she was going to take the upper hand this time instead of me doing any playful teasing to start.

Well, while we were dancing, she says to me..."You aren't going to get to pull down my panties tonight because I am not wearing any under my mini skirt"!!! And she takes my hands and puts them on her behind and pulls me into her and grinds her [groin] right into me out on the dance floor and teasingly laughs!!! This, of course gets me amped up even more!!

When we leave the hotel party David, she is pretty much quiet on the ride home. When we pull into the garage she asks me..."did you have a good time?" And I said, “Sure I did.” Get this David....She then says, “You got pretty excited knowing my panties were off in there”.....and she gets over in my lap facing me lifting her skirt above her waist and says...”Now start spanking your bad girl for taking off her panties!!!!”

David we [had sex] right there in the car in the garage and I gave her a good spanking too!!! Literally David she wants to have her panties pulled down and get spanked since I started that with the "scolding panties remarks"!!!! Man, I hope it works for other guys!!! There is something about "panties" and women!!!!

Kevin

From celibate to getting it on at a party on the dance floor and in the garage with a woman who is now, twenty years after they got married, CHASING HIM! This guy has given me more testimonials than some authors get from their entire customer base, and he only one of many getting these results! You don't see me displaying little disclaimers about results being "atypical" in fine print to cover my butt like everybody else does because these results are in fact quite typical amongst those who use what I teach, and they can be YOUR results, too, if you'll just step up and get with the program.

‘Nuff said…and again, it’s waiting for you at http://www.makingherhappy.com, so get moving, and gals, if you’re feeling a little jealous of Kevin’s wife right now, you can get in on this, too!

In the meantime, live well, be well, and have a wonderful day!
David Cunningham

Reader Responses Confirm: Your Diet Can Kill Your Relationship and Marriage

A reader comments about his experience after eliminating soy and the feminizing effects of the estrogen it contains from his diet. In short, he’s feeling like a man again! And other readers confirm that they're better off without it.

On July 17, I wrote to you about how soy estrogens have a feminizing effect on men because they tie up testosterone receptors and keep the male sex hormone from making you masculine while enhancing any potential feminine appearance and personality factors. I received the expected ranting and raving from people who feel (but don’t have one iota of scientific evidence) that soy is the ultimate healthful food, and prevents all sorts of diseases, including cancer (which incidentally, numerous scientific studies have proven can be CAUSED by soy estrogens, not prevented by it). However…

I also got several letters from men and a woman who have had the good sense to try removing soy from their diet for themselves and see if they notice any difference in their demeanor, appearance, etc., to confirm or contradict what I reported. Here are a few of their notes:

Hi David,

I did as you suggested and stopped drinking the two glasses of soy milk my wife had me drinking every day, and I’m already feeling a lot more like my old self, and specifically, a lot more like the MAN I used to be. I thought getting cloudy-headed and having trouble focusing on tasks, and getting frustrated and fussy over things that didn’t bother me in the past was just old age setting in, even though I’m only 46. My wife has noticed the difference, too, and now she’s beginning to question her vegetarian diet and its effect on our kids. Thanks for the heads-up!

John T.

Hey Dave, [For future reference, I really prefer people don’t call me “Dave” – it’s not all that offensive, it’s just not “me,” if you know what I mean.]

My wife and I have been trying to have another baby, and not having much luck. In fact, we were getting pretty frustrated. After reading your article on soy, we started researching and found that soy has been linked to fertility problems. We’re vegetarians and eat a lot of soy-substitutes for meat products and drink a lot of soy milk, and this has us questioning our choice. However, I want to thank you for the information and to let you know that in following your advice and taking the lead in the research and discussion on the subject and doing the naughty play things you mention, my wife’s acting differently toward me, like sex isn’t just a chore to have the baby. My guess is we owe you a lot, so thanks!

Gary

(Note: birth control pills contain estrogen and progesterone, so this is not a surprise.)

Hi David,

I was skeptical of your newsletter and of the book you mentioned [“The Whole Soy Story” by Dr. Kaayla Daniel], so I got a copy of the book and in trying to debunk what she says, ended up finding proof of most of what she said before giving up and accepting it as truth. My doctor has been harping at me over elevated homocysteine levels and estrogen levels, and I expect that when I see him next month I’ll see improvement. You may have saved me a heart attack, and I thank you.

Janelle

(It may have saved her from some form of cancer, too, as estrogen is a cellular reproduction hormone and elevated estrogen levels have been causally -- not casually -- linked to several types of cancer, especially of the breasts and female reproductive organs.)

