Comments on THE Man's Blog for Relationship and Marriage Help: Why Women Read Romance Novels: Warning Signs in Re...

Wow, debd, that's a pretty negative attitude. ...

2010-12-29T00:21:28.956-05:00

Wow, debd, that's a pretty negative attitude. My wife tells me I'm better than anything she ever read in a romance novel. Sounds like maybe you need to work on your selection process a bit and hold out for the better men.

look to me its not the story although that has to ...

2010-12-28T23:24:17.446-05:00

look to me its not the story although that has to be good-its mainly the sex. to be reading about a man who actually knows how to touch a woman and make her come apart-that is whats its about to me. also about a man who appreciates a woman putting her mouth on him or getting off on his light spanking of her behind-yeah. I read about it cause I haven't been able to find a man in the flesh who is like that-I guess I don't believe he's really out there-he is the made up perfection of the ideal-from women's minds. lets face it-if there was a real man out there that was even half as good as I read about in Emma Holly, Kresley Cole, or Jaquelyn Frank I would sell my soul to be mated to him! We read them cause its as close to real perfection as we will ever get. What real life guy can ever match up to or be as good as those we read about? Sad but true. Even if they were willing to listen, learn and try-real men can't compete.

If your wife is trying to hide her romance novels ...

2010-09-22T17:22:33.141-04:00

If your wife is trying to hide her romance novels from you, you're in trouble. You two need to be talking more because she's basically having an affair with her romance novels, and you're the one making it happen. If she just enjoyed them, she'd talk with you about them, but she's defending them because she enjoys them more than she enjoys you, and if you don't get your butt in gear and straighten up, she may well graduate from books to men. I'd suggest you at least post your situation, in detail including history, at our forum, http://forum.makingherhappy.com, and get some help in getting this figured out and corrected before you get blind-sided with an affair or divorce papers.

You no I feel you, my wife loves her romance novel...

2010-09-22T12:01:41.303-04:00

You no I feel you, my wife loves her romance novels and she reads them alot,everyday all day. I notice when I walk in the room she abruptly takes it off the screen. I always ask her why do you feel that it has to be secretive?IT'S A BOOK! She denies it. I think there's something wrong with that, at least I don't feel right about it. Why should anyone feel they have to hide anything if there's no harm in it? That's why yes it effects the intimacy factor between us because I feel it's not me that turned her on it's the character in the book. I would feel more secure if she wasn't "hiding" it from me because hiding it shows me it's alot more then just reading the story, she's in the moment, she wishes she was that girl on the other side and she is that other girl for that moment. Sometimes I don't want to touch her at times and have to force myself to get turned on because of it. What makes it worst she has her eye's closed during sex which doesn't help. I put my face to her neck on purpose, and yes the lids open up. So yes you see how my life sucks lol.

I'm at a complete loss as to what you're d...

2010-09-21T12:43:17.369-04:00

I'm at a complete loss as to what you're disagreeing with. You're saying the same thing that I said in this article and that I say to men every day. I do not contend that a woman who reads romance novels is bored. I say that if a man notices that his wife is spending more time with her romance novels than she is spending WITH HIM she is bored. Women don't marry men to make sure they have plenty of laundry and cooking to handle while they are reading romance novels. They marry men to BE married, and ACT married, and ENJOY being married. So if a woman is spending more time with a romance novel than her husband, the romance novel is more interesting, ergo, he's boring her to death.

I disagree as well. I love love stories. Most ...

2010-09-21T12:09:38.342-04:00

I disagree as well.

I love love stories. Most girls do. Plain and simple. You know when you're just beginning a relationship and people ask "How did you meet? How did you fall in love?" Girls are usually the ones who ask. A romance novel is just a 300pg answer to such a question. Fictional or not it doesn't matter. We like those stories.

I read romance novels and many other genres. Despite what anyone says romance novels are just chick flicks in print. There is as much sex in most romance novels as there is in Jerry Maguire, Titanic, Match Point, etc. The only difference is that it's spelled out in print. If you don't spend a lot of time reading novels of course you'd find those sections shocking and maybe even arousing. Just as you would find the written description of a murder, slavery, war, or the end of the world shocking and maybe even revolting. Your imagination makes things what they are when you read.

And if you're worried this is a warning sign that you're (otherwise innocent, lovely and loyal) wife will cheat. Consider this: nobody reads a Steven King novel because they want to be possessed by a demon and set their house on fire. Nobody plays video games like Call of Duty because they want to buy an AK47 and going on a rampage through the city. It's just the thrill of a story.

So no worries gents. If it becomes a concern, the best thing to do is talk it over with your spouse.

