Tuesday, March 15, 2011

Flirting: Dying Art and Key Ingredient to a Great Relationship and Marriage

Do you flirt with your partner? If not, it’s no wonder she’s bored! Flirting is the gateway to attraction, fun and excitement, and in a woman’s eyes, a mark of a real man!

Before we start, I’d like to remind everyone that our forum (
http://forum.makingherhappy.com) has been open now for a year, and I noticed that, as seems to be the norm for forums, a minority are posting. The few who have posted have said some truly useful things and/or presented problems that led to others posting very useful things, so you really need to join us.

I’d also like to point out that forums are often an excellent example of “what not to do” as a guy. Need I point out that it is this very kind of timid, wait-for-somebody-else-to-lead attitude that has gotten most of you into your relationship problems and the very reason you are here is to overcome it?

I’ll also point out that the easiest way to get over being timid around people you know is to talk with strangers. They don’t know you, and in an anonymous environment like a forum, they can’t meet you or know anything about you if you don’t tell them, so you have nothing to lose by just diving in, introducing yourself to the group, and striking up a conversation. That’s why groups like Toastmasters are so popular. You don’t have to know anybody, don’t have to use your real name unless and until you’re ready, and don’t have to disclose anything about yourself. You just stand up and talk about whatever you want to talk about, and grow comfortable as you do so.

So why wait for everyone else to do it before you join in? Why not distinguish yourself as a leader by being among the first? I hear a lot of people using the term “baby steps,” and it makes me a little nutty because I’m a “grab it and growl” kind of guy, but THIS is a perfect “baby steps” type of opportunity to start turning a new page and taking a little initiative. Now get in there and get on the stick. I spent about four months putting it together, and those of us participating have spent months populating it with useful information, so you can at least spend a few minutes introducing yourself and exploring.

I also want to remind everybody that my free Break-up Busting 101 course is still available at http://forum.makingherhappy.com/showthread.php/144-Free-Reports!, so get it and pass it around before I take it offline. If you haven’t read it, I strongly suggest you do so, because the primary causes of break-ups are not affairs and other problems; those are merely symptoms of other underlying problems, like boredom and gross incompatibility.

Knowing how these root causes of problems work and how to cure them can keep you out of trouble even easier than they can get you out of trouble, and spending a half-hour or so to read that report is definitely worth everyone’s while. And my free and highly-informative “What Women REALLY Want” report is still available, too, at the same link as the other one I just offered you.

Today, we’re going to talk about a dying (and for the vast majority of you reading this, DEAD) art, flirting. In a world seemingly bent on instant gratification, speed dating and speed seduction techniques appear to have supplanted good old fashioned conversation and flirting in the dating world, and believe it or not, that’s a bad thing, and losing the knack of flirting in a committed relationship or marriage is even worse, an invitation to absolute disaster! Why?

Flirting is a series of steps before seduction. It ranges from general poking and chiding a woman to get her smiling to a playful way of ambiguously using naughty but nebulous innuendo to ease into seduction later. Joking about “floppy drives and hard drives” in a way that can be construed as talking about arousing a man instead of speaking directly of the arousal is a good example. But why is it so important and why would you want to do it with your wife or girlfriend of many years?

For the same reason you would want to do it if you were single! First, flirting is extremely complimentary without being a wussy, kiss-ass kind of maneuver. It says, “I noticed you, and want to have fun with you.” Women live for stuff like that to break up or escape the boredom of their lives, and appreciate it when ANYBODY does it for them. So if you’re not the top flirt in her life, you can bet that somebody else will be applying for the position whether she awards it to somebody else or not.

Do you want to take that chance, especially when neutralizing that risk requires you only to do something that’s totally fun and leads to a “heated exchange” (damned spam filters! LOL!) in the bedroom? I should think not!

(You will see me mentioning female boredom until you’re sick of hearing it, but it is a HUGE problem. It’s one that we were never told about growing up and one that some women think we already know about while others don’t realize it themselves, so you need to be an expert in identifying and fixing it if you want to get along well with women, let alone live happily with one or more of them.)

Second, it can be used to transition from almost any mental state to a playful mood, which is extremely beneficial in everything from diffusing a fight to waking up your partner’s “urges,” since the leap from flirting to seduction is a simple transition from ambiguously naughty to directly naughty.

Even without seduction as the end game, flirting is still a most-excellent chance for your inner child to come out and play with her inner child. That’s how you have intimate fun that is non-sexual in nature, the adult version of “child’s play,” and don’t let anyone tell you that playing with your wife is silly or unnecessary. If the two of you can’t play together, you’ll find out at some point that you can’t live together, either.

If you’re not flirting with your girlfriend or wife, you’re causing both of you to miss out on a whole lot of fun, both inside and outside the bedroom. It is truly the gateway to fun and excitement, and one of the easiest ways in the world to stir up attraction if done correctly, and in case you haven’t heard, it’s attraction, not love, that keeps the sheets warm, worn and wrinkled; love is what keeps you sleeping on the same sheets and talking the next morning. (And again, the relationship emotions are often very misunderstood, thanks to programming and poetic liberties, and you can get the facts and truth concerning them in that free “Break-Up Busting 101” report I mentioned earlier.)

Relationships start going stale and sour when things like flirting and naughty play start to wane. Maybe you got lazy, maybe you got stressed out, maybe you forgot how, or maybe you just did it naturally at that time and really didn’t understand how important it was and what it was that you were doing that really flipped her switches. Check with some of the men on our forum if you have any doubt at all about the damage that is done when you fail play with your wife on a daily basis. It can get really bad, especially if she enters mid-life crisis, but in most cases, it’s fixable, as long as you’ve not let it go so far that another man has created attraction within her.

What you need to know is waiting for you in my e-book, "THE Man’s Guide to Great Relationships and Marriage," which you can easily download right now at http://www.makingherhappy.com, and start reawakening fun and excitement that neither of you have felt in too long. Or maybe you’d like to waste a few more years of your life waiting for things to get better on their own? They don’t just get better; you have to DO SOMETHING about them to MAKE THEM BETTER, and this is your best shot, so take it.

In the meantime, live well, be well, and have a wonderful day!
David Cunningham

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