So guys, here’s the scoop: Nothing that makes you feminine or unhealthy is going to make you attractive, and soy has proven and is continuing to prove to be a major cause of wussification and feminization of men, along with a whole bunch of health problems studies have causally linked to soy (while my work is entirely related to relationships, it’s still very valuable information, and I urge you to read it):

1. Elevated homocysteine levels, a crystalline amino acid that erodes blood vessels and causes them to hemorrhage, which is then filled with LDL cholesterol, which acts like radiator “stop-leak” and seals the fissure, but continues to collect and forms plaque as it picks up minerals like calcium from the blood and ultimately, if unchecked, causes a blockage, which can result in heart disease, heart attack, stroke, pulmonary embolus (if the plaque breaks loose and lodges in the lungs, which is often deadly), etc.

2. Cancer, especially of the breasts and reproductive organs

3. Allergies and reduced immunity

4. Thyroid dysfunction (caused by genistein, a major constituent of soy products, which is known to depress the thyroid gland, causing stunted growth, lower intelligence and heart disease, any of which can indeed cause relationship-impeding problems)

5. Malnutrition and digestive problems (many people are allergic to soy, especially soybean oil, which is why potato chips cooked in “Olean” and other modified soy bean oils that supposedly lower fat content causes some people digestive upset.)

6. Nutrient deficiencies, including calcium (vital for bone health and the prevention of osteoporosis, and doctors blindly parrot the propaganda that estrogen-containing HRT helps prevent bone loss when it in fact contributes to it!)

7. Reproductive disorders (another relationship-straining possibility) and infertility (also caused by ingestion of genistein)

8. Cognitive and mental decline (care to bet on whether this could put a damper on a relationship?)

9. Psychosexual problems (high estrogen levels make concentration difficult, and make one “edgy” enough to interfere with libido, as you’ve seen in women who tend to drift to the shopping list and chore lists while in the middle of sex)

I want to be perfectly clear about this: I am not “attacking” soy, and have no agenda, except to report to you things that bona fide scientists and doctors have discovered in well-structured and executed clinical studies and reported about something that can have a severe impact on both your relationship and your life together. I’m not in this just to help people light things back up in the bedroom; it takes a healthy sex-life to have a healthy and long-lasting relationship, but it also takes communication, intimacy, love, trust, respect, etc., and good health certainly facilitates all of the above, does it not?

In case anybody is wondering, this whole apparent myth about soy being healthy started in 1995 when a character by name of Dr. James W. Anderson did what is called a “meta-analysis” of soy. Meta-analysis is where someone who can’t conduct their own study and doesn’t know enough about a subject to get a grant or involvement in a bona fide study gathers data from a collection of other studies and renders an opinion based on nothing more than statistical analysis and their interpretation of the findings.

Since those who use meta-analysis don’t know enough about the subject to study it directly, they have no way of knowing if the studies they throw into the mix were conducted correctly, are scientifically sound, etc., and bad results often follow as things are either taken out of context or based upon studies that are flawed, merely “suggest” something instead of “proving” it, turn out to be a meta-analysis of other studies, or turn out to be biased by virtue of who paid for the study.

Anderson’s meta-analysis was funded by Protein Technologies International, a major promoter of soy products – a pretty big red flag – but everybody jumped on the band wagon. Since then, Anderson himself has admitted that other studies conducted over the past ten years have proven the inaccuracy of his initial study and findings by stating that these other studies have “reported less impressive results.” The U.S. Food and Drug Administration has also received warnings from its own staff experts about supporting the claims of a statistician, but they were ignored.

Consequently, governments of Israel, France, the United Kingdom, and New Zealand, among others, are issuing warnings against the use of soy formula for infants, especially regarding the effects of genistein. They’re slow to act, as any government is, but hopefully they and the U.S. Food and Drug Administration (FDA) get around to noticing that it’s bad for adults, too.

In a nutshell, possible benefits of soy use are clearly outweighed by PROVEN risks.

So there it is, folks. It’s a long, complex story, and I may have provided more detail than many of you care to stomach, but I’ll not apologize for trying to take good care of you and providing facts instead of unsupported opinion and theory. I sell books on improving long-term relationships to make my living, but I’m here to help you live long and happy lives together, and I’m going to report to you any factual information I encounter that will help you to do that.

