Saturday, April 02, 2011

Fixing Women's Biggest and Loudest Complaint About Men Can Fix Your Relationship or Marriage

Boredom is every woman’s arch-nemesis; it literally poisons them and threatens their life and sanity. How can you spot it, and what can you do about it? You’d better know, because left to her own devices, you may not be part of the solution, or if you are, you may be wishing you weren’t!


Any coffee lovers in the audience? I don’t mean people who drink a cup of coffee every morning; I mean coffee LOVERS. People for whom coffee is not just a shot of caffeine to give you a bump, but cuisine, something to be savored. I’m asking because I have finished a rather detailed how-to on coffee roasting, grinding, and brewing in the Hobbies section of our forum, http://forum.makingherhappy.com/, and if you’re finding your cup a little deficient or want to find out just how good it can get, you need to see this.


Among the many things I have trained to do, I roast coffee and am an accomplished barista who also occasionally trains baristas, and I charge about $200 to train people to do what I have described in sufficient detail on the forum for you to do expertly if you will only take the time to read and learn. I’m serious about making this thing go, serious about making it helpful, not just in relationships but in enjoying life in general, and I’m serious about you missing out if you’re not involved.


Why a hobbies section on a relationship and marriage help forum? Well, for starters, it’s as much of a man-building and life-enriching forum as a relationship and marriage help forum; some would say more so, since manning up is the single greatest thing you can do to both improve your life and improve your relationship. And every man needs at least one hobby. Period. A real hobby that can give him something useful to learn and challenging to do, not trying to catch every episode of “Manswers” on TV or try to make it through his sixth beer every evening before falling asleep. A man needs multiple sources of challenge and self-esteem, and most women will tell you that they perceive a man without a hobby as a man whose life is not in order, or even a man without a life. I couldn’t argue with them, and if restricted to the facts, neither could you.


You have kids, you say? You have a business, you say? So what? If you can’t make at least a few minutes a day a few times each week for the pleasure of a hobby, your life IS out of order, because your PRIORITIES are out of order. Don’t let your schedule, your finances, your family, etc., run you into the ground. Learn to set priorities, and learn to say “yes” and “no” when people have earned them, and to reserve some personal time for personal challenges, personal pleasures and personal improvement, lest you become the proverbial “very dull boy.”


I’m telling you all of this because when I was researching "THE Man's Guide to Great Relationships and Marriage" women’s biggest and loudest complaint about their men could be summed up in a single word: “BORING.” It’s the last word you ever want to hear a woman use to describe you in any interaction with them, no matter who they are or the nature of the relationship.


I received a letter that I want to share with you, because in one respect it’s sad and in another it’s downright annoying. It’s both sad and annoying that this man’s answers have been in front of his face for months, and he’s simply ignored them while the rest of my reader community has been succeeding. Meet Dan:


Dear David,


I am writing this letter in hopes you can help me. It seems of late that my wife is not as interested in me as she used to be. I have tried all types of things to get her back to where we were a year ago when we got married, but nothing seems to work. I feel neglected, and it’s starting to feel like she is getting bored with me. The tone in her voice is different and sometimes she makes me feel like I am just a toy to be used when she needs one.


I want her back the way it was when we had fun and I was not worried about upsetting her with what I had to say. I love this woman in every way possible and can not imagine my life without her in it. It’s just like I never say the right thing to her anymore. Could you please tell me what I could be doing wrong?


Thank you for your time,
Dan


My reply:


Yes, Dan, I can, but before I do, I want to ask you a question: I get letters literally every day from people who read this newsletter and especially those who are using "THE Man’s Guide to Great Relationships and Marriage" talking about the great results they get and how fast they get them, and how their wives no longer see them as a boring dolt, but as exciting and fun. You’ve been subscribing for several months now. Do you know why are you not getting the same results?


The short answer is because you’re not really reading these newsletters, which describe all these problems to you, and you’ve not yet read and used "THE Man’s Guide to Great Relationships and Marriage" in your relationship to recognize and fix these problems. I give more advice on this subject than any other, and more free advice in these newsletters than most authors provide in their premium products, and you simply haven’t been paying attention. Now your situation has become critical, so listen up while you still have a chance to fix this.


Your wife is indeed bored, and if you’ve been reading even a small percentage of the newsletters I’ve been sending you every day you know that she needs you to do something about it. That’s your job as her husband. Take responsibility and get it done.


You should also know by now that she has been trying to communicate precisely what she needs to you, but because you and she are not wired with the same biological communications circuits, you’ve not been hearing her, and she’s thinking that you’ve heard her and chosen to ignore her. That’s a bad problem, and the reason that she is now making you feel neglected.


In addition, you should know by now that what she is needing for you to do to break her boredom is to create attraction for her, to give her that “swept off her feet” feeling from time to time, which gets her neurotransmitters, endorphins, hormones, and everything else in balance, saving her from that antsy torment that causes women to seek and create drama to substitute for the attraction you are failing to create.


The other thing that you should know by now is that if you don’t do something about this, she will, and at best, you’ll find yourself dealing with the spill-over from the drama she creates and at worst you’ll be dealing with affairs and even divorce that are used in a last-ditch effort to communicate to you that either you shape up or one of you is shipping out, if she gives you that last chance; many women will just divorce a man outright without a second thought once you let them go this far if another man creates attraction for them.


Obviously, the thing to do to fix all this is to go ahead and get your copy of "THE Man’s Guide to Great Relationships and Marriage" and put it to work. Depending on how fast you read, the average person can get through it the first time in 2-4 hours, and it’s a book that you’ll want to re-read periodically as your experience base broadens and your skills develop.