Here is question for you ladies who suggest asking...

2010-02-16T19:33:56.749-05:00

Here is question for you ladies who suggest asking our wives to read part of romantic novel to us or be ready to seize the moment when she finished reading the juicy part.

About a few months ago, my wife started to read fanfiction constantly, that means any free time she had she would be reading it, I asked her if the stories were just some love stories or had very hot and juicy parts in it and she told me that they didn't. I found a title of one of them and read part of it and it was like soft prn.
So, now when I ask her to share those stories with me she says they are private to her and not to ask her about the details of those stories. If she is reading them privately in another room and I cant go there, how could I know when the moment had arrived to seize it? Also, why is she so addicted to them and reading them until she is about to fall asleep.

Please advise.

Hi Debra!

Glad to see another author contri...

2008-10-21T12:46:00.000-04:00

Hi Debra!

Glad to see another author contributing. I'll check out your website and pass it along to my newsletter mailing list and my MySpace people as well.

I want you and the and the anonymous poster before you, as well as everyone else to notice something: you are both in happy relationships. I have never implied or said that the only reason a woman reads a romance novel is boredom. I have said repeatedly that if a man notices that he's in enough trouble in his relationship that he's looking for the kind of help that I give and he notices that his wife is reading a lot of romance novels, he can expect there to be a boredom issue and instead of thinking that his wife is ignoring him, he should accept the very real possibility that she spends so much time with her romance novels because she feels he is ignoring her. (This is not the only newsletter I have posted concerning romance novels by a long shot.)

I have also repeatedly told them exactly what you said, that they live vicariously through the characters in the novels for the emotional rush, and will often get turned on while reading their novel, and if the man sees signs of such excitement, instead of making fun of his wife's excitement over a book or feeling threatened by it, he should move with it and into it to help her escalate all the way into an exciting sexual encounter with him.

I personally am a huge fan of romance novels, not as a reader, but as an admirer of a tool, especially as they have evolved since the cheesy days when they were basically cheesy soft porn, portraying women as weak and fully licensed to be totally dramatic and irresponsible. I encourage my male readers to read at least two romance novels recommended by his wife or girlfriend so that he can get a better feel for what works on that area between her ears and see firsthand that the feminist movement has sold him a bill of goods with all that crap about deferring all decisions to her and crying with her at a chick flick to become "more in tune with his feminine side," pronounced "less of a man." And according to both those men and their women, it's a hugely successful exercise. So thank you for contributing, albeit indirectly to some degree, to better relationships, a better understanding of women by men, and in the end, a better sex life for many couples.

Best wishes for success!
David Cunningham

I'm a romance writer and reader. I don't write or ...

2008-10-21T11:11:00.000-04:00

I'm a romance writer and reader. I don't write or read them because I am bored in my relationship anymore than you would watch a porn movie or look at a Penthouse because you are bored. While men are visually stimulated sexually, a woman's sex organ is between her ears. What turns a woman on is the whole packagage - the attraction, the anticipation (Great point on that btw) and then the fruition. Romance novels are no longer the bodice rippers of the 70s and 80s. Now, a romance heroine is strong and in charge of her life and her own sexuality. The hero is a man whose character growth makes him worthy of her.
My husband loves the fact that I write and read romance. It is a turn on to read about two people in a committed relationship who are very into each other.
Check out some of the erotic romance selections at www.ellorascave.com and read them with your significant other.

Interesting...why would you fantasize about an aff...

2008-09-12T17:09:00.000-04:00

Interesting...why would you fantasize about an affair or any other relationship with another man if you weren't bored with the one you're with now? Why not fantasize about your husband manhandling you? Do you plug your husband into the romance novels you read as you think about them later? If you're not comfortable posting the answer publicly, feel free to e-mail me at tips@makingherhappy.com. I'm not trying to debate; I'm trying to identify whether there is an anomally here that other men may learn from or if there is a contradiction in what you say and what your actions logically indicate, so please be open and honest. It could be a learning opportunity for both of us.

As an avid reader of romance novels i have to disa...

2008-09-12T14:06:00.000-04:00

As an avid reader of romance novels i have to disagree a little. I'm in a happy marriage and I read romance novels so that I can be someone else for a little bit and fantasize about a man that I would never seriously want to be in a relationship with. why, because this way its so uncomplicated. I mean, its really fun to imagine some strong mascular guy throw you up against a wall and take you right there, but in reality, I don't know that I would enjoy being so manhandles by my husband. The thrill is being able to fantasize and control the fantasy without the possibility of th unpredictability of real life