Saturday, April 04, 2009

The Path to REAL Manhood and a Great Relationship, Part 1

A long-time reader and close friend goes on a rant that paints a strikingly clear picture of where most men are today and the short, simple, and straight path they can take to true manhood and a great relationship and marriage with a great woman. Give him a listen…

I ran a contest a few years ago wherein readers were challenged to read a fable and glean from it any of several profound lessons concerning getting along with women. One of the winners quickly became a very close and valued friend, and helps me with advertising copy on my web site.

His command of my information is outstanding, and his deployment of it has been flawless. And his job, managing a convenience store in a large city, gives him a never-ending stream of exposure to examples of what I teach of both male and female behavior. He is truly a master, and he occasionally sends me something that I have to send to all of you because its value to you is so self-evident. My good friend, David:

What if it turned out every man was who he was supposed to be? Right now. This minute.

What if all he had to do to live it was to see it, understand it and cultivate it?

What if the reason he wasn't was because he was so buried in bulls**t about "today’s man," the idea of why the old Marlboro Man ads were so frigging successful, and still are, completely eludes them?

What if being the man they dream of being, the success they want to be, the lady killer they dream of has little to do with learning something new, but everything to do with following our true nature?

How can you know who you are when you are so wrapped up in trying to fit yourself into a mold of someone else's devising?

It seems to me no one buried us in it. We gladly wrapped the thick smelly coat of dried BS around ourselves out of what, fear?

Fear of disappointing whom? Mom, Dad, brother, sister, boss, girlfriend, or wife?

Fear of losing girlfriend, wife, or boss?

Fear of being seen as less than a man while hiding every sense, urge and instinct to scream "Screw this!"

Are we so afraid of being ourselves, men, real men, manly men who do manly things, that we see the coat as silk, smell the stench as sweet, and feel the bloody abrasion against our nature as soothing?


Can you tell I've had to deal with a bunch of wimps and wussies all week?

I was having this nice conversation with myself about how I finally realized I AM the man I always wanted to be. I have spent so much of my life covering it all up with BS because I never learned to trust myself. That understanding was key to releasing all the garbage holding me back and acting on what I know I am capable of. How it was all finally beginning to gel in my mind. Becoming clear enough I could finally see it, believe it and know it. Some may think of this as cocky but would have no idea it means I understand I am not perfect, don't know nearly as much as I want to, not the shape I want to be in BUT I am happy with me. I believe in me.

What brought this all to a head was all the whining, complaining and groaning I've been hearing, especially some of these tough guys, young and old, gladly surrendering the fight to the women in their life to try to make them happy. And no matter what I say, they just scoff like I'm trying to blow smoke up their butt or something.

Has being a wimp to women become so commonplace and downright mainstream for men that being a man is heresy now?

That might actually be the start of a great headline... or a newsletter...

Ah well, to bed. I am off tomorrow and working 2-10's for the next week starting on Friday.

Later!
David

Interesting points he makes. For starters, all of the “what-if’s” he opens with are rhetorical questions, a train of thought for a letter advertising my book that eventually turned into a rant. We ARE already the man we were born to be, and ARE cloaked in a veil of wussy “bovine manure” of dubious origin. And we took it on ourselves by choice. No woman, nor any other authority, twisted our arms and said, “You will be a wuss or suffer the consequences.”

We didn’t know what to do, misinterpreted women’s stated desire to have men be a bit more aware of women’s emotional needs, and turned into a bunch of insufferable wusses that women want no part of because they can’t respect us, can’t follow us, and we bore them to tears by always asking them what they want to do instead of leading into a conversation with at least a suggestion if not a tentative decision.

He also discloses something that I’ve been sensing in myself for a long time now: once a man has returned to being a real man, he has very little stomach for those who are still wallowing in wussdom. Based on conversations with women over the last few years, I seem to have as little tolerance as any of them, maybe even less, for indecisive, emotionally-overwhelmed men. You may not think this information has much of a direct effect on your relationship or marriage, but consider this:

“Alpha males” are what they are mainly because they exhibit leadership qualities. This gets them promoted into leadership positions, and one of them may well be your boss. If you’re acting wussy and indecisive as a result of having remade yourself to suit a woman (which we both know isn’t working, by the way), you can bet you’re annoying the life out of an alpha male boss, and since he knows how to spot leadership qualities, you can bet that a promotion isn’t in your future. A chilling thought? Spending the next thirty years of your career without advancement because you can’t take the reins? Scares the hell out of me.