In its pages, you will learn how to evaluate yourself, your wife, and your relationship, making it easier for you to know what’s broken before you start trying to fix things, or if you and your wife are so mismatched that fixing it will never be possible. You’ll learn how she communicates, so that you can finally pick up on all those signals that you’ve been missing all your life. You’ll know what makes women tick in general, and what they want, and with your newly-developed communications skills, will know your wife so well that she’ll describe you to her friends as “he always just knows what I want.”


And finally, you’ll learn about attraction, what creates it and what kills it, and that because it is a biological, not logical, process, you will always be able to give your wife that “swept off her feet” feeling that keeps the two of you intimate and keeps your life fun and exciting, both in and out of the bedroom, and save her from her arch-enemy, boredom. Big hint: what she requires most is that YOU enjoy YOUR life, so it’s not like you have to learn to cater to her.


So there it is, Dan (and YOU!), all spelled out. All that’s left for you to do is go to http://www.makingherhappy.com/, download your copy of "THE Man’s Guide to Great Relationships and Marriage" and put it to work for you, because it’s the best thing you as a man can do for your marriage, and one of the most fun things you’ll do in your entire life to boot!


In the meantime, live well, be well, and have a wonderful day!
David Cunningham

Friday, April 01, 2011

How’s Your Attitude, and How Is It Affecting Your Relationship and Marriage?

BIG HINT: attitude directly affects relationships of all kinds. Find out what you can do for yours, easily, and why you should bother…


Let’s talk about attitude today, especially how it can affect attraction and your relationship. The vast majority of the women who keep me honest in giving you advice on female perspective have shown me that a positive attitude can create massive, overwhelming attraction FAST, especially when coupled with fun, playful behavior. Conversely, a poor attitude can kill it instantly to such a degree that it can be hard to impossible to bring back until she’s had time to forget it.


Let’s be clear here, I’m not talking about ruining your relationship by coming in once in six months frowning and saying you’ve had a crappy day. Everybody has a crappy day now and then. It’s no license to be abusive to others around you (and that’s another discussion we’ll have soon), but nobody expects you to be “up” 24/7/365. That’s an event, not the by-product of an attitude. What I am talking about is having and keeping the kind of attitude that causes you to treat a crappy day for what it is, just a day when things were difficult to some degree, and expect things to get better and be better because you deserve better and are capable of making them better.


People of both sexes love to be around an achiever, because achievers are at heart romantics: they look inside themselves and around them for the biggest, best and most beautiful that can be found, and they recognize it. Among the several definitions for “romance” found in “The American Heritage Dictionary” are these:


2. A mysterious or fascinating quality or appeal, as of something adventurous, heroic, or strangely beautiful.

3. a. A long medieval narrative in prose or verse that tells of the adventures and heroic exploits of chivalric heroes: an Arthurian romance. b. A long, fictitious tale of heroes and extraordinary or mysterious events. c. The class of literature constituted by such tales.


Life for the achiever is about the big, the heroic, the beautiful – about what CAN be done and not what can’t. Hence, the attitude is one that women (and men, in case you’re one of those guys who doesn’t have any friends or a woman who has a hard time attracting a guy!) find exciting and fun to be around. This is because when things get bad, achievers are still looking for improvement, and often looking for a way to make it happen themselves, which involves things like leadership, courage, self-assertion, etc., that women also find incredibly sexy.


Every time this subject comes up, I am reminded of the character of Howard Roark in “The Fountainhead,” when he said, “The question isn’t who’s going to LET me; it’s who is going to STOP me.” They’ve chosen to succeed and something is going to have to work hard to stop them; they’re accustomed to getting things done. Thus, they keep their wits and sense of humor about them, something women also find incredibly attractive, whether sexually, professionally, or casually. Indeed, there is a member at our forum, http://forum.makingherhappy.com/, who goes by the nickname of “Cyno,” who setting a great example of heading down this path and sharing much detail about the positive impact it’s having on both his life and his marriage.


Really, do you even want to sit at a bar or in a coffee shop or waiting area and try to have a beverage or think while sitting next to some moron yapping about how “the system” is against him, or how everything that is wrong in their life is someone else’s fault, and everything in their life is something wrong? Not just no, but hell no! Neither does anybody else. They gravitate toward that “life of the party” sort, who is the life of the party precisely because they have that positive, attractive attitude that draws people to them like bees to flowers.


Now, what about the other side of the coin? How sexy do you think whining and complaining is? Indeed, chronic complaint is taught by a great many relationship experts as a HUGE red flag. Why? BAD ATTITUDE! Chronic complainers don’t make things happen, they gripe about what others make happen. How sexy can that be? How much fun is such a person? Such a display of bad attitude is an instant turn-off to everyone around, not just members of the opposite sex. You’d better do a quick reality check and make sure this isn’t you!


The most pathetic of all the complainers is the paranoid, the insecure, fatalistic person who, no matter what happens, thinks it’s directed at them if it’s bad and away from them if it’s good. You’ll hear them say the most ridiculous things, like when approaching a traffic light, “That light just turned red because I’m in a hurry,” and when somebody has something good happen to them, says, “it would never turn out that way if I tried it, because good things just can’t happen to me.” Guys, I kid you not, this kind of behavior can make a woman want to live somewhere besides your house about as quickly and as vigorously as finding you in bed with her sister or another man!


A close second (and parallel) to the paranoid is the guilt-ridden, the guy who has mucked up his life and/or career by being deceitful, and projects his own deceit onto those around him. He differs from the generally paranoid because the closer you are to him, he more he expects you to do to him what he’s already done to you and others, i.e., the guy who has had an affair and is constantly in fear that his partner is having one, either on the premise that she’s doing it to punish him or the uglier premise that since he can’t be trusted, he can trust nobody.


What to do? I hope it’s obvious. Develop -- and KEEP -- a good attitude, no matter what it takes. Find reasons to succeed and enjoy your life instead of reasons to fail and hate it. If you have self-esteem issues, tackle some smaller things you can accomplish and start building some self-esteem from there. Achievement builds both self-esteem and character like nothing else can, and once you see that you don’t have to live in a rut and can get things done, it’s much easier to expect that kind of performance of yourself.


