Sunday, December 12, 2010

The REAL Dangers of an Affair Ending Your Relationship or Marriage

Nearly every heterosexual man thinks about an affair at least once in his life, if for no other reason than because women are so available and so alluring when there’s trouble at home. But before you consider an affair as even momentary relief from a troubled or stale marriage, you’d better read this, because it’s really not worth the risk, especially when fixing things at home can be so easy…

I don’t know if there’s something in the water, if it’s the change of seasons, or just the subject matter of the last couple of days, but the women reading this newsletters are really getting active again, and mostly with confessions! Meet Maggie:

Dear David,

My husband showed me your newsletter about the women having their contest and I have a similar story of ruthlessness and recklessness that I think you’ll find interesting if not useful. I have a best friend, Carol, that I have known since I was old enough to have a friend and we grew up together. All through school she and I were joined at the hip. What one did the other did as well and there seemed to always be some kind of competition between us even though we were best friends. After high school went our separate ways, but later on we became close again.

It was at this time that I found out some of the things that she did while we were not talking. She is what you describe as a predator and a real drama queen and will do what it takes to get what she wants and really does not care who it hurts. The lengths she will go to are nothing short of amazing. There have been times she has even scared me, and that is not easy to do.

At this point I will add we did not stay friends again very long. I have changed a lot and I hope became a better person and that the people who knew me before can see the difference. I am no longer so competitive or one of the biggest drama queens and I have no need to look for men everywhere I go. I’m married to the most amazing man I have ever known, thanks to you.

Ok back to my story. One night Carol had gone out with friends for a drink after work. She met a guy at the club and they seemed to hit it off really well. I have nothing against meeting in a bar, but with all the drinking that is going on and all the crazy people it’s not my idea of a great place to meet a man. Anyway, he asks her if she would like to leave with him and she did. After a little while she found out that he was not that great, but she did keep seeing him for short time. Sometime during their affair he told her he was married and she really got mad and decided she was going to teach him a really hard lesson about cheating.

She talked him into taking her back to his house when his wife was out of town. So like an ass he took her there, had sex with her in their bed and that just set him up. She had what she needed to totally wreck his life. She waited until she knew his wife was home and told his wife that not only was he having an affair with her, but they had sex in her bed.

Now to me that is really vicious and sickening!! The only reason she wanted in his house was to wreck his life by making sure his wife knew they has sex in her bed. The very bed in which he “made love” to his wife.

I guess you can see why we are no longer friends. I can not allow that kind of drama and destruction in my life and I refuse to lower myself to her level.

I hope this will be of some help. Maybe you could share this with your readers and let the men and woman know that there are people who only live to hurt others.

Sincerely,
Maggie


Yikes! That’s a great story about a whole lot of mistakes that didn’t have to be made. The guy in that story had several choices, and he made the wrong one at every turn. The affair was a bad idea from a lot of different angles, and bringing a woman he barely knew to his wife’s home was insane! While all of this was happening, he could have been fixing his relationship with his wife so that there was no allure in an affair, or at least safely getting out of the marriage without the additional “combat stress” of having been busted in an affair giving her a lot of pisstivity and legal leverage, but instead he was setting himself up not just for a permanent end to his marriage, but a punishing end at that!

I’ll be the first to admit that his marriage may have been one that never should have happened in the first place; indeed, the hardest message I ever have to get across to anyone is that some marriages are doomed before they begin and the best thing you can do when you find out you are in such a marriage is to get out of it, hopefully with cooperation and some dignity, and move on. But this guy didn’t even look at his relationship to see what could be fixed, if anything, before setting himself up to be slaughtered.

And that’s the real rub, Gentlemen. Affairs are a loaded gun pointed at your head. If you’re having trouble, do what men do in times of crisis: find out if it can be fixed, and fix it. If it can’t be fixed, talk to your partner and agree that it can’t be fixed, and move on like friends, or at least civil adults, before getting entangled in another relationship. You owe that to yourself, to your wife or girlfriend, and to any woman that you might have a relationship with instead of your current partner.

The only way to look clean is to be clean, and it’s awfully hard to look clean when you have an angry concubine giving the sordid details of your affair to your wife. You must admit that she’d also be a lot more likely to forgive the mistake of marrying her when you shouldn’t have than to forgive the mistake of you taking up with another woman while she still has a claim on you established by the vow you took to be her husband.

And only a fool would think that something like this could never happen to him. I’ve heard stories of girlfriends calling wives out that made me wonder how the guy even survived, including more than one where the girlfriend and the wife got together to get revenge on the husband. They’re social in nature, remember? Think about this…

You enter into an affair with a woman for some stress relief, and she decides she wants you to leave your wife, which you don’t want to do for whatever reason. The girlfriend tells the wife about the affair, and the wife wants to hurt you because you cheated and the girlfriend wants to hurt you because you wouldn’t leave your wife for her. Do the words “The enemy of my enemy is my friend,” or “Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned” ring any bells?

Yes, I am indeed trying to scare the living crap out of you, but I’m doing it with things that I’ve seen in the real world, and if you haven’t heard of it before now, I’m surprised to say the least. I’ve seen this with my own eyes as friends went through it and heard stories from people that had every reason to be telling me the truth that made me wonder how, with such stories floating around, anyone would ever get married. And I don’t want any of you gentlemen writing to me with a story such as these later because I failed to sufficiently warn you of what kind of trouble you might work your way into. I’ve got your back, so to speak.

So here’s the deal. Affairs will make you bankrupt, maimed or killed, if you’re lucky. They can lead to a lifetime of slow and painful torture if you’re not so lucky, and only a fool depends on luck for his outcomes. Your outcomes are largely the result of your choices, so choose well…

So how do you fix it? Glad you asked! Everything you need to know is waiting for you in "THE Man’s Guide to Great Relationships and Marriage," and you should download it right now at http://www.makingherhappy.com and get started. Then join us at our forum, http://forum.makingherhappy.com, and learn from the experiences of others, get help with your own issues, make friends and share other information and hobbies; there’s something there for everyone, just for taking the time to read and participate.

Life is short, and windows of opportunity fleeting; every minute you fail to make a good choice is a minute you leave someone else to make a bad choice on your behalf, or that will impact you badly, so make your own choices, good choices, at your first opportunity.

In the meantime, live well, be well, and have a wonderful day!
David Cunningham

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