Sunday, April 04, 2010

The Path to Real Manhood and a Great Relationship and Marriage, Part 1

A long-time reader and close friend goes on a rant that paints a strikingly clear picture of where most men are today and the short, simple, and straight path they can take to true manhood and a great relationship and marriage with a great woman. Give him a listen…

I ran a contest a few years ago wherein readers were challenged to read a fable and glean from it any of several profound lessons concerning getting along with women. One of the winners quickly became a very close and valued friend, and helps me with advertising copy on my web site and helps moderate our forum (
http://forum.makingherhappy.com, he goes by “Think-First,” a very appropriate nickname since he’s consummately deliberate, and by the way, check out the “Hot Tips” forum while you’re there). Yeah, he’s that good.

His command of my information is outstanding, and his deployment of it has been flawless. And his job, managing a convenience store in a large city, gives him a never-ending stream of exposure to examples of what I teach of both male and female behavior. He is truly a master, and he occasionally sends me something that I have to send to all of you because its value to you is so self-evident. My good friend, David:

What if it turned out every man was who he was supposed to be? Right now. This minute.

What if all he had to do to live it was to see it, understand it and cultivate it?

What if the reason he wasn't was because he was so buried in bulls**t about "today’s man," the idea of why the old Marlboro Man ads were so frigging successful, and still are, completely eludes them?

What if being the man they dream of being, the success they want to be, the lady killer they dream of has little to do with learning something new, but everything to do with following our true nature?

How can you know who you are when you are so wrapped up in trying to fit yourself into a mold of someone else's devising?

It seems to me no one buried us in it. We gladly wrapped the thick smelly coat of dried BS around ourselves out of what, fear?

Fear of disappointing whom? Mom, Dad, brother, sister, boss, girlfriend, or wife?

Fear of losing girlfriend, wife, or boss?

Fear of being seen as less than a man while hiding every sense, urge and instinct to scream "Screw this!"

Are we so afraid of being ourselves, men, real men, manly men who do manly things, that we see the coat as silk, smell the stench as sweet, and feel the bloody abrasion against our nature as soothing?

Can you tell I've had to deal with a bunch of wimps and wussies all week?

I was having this nice conversation with myself about how I finally realized I AM the man I always wanted to be. I have spent so much of my life covering it all up with BS because I never learned to trust myself. That understanding was key to releasing all the garbage holding me back and acting on what I know I am capable of. How it was all finally beginning to gel in my mind. Becoming clear enough I could finally see it, believe it and know it. Some may think of this as cocky but would have no idea it means I understand I am not perfect, don't know nearly as much as I want to, not the shape I want to be in BUT I am happy with me. I believe in me.

What brought this all to a head was all the whining, complaining and groaning I've been hearing, especially some of these tough guys, young and old, gladly surrendering the fight to the women in their life to try to make them happy. And no matter what I say, they just scoff like I'm trying to blow smoke up their butt or something.

Has being a wimp to women become so commonplace and downright mainstream for men that being a man is heresy now?

That might actually be the start of a great headline... or a newsletter...

Ah well, to bed. I am off tomorrow and working 2-10's for the next week starting on Friday.

Later!
David


Interesting points he makes. For starters, all of the “what-if’s” he opens with are rhetorical questions, a train of thought for a letter advertising my book that eventually turned into a rant. We ARE already the man we were born to be, and ARE cloaked in a veil of wussy “bovine manure” of dubious origin. And we took it on ourselves by choice. No woman, nor any other authority, twisted our arms and said, “You will be a wuss or suffer the consequences.”

We didn’t know what to do, misinterpreted women’s stated desire to have men be a bit more aware of women’s emotional needs, and turned into a bunch of insufferable wusses that women want no part of because they can’t respect us, can’t follow us, and we bore them to tears by always asking them what they want to do instead of leading into a conversation with at least a suggestion if not a tentative decision.

He also discloses something that I’ve been sensing in myself for a long time now: once a man has returned to being a real man, he has very little stomach for those who are still wallowing in wussdom. Based on conversations with women over the last few years, I seem to have as little tolerance as any of them, maybe even less, for indecisive, emotionally-overwhelmed men, unless they are trying to find their way back to being a man. You may not think this information has much of a direct effect on your relationship or marriage, but consider this:

“Alpha males” are what they are mainly because they exhibit leadership qualities. This gets them promoted into leadership positions, and one of them may well be your boss. If you’re acting wussy and indecisive as a result of having remade yourself to suit a woman (which she and I know isn’t working, by the way, even if you don’t yet), you can bet you’re annoying the life out of an alpha male boss, and since he knows how to spot leadership qualities, you can bet that a promotion isn’t in your future. A chilling thought? Spending the next thirty years of your career without advancement because you can’t take the reins? Scares the hell out of me.

And how do you think a wife might respond to it? With respect? Admiration? Attraction? I can assure you that most would respond to it by shifting into mother mode for awhile before losing interest and having an affair or dumping you, while the rest would move straight into having an affair and dumping you at some point. A woman has to respect you to love you as a partner instead of a dependent, and being indecisive and failing thereby to improve and advance yourself certainly does not invoke respect.

Getting back to things that directly affect your relationship and marriage, the other big thing that David points out is that since we’re not talking about a reinvention, but a rebirth, a return to what you really are, we’re not talking about adding stress to your life; we’re talking about REMOVING it. You don’t have to put up with your wife being a brat. You can call her on it, as a man should, and in truth, AS SHE EXPECTS YOU TO DO!

You don’t have to defer all decisions to her. You can ask for her input and make the decision, as a man should, and in truth, AS SHE EXPECTS YOU TO DO!

To this day, I’m still amazed by the letters I get from men who are reading my NEWSLETTERS and saying how hard they think it will be to do what I teach, and how they don’t think they can do it. The only thing more amazing is the letters I get from the ones who have read my BOOK and returned to being a man, stating how EASY IT WAS, and how much THEIR WIVES LOVE IT AND LOVE THEM FOR IT.

Okay, I’ve preached enough for one day. It’s decision time. Can you make one? Are you going to continue to bore your wife to tears (and yes, you are, or you wouldn’t be reading this -- go ask her!), and embarrass the life out of her by being a wuss, or are you going to straighten up, stand tall, and start enjoying your life, and allowing her to enjoy hers with you? It’s really that simple a choice. The former is hard, and takes a lot of effort on your part, while the latter is easy, as any man who has put my book to work will tell you. You already have everything you need to do it except the know-how, and you can have that in the next few minutes.

Just go to http://www.makingherhappy.com/ and download your copy of my book, "THE Man's Guide to Great Relationships and Marriage" and see for yourself. And when you’ve turned a new leaf and find yourself being annoyed by girly-men as you enjoy a renewed marriage with a woman who thinks you walk on water, you can write me a letter like David’s, and I’ll publish it here for all the world to read and we men and our women will celebrate it with you.

In the meantime, live well, be well, and have a wonderful day!
David Cunningham

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