If you’ve had a bout with clinical depression and fallen into a habit of griping and keeping a bad attitude, break the habit. If you are currently depressed, find some competent professional help to determine if it is chemical/physiological or a matter of habit/attitude, and get it fixed. Life is too short to spend it roaming around whining and complaining, and it’s too short for the woman (and everybody else in your life) to spend it sitting around listening to you doing it.


You don’t have to be in the Army to “be all you can be” (that is one of my favorite mottos or slogans), and when you’re doing it, and walking into the room with your head up, shoulders back, and sense of humor locked and loaded, it won’t matter if you’re tall, short, hairy, bald, too thin, too fat, or whatever; the woman in your life will see that self-respect and respond to it, because in her eyes, you’re the perfect man and you’re hers.


The information and steps you need to be you can be, especially in your relationship, is in the 118 pages of high-quality, tested and proven advice in “THE Man’s Guide to Great Relationships and Marriage” at http://www.makingherhappy.com/. It’s an instant download and will fix what ails your marriage or relationship, so go for it! Give yourself and your partner the gift of a better life together, because it’s there for the making, for nothing more than a little time and effort, and it’s fully guaranteed for a year from purchase. It just doesn’t get any better than that, so get to it!


In the meantime, live well, be well, and have a wonderful day!
David Cunningham

Thursday, March 31, 2011

Handle Crisis? Or Ignore It? Saving an Ailing Relationship or Marriage

A reader success story that proves that if you start out with good information and a clear picture of what you want in a relationship, you’ll have it. He started out right and kept going. What can I say? Gentlemen, this is something you can easily do too!

If anyone is still wondering whether our forum will be worth your time, register at http://forum.makingherhappy.com and take a look in the Boot Camp forum. The Boot Camp forum is a place for men to learn how to talk with and listen to women, and there are women there providing the conversational content. A bunch of guys recently found out that they were talking “at” the women instead of “to” or “with” the women, as men talk with each other. For some things, there is no better teacher than supervised experience, and that’s one of the many places on our forum to find it.

And while you’re there, participate. Introduce yourself and get to know some people. I’ve used, moderated, and administrated forums for close to 30 years, and I can tell you from my own experience and that of a lot of others that you will get many, many times more benefit by being directly involved than by being what forum veterans refer to as a “lurker,” someone who reads all the posts but posts nothing. It’s there, so don’t be shy. Jump in and experience it. You can lurk as an anonymous guest, or even as a registered member, but being shy is one of the many things we’re here to fix, isn’t it? So no excuses. Get busy.

I found an e-mail that just made my day. This guy, Daniel, sounds like a fellow Southerner to me, and is an achiever. He gets the tools to get the job done, prepares himself at the beginning and follows through. As much as I despise censorship, I had to modify part of his letter to keep it PG-rated – I don’t want somebody’s children reading over their shoulder and asking questions that a parent isn’t prepared to answer. Check him out:

Hi David,

Early last year I meet a woman that just plain stole my heart. We dated for a while, then dated steady, and finally got engaged. We put the wedding off a couple of times because of family problems, and I noticed things starting to go the same way another relationship had gone before. We were running out of things to talk about, she was breaking dates, and I knew there was a problem but she wouldn’t talk about it, and the more I tried to be nice to her and asked what was wrong, the worse it got.

Not wanting to screw things up and make the mistakes I had always made, I read your book and put all I had learned into action. All I can say it WOW!!!! I have never had a relationship like this and I never want this to end. It’s even better now than it was in the beginning, because I can understand her better and we have more fun because I’m not walking on eggshells anymore. I know for sure that my success with this woman is all due to you and your book.

The words “thank you” seem so small for what you have taught me on how to be attractive to my woman and keep her coming back for more. She even calls me to come home from work sometimes and I walk into the bedroom to find her totally naked on the bed [doing naughty fun things that I couldn’t reprint – D.C.] and I cannot get out of my clothes fast enough. We just keep going and going if you know what I mean.

From one guy to all the others, if you never do anything else for yourself buy David's book. It’s the one gift you can give yourself that will last you a lifetime and I truly believe that if you follow David's words you will never use your bed for just sleeping anymore.

Daniel L.

My reply:

Well, Daniel, congratulations on getting it done right. I am going to have to correct you on something, though. Your success with your partner and your relationship is not all due to me and my book. You had to read it, understand it, and put it to work to have your success. I put a lot of effort into writing this book, and so did all the people that helped me research it and then test and fine tune the advice it presents, but YOU had to make the choice to salvage your manhood and the relationship, learn the material and then diligently apply it to raise your self-esteem, happiness, attractiveness and your relationship to such an extraordinary level. I’ll accept the credit for showing you the path, but you have to accept the credit for walking the path, as most men don’t care enough about themselves and their partners to do what you did.

Yes, I said that. Most men either think they know it all (and are still thinking that everybody else was wrong and everything was everybody else’s fault after the divorce is final, they’re broke and strapped with big alimony and child support payments, but no wife and limited visitation rights that are wielded like the ultimate weapon), or they subconsciously don’t feel worthy of a good relationship and sabotage their chances of having one at every turn. You saw that things were going somewhere that past experience told you that you didn’t want them to go, admitted the problem, got help, and worked it out. That’s what a real man does; he fixes problems by taking action. I need to print up some membership cards for the “Manly Men Who Do Manly Things Club” so I can send them to guys like you when they send in a success story like this. :-) Again, congratulations!

