Saturday, June 05, 2010

Too Much of a Good Thing Kills Relationships and Marriages

Too much of a good thing gets boring, especially for women, who generally have a very low tolerance for routine, especially in their love life. Have you made any of these classic mistakes?

What a lovely day this has turned out to be! There are some days when just being competent and attentive are enough to get everything done, and this is looking like it will be one of them. I hope yours goes as well!

I get a lot of letters every day from readers about their problems and successes, and amongst the problem letters are a few common threads, the biggest of which seems to be female boredom. It permeates every situation in some manner, especially those where the man thinks that everything is going well until the very moment he gets slapped with divorce papers and when, in his shock, he asks, “I thought everything was fine! What’s this about?” he hears the words, “See! YOU NEVER LISTEN TO ME!”

What happened?

She’s bored to tears, tried to tell him in what she thinks is the most verbose means possible (which unfortunately often means that she rolls her eyes with her back turned to him or has asked him if he would like to do something different instead of TELLING him that SHE NEEDS to do something different – we’ll touch on that again in one of the upcoming issues on inter-gender communications, but it’s covered in detail in “THE Man’s Guide to Great Relationships and Marriage”), and being a man with the male, typically limited communications structure we are born with, he didn’t pick up on the complaint, and she got fed up.

That’s what caused the divorce threat (which incidentally, may be only a wake-up call, which you can determine immediately if you know what to look for, which is also discussed in “THE Man’s Guide to Great Relationships and Marriage”), but what caused the root problem, the boredom itself?

Whoa! Did you think about that when you read it? The threat of a break-up or a divorce is a problem, but in the bigger picture, it’s merely a very revealing symptom of a bigger problem, and stopping the divorce is only a temporary stay of execution, not a problem solution. Getting the relationship back on track requires fixing the problem(s) that got you to the stage of the divorce threat.

Getting back to the boredom problem, as men, we like a simple life. We don’t mind routine nearly as much as women because for us, a neutral (neither perilous nor exciting) environment means the absence of problems, and that’s a big plus; we’ll take a little excitement when we can get it too, but we’re happy to just be outside the reach of problems for a day. Our emotional scale is such that negative emotion is on one end and positive emotion is on the other end, and emotional neutrality is in the middle, and therefore better than negative emotions. We’re biologically wired to seek status quo, situation normal, a stable, threat-free environment because we’ve evolved as protectors for a hundred thousand years or more.

All the men who don’t know any better are right now saying, “So what? Anything else would be crazy!” Well, you and I might think so, but…

All the women are right now saying that we are the crazy ones! Their emotional scale runs from zero to infinity, not negative to positive; to them, lack of emotional outlet for their energy is the worst possible state, and they really don’t distinguish that much between positive and negative emotion, at least as far as their biological need for emotional energy is concerned (which is different from their conscious tolerance of it). That’s why they enjoy and even NEED tear-jerking movies that we think are a depressing (and somewhat masochistic) waste of time. Do you see the problem?

They need things stirred up more than we do, and in our quest for the problem-free environment, not knowing that our needs are different from theirs, we misinterpret their cooperation as their approval, their sharing of our need to have a calm, stable environment; wrong answer! They cooperate because they are social, and are expecting something in exchange for their cooperation, not because they enjoy being bored.

They are also, intentionally or not, following your lead, waiting for you to get around to the fun and exciting part. That’s why they need you to be an alpha male, a leader, to get naughty with them when they aren’t expecting it, to leave little surprises for them in places they don’t expect them, the impromptu picnics and vacations, etc. Without things like that, they go nuts! However, don’t go overboard; too much of a good thing ruins it!

This is the other classic mistake that men make. We have such a hard time figuring out what women want that when we find something, we drown them in it. I’ve seen guys find out that a woman likes chocolate and be shoving it in her mouth every time she opens it until she’s literally sick of chocolate, ruining one of her favorite things for her, and women really hate that. And when men do it and it doesn’t work out, they think, “Well, that ungrateful bitch! I gave her unlimited supply of her favorite thing and this is the thanks I get?!” No, Dude. You’re not getting thanks at all. And after ruining her enjoyment of one of her favorite things, be it a food, an activity, a sexual position, or whatever, you shouldn’t be expecting thanks, either.

That’s right. It’s very easy to give a woman too much of a good thing, even when it comes to sex. If you want to ruin your sex life to the point that it wrecks your relationship, all you have to do is find out that she likes something in bed, and do it every single time you have sex until she tells you to stop doing it. She’ll not only grow bored with the act, she’ll hate you for ruining one of her favorite sexual things.

And guys, be honest. Just about every one of us, alive now and who has ever lived, has heard a woman say something like, “oh, I love to be on top,” or “I love doggie-style,” and let that suddenly become 99% of your sexual repertoire. The magic was gone pretty fast after that, wasn’t it? You must mix it up in the bedroom just as much as you must mix it up in the rest of the house and outside the house. Use her favorite things as a reward, put forth at the climax (no pun intended!) of some event, not as part of any standard operating procedure. Contrary to popular belief, most women (and all the good ones) like a challenge, and like to earn the reward of meeting that challenge, even and especially when the challenge is seducing their husband.

Repeat after me: “BORING IS THE LAST WORD A MAN EVER WANTS TO HEAR A WOMAN USE TO DESCRIBE HIM!” Never forget that; you can bet that she won’t. She can’t! Avoiding boredom is literally a survival skill for women. It ultimately terrifies and destroys them. Just ask one. Indeed, ask several. And listen to the stories they tell you of what happens when they get bored. You can search my blogs (http://blog.makingherhappy.com/ is the oldest and has the most content) and our forum for some of those stories, too. Some of their stories will scare the mortal hell out of you when you see what some desperately bored women did to their husbands and even themselves, just because they were bored.

Guys, long-term committed relationships, whether you’re married or not, aren’t just a piece of cake sitting there waiting for you to bite. They don’t necessarily take a lot of work, especially if you are well-matched and attentive, but there is some work that has to be done no matter how well-matched you are. You can do it on the front end by finding someone with whom you are well-matched and live happily ever after, or you can do it when everything blows up in your face to try to save the situation (and if there are significant compatibility problems, you will inevitably find that it cannot be saved), but either way, you have to be prepared to be in a long-term committed relationship to maintain one whether you have to save it or not.

You have to know whether you are indeed well-matched with a woman, you have to know how to communicate with her so that you can keep things open, developing and committed, and you have to know what sparks and maintains her attraction for you to keep everything fun, exciting, intimate and everything else that keeps it from being boring. Luckily for you, you can find all this in a single source, an instantly downloadable e-book called “THE Man’s Guide to Great Relationships and Marriage” at http://www.makingherhappy.com/, tested, proven, and working for everyone who is using it. Do it now, because life’s too short to spend it trying to work your way out of the doghouse.

