Friday, August 05, 2011

A Woman Lives Briefly As a Man, and Here Is the BIG Relationship and Marriage Lesson For All to Learn From Her Experience

Part 2 of 3: EXCLUSIVE MUST READ! A female reader gets an accidental overdose of testosterone and spends a couple of weeks feeling what many men feel every day, and there are lessons for all in her experience! Yesterday we studied the letter, and today I show you what you should have seen…

In case you missed yesterday's edition, here's a letter from a reader who, in a nutshell, got an accidental overdose of testosterone in her hormone replacement therapy and got to spend several days being influenced by it as a man does, especially young men, and there is a glaring lesson for all men embedded in her response. If you've already read it, skip past it to the commentary that follows to discover one of the most important things you'll ever learn about women.

Dear David,

All my life I have heard people say if you could walk a mile in someone else's shoes you would not be so fast to judge them. I have to tell you of such an experience that has proven this to me, and this was so serious I felt like I should share part of it with you. I will be giving you only a small portion of what I went through, but I hope it will be enough that you will understand that I really know what it feels like to be a man.

I'm 40 years old, had a hysterectomy twelve years ago, and a few weeks ago I went to see my gynecologist about a problem I was having with my hormone levels. Every time I was tested my hormones were lower than the doctor felt they should be, and he made such a big deal of it that I became concerned and made the choice to let the doctor give me strong shot to see if this could get me back on the right track. In doing so I was given a very large dose of testosterone, which turned my body totally opposite of what I had ever been before. I started to view life on a whole new level.

It started out with me looking for sex everywhere. I was suddenly looking at every man I saw and some women as possible sex partners, and I had never done this, especially toward women! I thought at first I was going crazy. I would sit and look at them and could play out in my head all the thoughts I was having about them and what I could imagine we could do together.

I was also terribly aggressive and easily angered, wanting to get into fights with people who would piss me off and I never wanted to do that before, ever! For example during all this I was pulled over by a policeman and was given a ticket. Now most of the time I would cry or flirt or do whatever I had to get out of it and for the most part that would work for me, but this time all I wanted to do is punch the cop right in the face for being an ass to me.

There were so many changes in my life I could not possibly describe all of them for you right now. The point I wanted to get across is after I went through days of strange feelings and urges I had never had before I told my best friend about them and he looked at me and smiled and told me that all of what I told him about was what a man went through everyday of his life until he got old enough for his testosterone levels to drop severely, which he said was somewhere between the late twenties and early fifties, depending on the man, and could be even later for some men.

I was blown away. I called my gynecologist and told him what my friend said and he confirmed that the dosage may have been too high and that I could be experiencing such side effects for several days, but not to be alarmed because they would stop when the testosterone was used and it returned to a more tolerable level.

Ladies if what I went through just for those few days is what a man goes through every day there is a lot more to being a man than we as women think. All I can say is I hope I never go through anything like this again. If the feeling of gladly passing up food for sex is a small part of how they feel then I say give them sex, I will never again tell my love that I do not feel like it or I have a headache for during that short period of time I got mad at my boyfriend for not giving me all the sex I wanted, and wanted it I did. With every single breath I took I wanted him, and sometimes not just him. When he did not want to give it to me I would look around and wonder where I could get it from.

Like I said, this is only a small part of what I went through and there is much more I could tell you and I might write it all down and send it to you one day, but I am just now starting to get some of the old me feeling like I should again. The main reason I wanted to write this is so that you woman readers might get a little better understanding of what our men go through all the time. I will promise you this before I ever tell my man no again I will think about the experience I had and how I felt when he told me that he didn't feel like it.

Daphne

Okay guys, does anybody see it? It's staring at you from within the next-to-last paragraph:

"Ladies if what I went through just for those few days is what a man goes through every day there is a lot more to being a man than we as women think. All I can say is I hope I never go through anything like this again. If the feeling of gladly passing up food for sex is a small part of how they feel then I say give them sex, I will never again tell my love that I do not feel like it or I have a headache for during that short period of time I got mad at my boyfriend for not giving me all the sex I wanted, and wanted it I did. With every single breath I took I wanted him, and sometimes not just him. When he did not want to give it to me I would look around and wonder where I could get it from."