Speaking of selling books (big wink!), I’ve got a winner for you. It’s called "THE Man’s Guide to Great Relationships and Marriage," and it covers so much more than attraction; it teaches the thorough evaluation of your relationship and its constituents, what you need to know to truly understand women, their needs, their habits and methods, and how to communicate with them, and how to build attraction for them to spice up your intimate life and protect them from their greatest enemy of all, BOREDOM.

Yes, I said boredom, and if you don’t believe me, just ask one of them! Then jump over to http://www.makingherhappy.com and download your copy and get started on kicking your relationship up to notches unknown!

In the meantime, live well, be well, and have a wonderful day!
David Cunningham

A Woman Lives Briefly As a Man, and Here Is the BIG Relationship and Marriage Lesson For All to Learn From Her Experience

Part 2 of 2: EXCLUSIVE MUST READ! A female reader gets an accidental overdose of testosterone and spends a couple of weeks feeling what many men feel every day, and there are lessons for all in her experience! Yesterday we studied the letter, and today I show you what you should have seen…

I’ve waited as long as I can to publish this edition because I was really hoping to hear from someone who saw the most important lesson to be had here, but I’ve not yet. However, I will say that based on the answers to surveys and other questions, many editions, even the ones marked “urgent” or “must read,” don’t get read for several days or until the weekend because we’re all getting too busy for our own good, so I’m not going to construe this to mean anything more than that the majority of people simply haven’t had the time to read and think about it yet.

In case you missed yesterday’s edition, here’s a letter from a reader who, in a nutshell, got an accidental overdose of testosterone in her hormone replacement therapy dosage and got to spend several days being influenced by it as a man does, especially young men, and there is a glaring lesson for all men embedded in her response. If you’ve already read it, skip past it to the commentary that follows to discover one of the most important things you’ll ever learn about women.

Dear David,

All my life I have heard people say if you could walk a mile in someone else’s shoes you would not be so fast to judge them. I have to tell you of such an experience that has proven this to me, and this was so serious I felt like I should share part of it with you. I will be giving you only a small portion of what I went through, but I hope it will be enough that you will understand that I really know what it feels like to be a man.

I’m 40 years old, had a hysterectomy twelve years ago, and a few weeks ago I went to see my gynecologist about a problem I was having with my hormone levels. Every time I was tested my hormones were lower than the doctor felt they should be, and he made such a big deal of it that I became concerned and made the choice to let the doctor give me strong shot to see if this could get me back on the right track. In doing so I was given a very large dose of testosterone, which turned my body totally opposite of what I had ever been before. I started to view life on a whole new level.

It started out with me looking for sex everywhere. I was suddenly looking at every man I saw and some women as possible sex partners, and I had never done this, especially toward women! I thought at first I was going crazy. I would sit and look at them and could play out in my head all the thoughts I was having about them and what I could imagine we could do together.

I was also terribly aggressive and easily angered, wanting to get into fights with people who would piss me off and I never wanted to do that before, ever! For example during all this I was pulled over by a policeman and was given a ticket. Now most of the time I would cry or flirt or do whatever I had to get out of it and for the most part that would work for me, but this time all I wanted to do is punch the cop right in the face for being an ass to me.

There were so many changes in my life I could not possibly describe all of them for you right now. The point I wanted to get across is after I went through days of strange feelings and urges I had never had before I told my best friend about them and he looked at me and smiled and told me that all of what I told him about was what a man went through everyday of his life until he got old enough for his testosterone levels to drop severely, which he said was somewhere between the late twenties and early fifties, depending on the man, and could be even later for some men.

I was blown away. I called my gynecologist and told him what my friend said and he confirmed that the dosage may have been too high and that I could be experiencing such side effects for several days, but not to be alarmed because they would stop when the testosterone was used and it returned to a more tolerable level.

Ladies if what I went through just for those few days is what a man goes through every day there is a lot more to being a man than we as women think. All I can say is I hope I never go through anything like this again. If the feeling of gladly passing up food for sex is a small part of how they feel then I say give them sex, I will never again tell my love that I do not feel like it or I have a headache for during that short period of time I got mad at my boyfriend for not giving me all the sex I wanted, and wanted it I did. With every single breath I took I wanted him, and sometimes not just him. When he did not want to give it to me I would look around and wonder where I could get it from.

Like I said, this is only a small part of what I went through and there is much more I could tell you and I might write it all down and send it to you one day, but I am just now starting to get some of the old me feeling like I should again. The main reason I wanted to write this is so that you woman readers might get a little better understanding of what our men go through all the time. I will promise you this before I ever tell my husband no again I will think about the experience I had and how I felt when he told me that he didn’t feel like it.