In the meantime, live well, be well, and have a wonderful day!
David Cunningham

Friday, June 04, 2010

How to Deprogram Your Very Own Wuss for a Great Relationship and Marriage

Wusses are made, not born (with rare genetic exceptions, of course), and the only kind of women who like them are sadly their own mothers and the parasites and predators who can take something from them. How are they made? That’s easy

I caught something on television recently that I can’t get out of my head, partially because it’s offensive to me and partially because there is a lesson in it for all of you. And it’s not one that is easy to teach, so I’m going to ask you to bear with me.

First of all, some of the examples I’m going to have to use have potential political implications, and we’re not here to discuss politics. There could also be controversy over whether what I’m about to show you is coincidental, accidental, or deliberate.

For the purpose of this exercise, I’m going to ask you to ignore all of that and look strictly at the mechanics and psychology of what is really happening so that you can learn this universal process and not only protect yourself from its dark side, but use it to better yourself. So turn off the emotions, political bias, conspiracy theory machine, etc., and put on your thinking cap for a few minutes, because you need to be as cold and ruthlessly logical as I am to get through it with maximum benefit.

Sometimes it’s late in the day before I find inspiration for the content of this newsletter; I prefer to do it as the very first thing after responding to whatever reader e-mails are in my Inbox when I first sit down at my computer in the morning, but the world doesn’t always work the way I want it to. Sometimes I can receive as many as 600 e-mails from readers in a day and not be able to use anything out of them for a newsletter, either because of the appropriateness of the content or not being able to obtain permission to reprint their letter in time (I’m a stickler for reader privacy).

When that happens and I end up not being able to compose a newsletter until late evening, my wife likes to watch some flavor of the CSI (Crime Scene Investigation) series on television while I work, and I hear it in the background but pretty much ignore it. A few nights ago I heard something that caught my attention.

The investigative team was standing in a metal building with about a hundred bullet holes scattered all over the walls, and one of the guys had looked it over and was reporting to his colleagues that it was a 9 mm, and then tagged onto the end of the sentence, “probably semi-automatic.”

For those of you who don’t know much about firearms, that means that you pull the trigger, one shot is fired, and the next round is chambered and the weapon cocked and ready to fire, but it does not fire until the trigger is released and pulled again. A firearm that will keep rapidly shooting round after round for as long as you hold the trigger pulled is fully automatic, also called a “sub-machine gun” or simply “machine gun,” depending on whether it fires pistol or rifle ammunition, and fully automatic is what the scene looked like and what was being implied. Semi-automatic rifle fire has no distinguishing characteristics whatsoever. You can’t tell it from pump, lever-action, bolt-action, break-breech, revolver, pepper box, or any other form of rifle or pistol fire, because there is no spray of bullets.

A few minutes later in the show, they had finally figured out how all the bullet holes were put in the wall. Some boys had held up a very long bamboo cane, about 30 feet tall, run the cane through the trigger guard of a fully automatic sub-machine pistol, and pulled the trigger back with a wire tie just before giving it a spin and letting it spiral its way down the cane pole. Yes, stupid, and one of the kids got shot through the chest.

Now here’s the important part. For everyone who didn’t know the difference between a “semi-automatic” and “fully automatic” firearm, they thought that the fully automatic sub-machine pistol shown spraying bullets all over the building was semi-automatic. A semi-automatic pistol is simply the pistol that most police officers carry in their holsters (and those I’ve asked about their preference for semi-automatics over the old-style revolver said they preferred the extra ammunition capacity, not its ability to fire faster), because the CSI officer erroneously said that's what it was. And now those who don’t know any better will hear the mention of “semi-automatic weapons” on the news and think it’s a special menace to be feared and actively combated and that anyone who owns one must be a criminal.

Intentional or not, that is what’s called “disinformation.” Someone shows you something that is incorrect or misleads you to assume something incorrect and you have a tendency to accept it as correct because of the source, or because you see it a lot, and the message, although wrong, is consistent.

A lie or error told often enough becomes the perceived truth (but not the truth). The Earth is at the center of the universe and it’s flat and you’ll sail off the edge of it if you go too far in any direction. Bleeding someone with leeches will cure any ailment. Governments love and serve their people faithfully and flawlessly. And women want nice guys. Remember?

Yes, that lie has been told for decades. Look at what you see on television today. Stunningly beautiful women running around with hopeless wusses and acting like they’re “Studly Do-Right,” totally ignoring the fact that the guys are dressed sloppily, don’t project an ounce of intelligence, sense of humor, social skills, leadership skills, or most importantly, self-respect.

Men are consistently shown as being sub-average, bumbling jackasses who can’t make a decision to save their life, and yet they still get the girl at the end of the show, and to beat it all, they cry for joy and thank her for the privilege of being seen with her. (I’m so sick of those commercials for Sonic restaurants making men look like idiots that I joined John Alanis long ago in boycotting Sonic, and wrote them a letter telling them so.)

When you see that all the time, there’s something that happens in your subconscious mind that tells you that you should be acting as those guys do. They have what you want, and if you do what they do, you’ll have what they have. But your subconscious mind doesn’t know that it’s only television fantasy; it can’t discriminate like that.

So the lie that is told over and over becomes perceived reality – accepted as truth by those who don’t know or seek the facts, but not really true.

However! Awareness can override this negative programming, and better still, you can use this same principle to lift yourself up! Instead of watching wusses give all men a bad name on television, hang out with successful friends who are happy with their lives and have the alpha male tendencies that women enjoy! Since your environment can program you, let it program you for success instead of failure!

But that means doing something really smart: You have to acknowledge your betters as potential mentors and positive influences instead of envying their success and resenting them. Can you handle that? Can you handle hanging around with one or more guys who have a strong personality that women love and are successful at what they pursue?

No, they don’t have to be “filthy stinking rich” to be successful. Wealth-building is a skill like any other and comes with a lot of stress, particularly the stress of protecting earned wealth, and building wealth is not every man’s goal. Some men prefer to succeed at fishing, hunting, wood or metal working, rebuilding cars, throwing darts, collecting stamps – you name it. But a man who succeeds at one thing will generally succeed at many things, because he has the formula – and he can demonstrate it to you simply by you being around him.

This isn’t rocket science, Gentlemen. Not by a long shot. Do you recall hearing an axiom called “Occam’s Razor” when you were a student? “The simplest explanation is most often the correct one.” By the same token, the simplest paths to success are most often the best. And what can be simpler than exposing yourself to people who are what you want to be and just letting it all soak in?

If you hear hooves beating behind you, do you think “horse” or “zebra”? There’s a reason clichés become clichés: they’re so universally true and therefore so frequently quoted that people get tired of hearing them. At least in most cases.