Women have the capacity to understand what it feels like to live with the burning drive of testosterone all day every day, and will respond to that understanding with the same nurturing behavior they exhibit for us regarding any needs or desires we have, IF THEY ARE PRESENTED WITH THE INFORMATION CORRECTLY.

What constitutes correctly? Think about it. What do girls grow up hearing about boys, and women continue to believe about men? That ALL WE THINK ABOUT IS SEX, AND WILL LIE, CHEAT, STEAL AND RAPE IF NECESSARY TO GET IT. BUT that's not true, is it? We don't choose to be driven to think about sex as often as we do, and in fact, we don't THINK about it often at all. We desire it, and often crave it, when something sexual is in front of us. It's a subconscious eruption or a reaction to a stimulus, not something we contemplate. But that's not what women grow up and live believing.

They grow up hearing from their parents and each other that "guys just want to get into their pants," and it's said as something dirty, demeaning, diabolical, and deceitful. When they grow up, they are surrounded by a bunch of pushy, grab-asstic boys who don't care who they insult or hurt and by a bunch of socially-inept wusses who never learned that neither women nor sex is scarce and are under the influence of myths like "women don't like sex," "women want a nice guy," and "a guy has to be considerate and let the woman make all the decisions."

They also have people driving them to remain "pure" or they'll be "dirty and no man will want them," (yeah, right!), and that men don't care if they dirty them and ruin their lives forever, as long as they get what they want. It's true that teens need to be warned of the complications and dangers of marrying too early and to the wrong person, and getting pregnant out of wedlock, but such ignorance and short-sightedness in telling girls such lies does long-term damage by making them paranoid about men and thinking they're in some sort of competition or battle to preserve their virtue (which unfortunately for a lot of them evolves into some sort of gender power struggle). So how would you expect them to react?

The lesson is that if you can really talk with your partner about how things really are in your life, openly, honestly, and in detail, help her to understand how things are, and show her the same receptiveness, courtesy and respect by listening when she tells you how things really are in her life, world, etc., or how she feels about how things are in your life or hers, it comes across far differently than if it is presented as some sort of demand on her ("I'm your husband and it's your duty to have sex with me") or as some sort of wussy plea of need ("I just can't help myself, and if you don't sleep with me, I'll feel bad about myself and it will be all your fault," or the classic wuss-out, "A man has needs, you know…"). Understanding of needs and conditions motivates a woman to nurture to deal with the situation, while bullying, badgering, whining, and sulking motivate her to separate herself from the situation, and YOU!

This doesn't just apply to sex, or even just to intimacy in general. It applies to everything that goes on between the two of you. If you have goals that you want your wife to help you meet somehow, or even just goals that you don't want her to resent or resist, explain to her what these goals are, and why they are important to you, and tell her that she can help if she wants and it will be appreciated if she does, instead of demanding that she "get her ass in gear and get with the program,' telling her to keep her nose out of your business, or whining about how you never got a break and the system is against you and that she owes it to you to pitch in and cover your ass. Invite her to tell you about her goals and interests as well. And listen with interest as she responds with how she feels about what you've told her and what she's told you. That simple act will do more for your trust, respect, and intimacy than you can imagine until you see it in action.

And to be clear, I am NOT saying that explaining yourself to a woman will make her feel sufficiently guilty to comply, or that you want to engage her maternal drive to give you "medicinal sex." I'm saying that when you speak genuinely and factually about how things really are and she sees the truth, that while there are hormones and such at work, you do genuinely love and respect her, and you do genuinely find HER sexy and are not just following the hormonal program to screw anything on two legs, that ancient defensive program will give way to her natural feminine drives and behavior. She'll still test on occasion, but suspicion and sexual paranoia will no longer drive her sexual attitude, and real sexual bonding and enjoyment can then happen. If any part of that is unclear, please write to me or let's discuss it further at our forum.