Take care,
David

Guys, there may come a time when you have to make the same choice. It may be staring you in the face right now for all I know; there must be some good reason you’re reading this newsletter. You can do what most guys do, be the know-it-all or wuss out – either way is what a loser would do – or you can do what real men like Daniel do: Take the bull by the horns, admit there’s a problem, get the tools to fix it (many, if not all of which are in “THE Man’s Guide to Great Relationships and Marriage,” which you can download immediately at http://www.makingherhappy.com), and get it fixed, then get it “dialed in” and take it to the winner’s circle.

It’s your decision, and it really doesn’t sound like a hard one to make, does it? I mean, “alone, broke, and unhappy” versus “in a great relationship both in and out of the bedroom” – how much thought can that one take? Not much, huh? Then do it now, before you do anything else! ;-)

In the meantime, live well, be well, and have a wonderful day!
David Cunningham

Wednesday, March 30, 2011

Confession! How Some Women Trap Men into Long-Term Relationships and Marriage

Another MUST READ! A female reader discloses several of the ways she was taught by her mother to trap a man into marrying her.

What a day this has turned out to be! I got a letter from a whistle-blower! And wait until you see what she has to say. Her mother taught her how to ensnare a man, one of the worst mistakes a woman can make if she wants to be happily married.

The biggest reason for marriages to utterly and violently fail is that the “partners” never actually function as partners because they are badly mismatched, but desperation, deceit, attraction, need, or unfortunate circumstances (being abused in parents’ home, pregnant, etc.) cause them to choose to marry anyway.

Such couples may try to hack it out for years but I’ve never seen nor heard of a couple that was happy or satisfied in an environment of tension and friction over conflicting values, philosophies, priorities, etc. The longest I’ve seen to date was 68 years, utterly miserable the entire time. It ended when one member of the couple died, and the other celebrated finally getting to have a life after finally being under the deceased’s thumb for 68 years. I see twenty-year and thirty-year relationships like that every week – what is wrong with people??? Identifying that you are in such a situation is the first step in getting out of it and trying to make a happy life possible, and life is too short to spend literally DECADES miserable like that.

Before I continue, please note that, contrary to the comments of some morons who have read nothing more than one or two of my newsletters before passing a very erroneous and emotionally-driven judgment, I do NOT advocate divorce as a blanket solution to marital problems. I advocate divorce only when reality dictates it because there are insurmountable marital problems. It is a weapon of last resort, not a first line of defense.

For the record and your understanding, I mainly recommend divorce as a solution to problems that are 100% fatal to a marriage, such as a lack of necessary compatibility or being tied to a parasite, predator, or an abuser, which cannot be corrected and no compromise will compensate for, so that individuals who are in a no-win situation can have a chance at enjoying a relationship with the foundation required to make a lifetime commitment not only reasonable, but enjoyable. Again, it is and should only be used as a weapon of last resort when all other reasonable options are exhausted, not your first line of defense.

However, if a marriage was doomed before the participants ever said, “I do,” it should be deployed immediately and with both finality and the cooperation of the participants so that they have a chance to invest their time and effort in something that has a chance of bringing them happiness instead of frustration, resentment, and emptiness leading them to lie, have affairs, and destroy their self-esteem, reputation, and lives.

And those of you reading this and thinking, “Yes I have that kind of trouble, but divorce is a sin,” you should be asking yourself whether you want to be forgiven for one sin of divorce or multiple sins of lies, cheating, adultery, etc. How many times will you say, “I love you,” and not mean it? How many other lies will you tell just to try to get along? How many times will you look at others and wish you were with them? How many times will you get caught looking, be asked what you’re looking at, and answer anything in the world except what you were really looking at? If you’re in this kind of situation, get an accurate perspective before you waste and/or trash the rest of your life.

So now let’s get on with today’s lesson.

A reader has written to inform us of some of the ways that her mother taught her to use to ensnare a man she thought would take good care of her. And before anybody decides to send me hate mail, I AM NOT saying that all women do this, or that most do it. Some do it, just as some men (using different tactics, of course) do it, and of those I’ve spoken with who did, most regretted it so much that they wouldn’t do it again. Then there are those few parasites and predators that can’t even discuss regretting it because they’re too damaged to realize how bad it is or how unhappy they are.

This is about helping you to check to see if it’s happened to you, not to convince you that it has. So keep an open mind and a view of the facts as you proceed, and in case you missed it, the article from a couple of days ago, “Don’t ACT Attractive, BE Attractive for a Great Relationship and Marriage,” also speaks of this kind of scenario and has more advice that you wont’ want to miss. Catch it at http://forum.makingherhappy.com/showthread.php/645-Don-t-Just-ACT-Attractive-BE-Attractive-for-a-Great-Relationship-or-Marriage-It-s-EASIER! if you haven’t already.

So now, without further ado, meet Mary. She has a lot to say:

Hi David,

First of all let me say that your book was at first a pill I had a hard time swallowing, not because it was not the truth, but because it hit the nail on the head and made me realize just how much of a pain the ass I could be to my boyfriend. To this day I cannot believe I could look at myself and not see what I was doing, but it made me really start to think about my actions and the way I talked and took care of problems with Jack. So thank you for opening my eyes and letting the light in. Our friends look at us now and see the perfect couple instead of the couple most likely to kill each other.

The main reason I am writing to you is to tell you about a discussion I had with my mother last night. She asked me how things were going with Jack and me and when we were going to get married. I told her that things were fine but he hadn’t yet brought up getting married, even though we’ve been together for four years and living together for the last two years. She started telling me about all the things that her mother taught her about how to snare or trap a man into marrying.

I listened for over two hours to her describing things that her mother’s generation and her generation had done, the reasons they had done them, and the outcomes, and by the end of it, I was literally sick to my stomach. I was also angry at her for thinking I should even consider doing something like she described, because I have a good job and can get along quite well on my own, where in her day (she’s nearly 70) marrying the right man was like a hunting skill, because if you wanted to be comfortable, you had to marry a man of means.