Some would have you believe that you can never understand what a woman says or what she really wants. I believed it for a long time, as did many who came before you, until it came down to a do-or-die situation and I had to learn. How do you think I learned? Did I go to Tibet and ask the Dali Lama, or to Rome to ask the Pope? Did I consult ancient mystical texts like the Bible, Qu’ran, or Cabbala? Did I seek the counsel of alien races? Or contact the dead through a crystal ball? Did I ask all my buddies who were as unhappy and stressed out as I was??? Hardly. I did something utterly bizarre…

I asked a group of women!

I had to learn to speak “girly-ese” (some of my readers are calling it “feminese” and I rather like that one, too) before I could make sense of a lot of what they wanted to tell me, but believe me, they wanted me and every man alive to know. All this time that we’ve been shaking our heads in frustration because we can’t understand them, they’ve been angry and frustrated because they didn’t know we didn’t understand and thought we were choosing to ignore them. Imagine that!

In the end, they are neither complex, weak nor stupid. They’re just enough like us to make us think that they’re entirely like us and therefore just different enough to drive us crazy sometimes, but they are simple (not quite so simple as us, but still simple), strong, smart, and one hell of a lot of fun to be around once you tune in and gain their trust – they’re mostly emotionally driven, and want more than anything to feel safe in feeling anything for you, lest their emotions be used against them as they have many times in the past, like when date after date said, “I’ll call you tomorrow,” or “Sure, I’ll still respect you in the morning.” If you don’t believe me, just ask them. There are several on our forum who love to answer questions like that. Join us and learn!

What you need to know is how we’re alike and how we’re different, and in plain language, not an encyclopedia full of psycho-babble. You need to learn to speak girly-ese, which sounds a whole lot like whatever language you speak, but the protocols are different. You need to know things about a woman’s emotional make-up, like the fact that being bored is as detrimental to her health and ability to think rationally and make good choices as being terrified is to you. And you need to know how to flip her switches and ignite that spark that will never let her feel bored again and make her fight – indeed, to kick the crap out of a running saw mill if necessary – to protect her relationship with you.

If you’re interested, go to http://www.makingherhappy.com and download your copy of "THE Man's Guide to Great Relationships and Marriage" -- it’s ALL in there, just as I described, in plain language that a child could understand (and a few smart-ass remarks just to keep you entertained as well!). And if you’re not interested? Well, I hear you can get used to being in the dog house, getting yelled at all the time, and even getting divorced and losing everything you have in the process, but that’s one challenge I’d just as soon skip.

In the meantime, live well, be well, and have a wonderful day!
David Cunningham

Thursday, June 03, 2010

How Many "I Love You's" Are Enough for a Great Relationship or Marriage?

MUST READ: Some women keep writing about wanting to hear the words “I love you” more often. Others write complaining they hear it too much! Just how much is enough?

First I want to apologize for a glaring and somewhat humorous typo in the title of yesterday’s lesson. Posting a newsletter at nearly 4:00 AM after a long day of hypervelocity problem-solving is probably a really bad idea, because all the letters of the alphabet start to look the same around 3:00 AM and in full costume posing as each other by 4:00. The title was supposed to read “BEING Your Own Man…” not “BRING Your Own Man…” I laughed out loud when I saw it, and I hope it gave you a chuckle, too.

Now for the not-so-humorous, since it’s just after midnight and all the letters still appear as they are supposed to. There are times when women’s emotionally-driven drama and antics really get on our nerves as men. There are also some things that appear to be dramatic because they are so irrational, but are in fact not dramatic at all, and things that you need to be aware of and address when necessary. This is some of the most important information ever presented in this newsletter, contains advice for both men and women, and if you miss part of it you can absolutely wreck your relationship with what you skipped over, so read this carefully and in its entirety and make sure you understand it. First, meet Tasha:

Hi David,

Can you tell me how to get my husband to stop being a needy little twerp? Every time his mouth opens, he says, “I love you.” It’s like a compulsion. He can’t end a discussion, enter or leave a room, or hang up the phone without saying it. It’s more like a greeting than a declaration of any kind of feeling. He’s coming across to me as saying it just to get me to say it back to him. It’s been happening for a month now, constantly since we went to my high school reunion (20 years) and I saw my high school boyfriend there (and his wife and pictures of their five children) and we talked for about 20 minutes and had a dance. He’s making me nuts!

Please help,
Tasha


Tasha’s problem was handled privately by a counseling session with her husband, in which I helped him realize that a 20-minute conversation to catch up on 20 years of absence and a dance, which didn’t even turn out to be a slow, intimate dance, was nothing to worry about, but do you see her primary complaint? Too many “I love you’s” equated to habit and insecurity, not an expression of love. Now for the other side of the coin, meet Carol:

Dear David,

I have read every newsletter you have ever written, and I have read your book as well and loved it. I had to learn to do many of the things in your book since I was taught a totally different way to handle relationships. I am sorry to say that I was one of these women that would let a man into her life and then totally turn it over to him to run because I wanted to be led. I learned that I was not letting them lead me, but was letting them run over me.
Now I see just how wrong and how dangerous it was to me and to my future to let men run my life.

The reason I am writing this letter is because I want to know something and I felt like you would be the one to help me answer this one.

I know that my boyfriend loves and wants to be with me and that I am the only one in his life, but I still like to hear it from time to time. I know that sounds like I may be needy or insecure, but I’m sure you know all women like to know that both parties in the relationship they are in have the same feelings. I am sorry if that is wrong but that is how I feel.

Thank you for you time,
Carol


My reply:

Hi Carol, and thanks for writing. I’m going to point out something to you here, something that I know you’ve read in past editions but may have missed the significance of, and then I’m going to clue you and everyone else in on why this is the way that it is and how men should handle it.

First, I want to caution you and all women, for reasons you will fully understand in a moment, that while the words “I love you” are good for an emotional rush, they should never be trusted in and of themselves, period. Your knowledge of whether a man or any other person loves you should come from their actions; a man, especially a psychopathic predator, could put a bullet or a cudgel right between your eyes or open your throat from ear to ear while saying “I love you,” but no man can keep up the act that creates the illusion of love for very long at all if it is indeed just an act. It doesn’t take a lot of testing and there’s no need for suspicion; simply check that his normal actions say that he loves you before accepting the words. For instance…

Does he beat the hell out of you and then say, “I’m sorry, Sweetheart! I really love you!” If he does, he’s a lying sack of crap.

Does he drink up his paycheck, and when he tells you there’s no money for groceries that week, say, “but I love you and everything will be okay”? No, he doesn’t. He loves his bottle, not himself or you.

