Monday, August 29, 2011

The Final Lesson for Your Relationship or Marriage from Our King Arthur and the Witch Contest

We’ve reached the contest deadline, and it’s my sad duty to report that we don’t have another winner, but there was a GREAT (and TOO funny!) “honorable mention” response and tune in for the greatest lesson of all!

Our King Arthur and the Witch contest is over, and there were several entries, most of which were pretty good and a few that were excellent. Some of you are quite the philosopher, submitting observations that were totally off-topic but still quite astute!

I’m also quite proud to report that there was still not a single lame entry, which holds a couple of lessons in itself: “it is far better to be silent and thought a fool than to speak up and remove all doubt,” and “When you don’t know, don’t try to fake it; listen and learn from those who do know!”

There are lessons everywhere you look if you take the time to seek them out. Many people just go through each day doing whatever it takes to get to the end of the day without looking for the lessons each situation has to teach. That’s a recipe for stagnation and failure. I just pointed out to a guy who’s been e-mailing me for a while that his concern about having reached middle age without being married and lacking the perspective and lessons learned from past marriages could be cured in large part just by spending some time reading the problems and solutions at our forum, http://forum.makingherhappy.com, and in the end could in fact be the wise man who learned from everyone else’s mistakes and didn’t have to make them at all.

One of the wisest men I ever knew told me something very early in my career about both life and business that I will never forget: “If you’re not growing, you’re dying.” You grow by seeking out lessons to learn, right?

Yeah, I know, shut up and give you the lesson that was missed! See, it’s that kind of impatience that drives women into the arms of the gardener, milk man, pool boy, etc. You need to learn the value of anticipation, yet another lesson found where you weren’t looking for it.

First off, here’s a hilarious answer from one of our more active forum members, “Cyno”:

Arthur was a Pansy Ass and Lancelot a homosexual!!

1.) If a King needs a Witch to save his life, he's living in the wrong Kingdom. Not Alpha Male.

2.) If a King needs a Witch to save his life, he has laid down his Excalibur. Not Alpha Male.

3.) This has wrecked my enjoyment of stories of King Arthur and Sir Lancelot, now that I know both are wusses.

a. Arthur was willing to let his friend save his ass, instead of handling his own challenges. Not Alpha Male.
b. Lancelot regarded his life as less than his friend's life instead of as at least equals, if not of greater value. When the only solution one can see is perpetual sacrifice, the only realistic outcome is a life of defeat. Not Alpha Male.
c. Lancelot did not lead the negotiation with the witch, he ran from making one by not offering a decision up for negotiation, or at least a suggestion by throwing the decision back over the fence to the woman. Not Alpha Male.

4.) The witch and Lancelot will be getting a divorce because she will be bored of Lancelot's indecisiveness.

5.) Lancelot loved another man more than himself or a woman. He was a homosexual.

6.) This story was written by a woman, because what neither of these men are what a woman really wants, but both are what they SAY they want.

Best Regards,
Cyno

I asked him about number 5, which seems to ignore the ancient axiom, “Bro’s before ho’s,” but haven’t heard back from him yet. But you have to admit, he has some excellent points! The only reason he’s not this year’s winner is a technicality, that being that he already bought the prize and is already one of my star students, so I’ll have to figure out something else to do for him.

Okay, time for the real lesson, as submitted by a 2006 winner:

Hi David,

The biggest lesson I saw is contained in the latter half of the story. The Witch is a real witch, until a man makes her happy, and then she is compelled to make him happy. I’ve noticed in several of your newsletters that you say “If mama ain’t happy, nobody’s happy, and if mama is happy, everybody’s happy.” That’s the lesson, so I win too!

Max

Yepper, Max won because he spotted the biggest lesson of all, and the reason behind my choice of domain name, “makingherhappy.com.” (And I must commend you all for behaving honorably, because it’s obvious that nobody went to my newsletter archive on our forum (http://forum.makingherhappy.com/forumdisplay.php/4-Daily-Newsletter-Lessons) and looked up the winning answer, but that’s the only time you’ll ever hear me compliment you for not taking advantage of that archive!)

I get a lot of flak from some guys about how I’m promoting ass-kissing and pandering to a woman’s whims by having a web site with that name. In a nutshell, they’re idiots who speak before they read or think. Lancelot didn’t pander to the witch at all. He did nothing more than empower her to do something that she already had every right to do and was entirely capable of doing it. Other than that, he was just being himself.

Real women are the same way! They don’t want us to pander to their whims, cater to them, etc. They want us to stand up and act like men, like leaders, like the guys we were born to be, and break up their boredom and tension with a witty remark or adventure of some sort from time to time. They want us to listen to them speak and take them seriously when they’re serious, not join in on their drama and help them to drown in it.

They want us to tell them when they’re being a brat and unreasonable, and help them snap out of it and get back to being happy and having fun. Their emotional nature is at times their greatest strength and at others their greatest weakness, and part of our job as men is to help them keep it from hurting them.

When we do our job, we get rewarded with all the fun, nurturing, respect, loyalty, friendship, and support they can muster – they’re biologically wired to do it, so you needn’t worry about wasting what little time and effort it takes to go back to being yourself and shedding all that man-killing programming we’ve all received since the 80’s that had many of us sitting on the couch watching chick flicks and crying.

So there you have it. More or less a dozen good lessons for men about women and life from a simple joke that may have never been intended to do anything but make somebody laugh. Valuable lessons are everywhere, if you take the time to look for them.

Speaking of which, I can save you a whole lot of time, because I’ve got a book for you full of valuable lessons, the combined experience of several hundred couples and my own. Go to http://www.makingherhappy.com and download your copy of "THE Man’s Guide to Great Relationships and Marriage" and see what other of life’s great lessons about women, committed relationships, and marriage you have been missing. Here endeth the lesson…for today, anyway. ;-)

In the meantime, live well, be well, and have a wonderful day!
David Cunningham

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