She told me a dozen stories about friends and family members using pregnancy to get married. Some would get pregnant while others would claim to be pregnant long enough to get married and then “lose” the baby. One of my aunts would claim to be pregnant, get the engagement ring, lose the baby, break off the engagement, and then pawn or sell the ring for money for liquor. She died in a drunk-driving accident when she was 26.

She said that when a man has low self-esteem, playing the virgin card almost always worked. She told me a lot of stories about women who teased men and refused to have sex until they were married because they wanted to “save themselves” for their husband. I was amazed at how she could say that it “worked” when so many of the people she talked about were date-raped before they got married, some of whom ended up pregnant without a husband.

She also told me to make sure that I was “a chef in the kitchen, a lady in the parlor, and a whore in the bedroom,” but not to worry because I wouldn’t have to do it after we were married, because he only had to feel special until he said “I do,” and then I could train him to be what I wanted him to be. Yeah, right. I’m 39 years old, and have never been able to get a man to put a new bag in the trash when he empties it, and have only been able to get one to empty it. I’ll not get into the issue with the toilet seat. She called this “plan B” for when you could no longer claim to be a virgin, and under plan B, you have sex whenever he wants it, not when you want it.

She said to just go along with whatever he wants to do, and act like I enjoyed all the same stuff that he did so he’d think I was the perfect mate. She called this “the icing on the cake” that would make a man who wanted my body marry me to have it, and that I could quit doing all this stuff with him after the honeymoon too, just by claiming that I was too busy with the house or kids or whatever, because there’s always a way to look too busy to have fun with him, and he wouldn’t mind if I told him to go out and have fun with his friends. I just needed to make sure that I stashed money out of his paychecks so that he didn’t have enough to afford enough fun to involve another woman.

Sucking up to his family was another big ploy, especially if he called his mother a lot. She said getting along with his mother was more important than getting along with him, at least until the wedding. At the same time, a woman is supposed to make him feel like she would follow him anywhere, even if it meant never seeing her own family again.

Biting your tongue and never arguing, no matter what, was also a great tool for reeling a man in, and she said that giving in to his whims and not nagging about anything would make him feel like he owned me. No matter what the issue, he was to be right, until he said, “I do.”

Then came the hook. Doing all of these things to show him what kind of a life he could “expect” was followed by a sudden withdrawal, saying, “I don’t think you love me. I do all this for you, and you’ve not brought up marriage. I’m going to go away on a trip with my girlfriends for a few days to let you think about this, and I’ll call you when I get back, unless I run into someone who appreciates me more than you do.” She said it’s like dangling a treat in front of a dog, and the higher you hold it the higher they’ll jump to try to reach it.

I’m still upset with my mother, mainly because she really thought that I would want to do these things. I’ve been married once before, I was alone for eight years before I met Jack and had an active and enjoyable dating life, I have six-figure income, own my house and four rental properties, and my retirement is already secure. I do not need a man around, but I do enjoy a good one, and by the way, thank you for what you’ve done for Jack and me. We may never marry, but I’m quite happy with the way things are now. He’s an alpha male from the ground up now, listens when I talk with him, and I’ve not been bored since he finished your book. Thanks for getting us out of that rut we had slipped into.

Be well,
Mary T.

Wow! Thanks for the letter, Mary. I’m glad to see that things are looking up for you, and in addition to the tactics you shared, I want to thank you for showing my readers that women can in fact achieve just as much as men and that the old paradigm of using “The Rules” to trap a man into marrying you is a bad idea from a woman’s point of view as well as a man’s.

Guys, a good match-up breeds everything else that makes a relationship work. It’s what creates love, respect, trust, and all those things that are the foundation of a happy long-term relationship. If you’ve seen the symptoms of what Mary described and you’ve been constantly unhappy, you at least need to take a look at whether there is any livable future to be had by staying in your relationship.

Attraction makes for a lot of fun, but yo-yoing from fun to fight spoils the fun, and that’s just no way to live. Sure, and occasional disagreement or fight is going to happen, but if you’re into a major altercation once or more per month and your relationship doesn’t seem to work anywhere except the bedroom, you’re mismatched, and there is no amount of counseling, hoping, praying, or anything else that is going to fix that. The kind of change that would be required to fix such a problem would in turn require that someone remake their self to suit the other, and people just don’t do that; indeed, they generally resent any pressure to do so on any level and it adds hatred to an already-bad situation.

But, if you have that foundation, learning how to communicate with the women in your life, especially your partner, is an easily-developed skill that will make all of them enjoyable to live or work with, and will deepen and amplify all elements of the foundation; do you think you can have true intimacy with a woman when you can’t communicate with her?

Then, the real icing on the cake is to understand “what makes her tick” and what she really wants in her “perfect man,” to make life fun and exciting and save her from that most torturous of all female ailments, boredom. It’s done by simply understanding what flips her natural, biological attraction switches on and doing it, which is ridiculously easy because what flips those switches on is acting like a man naturally acts when you remove all the wussy programming that has been shoved down our throats since the 1960’s.

That’s right! Becoming the “ultimate” male doesn’t involve programming yourself, it’s requires DEPROGRAMMING yourself, when means getting rid of the stress of trying, even subconsciously, to be something that you naturally are not. We are born to be something that women find overwhelmingly sexually attractive to perpetuate the species, and somewhere along the line most of us “learn” things that takes us away from this behavior, because it’s not “politically correct,” or “socially acceptable.”

If you don’t think so, look at a playground and see the ease with which little boys pull pigtails and the insecurity they have later in life when it comes time to ask one – even the same one who’s pigtails he pulled earlier in life -- out on a date? Women have had enough of this wuss programming and behavior, and they’ve come forward in droves to tell us so, and to remind us of what it is they really want, and it’s been translated from “girly-ese” to “man-speak” for you to make sure you don’t miss a single point. They even congregate on our forum, http://forum.makingherhappy.com, to discuss it and help spread the word!