Does he work at his job, come home, and spend quality time with you (and the kids if you have them)? Does he make decisions that consider how they will affect you as a couple? Does he treat you with respect, as if he values your company and your input, instead of putting you down or even worse, whining about how he can’t live without you? If so, listen when this guy says he loves you, even if he says it only silently through his actions, because he does. His actions prove it.

Take care, and keep in touch,
David


Now to the hard part: Why is it that even the most secure women, those who live in a relationship in which it is blatantly self-evident from a man’s actions that he loves her deeply, constantly complain that they don’t hear “I love you” enough?

Guys, I have to admit that this evaded me for a long time, and it wasn’t until I learned how women communicate and about their socially-oriented nature that it made sense to me, and most of them are unaware of it as well. You should have seen their faces when I asked them about it; it was like a light coming on when it struck home for them. Ready?

Women need to hear this because they are biologically-driven to need to hear it, just like they need to hear a verbal commitment to a relationship after a couple of months of dating or they walk out on a perfectly good thing. It’s part of the emotionally-driving biological mechanism that distinguishes their behavior, especially their socially-oriented nature and their communications methods and infrastructure, from ours.

They need to hear the words when they already know we love them because they are born communicators and also because they need that little romantic/dramatic lift that it creates when it “seals the deal.” They also need to see that we can say it frequently enough without blurting it out every few minutes like some needy wuss who spouts it like a litany to hypnotize her into staying around. It's like their need to share and emotionally milk their problems with their girlfriends; irrational, involuntary, and potentially self-destructive, but nonetheless a fact of life and a need that must be fulfilled, one way or another, by somebody.

Now, how much is enough? Or too much?

That depends on the woman, but generally speaking, no woman I’ve interviewed, when asked how she felt about the frequency with which her man said he loved her, who was satisfied said any more than once or twice a day (once every day or two was average), and for those who were dissatisfied, their men were at the extremes, either pestering or boring them to death with it nearly every time they spoke or going many days or even weeks without saying it at all. And hearing it without some context that tells that he was really feeling it at the moment was often mentioned as bad, too.

Take heed here: You can say it too often, as well as not enough. Women bore easily, and with most things, less is more, but there has to be some, because none is unacceptable. If you have a healthy love relationship, there should be some intimate moment come along every day or two, or even twice a day sometimes, that makes you realize how much you love this woman. When that happens, that’s when it’s good to tell her, because during those intimate moments is when she’d really like to hear it. It helps feed the emotions that she’s feeling, and if it’s honest, it’s right. No act, no routine, no pressure – simply letting it come out when it’s genuinely on your mind is likely to be just right.

Do NOT, under any circumstances, let “I love you” become a habit. We all hear so many people closing telephone conversations with it, as if it is some ritual greeting, and that’s bad because it makes the experience so mundane and boring. If you’re with somebody who has to hear it every time your mouth is open, that’s a HUGE red flag, because it’s not the emotion of love that she (or he) is feeling; it’s that really ugly one: NEED, the kind that breeds and feeds dependence and insecurity, the leper’s bell of a scarcity mentality at work and a high-maintenance dependent looking for someone to suck dry. And then you get to see the scarcity mentality’s really evil twin, entitlement mentality, up close and personal as this person becomes more and more demanding.

If that’s where you are, you’re in big trouble, and you need to do a serious evaluation of your relationship. And if you’re the one saying “I love you” too much as I’ve described, you need to be doing something to develop some self-esteem, fast, or you are never going to find happiness, even briefly. There are several on our forum, who are going through this process, realizing that they do have value and have the right to recognize it, and watching their evolution is both educational and inspiring. You should join us and check it out.

Relationships are only complicated when you don’t know enough about how they work, and/or about each other. Learning about them and each other doesn’t have to be a matter of reading an encyclopedia of dry, technical, academically-oriented psychological theories and then trying to apply it without knowing whether the theories even hold water. I’ve seen those books, and if you’ve been looking for answers for your relationship, you’ve likely seen them as well.

They didn’t work for me, and indeed made things so much worse that I had to research and quite literally find enough answers to write my own book to have the improvement I needed. If those books worked for you, you wouldn’t be looking here, either, would you?

There’s a better answer, written in plain conversational English, that contains solid, tested explanations of how relationships really work, how women really think and speak, and what they really want, with examples and advice, and the best part is two-fold: you can afford it, and you can do what you find within it. Interested?

It’s called “THE Man’s Guide to Great Relationships and Marriage,” and you can download it at http://www.makingherhappy.com/ and be reading it in the next few minutes. Go head, do it now, because while all the achievers are reading this book, getting answers and putting them to work to better their life, the losers are sitting around questioning whether it will work for them and going further and further down that unhappiest of all roads, relationship boredom and crisis.

In the meantime, live well, be well, and have a wonderful day!
David Cunningham

Bring Your Own Man, Crucial to a Great Relationship, Marriage, and Life!

There are two ways to react to the successes of those around you. You can let them make you insecure and jealous, or you can learn from them and use them as example and motivation to bolster and enhance your own success. You might be surprised at the self-destructive power of the first, and the achievement that can be brought on by the latter, not to mention the self-esteem and attraction created by that achievement!

I got a call from a man who thought he had a problem, but really doesn’t, unless it’s a memory problem. He’s apparently forgotten who he is!

I didn’t get to take the call, but my publisher said that he was about fifteen years older than his wife, who had recently gone through some self-improvement and suddenly had the attention of a bunch of younger men. He described himself as physically fit, pleasant-looking, etc., and my publisher described him as articulate, intelligent, and outgoing and very personable. So what’s his problem?

The sudden spike in the attention others pay his wife has left him feeling a bit insecure. He’s feeling like he’s competing with men who are young enough to be his sons, maybe even his grandsons, and it has made him question his attractiveness. In addition, he’s been wrapped up in some work issues and is concerned that his wife may succumb to the temptations these younger men put before her.

What he’s forgotten is that it’s not him that has changed, it’s her. She has straightened her act up and brought herself more to his level of attractiveness. That’s a good thing, because her improved self-confidence will make her feel sexier and more playful, and enhance their intimacy. However…

If he lets himself be challenged by these younger men and responds by feeling competitive and resentful, he will lose the attractiveness of his intellect, self-confidence, personality, wit, etc., and begin appearing to his wife as an over-the-hill wuss instead of the man she was striving to upgrade herself to please in the first place! After all, these young men are only competition if he acknowledges them as worthy to compete.

The answer? Simple! Celebrate her success with her, and laugh at all the young bucks chasing her. She’s old enough to know that what they’re after isn’t a wife and children, and if he celebrates her success with her and shows her off instead of acting insecure about her new attractiveness, that confidence will spark desire in her like little else can.

