Wednesday, March 31, 2010

How’s Your Attitude, and How Is It Affecting Your Relationship and Marriage?

BIG HINT: attitude directly affects relationships of all kinds. Find out what you can do for yours, easily, and why you should bother…

Those of you with a taste for good food should visit our forum at
http://forum.makingherhappy.com and take a look at some of the discussion in the Cooking, Grilling, and Tailgating forum. Along with some excellent recipes, there’s been discussion of a lot of good information about things like which oil to choose for the job, including health risks, and one member has even opened the topic of medieval cooking with fire, brazier, stew pot, etc. It’s been a long time since I’ve had this much fun in a forum, and there’s something to learn for everyone. I even had some time today to add another installment on coffee roasting, and if you haven’t tried that yet and you love coffee, it’s time to broaden your horizons. Come on over and give it a look.

Let’s talk about attitude today, especially how it can affect attraction and your relationship. The vast majority of the women who keep me honest in giving you advice on female perspective have shown me that a positive attitude can create massive, overwhelming attraction FAST, especially when coupled with fun, playful behavior. Conversely, a poor attitude can kill it instantly to such a degree that it can be hard to impossible to bring back until she’s had time to forget it.

Let’s be clear here, I’m not talking about ruining your relationship by coming in once in six months frowning and saying you’ve had a crappy day. Everybody has a crappy day now and then. It’s no license to be abusive to others around you (and that’s another discussion we’ll have soon), but nobody expects you to be “up” 24/7/365. That’s an event, not the by-product of an attitude. What I am talking about is having and keeping the kind of attitude that causes you to treat a crappy day for what it is, just a day when things were difficult to some degree, and expect things to get better and be better because you deserve better and are capable of making them better.

People of both sexes love to be around an achiever, because achievers are at heart romantics: they look inside themselves and around them for the biggest, best and most beautiful that can be found, and they recognize it. Among the several definitions for “romance” found in “The American Heritage Dictionary” are these:

2. A mysterious or fascinating quality or appeal, as of something adventurous, heroic, or strangely beautiful.
3. a. A long medieval narrative in prose or verse that tells of the adventures and heroic exploits of chivalric heroes: an Arthurian romance. b. A long, fictitious tale of heroes and extraordinary or mysterious events. c. The class of literature constituted by such tales.


Life for the achiever is about the big, the heroic, the beautiful – about what CAN be done and not what can’t. Hence, the attitude is one that women (and men, in case you’re one of those guys who doesn’t have any friends or a woman who has a hard time attracting a guy!) find exciting and fun to be around. This is because when things get bad, achievers are still looking for improvement, and often looking for a way to make it happen themselves, which involves things like leadership, courage, self-assertion, etc., that women also find incredibly sexy.

Every time this subject comes up, I am reminded of the character of Howard Roark in “The Fountainhead,” when he said, “The question isn’t who’s going to LET me; it’s who is going to STOP me.” They’ve chosen to succeed and something is going to have to work hard to stop them; they’re accustomed to getting things done. Thus, they keep their wits and sense of humor about them, something women also find incredibly attractive, whether sexually, professionally, or casually.

Really, do you even want to sit at a bar or in a coffee shop or waiting area and try to have a beverage or think while sitting next to some moron yapping about how “the system” is against him? Not just no, but hell no! Neither does anybody else. They gravitate toward that “life of the party” sort, who is the life of the party precisely because they have that positive, attractive attitude that draws people to them like bees to flowers.

Now, what about the other side of the coin? How sexy do you think whining and complaining is? Indeed, chronic complaint is taught by a great many relationship experts as a HUGE red flag. Why? BAD ATTITUDE! Chronic complainers don’t make things happen, they gripe about what others make happen. How sexy can that be? How much fun is such a person? Such a display of bad attitude is an instant turn-off to everyone around, not just members of the opposite sex. You’d better do a quick reality check and make sure this isn’t you!

The most pathetic of all the complainers is the paranoid, the insecure, fatalistic person who, no matter what happens, thinks it’s directed at them if it’s bad and away from them if it’s good. You’ll hear them say the most ridiculous things, like when approaching a traffic light, “That light just turned red because I’m in a hurry,” and when somebody has something good happen to them, says, “it would never turn out that way if I tried it, because good things just can’t happen to me.” Guys, I kid you not, this kind of behavior can make a woman want to live somewhere besides your house about as quickly and as vigorously as finding you in bed with her sister or another man!

A close second (and parallel) to the paranoid is the guilt-ridden, the guy who has mucked up his life and/or career by being deceitful, and projects his own deceit onto those around him. He differs from the generally paranoid because the closer you are to him, he more he expects you to do to him what he’s already done to you and others, i.e., the guy who has had an affair and is constantly in fear that his partner is having one, either on the premise that she’s doing it to punish him or the uglier premise that since he can’t be trusted, he can trust nobody.

What to do? I hope it’s obvious. Develop -- and KEEP -- a good attitude, no matter what it takes. Find reasons to succeed and enjoy your life instead of reasons to fail and hate it. If you have self-esteem issues, tackle some smaller things you can accomplish and start building some self-esteem from there. Achievement builds both self-esteem and character like nothing else can, and once you see that you don’t have to live in a rut and can get things done, it’s much easier to expect that kind of performance of yourself.

If you’ve had a bout with clinical depression and fallen into a habit of griping and keeping a bad attitude, break the habit. If you are currently depressed, find some competent professional help to determine if it is chemical/physiological or a matter of habit/attitude, and get it fixed. Life is too short to spend it roaming around whining and complaining, and it’s too short for the woman (and everybody else in your life) to spend it sitting around listening to you doing it.

You don’t have to be in the Army to “be all you can be” (that is one of my favorite mottos or slogans), and when you’re doing it, and walking into the room with your head up, shoulders back, and sense of humor locked and loaded, it won’t matter if you’re tall, short, hairy, bald, too thin, too fat, or whatever; the woman in your life will see that self respect and respond to it, because in her eyes, you’re the perfect man and you’re hers.

The information and steps you need to be you can be, especially in your relationship, is in the 118 pages of high-quality, tested and proven advice in “THE Man’s Guide to Great Relationships and Marriage” at http://www.makingherhappy.com/. It’s an instant download and will fix what ails your marriage or relationship, so go for it! Give yourself and your partner the gift of a better life together, because it’s there for the making, for nothing more than a little time and effort, and it’s fully guaranteed for a year from purchase. It just doesn’t get any better than that, so get to it!

In the meantime, live well, be well, and have a wonderful day!
David Cunningham

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