THE Man's Blog for Relationship and Marriage Help

A gift certificate for something specific that you...

2011-12-03T16:51:02.324-05:00

A gift certificate for something specific that you know she likes, like a spa treatment or massage that she normally wouldn't buy for herself, can be much-appreciated, but a generic gift cetificate from some store she doesn't usually get to shop at just says, "Here's money because I don't know what to get you," and a generic gift certificate from somewhere she goes all the time is so impersonal as to be insulting to many women, so as long as you're specific and know she's into it, go for it.

Oh how true! I've been around and thoughtful ...

2011-12-03T14:23:22.808-05:00

Oh how true!
I've been around and thoughtful enough to know not buy INSENSITIVE GIFTS, like don't ever buy ANY WOMAN (WOMEN) anything that has to do with WORK AS A GIFT! No irons/ironing boards(like who irons anymore) no vacuums, no dish washers or clothes washers etc. (Even though us guys like things that make doing things easier, like power drills etc.) I know that is one way to get you remembered, but not the way you want to be remembered!
One thought.
If you put something of a mixture of things as suggested, a coffee mug, some chocolates, (maybe a pair of winter gloves/scarf?)how about a gift certificate for a massage/facial. Something that will pamper her for all her efforts, or stress from daily life. Just a suggestion.

Hi - I know this is a blog for men, but I think it...

2011-11-19T07:19:50.629-05:00

Hi - I know this is a blog for men, but I think it could be quite useful for women too! I really wish my ex-partner would have read it and absorbed all this stuff before ending things!

I appreciate these two things most: "It’s not...

2011-11-04T16:56:19.795-04:00

I appreciate these two things most:
"It’s not that we are responsible for a woman’s happiness, but we can help facilitate it" and "The bottom line is that everything in your life needs attention, preventive maintenance, if you will." Anything that is ignored will breakdown (or get bored leading to breakdown.)
Unfortunately I see the outcome of a lack of maintenance in my office regularly.
As I say to my clients- you don't interview for a job, get it, and then expect never to work again... why do you think you can woo your spouse, win them, and then never have to work on the relationship.
Thanks for the sadly shocking story.

Oh my gosh, I love this meaning of "whatever&...

2011-10-08T16:13:43.741-04:00

Oh my gosh, I love this meaning of "whatever" from your group, David. When I say it, it means "Okay, whatever you say, Honey," and then I go do what I want to do anyway!

:-) Cindy

Have you asked her why she closes her eyes? It'...

2011-03-12T11:32:22.924-05:00

Have you asked her why she closes her eyes? It's not at all uncommon, and many people don't even realize they are doing it. Shutting out visual distraction to focus on physical sensation is a very effective technique for heightening sexual pleasure and you should not assume that she's fantasizing about something else just because her eyes are closed.

If you're that insecure that you make such an assumption, feel like a piece of meat, and question why you're with someone after 33 years just because she closes her eyes, I can make a pretty good prediction as to why she's reading romance novels; insecurity is a big turn-off. It sounds like you need to join our forum and have an open and honest discussion with our members, especially the women there, to help you understand how female sexuality works, because you really don't seem to get it. Reading my book would be a big help to you, too, because it would help you with the insecurity problem, as will a real understanding of what's up with your wife.

my wife has been reading romance for 2 years now a...

2011-03-12T00:59:08.290-05:00

my wife has been reading romance for 2 years now at first i didnt notice even when icame home after work yo find her waiting in bed already aroused but then i found the books which were very explicit but after my initially bad reaction i became the emotionlly connected loving husband i touch her the way she wants to be touched i make love to her almost every night for hours in these two years she has amassed 450 books which i find disturbing she still reads and is still sometimes aroused when i come home if a women really wants to feel loved and emotionlly connected why does she still close her eyes when we make love and why do i feel like a piece of meat please help me understand this one as im beginning to ask myself why im with this woman after 33 years

Wow, debd, that's a pretty negative attitude. ...

2010-12-29T00:21:28.956-05:00

Wow, debd, that's a pretty negative attitude. My wife tells me I'm better than anything she ever read in a romance novel. Sounds like maybe you need to work on your selection process a bit and hold out for the better men.

look to me its not the story although that has to ...

2010-12-28T23:24:17.446-05:00

look to me its not the story although that has to be good-its mainly the sex. to be reading about a man who actually knows how to touch a woman and make her come apart-that is whats its about to me. also about a man who appreciates a woman putting her mouth on him or getting off on his light spanking of her behind-yeah. I read about it cause I haven't been able to find a man in the flesh who is like that-I guess I don't believe he's really out there-he is the made up perfection of the ideal-from women's minds. lets face it-if there was a real man out there that was even half as good as I read about in Emma Holly, Kresley Cole, or Jaquelyn Frank I would sell my soul to be mated to him! We read them cause its as close to real perfection as we will ever get. What real life guy can ever match up to or be as good as those we read about? Sad but true. Even if they were willing to listen, learn and try-real men can't compete.

David, You make more sense in these few paragraph...

2010-11-21T10:50:15.293-05:00

David,

You make more sense in these few paragraphs than years and thousands of $$$ spent getting "Christian" counseling have.