Such action says to the young suitors, “You’d better grow a little before you try to climb into THIS ring, Junior.” And as always, his wife will follow his lead. It also expresses trust, saying to her, “Yes, I see you, I’m proud of you, and I know you love me and will stay with me because we’re both worth it,” where being insecure and treating her as though she might succumb to the advances of the youngsters forces her to ask if there is some reason that she should. It also expresses that he thinks that she cannot be trusted and might be swayed.

Many men fall into a trap when they see a beautiful woman, even if they’re married to her. They are intimidated, want to possess, seek attention and approval, and worst of all, have a bad tendency to assign “perfection” to a woman simply because she’s strikingly easy on the eyes. Why? Why close your eyes to things like intellect and character just because you like the way a woman looks? And in the worst case, why make a total ass of yourself and/or let your life be taken from you?

There’s a man on our forum right now that has made exactly this mistake, knows it, and is still having trouble gaining perspective, and he’s not the exception, but the RULE! If you’re self-esteem is not intact you are more vulnerable to this than you could imagine, too. Read the chronicle of his evolution (his user name is “Lerxst” on the forum, and you can just pop it in the search box to see his posts) and see for yourself just how destructive this mistake can be so you can arm yourself against it.

Ask any woman what they look for and especially respond to above all else in a man, and they’ll tell you: confidence. Not looks, not money, not power, not a fancy car or home. Confidence. Followed by a genuine smile. But, when they tell you, will you hear them?

If this man’s wife is like most women, she has told him repeatedly what she wants and expects from him, but like nearly all of us, he didn’t hear a word of it, because she didn’t say it as a man would say it. She said it as a woman would say it, and with good reason: She’s a woman! (Duh! LOL!) So he doesn’t hear it, and thinks she’s saying nothing and he therefore has to either read her mind or guess, and she thinks she’s being ignored – one of the oldest and most destructive stories in the relationship book.

She may even be telling him that he needn’t be worrying about these silly boys thinking they’ve fixed their sites on a “cougar,” (a mature woman who pursues much younger men, often young enough to be their son) that she finds them amusing and their compliments entertaining, even delightful, but not truly alluring. His non-responsiveness, of which she is totally unaware because she doesn’t know how differently men and women speak either, will be construed as weakness and push her exactly where he thinks she already is if he doesn’t straighten up pretty fast. Textbook example of a self-fulfilling prophecy, right?

Fortunately, he’s already purchased his copy of "THE Man’s Guide to Great Relationships and Marriage" and will be realizing all of this shortly when he reads and learns what he needs to know about both her and himself. His worst case scenario is that he may feel some subconscious insecurity triggered by the presence of these younger men until he comes to grips with the fact that he is not only their elder, but their better, especially in his wife’s eyes, and he’ll return to his confident, attractive self, then kick it up to notches previously unknown as he learns what makes women tick, what they want, and how understand them so well that they indeed think he can read their mind; he’ll be one of those rare guys who “just knows…”

A sagely word of advice: If you always do what you’ve always done, you’ll always get what you’ve always got. Horrible grammar, yes, but an entirely valid point. And you can do better, MUCH better, by going to http://www.makingherhappy.com/ and downloading your own copy of "THE Man’s Guide to Great Relationships and Marriage," or you can continue doing what you’re doing. Unless you really like the way you’re feeling right now, you’d better get your mouse clicking!

In the meantime, live well, be well, and have a wonderful day!
David Cunningham

Tuesday, June 01, 2010

Why Bother Fixing a Troubled or Failing Relationship or Marriage?

Why should you want and expect to make an effort to fix a strained or distant relationship? The answer is obvious to some, but many really don’t know, and actually think that it’s easier to put up with pain, frustration, boredom, etc., or the stress of extramarital affairs. Wrong! Here for you are the facts and the truth…

I want to share with you the most ridiculous e-mail I may have ever received. I have always maintained a policy of keeping all comments about reader mail positive, but occasionally I get one that is just so downright idiotic that it makes me want to grab the sender and shake them really hard to try to wake them up. I’m not going release this reader’s name, and I want to make it clear that I am in no way saying that this reader is an idiot; I am however, stating emphatically that what he says is something I would expect from either a moron or somebody really emotionally damaged, not from someone intelligent enough to be able to write a letter like this one.

Dear David,

I’ve been reading your newsletter for several weeks now, and I really can’t see why I should have to go through all this trouble to please my wife. We’ve been married for 8 years, and have followed the same routine pretty much since we got married. I work, she keeps the house and takes care of the kids. In the evening, I watch TV or go to the bar while she helps the kids with their homework. If I fall asleep on the couch she doesn’t bother me, and if I come home late from the bar she’s asleep in the bed and doesn’t say anything. We don’t talk much, don’t go anywhere, and everything’s fine. What’s the deal?

Bob


My reply:

Well, “Bob,” (the name has been changed to protect the monumentally daft), let’s look at a few things from a logical point-of-view:

1. You’ve been reading my newsletter for several weeks, but you say there’s no problem? Your letter doesn’t paint a picture of you being a proactive achiever, so I’m not buying that, and I hope you’re not either.

2. Doing the same thing, day in and day out for 8 years, and there’s no problem? Ladies, you are cordially invited to write with your comments on this one! (Please feel free to comment on anything at any time, but I’m asking you specifically for your reactions here to help this guy see that unless he’s married to “Rain Man” he has and is oblivious to a serious problem with a bored wife.)

3. You frequently go to the bar while she stays home with the kids, and sit in front of the TV on “non-bar” nights? Why aren’t you doing something with your wife and kids at least a couple of nights a week? No problem, you say?

4. You fall asleep on the couch and she doesn’t wake you up and tell you to come to bed, or throw a blanket over you, or say something about it the next day? Can you say “bored and disinterested”? But I guess that’s not a problem, either, even though that’s a recipe for your wife to be seeing other men while you’re at work and the kids are in school and chatting on the Internet or on the phone with other men while you are at the bar. By the way, do you know for a fact that she’s not having a baby-sitter keep an eye on them after she puts them to bed while she slips over to a neighbor’s house for a quickie? Or a “longie,” for that matter, since she expects you to be gone all evening?

5. Don’t talk much? Don’t go anywhere? And you call that fine? And you think that she thinks that’s fine? At this point, I’m wondering if you’ve beaten her to the point that she sees “no beatings” as being the same as “happy marriage.” If you don’t interact with your wife and children, why do you have them???

In a nutshell, your letter describes a plea for validation, not education or improvement. I don’t know what your situation or problem really is, and until you come clean about all the contradictions and omissions in your letter, there’s not a thing I can do to help you, except possibly to point out a few universal truths that might motivate you to take a realistic look at your situation.