Great news, right? It gets even better! How you can shed this wussy programming and be exactly what you were born to be, and incidentally, what every woman wants, is all contained in "THE Man’s Guide to Great Relationships and Marriage" in an instantly downloadable e-book (how’s that for immediate gratification?!) at http://www.makingherhappy.com. Sure you can do it, because you were born to do it. That’s what that “Y” chromosome is there for.

Step up, shed the stress, enjoy your life, and in the process help your wife or girlfriend to enjoy hers. Then see the rewards she’ll heap on you for doing so. They are many and wonderful, so much so that you may not recognize her when it starts!

In the meantime, live well, be well, and have a wonderful day!
David Cunningham

Tuesday, March 29, 2011

Verbal Ping Pong: Clear and Effective Conversation in Relationships and Marriage

MUST READ: You’ll be shocked to find out how much your partner has tried to tell you when you thought she had nothing to say, and how much she thinks you’re not listening when you don’t drag it out of her.

This is going to be one of those articles that you probably should forward to your friends, because very few of them are going to have any clue that the world works this way and will thank you for sharing this with them. So, grab a cup of coffee or whatever your favorite libation happens to be and settle in for an awakening like none you’ve ever had (unless of course you’ve read "THE Man’s Guide to Great Relationships and Marriage").

I probably have more female friends than most guys because of the nature of the kinds of work I’ve been attracted to in my life, especially this work, and it gives me a chance to observe female behavior on a fairly large scale without the potential emotional stress that can interfere with communication when you catch your partner having a bad day or in a foul mood. The things I notice I eventually put to the test with my wife and pass along to the support team and the women at our forum,http://forum.makingherhappy.com/, to verify in their own lives, and once in a while, I stumble upon something that is just about Earth-shattering.

One such thing is the difference in how men and women convey information, especially historical information (“How was your day, Dear?” or “Tell me about your trip,”) to each other. Hopefully by now, you’ve read in my free “Break-Up Busting 101” report the excerpt from "THE Man’s Guide to Great Relationships and Marriage" titled “Men State, Women Negotiate,” but if not I encourage you to do so before continuing, because what you are about to read takes that understanding up to an even higher level, one that could save you half or more of the ill feelings that your wife might ever feel toward you – yes, it’s really that big.

The free reports are in the Welcome section on our forum at http://forum.makingherhappy.com/showthread.php/144-Free-Reports! and you can get them as an anonymous guest if you prefer, although joining is also entirely anonymous, your e-mail address is never shared (unless by lawful court order), and we don’t e-mail you about anything except legitimate forum news, such as a request to be involved on a particular member’s question or request for guidance; I average sending out about one of those e-mails every four to six weeks. I hate having my inbox clogged with junk just as badly as you do, so my newsletter lists are all double-opt-in with automated unsubscribe, none purchased, borrowed, traded, or scraped, and I treat people the way I want to be treated.

Getting off my soap box now… ;-)

Pressing anti-digress button…bazinga!

When a man has something to report, that’s what he does. He just spits it out and moves on. Women want to go through somewhat of a ping-pong exchange to convey the same message. Consider the following scenario: A man comes home from an overnight business trip and his wife says, “Hi Honey! Welcome home! I missed you. How was your trip?”

He replies, “It was good. The hotel was nice, the food was good, the meeting with the client went well and we got an even bigger order than I’d hoped for. I’m tired and hungry, so I’m going to unpack real quick and grab a shower and then I’m taking you out to dinner to celebrate.” And he leaves the room.

The odds are that at this moment, his wife is somewhere between feeling left out, angry, and hurt, all to varying degrees. Why? We’ll get to that in a minute. Let’s turn the tables and see how the conversation would have gone if it were her who had just come home from the exact same trip, with the same experiences to relate to the husband, and he reacts as most men do:

She hits the door and says, “Hi Honey, I’m home!”

He comes strolling in and says, “I see you made it back in one piece. How was your trip?”

She says, “It was good. Really good.”

He says, “Well that’s great. Look, I’m hungry, so how about I take your luggage to the bedroom and we go get something to eat?”

What just happened? That depends on whose point of view you are considering. From his point of view, because he doesn’t realize that he needed to invite her to share more information, she had a good trip and is tired and not feeling talkative. WRONG ANSWER! In her mind, he just completely blew off her activities and accomplishments and was more interested in stuffing his face, and she’s even more upset than she was in the previous scenario. If this has happened much in the past, it’s just one more nail in the coffin of their relationship.

Because of the same brain structure issues disclosed in the “Men State, Women Negotiate” chapter of "THE Man’s Guide to Great Relationships and Marriage," women also handle reporting in that same back-and-forth manner. Hence, when she starts to speak, she pauses to have you acknowledge what she has said and invite her to continue. Their stated reasons vary from wanting to test to see if you’re interested to being polite to “I don’t know, that’s just the way it is,” but it’s really that same biological, brain structure-dependent mechanism, and you’ll find that the “girlier” she is, the more prevalent the behavior.

How would this conversation have played out if it would have happened in her perfect world? Let’s look. First he comes home from the trip, she welcomes him as before, and he begins to answer her:

He says, “It was really good. I’m glad I went.”

She says, “How was the hotel?”

He says, “It was good. I enjoyed it.”

She says, “Was the bed comfortable?”

He says, “Yes, I slept well and had a great breakfast the next morning.”

She says, “And you meeting went well?”

He says, “Yes, very well. The client was pleased and placed a big order.”

She says, “Pleased with you or the proposal?”

He says, “Both, and so much so that this is worth celebrating!”

She says, “Oh my! Dinner out then?”

He says, “Yes, I’m starved, so I’m going to clean up and whisk you away to Scalini’s for Italian. How about that?”