There is no way that two people in a committed relationship can ever know too much about each other's goals, desires, needs, preferences, etc., and talking openly and honestly about them is by far the best way to make things understood. Aside from the obvious benefits of the building of trust and friendship as these things are discussed, there will also be the building of intimacy and excitement as you come closer together and celebrate your victories together. It's as automatic as the rising and setting of the sun.

Oops! All that talking and listening requires bridging that inter-gender communications gap that we're all born into and few of us ever find out way across. What's the old cliché, "Drat! Foiled again…"? Well, no, not this time…

You guessed it: It's all in "THE Man's Guide to Great Relationships and Marriage," which is available for download right now at http://www.makingherhappy.com, and once you've learned what it has to offer, you'll be having frequent picnics on that inter-gender communications bridge you're going to quickly build. And unlike a lot of e-books, when you get done with this one, there's even more help available at our forum, http://forum.makingherhappy.com. Could life get any better? Sure, and you're going to make it so, if you start now…

In the meantime, live well, be well, and have a wonderful day!
David Cunningham

Wednesday, August 03, 2011

A Woman Lives Briefly As a Man, and Teaches a BIG Relationship and Marriage Lesson

EXCLUSIVE MUST READ! A female reader gets an accidental overdose of testosterone and spends a couple of weeks feeling what many men feel every day, and there are lessons for all in her experience!

Ladies and Gentlemen, this is HUGE. One of your fellow readers, Daphne, whom we’ve heard from before on a couple of occasions, is 40 years old and using hormone replacement therapy (HRT) after a total hysterectomy. The strangest thing happened!

For those of you who don’t know a lot about endocrinology, after a hysterectomy or menopause (which are in fact the same ultimate effect, as a hysterectomy causes sudden-onset menopause due to the loss of sex hormones produced by the organs and glands removed), women are often given a cocktail of hormones to try to replace the ones that were produced by the organs that were removed.

Many claims are made about preventing osteoporosis and other things, but the only thing that estrogen HRT has been clinically PROVEN to do is curb hot flashes and some forms of it (especially the one derived from horse urine, called “equione,” which is estimated at 1,000 times the cellular reproductive power of human estrogen) have also been proven to raise a woman’s chance of contracting cancer, especially if her HRT regimen includes synthetic estrogen (like equione) or high doses of natural estrogen.

What is not so common knowledge is that testosterone, the male hormone, is also needed and used by women to combat fatigue, heighten libido (it’s the only true aphrodisiac known to science), and actually does help with the formation and repair of bone and tissue. Indeed, estrogen is a metabolite (a by-product of the metabolism of) of testosterone; men metabolize more as DHT and other non-estrogen substances, while women metabolize more as estrogen, which is needed by all for cellular reproduction but in higher doses causes the feminization of the body, including the brain, skin, and other non-sexual organs.

When women have significantly too much testosterone for an extended period, it causes their voice to deepen, facial and other body hair to grow, libido is put into overdrive, and they get more aggressive; a lesser overage will cause minor symptoms like being less creative and more analytical, more calm and less fussy, a more masculine communications protocol (speaking more directly and less in tune to non-verbal messages, among other things), less emotionally-driven, more aggressive, etc.

This woman was given a dose that was determined to be WAAAAY beyond her natural tolerance in an injection, and she describes an experience that you simply must read for yourself. There are multiple lessons, some not so obvious, for both men and women in this letter, but I’m not going to go into those until tomorrow; putting everything in one newsletter or blog post would make it too long for most of you to be comfortable with or have time to read. In the meantime, I challenge you to read this letter and see what lessons you can derive from it yourself, and if you wish to share your observations, feel free to join our forum and post them there (all newsletters appear in a top-level forum called “Daily Newsletter Lessons”), or you can simply reply to this newsletter or write to me at tips@makingherhappy.com and don’t forget to indicate whether you want your observations shared with the other readers.