Let’s start with the old adage, “If you always do what you’ve always done, you’ll always get what you’ve always got.” Even if you or somebody else has damaged your wife to the point that she really would rather live the life she’s living than to see positive change, is this what YOU really want? A robot that cleans the house, cooks, and keeps the laundry and house clean and the kids out of your way? I suppose next you’re going to tell us that they based several episodes of “The Sopranos” on your life.

I’m also curious as to what value you are getting for all the money it takes to feed, house, clothe, medicate, educate, and entertain those other people in your house. Do you have even an inkling that interaction with them could be far more interesting and rewarding than anything you find on television, and far less destructive than anything you’d find in a bar? Or are you too depressed and comfortably unhappy to notice?

And how about “Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned”? If your letter paints an accurate picture of your home life, you’ve completely turned your back on your family except for giving them whatever part of your paycheck they receive. Contrary to what many think, the average woman is interested in a lot more than her husband’s paycheck.

Do you really think they, especially your wife and the mother of your kids, are going to go on accepting being ignored indefinitely? Women and kids both do things to get attention, even the wrong kind of attention, when you don’t give it to them freely and willingly. The longer you ignore them, the more radical the actions they will take. Do you relish the thought of coming home and finding your wife in your bed with another man? Or going to a local jail to bail one or more of your kids out for shoplifting, drug possession, or worse, some kind of violent, gang-related mishap? Get a clue, because it’s coming.

Bob, the best thing I can tell you right now is “wake up and smell the coffee.” You deserve and can have better than the life you describe, and so does your family, and the choice is entirely yours. If your job is sufficient to pay the bills and provide you several bar nights per week without your wife working, then you’re doing well enough to do some things with your family.

You’re in a rut, and you’re not going to come out of it by just holding the wheel loosely and letting things just go where they want to go. Turn the wheel and get out of the rut. "THE Man’s Guide to Great Relationships and Marriage" will motivate you to help you feel deserving of such a life, but you should already be feeling some sort of longing for it or you wouldn’t be reading this newsletter and writing such a letter as you wrote, so what’s your real story? C’mon, lay it on me. I can take it. Can you?

Or are you afraid that the truth will hurt too much? You sound like you are one of those “comfortably unhappy” people that I help the most. I don’t know, but together, we can find out.

Take care, and keep in touch,
David


Folks, there’s no reason to continue living a life that you aren’t loving to live. The first thing to do when you find yourself in a hole is to stop digging, isn’t it? Whatever has put you in trouble must be stopped immediately or inertia (that physics principle that says that an object in motion will tend to remain in motion and an object at rest will tend to remain at rest until some external force acts upon them, remember?) will just keep right on digging you in deeper. You should see how this inertia has driven some of the men at our forum right down into the ground. And you should see how some of them are clawing their way up out of it at record pace, too.

Stop digging. If you don’t know what you’ve done to make your relationship a mess, go to http://www.makingherhappy.com and download your copy of “THE Man’s Guide to Great Relationships and Marriage;” I’ll guarantee you that the answer is in there. Together, we can get you where you need and want to be, if you’ll just take this first step in the right direction, and life is indeed too short to spend it digging yourself a deeper hole, is it not?

In the meantime, live well, be well, and have a wonderful day!
David Cunningham

Monday, May 31, 2010

A Great Relationship and Marriage Takes Knowledge and Common Sense, Not Rocket Science

A reader letter proclaims what I’ve been telling readers since day one – this isn’t rocket science, and any man who is worth his salt can do it – and he gives examples that will raise eyebrows, so don’t miss this!

I keep getting letters from people in the same jam – living apart, divorce pending, and basically in deep manure – and wanting to know if what I’m teaching in "THE Man’s Guide to Great Relationships and Marriage" can help them.

I keep saying, “Yes, if you’ll just do what the book says,” and they do, things get better, and I hear from them later thanking me, often with details of their successes that provide wonderful hints for me to share with the rest of you. I got such a letter today that I want to share with you. The name has been changed to protect his privacy; we’ll call him “Garrold.” Here’s an excerpt from Garrold’s first letter to me the day he bought "THE Man’s Guide to Great Relationships and Marriage," three months ago:

My wife of 10 years and I are reconciling after a two year separation. We still live apart, but are getting along better. We're taking it slow, but I would like to get back the intimacy we had before. I don't want to come right out and say it because it might ruin the moment and it won't be as special if it just happens. Hopefully your book will give me some insights for doing the right things at the right times to get us back on track, and in the sack :}. This means the world to me. Not just for ourselves, but for our children too.

Did you catch that absence? They’ve been living apart for two years. What you don’t see here is that his wife is a very old-school “girly girl” who is ultra-cautious, ultra-sensitive, and makes a man earn every second of her attention, and will resist having what she wants in order to make sure it’s safe to share with him. Now get a look at him today in this excerpt:

Hello David. Garrold here. Listen, I know you're having a busy day on the grill and all. So please don't respond to this email. I just wanted to share a quick success, and give kudos to you.

You know, the stuff you preach is not rocket science. It is common sense. But the effects are more astounding than the lunar mission.

OK. Last night we had our date night. First stop, a wedding for my cousin.

I took your advice and grabbed her for some slow dancing. Pow! She was all into it my man. I feel like an idiot but it took me ten years to realize how much she likes this...and how much I like it. Throw in a little ass pinching during picture time, and a few other bits of naughty made for a great time. Then we went our own way for some late night gambling. She was leaning into me all night. We were definitely connected. And she was very happy. Lots of great kissing too. Some leg rubbing, and I'll stop there. I know I moved her to intimacy in a manly way. And she appreciated it.

David, your naughty approach is something EVERY man absolutely needs. And the more I think about it, it is how I was when my wife and I met. I just didn't realize I was doing it and how effective it was. Somewhere along the line, I just stopped teasing her. But never again. It's give her naughty or give the marriage death.

Again and again, I can't tell you how fortunate I am to have found your eBook, and to have your invaluable guidance. It's made a difference in our marriage, and our lives.

Have a great Memorial Day pal.
Garrold


Did you catch all that? If I had read this letter and not known that Garrold is my age, I’d have sworn a horny teenager had written the description of their night out, except the teenager would have bragged about all the action instead of being a gentleman like Garrold and stopping before it got into what folks like to call “too much information” today. But take a close look…

Slow dancing, ramping up the intimacy, then some discreet teasing sexual gestures to build up the tension even further, then what, the proposition? Hell NO! Garrold got it right! He backed off the tension and took her into a casino to laugh and play and give those sexy and romantic images of the dancing, touching, rubbing, pinching (PINCHING! Politically incorrect yet totally effective if done right at the right time in a way that is shocking and playful but not painful or disrespectful!), etc., stew in her mind and let her ramp herself up for awhile, not to mention let her notice that he was in total control of himself, not desperate and pushy at all, but rather knowing that he could have her at any moment and giving her the gift of letting her enjoy the anticipation of what was to come.