Daphne

Okay guys, does anybody see it? It’s staring at you from within the next to last paragraph:

“Ladies if what I went through just for those few days is what a man goes through every day there is a lot more to being a man them we as women think. All I can say is I hope I never go through anything like this again. If the feeling of gladly passing up food for sex is a small part of how they feel then I say give them sex, I will never again tell my love that I do not feel like it or I have a headache for during that short period of time I got mad at my boyfriend for not giving me all the sex I wanted, and wanted it I did. With every single breath I took I wanted him, and sometimes not just him. When he did not want to give it to me I would look around and wonder where I could get it from."

Women have the capacity to understand what it feels like to live with the burning drive of testosterone all day every day, and will respond to that understanding with the same nurturing behavior they exhibit for us regarding any needs or desires we have, IF THEY ARE PRESENTED WITH THE INFORMATION CORRECTLY.

What constitutes correctly? Think about it. What do girls grow up hearing about boys, and women continue to believe about men? That ALL WE THINK ABOUT IS SEX, and will lie, cheat, steal and rape if necessary to get it. But that’s not true, is it? We don’t choose to be driven to think about sex as often as we do, and in fact, we don’t THINK about it often at all. We desire it, and often need it, when something sexual is in front of us. It’s a subconscious eruption or a reaction to a stimulus, not something we contemplate. But that’s not what women grow up and live believing.

They grow up hearing from their parents and each other that “guys just want to get into their pants,” and it’s said as something dirty, demeaning, diabolical, and deceitful. When they grow up, they are surrounded by a bunch of pushy, grab-asstic boys who don’t care who they insult or hurt and by a bunch of socially-inept wusses who never learned that neither women nor sex is scarce and are under the influence of myths like "women don't like sex," “women want a nice guy,” and “a guy has to be considerate and let the woman make all the decisions.” So how would you expect them to react?

The lesson is that if you can really talk with your partner about how things really are in your life, openly, honestly, and in detail, help her to understand how things are, and show her the same courtesy and respect by listening when she tells you how things really are in her life, world, etc., or how she feels about how things are in your life or hers, it comes across far differently than if it is presented as some sort of demand on her (“I’m your husband and it’s your duty to have sex with me”) or as some sort of wussy plea of need (“I just can’t help myself, and if you don’t sleep with me, I’ll feel bad about myself and it will be all your fault,” or the classic wuss-out, “A man has needs, you know…”). Understanding of needs and conditions motivates a woman to nurture to deal with the situation, while bullying, badgering, whining, and sulking motivate her to separate herself from the situation, and YOU!

This doesn’t just apply to sex, or even just to intimacy in general. It applies to everything that goes on between the two of you. If you have goals that you want your wife to help you meet somehow, or even just goals that you don’t want he to resent or resist, explain to her what these goals are, and why they are important to you, and tell her that she can help if she wants and it will be appreciated if she does, instead of demanding that she “get her ass in gear and get with the program,’ telling her to keep her nose out of your business, or whining about how you never got a break and the system is against you and that she owes it to you to pitch in and cover your ass. Invite her to tell you about her goals and interests as well. And listen with interest as she responds with how she feels about what you’ve told her and what she’s told you. That simple act will do more for your trust, respect, and intimacy than you can imagine until you see it in action.

There is no way that two people in a committed relationship can ever know too much about each other’s goals, desires, needs, preferences, etc., and talking openly and honestly about them is by far the best way to make things understood. Aside from the obvious benefits of the building of trust and friendship as these things are discussed, there will also be the building of intimacy and excitement as you come closer together and celebrate your victories together. It’s as automatic as the rising and setting of the sun.

Oops! All that talking and listening requires bridging that inter-gender communications gap that we’re all born into and few of us ever find out way across. What’s the old cliché, “Drat! Foiled again…”? Well, no, not this time…

You guessed it: It’s all in "THE Man’s Guide to Great Relationships and Marriage," which is available for download right now at http://www.makingherhappy.com, and once you’ve learned what it has to offer, you’ll be having frequent picnics on that inter-gender communications bridge you’re going to quickly build. Could life get any better? Sure, and you’re going to make it so, if you start now…

In the meantime, live well, be well, and have a wonderful day!
David Cunningham

Believe It Or Not, Your DIET Can Destroy Your Relationship and Marriage

There are some foods that should never be in a man’s diet (and probably nobody’s diet) because they block testosterone uptake and make him develop female characteristics and tendencies, as well as kill his libido. Yes, I’m serious, and you may be eating a lot of one of them in particular, the worst offender of all…

Those of you who have read my bio know that I’ve got a strong medical background for a non-physician; I’ve also been an herbalist since my teens and shell out about a thousand dollars a year on subscriptions to the best medical newsletters in existence, most of which are written by doctors and researchers who blow the whistle on the fallacies and frauds of mainstream medicine.