Without further ado, here again is Daphne, with a case that you really should study, because she has a unique perspective after this experience, possibly the only woman alive who has lived feeling the male drives and testosterone-driven emotions to this degree, and her reaction to them contains the biggest lesson of all:

Dear David,

All my life I have heard people say if you could walk a mile in someone else’s shoes you would not be so fast to judge them. I have to tell you of such an experience that has proven this to me, and this was so serious I felt like I should share part of it with you. I will be giving you only a small portion of what I went through, but I hope it will be enough that you will understand that I really know what it feels like to be a man.

I’m 40 years old, had a hysterectomy twelve years ago, and a few weeks ago I went to see my gynecologist about a problem I was having with my hormone levels. Every time I was tested my hormones were lower than the doctor felt they should be, and he made such a big deal of it that I became concerned and made the choice to let the doctor give me a strong shot to see if this could get me back on the right track. In doing so I was given a very large dose of testosterone, which turned my body totally opposite of what I had ever been before. I started to view life on a whole new level.

It started out with me looking for sex everywhere. I was suddenly looking at every man I saw and some women as possible sex partners, and I had never done this, especially toward women! I thought at first I was going crazy. I would sit and look at them and could play out in my head all the thoughts I was having about them and what I could imagine we could do together.

I was also terribly aggressive and easily angered, wanting to get into fights with people who would piss me off and I never wanted to do that before, ever! For example during all this I was pulled over by a policeman and was given a ticket. Now most of the time I would cry or flirt or do whatever I had to get out of it and for the most part that would work for me, but this time all I wanted to do is punch the cop right in the face for being an ass to me.

There were so many changes in my life I could not possibly describe all of them for you right now. The point I wanted to get across is after I went through days of strange feelings and urges I had never had before I told my best friend about them and he looked at me and smiled and told me that all of what I told him about was what a man went through every day of his life until he got old enough for his testosterone levels to drop severely, which he said was somewhere between the late twenties and early fifties, depending on the man, and could be even later for some men.

I was blown away. I called my gynecologist and told him what my friend said and he confirmed that the dosage may have been too high and that I could be experiencing such side effects for several days, but not to be alarmed because they would stop when the testosterone was used and it returned to a more tolerable level.

Ladies if what I went through just for those few days is what a man goes through every day there is a lot more to being a man than we as women think. All I can say is I hope I never go through anything like this again. If the feeling of gladly passing up food for sex is a small part of how they feel then I say give them sex. I will never again tell my love that I do not feel like it or I have a headache for during that short period of time I got mad at my boyfriend for not giving me all the sex I wanted, and want it I did. With every single breath I took I wanted him, and sometimes not just him. When he did not want to give it to me I would look around and wonder where I could get it from.

Like I said, this is only a small part of what I went through and there is much more I could tell you and I might write it all down and send it to you one day, but I am just now starting to get some of the old me feeling like I should again. The main reason I wanted to write this is so that your woman readers might get a little better understanding of what our men go through all the time. I will promise you this before I ever tell my husband no again I will think about the experience I had and how I felt when he told me that he didn’t feel like it.

Daphne

What a story! I sincerely hope that Daphne chooses to share more of this story with us sometime in the future, but aside from the drama of spending a few days feeling the urges and emotions that many of us men feel every day, there is a HUGE and significant lesson here for men. I heard from her a couple of days ago and she was talking about joining our forum, http://forum.makingherhappy.com/, and I hope she does, because she has a lot to teach both men and women, so join up and stay tuned.

As I mentioned above, see what lessons you can derive, write to me at support@makingherhappy.com about it if you feel like it. Tomorrow I’ll reveal the big lesson after you’ve had some time to think about it.

Speaking of which, "THE Man’s Guide to Great Relationships and Marriage" is available for download right now at http://www.makingherhappy.com/, and if you’ll read it diligently and learn its secrets, you’ll have the same inside-out view of women that Daphne got of men without having to have a large dose of estrogen or experience first-hand any of its side effects – an offer you can’t refuse, right?

