Sunday, March 27, 2011

Personal Authority Creates Instant Attraction in Your Relationship and Marriage

Letting the women in your life, especially your wife or girlfriend, see you in a position of authority and leadership can generate INSTANT attraction. And you know what attraction generates, right? ;-)

Any of you who have not joined or at least kept tabs on our forum community are truly missing out. I know I sound like a broken record sometimes harping about this, but you really should see what’s developing there, even with minimal participation from some people. Registration is entirely anonymous, and people are posting real problems for help, in great detail. You might be surprised at how open and honest they are (and you could be!), and how much you can learn and gain strength from other people’s struggles and successes.

There is no teacher like experience, and when you can learn from the experience of others you’re WAY ahead of the game. That’s what the wise, do, remember? The fool learns nothing from his mistakes, the smart does, but the wise learn from the mistakes of others to save themselves the trouble and expense. That’s some action you’ll want in on, so check it out at

I love days like today. Aside from springtime weather that really resembles summer and accomplishing a lot of things so far today (I’m writing this Saturday evening), I received a success story and testimonial that has a PERFECT example of how a man can quickly set his wife on fire without doing anything different: Just let her see him in action, doing anything he does competently. Meet Steve:

David, After reading your book and all the daily reports, I have become much more aware of the things that before were totally missed and seemed to be unimportant. I wanted to share with you an experience I had last weekend that illustrated how attraction works.

One of my wife's younger co-workers asked if we would be willing to be interviewed by her husband for a project he is working on for a college class he is taking. He is doing post-graduate work to become a professional counselor. We agreed and met them for dinner and then went to their house for the interview.

I don't want to seem insensitive, but in order to give you a complete picture of the situation, I must say that the young woman's husband is not what you would call a studly, manly type of guy, however she is quite attractive and, at first glance, you might think them to be somewhat mismatched. As we sat and answered his questions, he was taking notes and appeared to be comfortable and confident and was in control of the situation.

About halfway through, his wife, who was sitting next to me, blurted out "Wow, I have never seen you like this, in action. You are hot, Honey!" My wife even agreed with her and commented on how he was going to be a good counselor!

Before, I would have totally missed what had just happened, but since I have become aware, I immediately smiled at what I recognized as attraction created by alpha male behavior. We have always been told that men are much more receptive to seeing how something works as opposed to being told about how it works, and this was a perfect example. It has nothing to do with looks or money.

Thanks again, David, for helping to open our eyes to what our women want, and how to give it to them.


Steve’s right, too! And I want every one of you, male and female, to take a close look at something he mentioned: “alpha male behavior.” This phrase has been bandied about like a cheap bromide for a couple of decades or more, and in mainstream literature is often grossly misused to denote a man of promiscuous, violent sort who intimidates men and seduces women. Not so, not by a long shot.

The alpha male in any situation is simply the leader, or one of several leaders. The guy that other guys go to for instruction, sanction, permission, validation, support, etc. He’s the “go-to guy” in his area, and he makes decisions, directs people, and takes action when he’s the best one to do so. And those traits that you find in such a leader, like confidence, expert status, the ability to deviate from the subject at hand to have a little fun to break monotony or tension, etc., and go back to it are the real alpha male traits that any man can own and project.

It’s called…

wait for it…

wait for it…

AUTHORITY. It draws women like a watermelon draws flies in the summertime. And interestingly, men too, even other alpha males. Everybody likes to be around someone who has that easy-going confidence that comes with knowing what you’re doing and knowing with all your being that you are competent to be in charge, and not just a poser. And you don’t have to be the best that ever lived at anything to be, define, or show authority, either.

Indeed, you don’t really have to do anything except behave as someone who knows what you’re doing and enjoys it. As a matter of fact, one of the most important things you can learn about leadership and authority is when to shut the hell up! Babbling and fabricating when you don’t know what you’re talking about just makes you look like an ass, not an expert. In contrast, when you only open your mouth as an authority when you really are the authority, it creates and air of being a universal authority.

And get this: once you’ve established this, if anything comes up, all heads turn toward you when anything comes up, and if you say, “I’m going to refer you to Joe on this, as he has valuable recent experience,” Joe is now the temporary expert, but you are still the authority. Weird, huh? But I’m speaking from long-standing personal experience: know what you are talking about and speak with confidence, or shut up, unless something is interesting to you, in which case you can share authority with someone by leading the conversation through the questions you ask while they provide expert answers. How’s that for “deep”? And EASY?!

Every one of us is good at something, maybe several things, and for a few of us, maybe even many things, and when the women in our lives see us in that competent, confident role, or that easy-going “owner of the room” role at a party, or barking orders to get people through a crisis, etc., it makes them feel like they have better than the average guy, a prize, and there are biological responses to that behavior as well, including attraction, and even seduction.

There are a lot of ways that a man can become and live as an alpha male, and enjoy that status for a long time, if he doesn’t blow it with gross insensitivity, poor inter-gender communications skills, etc., and there’s no excuse for blowing it because there’s really not that much to know and nothing difficult to do, once you’ve learned what’s expected, what’s best, and how to have fun with it.

And that part is really easy. It’s in "THE Man's Guide to Great Relationships and Marriage," which you can have in an easy download at So tell me, what’s your wife saying about you? Or are you REALLY in trouble because she’s saying nothing at all? Make it better now, because it gets harder with every day that you let pass without addressing your problems.

In the meantime, live well, be well, and have a wonderful day!
David Cunningham

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