One topic that keeps coming up in ALL of these newsletters is that study after study is PROVING (not SUGGESTING) that plant estrogens attach to testosterone receptors and keep testosterone from being utilized in the male body, which in turn causes men to become less masculine, and in too many cases start becoming feminine, even to the extent of having their voice rise in pitch and developing female-like breasts and lactating in extreme cases. And, since testosterone promotes libido in both men and women, blocking the utilization of testosterone decreases libido! BAD IDEA!

(It does the same thing in the female body, which decreases a woman’s libido, and since she already has all the estrogen her body can tolerate, is also being proven to promote cancer, since estrogen’s main purpose in the body is to cause the proliferation of cells, which is normally is balanced by other chemicals in the body until a surplus is created by overactive adrenal glands – which if healthy, can produce as much or more estrogen than a woman’s ovaries – or ingestion of excess estrogen in food, birth control pills, or hormone replacement therapy – which has also been proven to promote cancer in too many cases and some doctors are now recommending against.)

The biggest of all offenders is…brace yourself, especially if you are a vegetarian, SOY! Yes, that funny little green bean that tofu is made from, that is served as a sort of trendy Japanese delicacy called “edamame,” that is used to replace carbohydrates in a lot of low-carb foods (my wife tried the Nutrisystems diet for awhile, and I read the labels and was appalled at the amount of soy protein added), and is erroneously promoted as being more healthful than anything else that you can eat.

Don’t take my word for this. A Google search for “soy and testosterone” will give you a little over a million pages on the subject, including a most excellent book by Dr. Kaayla T. Daniel, a Certified Clinical Nutritionist, called “The Whole Soy Story,” which really blows all the myths about soy being healthful to bits. If your wife is fond of soy and trying to feed it to you for every meal, you can at least bring this to her attention and get her to stop pumping you and your sons full of estrogen. (Now there’s a hard thought, having your son’s voice go UP instead of down in his early teens!)

Gentlemen, I couldn’t be more serious if I tried. The evidence has been solid for several years, and I’ve abstained from writing about it because most people just won’t accept facts when they conflict with “common knowledge,” but there is so much overwhelming factual evidence now that it can no longer be ignored, just like people eventually couldn’t ignore that the Sun didn’t orbit the Earth, or that the Earth was round, or that two objects of different mass dropped from a height will strike the ground at the same time as long as wind resistance is constant across both objects, or that men can’t expect women to get excited about them if they’re acting like a woman instead of a man.

There’s not one word about soy or even your diet in "THE Man’s Guide to Great Relationships and Marriage," but I’ve covered everything else that women want you to know about them, and a lot that many of them DON’T want you to know. So to make yourself everything the woman in your life really wants you to be (if she likes men, that is!) get the soy out of your diet and jump over to http://www.makingherhappy.com and download your copy of "THE Man’s Guide to Great Relationships and Marriage."

(Or keep doing what you’re doing, and when your wife keeps ignoring you in the bedroom, just double up on the soy and then you can fondle your own breasts! LOL!)

In the meantime, live well, be well, and have a wonderful day!
David Cunningham

How Outside Influences Can Make or Break Your Relationship or Marriage

Is your environment, especially the part of it you choose and create for yourself, increasing or killing your attractiveness? It’s easy to tell by taking a good look around you, if you know what to look for. Do you?

Let’s take a look at your living and work environments to see what they may be doing for you, or TO you. Much of male attractiveness is the direct result of attitude, self-esteem, and confidence, and your environment can impact those things directly, so it can impact your attractiveness directly.

Feeling good about yourself requires that you take action to succeed, which in turn requires that you feel worthy of success and motivated to go after it. How does your environment affect you in this regard? Everything around you can impact you, so let’s look at some of the big ones to give you a feel for what to look for, and you can refine your search from there. Let’s start with music.

Yes, that’s a biggie! Even if you aren’t listening actively, it’s still there, being interpreted and assimilated, and there are subconscious mechanisms that act upon what you hear, so what are you exposing yourself to? First, what do you choose to listen to? If it’s depressing, as a lot of alternative rock, death metal, and some country and honky tonk, ballads, and of course, blues can be, it’s working on you. In my own experience, Michael Bolton was a great guy, according to pop culture, but his music was so depressing that I couldn’t listen to it, and while I like some of the instrumental portions of Iron Maiden and Metallica, the death-oriented lyrics of many of their songs make me want to just shake somebody and tell the to wake up and get a clue. (The same goes for the angry-sounding rap that glorifies rape and cop-killing; fortunately, this isn’t all rap, just the worst of it.)