No wonder ex-#1 and ex-#2 divorced me, Mr. "keep the peace at all costs" which exposed me for the wussy I was. I doubt I gave them any reason to stay with such a weenie as I never stood up to either.

This is going to change right now!
Off to get my copy of your book and thanks again for helping those of us who have no clue on how to have a fulfilling relationship with a real woman!

I'm sorry, but there is no other option. The 8...

2010-11-18T14:34:51.840-05:00

I'm sorry, but there is no other option. The 800 pound gorilla has to be acknowledged, and there is no "keeping the peace" with such a person. Studies repeatedly show that divorce amongst the religious, even the deeply religious who would describe themselves as "fundamentalist" and those who identify themselves as pastors or other religious leaders, divorce just as frequently as everyone else.

I hear almost daily about how "God hates divorce." Assuming for the sake of this discussion that is true, God also hates all other sins, including those committed by mental or physical adultery, the hurtful things that are done when you fight, the lies that end up being told to try to keep the peace, etc., so your real question from a religious perspective is not whether to divorce, but whether you want to be forgiven for the single sin of divorce or the multitude of sins that would be committed if you tried to stay together, and then end up divorcing anyway.

There is also the question of whether you can let someone destroy the life that "God has given you" by staying with them while they suck the life out of you or throw it away on your behalf, and many others. You have to do what works for your life, not your pastor or congration.

My function here is not to tell you how to make choices between life and religion, but to tell you how life works. What you want or believe is irrelevant when what you have chosen and/or are forced to face are at hand. And to those who would consign all of this to lack of faith and failure to pray, I can tell you with authority that those I know who are deeply religious and ended up divorcing anyway prayed until they were blue in the face, sought marriage counseling from their pastor and other professionals, and believed with all they had that their probles would be worked out. They weren't, not because they failed to do what was prescribed, but because they failed to do what was required, which was to choose the right mate in the beginning, based on deep compatibility and attraction instead of need, desire, attraction without love, or anything else.

David, great information that makes total sense. B...

2010-11-18T12:54:21.781-05:00

David, great information that makes total sense. But, for those who due to religious reasons do not have the option of divorce,or "firing" the other party, is there any other option or negotiation strategies to "keep the peace" when the other party refuses to address the issue causing the anger?

Chris

If your wife is trying to hide her romance novels ...

2010-09-22T17:22:33.141-04:00

If your wife is trying to hide her romance novels from you, you're in trouble. You two need to be talking more because she's basically having an affair with her romance novels, and you're the one making it happen. If she just enjoyed them, she'd talk with you about them, but she's defending them because she enjoys them more than she enjoys you, and if you don't get your butt in gear and straighten up, she may well graduate from books to men. I'd suggest you at least post your situation, in detail including history, at our forum, http://forum.makingherhappy.com, and get some help in getting this figured out and corrected before you get blind-sided with an affair or divorce papers.

You no I feel you, my wife loves her romance novel...

2010-09-22T12:01:41.303-04:00

You no I feel you, my wife loves her romance novels and she reads them alot,everyday all day. I notice when I walk in the room she abruptly takes it off the screen. I always ask her why do you feel that it has to be secretive?IT'S A BOOK! She denies it. I think there's something wrong with that, at least I don't feel right about it. Why should anyone feel they have to hide anything if there's no harm in it? That's why yes it effects the intimacy factor between us because I feel it's not me that turned her on it's the character in the book. I would feel more secure if she wasn't "hiding" it from me because hiding it shows me it's alot more then just reading the story, she's in the moment, she wishes she was that girl on the other side and she is that other girl for that moment. Sometimes I don't want to touch her at times and have to force myself to get turned on because of it. What makes it worst she has her eye's closed during sex which doesn't help. I put my face to her neck on purpose, and yes the lids open up. So yes you see how my life sucks lol.

I'm at a complete loss as to what you're d...

2010-09-21T12:43:17.369-04:00

I'm at a complete loss as to what you're disagreeing with. You're saying the same thing that I said in this article and that I say to men every day. I do not contend that a woman who reads romance novels is bored. I say that if a man notices that his wife is spending more time with her romance novels than she is spending WITH HIM she is bored. Women don't marry men to make sure they have plenty of laundry and cooking to handle while they are reading romance novels. They marry men to BE married, and ACT married, and ENJOY being married. So if a woman is spending more time with a romance novel than her husband, the romance novel is more interesting, ergo, he's boring her to death.

I disagree as well. I love love stories. Most ...

2010-09-21T12:09:38.342-04:00

I disagree as well.

I love love stories. Most girls do. Plain and simple. You know when you're just beginning a relationship and people ask "How did you meet? How did you fall in love?" Girls are usually the ones who ask. A romance novel is just a 300pg answer to such a question. Fictional or not it doesn't matter. We like those stories.

I read romance novels and many other genres. Despite what anyone says romance novels are just chick flicks in print. There is as much sex in most romance novels as there is in Jerry Maguire, Titanic, Match Point, etc. The only difference is that it's spelled out in print. If you don't spend a lot of time reading novels of course you'd find those sections shocking and maybe even arousing. Just as you would find the written description of a murder, slavery, war, or the end of the world shocking and maybe even revolting. Your imagination makes things what they are when you read.

