Monday, August 15, 2011

Trick Question: How Do You Ask for Intimacy in Your Relationship and Marriage?

A reader asks about the proper way to ask for physical intimacy. The short answer may shock you!

Things have been moving right along at our forum, http://forum.makingherhappy.com. A lot of good people have joined and are joining, and the posted content is already beyond interesting and useful, not to mention quite varied. Ladies, there’s a lot for you there, too, some of which may not be obvious when you get there, so PM me upon joining and I’ll make sure you’re set up with all the goodies that are there for you. This is your chance to have an active part in the building of real men, and if you happen to be single, you might just get one when we’re done with him!

By the way, for those of you who are single or divorced, I heard your requests for help, and there are several resources there for you as well, and I’m trying to recruit some guest moderators out of the dating world to join us. No success yet, I suspect because they realize the labor of love that forum moderation truly is, but sooner or later I’ll run into someone who knows as much as I do or more and is passionate enough about it to help out. In the meantime, I have you covered, and we have a place for singles to meet and play in the singles lounge, a forum for posting a personal ad and getting help from the female members in tweaking it, and a place for you to post the finished ad in case one of the “guest advisors on all things female” is looking for you. I’ve also been posting dating tips and so forth as I have time or questions bring a subject to the forefront.

Okay, okay, enough about the forum. It’s been online for over a year and a half now and I’m still excited about it, especially after last week’s software update, and if you drop in you’ll see why. ‘Nuff said.

I hope this day is going as well for you as it is for me. As I write this edition, it’s a typical day at my house. The air is thick with the smell of testosterone as project after project, the kind that require a quick mind, strong back, and if I’m lucky, power tools, has been completed and celebrated with a satisfied grunt and a wipe of the brow before changing tools to start the next project.

Being a guy is easy for me, because I’ve learned that it’s something to aspire to, not something to apologize for, just like being human. There is very little that annoys me more than to hear someone try to cover a mistake by saying, “But I’m ONLY human.”

We are the most highly-evolved species on our planet, the only one capable of sophisticated engineering, fabrication, and decision-making, not to mention art, cooking, music and dance, etc. We have the power of volitional choice, and hence can develop and raise our standard of living well beyond what is required for mere survival, unlike any other species on Earth.

In spite of this status, some of us just don’t get it. We shy away from doing what comes natural, as if there’s something wrong with being human, or with being a man or a woman. Meet Marcus:

Hi David,

I’ve been following your newsletters for several months now, and haven’t yet seen you speak of the proper way to ask a woman for intimacy (sex). Is this something that you cover in your book and just don’t want to discuss in your newsletter or what?

Regards,
Marcus


Marcus, Buddy, if the truth were a snake it would have bitten you. You’ve not seen me speak of it because YOU’RE NOT SUPPOSED TO DO IT! If you were to ask any woman – WOMAN, mind you, not some high school girl who still has a head full of poetic mush from reading too many fairy tales – how she liked to be asked for sex, she’d most likely laugh at you and walk off without an answer. The question is truly that pathetic to women, as it marks you as an “un-man,” a loser.

You should have noticed that what I DO talk about, frequently, is how to flip a woman’s attraction switches on by acting like a man, being a leader, the alpha male who, instead of being wussy and boring and hiding from the world in his easy chair channel surfing with a beer all evening and then asking for sex at bed time, projects an image of confidence because he’s good at the things he does and enjoys being a man leading an active life, who has a fun, playful, flirtatious sense of humor, and can put a smile on a woman’s face by jumping in and out of “leadership” mode to crack a naughty grin and playfully tease and create enjoyable sexual tension for her.

This is what women want (Pay attention here, Sigmund Freud -- he's famous for saying, "The Great Question, which I have not answered, is ‘What does a woman want?'"): They want to be excited. They want to be surprised from time to time. They want to feel safe in investing their emotions. They want to have fun. They want to dance that “two steps forward, one step back” dance with you as the naughty fun and flirting ramps up tension, eases a bit momentarily, and then shoots to new highs, until such a high is reached that they pounce on you, wanting to be “taken.” THAT’S why you’ve never heard me describing the proper way to ASK for sex. It doesn’t exist.

And before somebody jumps to a really stupid conclusion and sends me a nasty-gram saying I’m promoting rape, no, I absolutely am not. By the time you’re in a committed relationship or a marriage, “no” really means “no” and your desire or need is not a rightful demand on another’s life or person; sometimes the FIRST “no” from someone you just meant might be a test, but if there’s a second “no,” she’s not into you. What I’m telling you is that if you do what you should do in flipping the biological switches to create attraction and excitement, you’ll never hear “no” because she will be coming after YOU, or waiting with bated breath and quickened pulse to be taken by you and making it plain that she wants you. “No” is only an issue when you’re either not creating attraction for her or being insensitive and pushing her for sex when she has other problems.

Whether or not she wants to have sex with you is her right to choose, but if you do what you should be doing as a man, which is creating attraction for her by simply being a man and knowing how to communicate with her, she will be consistently choosing to unless she’s in pretty bad shape, because she’ll be biologically driven to it and you will in fact be holding her off a bit to heighten the tension and excitement!

Attraction is biological, not logical, and there is no request or argument that you can make that will excite her enough to do anything more than tolerate you. Flip those switches off, and you will hear “No” every time. Flip them on, and you’ll not only hear “yes;” you’ll see it and feel it as she pounces on you.

And how do you go about learning and evolving into a man who does this naturally, without the stress of trying to “fake it until you make it?” Come to http://www.makingherhappy.com and find out, like many before you have!

In the meantime, live well, be well, and have a wonderful day!
David Cunningham

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