She says, “That will be wonderful. I’ll be ready in a minute.”

As you can see, there really wasn’t much more information conveyed, but she feels good about it because it was more interactive. There was that social element of sharing so prevalent in the female communication style. The conversation would have been near-identical, again in her idea of a perfect world, if she had been the one on a trip, but there would have been a lot more information conveyed if he had dragged it out of her with the right questions:

He says, “How was the hotel?”

She says, “It was wonderful. The place was clean and the people were so nice.”

He says, “Really?”

She says, “Yes! And the sheets smelled so good I didn’t want to get out of bed. I meant to ask them what that scent was.

He says, “Was the bed comfortable?”

She says, “Yes, I slept well and felt great when I woke up.”

He says, “How was the food?”

She says, “Wonderful! I had a great breakfast of a Florentine omelet with juice and coffee. It was fabulous.”

He says, “That’s great. I didn’t know you liked spinach in an omelet.”

She says, “Oh yes, and the coffee was just the way I like it and the orange juice was fresh-squeezed for me at the table. I’ll definitely go back.”

He says, “And your meeting went well?”

She says, “Yes, very well. The client was pleased.”

He says, “Pleased with you or the proposal?”

She says, “Both, and placed a big order. He’s a very nice man too. He was very respectful and didn’t interrupt me once.

He says, “Well, that sounds like cause for celebration. Do you feel like going out?”

She says, “Yes, I’m starved!”

He says, “Well then, I’m going to clean up and whisk you away to Scalini’s for Italian. How about that?”

She says, “That would be wonderful, but it takes so long to get served there. Can we do Martin’s Steakhouse instead?”

He says, “Sure, I’ll be ready in a minute.”

So you see, any invitation to continue brings greater and greater levels of detail. At first, it may feel like you’re trying to pull dragon’s teeth to get her to spit it all out, but eventually you’ll both understand each other’s needs and tendencies and it will get easier for both of you. Also notice even though it’s her celebration, she makes no suggestion as to the venue, even though she obviously has an idea of where she wants to go. This gets back to the negotiation lesson that you should have learned in the excerpt from "THE Man’s Guide to Great Relationships and Marriage."

One other thing that you will notice as you get used to this sort of parley is that she drops subtle clues for him to help him lead the conversation, such as mentioning that the sheets smelled good before addressing the most common of all issues with bedding and sleep, which is comfort. A woman will tend to hold off on the most important things until last and work their way up to them, where we tend to spit them out first and drop less-significant, parenthetical details after we’ve established the main point. Remember that women can go through a lot of tests to make sure you’re interested in the subject before they give you the real meat of the conversation.

So do you now see why she would have been upset with him in the first two examples? In the first, he left her no way to interact and indeed, cut her off by announcing that he was leaving the room when he was done speaking, and in the second, he appeared to her to assume that there was nothing more important than his appetite left to deal with, when in fact he just didn’t realize that he needed to invite her to tell him the rest of the story and thought she had already said all she had to say, because it was all he would have found it necessary to say.

Now, think back over your life together to all the times that something like this might have happened, and then go tell your wife that you had no idea that it worked this way. Then tell her that you will be trying to make it more interactive for her and that she in turn needs to realize that especially when under stress, your natural tendency will be to be as brief as possible to make more time for either handling the situation or returning to normal after it’s passed, and that if she wants more information than what you provide, that she has a standing invitation to ask questions until the two of you get more in tune with each other’s tendencies and needs and can anticipate and get along better.

Gentlemen, as usual, it’s not rocket science; it’s just different from what you are accustomed to. She won’t expect you to do everything her way, but she’ll greatly appreciate you trying to meet her in the middle and you’ll find that your conversational skills and appeal to both sexes will improve as you do this, because you’ll learn how to better read people and know whether they have more to say before you change subjects or make them feel like they need to. Being liked is purely a function of giving people a reason to enjoy your company, and being a good conversationalist is one of the surest ways in the world to be wildly popular, especially with women.

There you have it. It’s long, and the examples may have even been a little boring because you’re not used to going through so much “ping-pong” to get a message across, but as you progress, you’ll also find that you learn things about your partner from those extra little details she provides that are indeed valuable, because they provide useful hints about her likes and dislikes, which in turn help in another of the most difficult of all human endeavors, choosing the perfect gift for your wife or girlfriend.

And if you think I’m kidding, here’s a little test you can perform yourself: Find out what her favorite smell is, and VERY LIGHTLY apply a little to her pillow or the sheets in your bed. I repeat, VERY LIGHTLY; a woman’s sense of smell is four to eight times as powerful as a man’s. Watch her face when she smells it, and asks you how it got there, and when you answer that you noticed she liked it and thought she might appreciate having it there for a surprise. It can be done with spray scent, a dryer sheet if she happens to like it, a few drops of fabric softener in a small spray bottle with water (test it on a handkerchief or something so that you can adjust the strength as necessary), a sachet tucked inside the pillowcase under the pillow – experiment. And don’t be an idiot and put a pork chop in her pillow because she likes pork chops. ;-)

Conversely, if she says she likes the smell of YOU better than anything, trade pillows with her, or put one of your shirts under her pillow. After her initial shock she may say something coy like, “This is nice, but it’s not YOU,” to which you reply, “Well, if you’re good, I might let you snuggle up to me to sleep tonight,” with the requisite naughty grin, of course. ;-)

All of this and more, including the full scoop on how to communicate effectively with the women in your life, how to buy the perfect gift, and how to easily make her life so fun and exciting that she’s breaking fingernails trying to get you out of your clothes are some of what you’ll learn in "THE Man’s Guide to Great Relationships and Marriage," if and only if you go to http://www.makingherhappy.com/, download your copy, and read and apply it. If I publish another thousand newsletters you still won’t see all the proven, critical information in this book that will allow you to make your relationship as good as it can get, so go ahead, do it now, because life is too short to waste it waiting for something good to happen when you can quickly, easily, and cheaply MAKE IT HAPPEN!

