Sunday, February 13, 2011

Do You "Get It" When It Comes to What Women Want in Relationships and Marriage?

Some men just don’t get it, even when their wife beats them over the head with the truth. Don’t be one of these guys, because when a woman gets tired of beating you, she won’t just stop, she’ll go away…permanently.

Happy Valentine’s Day! Today’s edition will be short and sweet because it is so self-evident that a lot of explaining won’t be necessary. When somebody buys a copy of my book, signs up for the newsletter, or ends their newsletter subscription, I get an e-mail advising me of the activity. I get to create the forms for these tasks, and rather than just notify me of activity, I also try to use them to get feedback from readers about what they need to know, what’s important to them, and even why they end their subscription to the free newsletter as quality control measures. Here’s an example that just floored me:

From: zeusXXXX@yahoo.com [mailto:zeusXXXX@yahoo.com]
Sent: Thursday, February 09, 2006 5:08 PM
To: D. Cunningham
Subject: AWeber mhh_tips: This Lead Unsubscribed: zeusXXXX@yahoo.com

This lead has unsubscribed by following the link at the bottom of one of your AWeber messages, and decided to provide comments. Why did I receive this email? http://www.aweber.com/faq_messages.htm#messages6b

Name: Axxxxxx
Email: zeusXXXX@yahoo.com
Signup Date: XX/XX/XX 0X:XX PM XST

Comments:
Never signed up...EX-wife did...

I’ve sterilized the personally identifiable information to protect his privacy, so don’t be cute and try to send an e-mail to zeusXXXX@yahoo.com because it won’t go anywhere. Now, look at the “Comments” portion, which is just the field name for a blank on the form that is captioned something like “Reason for ending subscription.” He didn’t sign up, “his EX-wife did…” What can you divine from this comment?

I’ll not get into the macho inference by his choice of the name “Zeus” in the e-mail address; it could be the guy is just likes Greek philosophy. Yeah, right. (His wife also subscribes and we talked about him at length, and she said he really was that full of himself, but without any good reason.) His wife signed him up for it (and according to her, she wasn’t his EX yet, but was now looking forward to it), trying to tell him that he was falling short, and giving him an example of what he needed to be doing to help their relationship.

Rather than being glad that she was providing him valuable information and taking action (not to mention being glad that she was signing him up for a newsletter instead of having an affair with the perfect example of what she wanted and purposely getting caught in the affair to show him, as many women have done and written to me about!) he slams the door on her. Hence, she is now his “EX-wife” in his mind, and soon to be in reality, when she wasn’t looking for a divorce, she was trying to save their marriage.

Notice how he emphasizes “EX;” he resents being told that there’s something wrong, and let a fragile ego, which probably contributed to the wussy attitude and behavior she was trying to get him to change, cost him his marriage. There’s no telling how much or in how many ways she tried to communicate problems to him, but like most men, he didn’t understand that he was being given instructions on how to fix things, and it doesn’t matter whether she left because he didn’t fix anything or he left because things weren’t suiting him, it’s over, and it probably could have been fixed.

According to his wife, all it would have taken was a little less ego and a little better communication skills, and a little effort to follow-up and make the improvements, but “Zeus” here was too busy protecting his ego to develop some real self-esteem and appreciate the fact that his wife wanted him instead of an affair or a divorce. Now, instead of a loving wife who was interested in staying married to him, he lives alone with a big neon sign that says, “Hey, I’m an idiot who can’t see past the tip of my nose!” Don’t let this happen to you!

And in case some of you are thinking, “Why should I change to suit her?” you’re not supposed to change to suit her at all. And she’s not supposed to change you. You’re supposed to change to suit YOURSELF, feel good about YOURSELF, and enjoy your life. THAT’s what women want, a man who loves to live, not a man who is some sort of high-maintenance emotional dependent. We’re not talking about the designs of a manipulative woman trying to get a man wrapped around her finger so she can lie on the couch eating bonbons and watching soap operas. We’re talking about a good woman of good character who wants to see her man be a man and feel good about himself instead of being a grouchy, paranoid bully.

And there’s no reason you should! “THE Man’s Guide to Great Relationships and Marriage” is filled with the benefit of the real-life experience of 118 couples who helped with the research of the original version, my own experience, and the experience of hundreds of readers who have commented and shared since. Each point in it has been tested and proven to work in 90% or more of all test cases, and if you think about that, that’s pretty amazing. That means, among other things, that 90% or more of all the women involved in this have agreed on and responded to each of these things! Can you imagine that?

Believe me, waiting until you have a crisis on your hands is not the best time to start working on fixing it. It can still be done, but it’s a lot harder than if you just get things in order and keep them that way, not to mention a whole lot more of a pain in the neck, with all the frustration, boredom, fights, affairs, etc., that crop up before the crisis is evident – often in an attempt by the wife to MAKE it evident. Check out the stories told by men and women on our forum that describe exactly this. Indeed, check out this specific post, http://forum.makingherhappy.com/showthread.php/578-The-Sneakiest-Yet-Deadliest-Enemy...?p=2406#post2406, and you’ll see precisely why so many men get blind-sided by an enraged wife and divorce papers (the rest of the thread is pretty interesting too!).

So do yourself and your family a favor. Go on over to http://www.makingherhappy.com right now, before you do anything else, and download your copy of this truly amazing book. Get your house in order, and keep it that way, because life is too short to be living behind a big sign that says “OUT OF ORDER,” or even worse, “I’M AN IDIOT!”

In the meantime, live well, be well, and have a wonderful day!
David Cunningham

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