I grew up in an area where country, bluegrass, and honky tonk music was popular, and I can remember even as a small child wondering why people wanted to listen to songs that spoke of people hurting each other, breaking up, divorcing, being lonely, etc. Even if you’re not choosing what you listen to, as in cases where you have piped in music in your office that someone else chooses, or have a partner or a child that tends to dominate the household music listening (which luckily isn’t as bad these days since personal computers and I-Pods make private listening much easier), you may consciously just ignore it, but your subconscious mind ignores nothing. Hence, the music you expose yourself to, at least with regard for helping you to maintain a positive attitude and good self-image, needs to be fun, uplifting, motivating, etc., providing at least some positive influence; at worst, it should be attitude neutral, like some form of light instrumental or dance music.

What about television? Do you watch informative shows that help you feel better-prepared to achieve? Comedies to help break the tension? Heroic adventures to see the good guys kill the bad guys and go home with the girl for “gratuitous whoopee”? Or do you watch sad stories, a.k.a., “human interest” stories, where the object is to pull you in to feeling sorry for the subject? Or nothing but news, which tends to be negative because disaster gets better ratings that acts of heroism? How can anyone expect to have a good outlook on life if a good portion of what they see every day is negative? There is obviously a lot you can’t choose, but there is also a lot that you can, so choose well.

Speaking of what you see in the workplace, how is your job affecting your outlook on life? Are you well-suited to your chosen profession? Are you appreciated and rewarded by your current employer? Do you enjoy getting out of bed in the morning to start your work day or do you leave home at the last possible minute and arrive a few minutes late every day because you just really don’t want to be there?

High self-esteem comes from achievement, and in every day life, that means mainly from success at productive work. If your work conditions keep you from feeling like you are accomplishing anything, either in your job or your career, or if it’s swallowing you (as seems to be frequently portrayed on police dramas like “Law and Order: Special Victims Unit,” where the officers are constantly exposed to the worst elements of human behavior and cannot avoid it because their job is to deal with it), depression and unattractive behavior is virtually inevitable.

Take a hard, objective look at your job and your career, and if it is not satisfying you, talk with a professional headhunter or placement agency, no matter what you do now or think you may be capable of doing. They stay in business by competently matching people with good jobs, and often have aptitude tests and other placement aids they will be glad to offer you on the chance that they may be able to pick up a commission by placing you in a good job. And don’t let the idea of a career change scare you into failing to act. You may be surprised at how radical a career switch you can make but still be able to leverage your experience and be able to make more of a lateral move instead of having to start over at the bottom of another career path.

Another huge influence, and the last one I’ll speak about today, are the people around you. Achievers will influence you to achieve, and miscreants of every flavor, being unwilling to do what is necessary to achieve, will seek justification and validation by spreading their defeatist attitude around like a virus.

You know them, the people to whom you announce good news and they insist that all good fortune is either fleeting or something bad must happen to you to pay for your good fortune, and they’re always blaming their sorry life and lack of achievement on limited opportunities and some oppressive entity or system instead of doing what achievers do and making their own opportunities. You may include these people in your circle of “friends,” but they are not friends. Friends don’t try to impede the happiness of friends by trying to negate everything good that comes their way.

Once you find and eliminate all these negative influences from your life, you’ll find it much easier to maintain that confident, “can’t touch this” attitude that women find so irresistible, not to mention finding your life a whole lot simpler and more enjoyable. When you couple that attitude with a solid working knowledge of how to evaluate relationships, how to effectively communicate with women, and what they automatically respond to with curiosity, excitement, and desire, a great relationship with a great woman is a foregone conclusion, even if you’re not currently with one!

What you need to know about all of that is waiting for you in a single source, my e-book, “THE Man’s Guide to Great Relationships and Marriage.” It’s an instant download at http://www.makingherhappy.com, fully tested and guaranteed to work -- and for less than the cost of a good meal for two at a nice restaurant! Can you afford to ignore such information? NO! Can you use such information? YES! So get clicking, Bub, because life’s too short to waste it feeling lousy about your life, job, and marriage! ;-)

In the meantime, live well, be well, and have a wonderful day!
David Cunningham