Garrold is an average guy in a lot of ways. He’s middle-aged, fairly well-mannered, above average intelligence, has worked at a trade that men have engaged in for thousands of years long enough to master it (I’ve seen his work and he has indeed mastered it!), and he works alone in his own shop as a craftsman doing custom work. And, as you can see from his letters, he loves his wife and kids.

Another thing you can see from his letters is the thing I’ve been telling all of you since day one: Being a real man is something that we are all born able to do. The problem is that most of us are programmed from birth to do everything but what comes natural. We’re taught to be “nice” to women and ignore their sexuality and our own. We’re taught that it’s wrong to joke and cut up with women because they’re “pure and proper and don’t appreciate men who act imprudent.” We’re taught to buy their affection because we won’t get it otherwise (often by the same people who tell us not to buy the affection of prostitutes – go figure!).

And what really sucks the most is that in large part, it’s OUR MOTHERS who taught us this! If they had ever once looked at how what they were teaching us would make them feel they’d have fallen to their knees begging for forgiveness, because they were teaching us to be as boring and frustrating to our wives as their husbands were to them!

Remember that, Baby Boomers? Dad came home from his job at the factory, and everybody had to be ready for dinner when he hit the door, then after dinner Dad watched TV or read the newspaper (and often drank too much) while Mom cleaned up the kitchen, helped the kids with homework, got the kids to bed, and collapsed exhausted. No wonder she gave us such crappy advice about girls!

Like Garrold said, it’s not rocket science. It’s simple, stark reality, and when you put away decades of bad programming and swallow that Matrix-esque red pill and embrace reality, that we are born different and those differences can complement each other and make our lives better for the sharing of them, it’s not magic that follows, but it damned-sure feels like magic! And unless you can “look at another man’s hairy ass and find love” (I miss comedian Sam Kinnison!), you can do this.

It’s really just that easy, and if you just do what I ask you to do, your success is really just that certain to follow. It’s followed for everyone who has tried it to date. In baseball, if a guy finishes the season batting .333, he’s a super-star, and this information is batting 1.000!!!

For some it will take a week or two, for others it will take a month or two, and for a few others in the toughest of circumstances, it might take another month or two beyond that, but it will happen. I’m so sure of it I put a guarantee of a whole year on the product! Men on every continent except Antarctica have bought and are using this book, and Garrold’s letter above is VERY typical of what I receive from those who do use it, and there’s a guy on our forum right now, who saw a marked change in his wife’s behavior toward him in less than two weeks. Stop by and check it out.

Yeah, yeah, I know I sound like a broken record. And as long as men are as thick-skulled as we all seem to be, I’m going to keep right on repeating it until it soaks in. You wouldn’t take off on a drive across a desert with just enough fuel and water to get you across, would you? Even a minor mishap could be the end of your life. Yet every man alive enters a relationship with a woman having less than enough to get him to the end of the relationship with every expectation of being able to last a lifetime. Why? Are we just that freaking daft?

Nope. It’s just that much bad programming. We can’t see how ill-equipped and under-supplied we are. We just know that somehow people before us made it and we might make it, too. Well, now that things are in perspective, don’t you think it might be a good idea to fill those relationship water and gas cans before some minor mishap ends your marriage?

Go ahead. Fill them up at my risk. Go to http://www.makingherhappy.com/ and download your copy of "THE Man’s Guide to Great Relationships and Marriage." It’s sitting there waiting on you, which leaves you two choices next time something blows up in your face: you can either do what you’ve learned to do to handle it and turn the blow-up into and opportunity to make your relationship better, or you can sit and watch your relationship swirl the drain as you frantically search for the right words and end up making yet another in a long chain of relationship killing mistakes. Don’t wait for the explosion. Choose now, and choose well…

In the meantime, live well, be well, and have a wonderful day!
David Cunningham

Sunday, May 30, 2010

Men, Are You a Husband or a Girlfriend in Your Relationship or Marriage?

A guy writes with a common complaint, that his girlfriend has begun treating him like a girlfriend, and as usual, it’s happened so insidiously that he doesn’t even realize what has happened. There is a way to fix it, and a way to keep it from happening as well.

Today’s newsletter is longer than usual, because it’s a common and often catastrophic subject, so please read carefully at a time when you are able to concentrate, because there’s information herein that you will not want to miss. I’d like to introduce you to a man who needs no introduction, because we’ve all seen him, and many of us have even been him at least once in our life. Today, his name is Ted:

Dear David,

I wanted to get another guy’s opinion on something that is going on with me and my girlfriend lately. I only get to see her a couple of times a week because of our class and work schedules and when we are together all she wants to do is go shopping. I do not feel like her boyfriend anymore. I feel like the gay best friend or girlfriend and I am not liking this, to say the least.

I want to take her out for a nice dinner and come back to my place and spend some quality time alone. We used to go out and then come back to my place, have some wine and spend the rest of the night talking and having the greatest sex. Now something has changed and I am not sure if it’s me or she has found someone else. I do not want to risk losing her if I can in any way fix this problem. Do you have any ideas as to what might save my relationship at this point? If something does not change soon I will be calling off the wedding for the coming summer.

I need advice,

Ted

Greetings, Ted; thanks for writing, welcome to the club, and my condolences for your loss. If your description is accurate, your relationship is dead. However, you can resurrect a dead relationship if you understand what has happened and are willing to fix what is broken. As things are right now, I’m quite surprised that your girlfriend hasn’t called off the wedding and found someone else to excite her. This problem is covered in depth in my book, but I’ll explain because I’m feeling generous today…

There are basically two main components of the kind of relationship we’re talking about here if it’s healthy: love and attraction. Love is the value you place on the partner, and is the category under which friendship, respect, trust, loyalty, etc., all fall. The other part, attraction, is what people have mistakenly referred to with such poetic but erroneous phrases as “in love” over the centuries. It has nothing whatsoever to do with love, and can in fact be experienced toward someone you absolutely hate (such as spouse abusers, which we’ll talk about a little more later); it’s a biologically-triggered state of intense excitement and desire for intimacy of many kinds, including and especially sexual, with another person.

For men, attraction is triggered mostly by visual characteristics of women’s appearance, and actions to a lesser extent; for women, it’s the reverse. A man’s appearance doesn’t count for much except to the extent that it projects self-respect, confidence, authority and personal strength, as must his personality, and he must project intelligence and a good sense of humor as well. Consequently, attraction can be built in seconds to minutes for men, while it usually takes hours, days, or even weeks to start seeing attraction build up in a woman to the point of sexual engagement being an option.

