Monday, January 31, 2011

Buying Her Off With a Gift, a Great Way to Ruin a Great Relationship and Marriage

For all you who have made that most dire of mistakes with women, trying to buy their affection, attention, approval, silence, forgiveness, or flesh, and may be particularly prone to try to do so on Valentine’s Day, heed the words of one of my best friends and students…

In the post-holiday letters that come in, I see mostly success stories from readers who have been following me for a while and did a good job, and a few requests for help from those who didn’t get expected results from their previous offerings to their wives. Today I’m trying to take preemptive action to get those of you who still don’t understand this to get prepared well in advance of Valentine’s Day and later, “the holidays,” and get it right this year.

I’ve revealed how to handle this both in "THE Man's Guide to Great Relationships and Marriage" and in several newsletters that reveal that section of my book. I usually publish a newsletter a week or two ahead of traditional gift-giving holidays; it was published in October and again around Thanksgiving just to help make sure the newbies saw it, but with Valentine’s Day coming up and seeing newsletter opens, blog traffic and forum traffic all indicating lots of new eyes, I have to post it again for their sake, and then probably not again until October.

For those of you who got it wrong in the past and want to get an early look at how to get it right, see http://forum.makingherhappy.com/showthread.php/423-Choosing-the-Perfect-Gift-for-the-Woman-in-Your-Relationship-or-Marriage for the aforementioned instructions on choosing a gift for a woman, but there are few of you who are needing special attention, not because of how you chose a gift, but why; giving a gift to buy your way into a woman’s good graces (or her sexual favor) or buy your way out of the doghouse is a REALLY bad idea, in case you had not noticed. And I have just the thing for you, a highly-effective wake-up call from the real world. Dig in…

For those of you who’ve caught the “King Arthur and the Witch” contest I have every year, you’ll remember David C., who was one of the contest winners. He’s become a very close friend and one of my greatest students, and his job, managing a convenience store, puts him in an ideal place to study women. Hence, he occasionally sends me a pearl of great value to share with you all. Without further ado:

Dear David,

As a convenience store manager, I meet, talk to and get to know a lot of different women, from young girls to professional business women. I easily see and talk to at least 40 or 50 a day and on seeing your newsletter about gifts for women, I asked a few for their comments and heard from quite a few others without saying anything. It seems no matter what the season, Valentine's Day, a birthday, an anniversary, or Christmas, they keep hoping for something unique and special. Flowers, rings, necklaces are expected and not very special because of that. What I wanted to mention though was how often I saw and heard the frustration from them about feeling like he's trying to buy them off.

Instead of talking to her, learning what's making her so angry and snippy, they buy her something to try and appease her. They take it usually because they don't want to hurt his feelings. They try and give him credit for at least putting forth some effort but are frustrated at the same time. "Why can't he understand it's not the gifts I want, it's him?"

It's also sad but funny to hear the men talk about how nothing seems to make her happy. No matter what they get her, it's okay for a while but it's back to the carping at him again. When I try to explain, “Maybe she just wants you to spend some fun time with her,” they shake their head. Why?

Most commonly because they see watching TV, eating out or catching a movie as their fun time. Then when they get home it's back to business, a hobby or on the computer. Why can't she see he's busy? He's trying to relax and unwind after a stressful day and she's hounding him to do all this stuff. There's a show on TV he wants to watch, a game or work to get ready for tomorrow.

They are stumped why the kids can give her a page from their crayon book and tell her I did it for you Mommy and you can see the word Mommy scrawled across the top and she cries or gets all worked up and they're baffled why. I've heard more than a few ladies getting ready to go out who refuse to allow a guy to buy their way in because they think it automatically entitles them to go home with them.

I can tell you from first-hand experience, ALL the women I've talked to resent feeling "bought off." Flowers to say they're sorry, a necklace or perfume because he missed an anniversary or something. "Here honey. Take this and get off my back, would ya?" holds no water with a real woman. And yes, many have broken off relationships because they got sick of all the presents and feeling like a tramp because of them. They got tired of feeling "obligated" to be nice because he got her "things" instead of him.

Tell the men out there, trying to make a woman obligated to you will only send her out the door that much sooner. It won't save your relationship, get your butt out of hot water or make her forgive you. It will only turn her resentment, frustration and anger deeper. She will give you a little credit at first, but if it turns into a habit, get ready to sign some papers. I mention this because it's not getting better, according to the women I talk to, even the young ones, it's getting much worse.

Thanks for the great stuff!

David C.


That pretty much says it all, doesn’t it? There is nothing that any good woman would freely give you that you can buy, and any attempt to buy that which they deeply want to give someone in like-kind exchange will insult them and/or hurt them. Don’t do it, because whatever is wrong, trying to buy your way out of it will just make it worse.

Successful relationships and marriages are about partnership and sharing, not leverage, manipulation, and control. If you disagree, you need to seek psychotherapy, because you either have a monumental self-esteem problem or a personality disorder such as narcissism, borderline personality disorder, or antisocial disorder.

David is now one of the administrators on our forum, http://forum.makingherhappy.com/. When we met, he was like about every other man, clueless when it comes to women, and now he’s such a master that I have invited to help me to teach the rest of you. And there are others, too. This isn’t some great mystery, or rocket science. It’s something every heterosexual man on Earth can easily grasp and take on because he’s wired for it.

So what do you do if you want the love, attention, forgiveness, etc., of a good woman? I’ve published over a thousand newsletters on the subject, but rather than read all 6,000 pages of those newsletters, there are exactly two things you should do:

First, download my free – and very substantial – report, “What Women REALLY Want,” at http://forum.makingherhappy.com/showthread.php/144-Free-Reports! and get the whole real scoop. Then, when you’ve seen the error of your ways and you’re ready to step up to the real deal, the dream relationship and marriage of a lifetime, go to http://makingherhappy.com/ and download my book, "THE Man's Guide to Great Relationships and Marriage" and get on the path to happiness while you still have some life left to live. Or just keep screwing up and being miserable. It’s your call. Make it a good one. ;-)

In the meantime, live well, be well, and have a wonderful day!
David Cunningham

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