In the meantime, live well, be well, and have a wonderful day!
David Cunningham

Monday, August 01, 2011

Time Is On Your Side When Saving a Relationship or Marriage, IF You Start NOW

The rules for creating and maintaining attraction can be slightly to radically different when moving from the “first encounter” scenario (like bumping into a stranger or trying to pick up a stranger in a bar) to a committed relationship. One such rule is the one governing your “window of opportunity,” which is as short as a few seconds when meeting someone new but can be months long when trying to rekindle the fire in a mature but stale or damaged relationship, because the woman would rather have her partner being a “naughty hottie” than being bored or having an affair; she has a vested interest in giving him a chance to enliven the relationship.

Don’t forget the new forum is open at http://forum.makingherhappy.com/ and you’re going to miss out on something special unless you participate. There are several hundred members already plus several hundred anonymous guests visiting daily, and while most are still a bit shy about posting, there is a wealth of really great content already established across a wide variety of topics, well worth your time to spend a few minutes a day reading.

All new content is published there, not in this newsletter, and a great example of what you’re missing is the following article for men who are trying to use online dating: http://forum.makingherhappy.com/showthread.php/799-Online-Dating. It’s not a sales letter, doesn’t require you to give up your e-mail address or even to join the forum. There’s no mention of buying my book or anything else. Just some very effective information I’ve gathered about things like choosing a site, constructing a profile that will get you responses instead of being ignored, and how to handle those responses and yourself so that you get dates instead of rejections, a very valuable gift from me to you (some of you, anyway!) with no strings attached.

And if you are shy about posting, don’t forget that everybody there has a problem that is either the same as your or related to yours, or one that you could easily have in the future, so it’s not like a bunch of people with perfect lives are going to be laughing at your problems if you speak of them. Indeed, I’m quite proud of how the group we’ve attracted so far shows such compassion and respect for each other without coddling each other and sugar-coating the truth, and judgmental jerks looking for a place to hold court or to validate their own mistakes by bullying others into repeating them are neither welcome nor tolerated.

I received an interesting letter from an achiever who has not yet read “THE Man’s Guide to Great Relationships and Marriage,” but has subscribed to this newsletter, has bought materials from some of the dating gurus like John Alanis and David DeAngelo, and subscribes to their newsletters, and has noticed an obvious and significant discrepancy between my material and theirs:

Hi David,

I bought books and CD’s from John Alanis, David DeAngelo, and others, and subscribe to everybody’s newsletters trying to find a way to get things back into gear here at home. After 6 years of marriage, things have been in a downhill slide for awhile, and it’s obvious that there is an attraction problem, and they’re all saying that once attraction has died it’s nearly impossible, if not entirely impossible, to rekindle, yet you guarantee I can do it. What am I missing?”

Buddy G.


Well, Buddy, it’s pretty simple. They’re absolutely right, and so is what I’m telling you. The difference is in the context, particularly the timeframe. Remember, they are talking about creating attraction and keeping it going in order to ESTABLISH a relationship. In the dating world, there’s no commitment yet formed and nothing invested; you’re on strict probation before you ever approach her and introduce yourself, and at your first slip-up she’s gone because there are hundreds of other men in her world still left to inspect. She has no motivation to wait around for somebody exhibiting the same nice-guy, loser behavior that every other nice loser exhibits when she could be hooking up with a guy who “gets it” and trips her attraction triggers, giving her that swept-off-her-feet feeling women will kill for.

HOWEVER! As you’ll find in “THE Man’s Guide to Great Relationships and Marriage,” the rules of attraction in committed relationships are often quite different from those of attracting someone new. In your case, and the case of anyone in a committed relationship that has survived long enough to get a little stale and boring or damaged, you’ve already made the grade and then fallen from grace.