(There are two other states, “need” and “lust,” that have nothing to do with a healthy relationship; indeed, “need” and “love” are mutually exclusive, and “need” kills relationships with the dependency, fear and resentment it creates. Lust has no specific person as its object, and can also be very detrimental to an otherwise healthy relationship if the participants aren’t mentally prepared to accept lustful behavior as a condition of the relationship’s continuance. See my book or my free “Break-Up Busting 101” report for full explanations.)

What has happened in your relationship is the love is apparently still there, because there is still friendship, but the attraction is gone because the intimate behavior, everything from intimate discussions to exciting playfulness and sex, have fallen by the wayside. You feel like a girlfriend because that is how you allow yourself to be treated. You’re not doing guy things – alpha male things – that awaken her inner drives and trigger attraction. You’re doing exactly what she would be doing with a girlfriend for fun because you are allowing her to make the decisions on how the two of you spend your time together – a huge mistake in any male-female relationship if it is to last.

Women enjoy being led – NOT DOMINATED, BULLIED, AND ABUSED – by strong, confident men. It’s not because they are weak, can’t make decisions, or any such reasons that chauvinists (chau•vin•ism n. 1. Militant devotion to and glorification of one's country; fanatical patriotism. 2. Prejudiced belief in the superiority of one's own gender, group, or kind.) have used to demean and oppress women for centuries. It’s simply what they are biologically wired to appreciate it and respond to it, just as men are biologically wired to enjoy the sight of a woman’s natural “feminine curves.” Dumping all the decisions in her lap, about where to go, what to do, where to eat, what movie to see, how to spend your time, etc., isn’t just failing to give her something attractive to experience, it’s annoying for her to some degree (and you will have to read my book to find out why and how to properly handle decision-making, because while she wants you to lead, she still wants, needs, and in many cases demands input, and that’s too long an explanation for this newsletter), and you are killing attraction instead of building it for her.

There are some people who try to deny human existence and claim that attraction isn’t required for a relationship to last (they try to replace attraction with “faith,” or some kind of “Zen,” instead of accepting attraction as the reality it is). But if you gain a thorough understanding of attraction, and then look at every relationship you’ve ever seen enough of to know the facts concerning how it formed and what broke it up, it becomes overwhelmingly obvious that committed male-female relationships rarely, if ever, form without attraction and rarely, if ever, end as long as it is present. Some relationships do survive without it, but nearly all of those to which I have been personally exposed and those which readers have discussed with me have been between people who were self-evidently bored, resentful, and often codependent, their relationship being based upon “need” instead of a combination of love and attraction.

In a nutshell, love and everything that comes with it makes a relationship friendly, safe and pleasant (attraction in the absence of love, often coupled with need, is what you find in abusive relationships where a man violently abuses a woman and she keeps coming back for more because she craves the feeling of attraction and he creates it for her), while attraction is that “spice of life” that keeps the relationship, fresh, fun, exciting, romantic, etc.

So there you go, Ted. That’s what happened. As for fixing it, it takes little more than being a real man, which after the girly-man nonsense of the 1980’s and 1990’s could be reasonably deemed “nearly a lost art.” However, “nearly lost” is not the same as “lost.” There are still a few of us around who understand what being a real man is about, and of the few of us who are left, a very few of us are able to identify it for you, and tell you how to do it.

Fewer still can also explain to you how to evaluate a relationship to see if you should be in it at all, and teach you the great secrets of communicating with women, the most highly-evolved communicators on Earth, which is tough for a man in any case. We have spent our evolutionary energy on things like engineering skills and spatial awareness while they have learned to speak in ways that only they understand and become so adept at and dependent upon sending and receiving non-verbal communication that they can smile at us while demeaning us to a group of girlfriends and we think we’re being complimented.

Even worse, they can tell us precisely what they want from us and the entire message be lost in the translation. (Warning: Beware a woman with a mathematical mind, because she will kick your ass all the way to the poor-house playing poker! She’ll be reading your cards from your body language while all you’ll see of her are her pretty eyes, inviting smile, and cleavage!)

Even fewer are those who know and can tell you all this and train you to do it naturally, as a part of your own personality, by putting it in a highly-readable and fun book. I’m one of those guys, and if you were in the dating world instead of a committed relationship and wanting to know how to meet and impress women, I could give you the names of about four more, because that’s where most of this attention is being focused. It’s a big and desperate market and those men are single and dating themselves, and they have to stick with their area of expertise.

The rules for creating and maintaining attraction are somewhat different in committed relationships than they are for getting phone numbers or “macking” (trying to score a one-night stand) at a local bar, especially the timeframe. You have seconds to create interest, minutes to create intrigue, and a couple of hours at most in the bar situation, and if you blow it with a single gesture or wrong word, you’re done because she can walk away to scope out a hundred other options.

Not so in the committed relationship. She has a vested interest in continuation of the relationship, and so do you, and it’s to everyone’s advantage to bring it back to life. Drop by our forum and see just how long some women will wait for a man to wake up and get his act together; a couple of years is not unusual, but when your time runs out, it’s a whole new game, because now you not only have to square yourself away, you have to get her to realize that you’ve done it, and it’s not just an act. It can be done, but when you start late in the game like that, it’s a lot harder, so it’s to your advantage to start as early as possible; like anything else, a marriage is much easier (and less expensive!) to maintain than to repair or replace.

The point? This information is rare, some of it unique (I’ve not found anything like it, and I looked hard because I didn’t want to waste time trying to reinvent the wheel when I had problems, before all this began), at least to a large degree, specifically developed for and presented to people in a committed relationship, and most importantly, it works.

It was tested by 118 couples during the writing of the book and many more since then, and in five years I’ve now given four refunds under a full year unconditional guarantee. The first was to a “library reader,” someone who buys and then immediately asks for a refund to steal a product. The second one was to a gentleman who missed an announcement that I was changing the title of my book to more accurately reflect its true scope and purpose and bought a second copy. The third thought he might find dating advice in it, which I don’t claim or advertise; although all of what’s in it is useful if you’re dating to find a long-term relationship, I don’t include anything on how to get dates or pick up women. The fourth didn’t offer a reason. Most information marketers say they’re doing good with a 10% refund rate and average 16%; and mine is less than 0.000002%. That’s because it works for those who use it. No other conclusion is possible.

And YOU should join those who use it and succeed like they do! Do so by jumping over to http://www.makingherhappy.com/ and getting your copy of “THE Man’s Guide to Great Relationships and Marriage” right now, because you can make your relationship better, a lot better, and the time to start is now, while it’s easier to regain lost ground, not after the affairs or divorce proceedings have started or a break-up has occurred and you have to do it the long, hard way. Be the achiever, not the guy who sat on the fence wondering if it could be done, because looking back with regret kills the part of you that loves to live the most.

In the meantime, live well, be well, and have a wonderful day!
David Cunningham