In the meantime, live well, be well, and have a wonderful day!
David Cunningham

Sunday, March 27, 2011

Personal Authority Creates Instant Attraction in Your Relationship and Marriage

Letting the women in your life, especially your wife or girlfriend, see you in a position of authority and leadership can generate INSTANT attraction. And you know what attraction generates, right? ;-)

Any of you who have not joined or at least kept tabs on our forum community are truly missing out. I know I sound like a broken record sometimes harping about this, but you really should see what’s developing there, even with minimal participation from some people. Registration is entirely anonymous, and people are posting real problems for help, in great detail. You might be surprised at how open and honest they are (and you could be!), and how much you can learn and gain strength from other people’s struggles and successes.

There is no teacher like experience, and when you can learn from the experience of others you’re WAY ahead of the game. That’s what the wise, do, remember? The fool learns nothing from his mistakes, the smart does, but the wise learn from the mistakes of others to save themselves the trouble and expense. That’s some action you’ll want in on, so check it out at http://forum.makingherhappy.com.

I love days like today. Aside from springtime weather that really resembles summer and accomplishing a lot of things so far today (I’m writing this Saturday evening), I received a success story and testimonial that has a PERFECT example of how a man can quickly set his wife on fire without doing anything different: Just let her see him in action, doing anything he does competently. Meet Steve:

David, After reading your book and all the daily reports, I have become much more aware of the things that before were totally missed and seemed to be unimportant. I wanted to share with you an experience I had last weekend that illustrated how attraction works.

One of my wife's younger co-workers asked if we would be willing to be interviewed by her husband for a project he is working on for a college class he is taking. He is doing post-graduate work to become a professional counselor. We agreed and met them for dinner and then went to their house for the interview.

I don't want to seem insensitive, but in order to give you a complete picture of the situation, I must say that the young woman's husband is not what you would call a studly, manly type of guy, however she is quite attractive and, at first glance, you might think them to be somewhat mismatched. As we sat and answered his questions, he was taking notes and appeared to be comfortable and confident and was in control of the situation.

About halfway through, his wife, who was sitting next to me, blurted out "Wow, I have never seen you like this, in action. You are hot, Honey!" My wife even agreed with her and commented on how he was going to be a good counselor!

Before, I would have totally missed what had just happened, but since I have become aware, I immediately smiled at what I recognized as attraction created by alpha male behavior. We have always been told that men are much more receptive to seeing how something works as opposed to being told about how it works, and this was a perfect example. It has nothing to do with looks or money.

Thanks again, David, for helping to open our eyes to what our women want, and how to give it to them.

Steve


Steve’s right, too! And I want every one of you, male and female, to take a close look at something he mentioned: “alpha male behavior.” This phrase has been bandied about like a cheap bromide for a couple of decades or more, and in mainstream literature is often grossly misused to denote a man of promiscuous, violent sort who intimidates men and seduces women. Not so, not by a long shot.

The alpha male in any situation is simply the leader, or one of several leaders. The guy that other guys go to for instruction, sanction, permission, validation, support, etc. He’s the “go-to guy” in his area, and he makes decisions, directs people, and takes action when he’s the best one to do so. And those traits that you find in such a leader, like confidence, expert status, the ability to deviate from the subject at hand to have a little fun to break monotony or tension, etc., and go back to it are the real alpha male traits that any man can own and project.

It’s called…

wait for it…

wait for it…

AUTHORITY. It draws women like a watermelon draws flies in the summertime. And interestingly, men too, even other alpha males. Everybody likes to be around someone who has that easy-going confidence that comes with knowing what you’re doing and knowing with all your being that you are competent to be in charge, and not just a poser. And you don’t have to be the best that ever lived at anything to be, define, or show authority, either.

Indeed, you don’t really have to do anything except behave as someone who knows what you’re doing and enjoys it. As a matter of fact, one of the most important things you can learn about leadership and authority is when to shut the hell up! Babbling and fabricating when you don’t know what you’re talking about just makes you look like an ass, not an expert. In contrast, when you only open your mouth as an authority when you really are the authority, it creates and air of being a universal authority.

And get this: once you’ve established this, if anything comes up, all heads turn toward you when anything comes up, and if you say, “I’m going to refer you to Joe on this, as he has valuable recent experience,” Joe is now the temporary expert, but you are still the authority. Weird, huh? But I’m speaking from long-standing personal experience: know what you are talking about and speak with confidence, or shut up, unless something is interesting to you, in which case you can share authority with someone by leading the conversation through the questions you ask while they provide expert answers. How’s that for “deep”? And EASY?!

Every one of us is good at something, maybe several things, and for a few of us, maybe even many things, and when the women in our lives see us in that competent, confident role, or that easy-going “owner of the room” role at a party, or barking orders to get people through a crisis, etc., it makes them feel like they have better than the average guy, a prize, and there are biological responses to that behavior as well, including attraction, and even seduction.

There are a lot of ways that a man can become and live as an alpha male, and enjoy that status for a long time, if he doesn’t blow it with gross insensitivity, poor inter-gender communications skills, etc., and there’s no excuse for blowing it because there’s really not that much to know and nothing difficult to do, once you’ve learned what’s expected, what’s best, and how to have fun with it.

And that part is really easy. It’s in "THE Man's Guide to Great Relationships and Marriage," which you can have in an easy download at http://www.makingherhappy.com. So tell me, what’s your wife saying about you? Or are you REALLY in trouble because she’s saying nothing at all? Make it better now, because it gets harder with every day that you let pass without addressing your problems.

In the meantime, live well, be well, and have a wonderful day!
David Cunningham