And if you're worried this is a warning sign that you're (otherwise innocent, lovely and loyal) wife will cheat. Consider this: nobody reads a Steven King novel because they want to be possessed by a demon and set their house on fire. Nobody plays video games like Call of Duty because they want to buy an AK47 and going on a rampage through the city. It's just the thrill of a story.

So no worries gents. If it becomes a concern, the best thing to do is talk it over with your spouse.

Thanks for the story, Dave. Let me tell you about ...

2010-08-31T16:54:11.289-04:00

Thanks for the story, Dave. Let me tell you about my Friday night. My lady friend and I had dinner with three other couples, two of whom she knew and one she did not. The boyfriend of the "strangers" was the
loudmouth comedian throughout the dinner, and I could see people rolling their eyes as they listened.
When we were leaving, he kept up the jokes in front of the restaurant, so I grabbed my lady friend by the waist and said a loud GOODBY EVERYONE and started to walk her toward my car. As we got to the car she planted a big kiss on my lips and thanked me for protecting her from any more boredom. The others were still standing there listening to the guy as we drove home.
Little things like that seem to make a huge difference, because she called her daughter from the car and told her how I protected her without embaressing anyone.
Art From Margate (Florida), 72 years old

Thanks for getting the word out that lying is NEVE...

2010-08-30T23:16:14.584-04:00

Thanks for getting the word out that lying is NEVER the way to go. It will catch up with you at some point and it won't be fun.

I have not read your book but I wanted to share my...

2010-07-18T16:14:50.266-04:00

I have not read your book but I wanted to share my story with you. I am a 32 year old woman who met my soulmate at 18. we were together 4 years, until I had a supposed friend tell hideous lies to my mate. He was hurt and believed them due to the circumstances of him being out of state. Anyway truth was I was raped and I didnt tell him until after this so called friend told him I cheated. Anyway we separated and both rebounded to other people. I nearly married my rebound and he did marry his. His mom previously called me and begged me to get him back; told me he almost left the new bride on the alter alone but she covinced him to go through with it and they would get it annulled soon after. Long story short on his honey moon he found out she was pregnant so he never annulled. 8 months later this baby was born. 2 years later his mother died and he called me to attend her services. I didnt plan to go because he was married and I didnt think it was apropriate. His grandmother called me crying and said she needed me there. I went. I arrived and he and I seen eachother and immmediately knew we both had made a mistake by being apart. We were both stunned with silence for nearly 5-10 minutes, then he professed his love for me and apologized for believing the lies and couldnt see how he could leave his son and make us work. Needless to say he called me everyday until the wife found out and of course went crazy. Suddenly the woman who only had one child who was five(and said she was having no more) started having more kids.... I have since read a book by Wallace Wattles that explains situations like this in detail. He explains 3 kinds of love, this one being a sex love where children are born and when this period is over, man looses interest and looks for the marriage love which is eternal. It was encouraging but the time that I wait for my real love is painful!

Really like your blog! Looks like we at husbandver...

2010-02-20T20:38:24.283-05:00

Really like your blog! Looks like we at husbandversuswife.com can learn a few lessons from it! Thanks Annie x

Here is question for you ladies who suggest asking...

2010-02-16T19:33:56.749-05:00

Here is question for you ladies who suggest asking our wives to read part of romantic novel to us or be ready to seize the moment when she finished reading the juicy part.

About a few months ago, my wife started to read fanfiction constantly, that means any free time she had she would be reading it, I asked her if the stories were just some love stories or had very hot and juicy parts in it and she told me that they didn't. I found a title of one of them and read part of it and it was like soft prn.
So, now when I ask her to share those stories with me she says they are private to her and not to ask her about the details of those stories. If she is reading them privately in another room and I cant go there, how could I know when the moment had arrived to seize it? Also, why is she so addicted to them and reading them until she is about to fall asleep.

Please advise.

I'm still working out the fee structure, but i...

2010-01-03T19:23:16.667-05:00

I'm still working out the fee structure, but it will be finalized within the week. I currently charge $135 per hour, and I'm working on packages that can cut that rate from near half to possibly near a quarter of that price. Stay tuned!

I would be interested in more access for a flat fe...

2010-01-03T18:22:58.415-05:00

I would be interested in more access for a flat fee. What would be the fee structure?

Thank you for this article. I hope lots of men re...

2009-12-15T11:55:58.108-05:00

Thank you for this article. I hope lots of men read it and really think about it. After all, if they do adhere to these principles, isn't the sex going to be better for them in the long run? Won't it be worth the wait? Why do they have such a problem thinking that far in advance?

An interesting read. It's always good to stay...

2009-09-03T15:58:56.349-04:00

An interesting read. It's always good to stay hones t with your spouse. Men are especially picky when it comes to these matters. They tend to judge you more harshly if they think you have a hint of seriousness in the relationship at all. But when you do something like this, what makes you think he won't expect the same thing in the future. Dangerous grounds here but a good read and thanks for sharing your story.