In the meantime, ties have been built, maybe kids, mortgage, and other commitments and/or motivations for further commitment have come into the picture, and it’s to your mutual advantage to put things back together. Nobody likes break-ups or divorces, even when they come out ahead, because they almost always entail fighting, complications, and extreme changes in the way you live. I don’t know about you, but I hate it when that happens. ;-)

Look closely at the two situations, the requirements of the participants, and think with me for a minute. The “chick in the bar” would have no reason to give you a second look or thought if you said the wrong thing because there will be at least a hundred other opportunities for her that same evening, but the woman with whom you’ve been partnered, in whatever capacity, for months or years has a vested interest in the relationship!

She wants you to straighten up because having you “back in true form” (read “that attractive stud muffin you used to be, and even more so if you can do it because she’s more mature and sophisticated now and not so much at the mercy of hormones”) is much more enjoyable and far less scary than dropping back into the dating world and having to go back to defending herself from perverts, stalkers, geeks, losers, liars, philanderers, and others who would either use, hurt, or bore her.

(And if there are kids involved, her drive to protect her children from a destabilized environment will make her want you to work with her to work things out ten times more than if there were no kids! At least, that is, until you’ve gone beyond boring to repulsive from having been boring and frustrating her for so long.)

Think about that! If you screwed up with the chick in the bar and she would say, “What for?” when you asked if you could try another date and attempt to make up for your transgression, the woman who has been in your life and enjoyed it would usually try to help you get it done! (To wit, one third of my book sales have consistently been to women!) She wants that feeling back, and would do about anything to have it back, and her choices are to:

a) leave you and find somebody else who gives it to her, or
b) don’t leave you, just find a “toy boy” and cheat
c) wait for you to get it done
d) help you get it done so she can have it back faster!

Now, which one do you think she’s most likely to choose if she has a choice of the four options above? Where most men screw up is only offering her “a” and “b,” and a few more will offer her “c”. You have before you the option of a book that, according to a great many people, will give you the knowledge you need to get the job done if you’ll just do it, and if your wife knows you’re genuinely trying she’ll help!

Seriously, if you were trying to date this woman, your chances of success would be pretty slim at best, but you’re married to her, and she doesn’t want to have a boring marriage any more than you do, nor does she want her whole world turned upside-down by a divorce unless that’s her only option; she has untold hours invested in visualizing a life and a future with you that will be lost if it comes to divorce, and you can’t imagine how badly women hate to give up that vision. Go to http://www.makingherhappy.com/ and get your copy of “THE Man’s Guide to Great Relationships and Marriage.” Read it. Study it. Learn from it. Have a laugh or two along the way, too!

And do it NOW, because attraction is a double-edged sword; the only thing that can keep her from responding to you when you straighten up and act like a man is if ANOTHER MAN creates intense attraction for her before you do, in which case attraction still wins, as always, but it wins the fight for the other guy, not you. But you can be certain that where women are concerned, attraction will be the deciding factor the majority of the time, no matter who wields it, so proceed in earnest.

And it’s not always simple, either, as some of the men on our forum, http://forum.makingherhappy.com/, who have been enduring the nightmare of their wives’ mid-life crisis (MLC) will tell you. Boredom appears to be a major trigger for MLC, causing a woman to take stock of her life and when she finds that she’s not where she thought she’d be, something snaps, she over-reacts in an altered mental state, and has affairs and often engages in all kinds of self-destructive behavior to try to recapture what she sees as a misspent youth, but as she’s coming out of it can become interested in her husband again and if he’s strong enough to lead her past the guilt and embarrassment, she can come home. A lot of twists and turns for a man to negotiate, and that’s one of the many reasons I’m offering you help in these newsletters, my book, and now in our forum.

Getting back to evaluation, if you get through the evaluation section and you know that you’re with the right woman, get her to read it with you. That way she’ll know that you’re trying to make things better for both of you and that the positive changes that she’s about to see in your behavior are because you’re committed to making things better with her, not because you have a new girlfriend making you feel sexy again. (Yes, they really do that!) Get it done, and get on with your new, sexy, exciting life with your wife. Why? Because it’s a whole lot easier and better than being bored or risking getting caught in an affair. You love her, so treat her like you love her! ‘Nuff said…

In the meantime, live well, be well, and have a wonderful day!
David Cunningham