And how do you think a wife might respond to it? With respect? Admiration? Attraction? I can assure you that most would respond to it by shifting into mother mode for awhile before losing interest and having an affair or dumping you, while the rest would move straight into having an affair and dumping you at some point. A woman has to respect you to love you as a partner instead of a dependent, and being indecisive and failing thereby to improve and advance yourself certainly does not invoke respect.

Getting back to things that directly affect your relationship and marriage, the other big thing that David points out is that since we’re not talking about a reinvention, but a rebirth, a return to what you really are, we’re not talking about adding stress to your life; we’re talking about REMOVING it. You don’t have to put up with your wife being a brat. You can call her on it, as a man should, and in truth, AS SHE EXPECTS YOU TO DO!

You don’t have to defer all decisions to her. You can ask for her input and make the decision, as a man should, and in truth, AS SHE EXPECTS YOU TO DO!

To this day, I’m still amazed by the letters I get from men who are reading my NEWSLETTERS and saying how hard they think it will be to do what I teach, and how they don’t think they can do it. The only thing more amazing is the letters I get from the ones who have read my BOOK and returned to being a man, stating how EASY IT WAS, and how much THEIR WIVES LOVE IT AND LOVE THEM FOR IT.

Okay, I’ve preached enough for one day. It’s decision time. Can you make one? Are you going to continue to bore your wife to tears (and yes, you are, or you wouldn’t be reading this -- go ask her!), and embarrass the life out of her by being a wuss, or are you going to straighten up, stand tall, and start enjoying your life, and allowing her to enjoy hers with you? It’s really that simple a choice. The former is hard, and takes a lot of effort on your part, while the latter is easy, as any man who has put my book to work will tell you. You already have everything you need to do it except the know-how, and you can have that in the next few minutes.

Just go to
http://www.makingherhappy.com and download your copy of my book, "THE Man's Guide to Great Relationships and Marriage" and see for yourself. And when you’ve turned a new leaf and find yourself being annoyed by girly-men as you enjoy a renewed marriage with a woman who thinks you walk on water, you can write me a letter like David’s, and I’ll publish it here for all the world to read and we men and our women will celebrate it with you.

In the meantime, live well, be well, and have a wonderful day!

David Cunningham

Friday, April 03, 2009

What Baseball and Bubblegum Can Teach You to Improve Yourself and Your Relationship and Marriage

Baseball players are notorious for letting their “inner child” out, doing everything from throwing tantrums by destroying the water cooler to the ritual bonding displays of their 40-step “handshakes.” There’s an attitude amongst all that which women find irresistible, and that once you recognize it, you can easily live with, because it’s naturally part of YOU, too!

Baseball season is finally here again, and I wanted to tell you my favorite baseball story for men looking to be more of a man, because it’s a great one. Even if you’re not a baseball fan or have never seen a baseball game, there is something you can learn from baseball players about being that attractive mix of alpha male and naughty little boy that no woman on the planet can resist. I saw a perfect example at a Yankees game, and it’s been proven perfect by the reactions of several women, too!

Bobby Abreu is a Venezuelan-born player who was traded by the Philadelphia Phillies to the New York Yankees. He’s a very good player, and one of those guys who is always playing like he enjoys the game, frequently cracking a big grin on the field and at the plate. (Phillies fans have written that they don’t care much for him, but he’s been a great addition to the Yankees.)

I was watching a game between the Yankees and the Detroit Tigers, and the Tigers had some pretty tough pitchers. The game was close, and Abreu walks up to the batters box and starts going through the ritual gripping, mock-swinging, etc., that all players go through when getting ready to bat. As the pitcher caught the signal for what pitch to throw from the catcher and stood up straight to deliver, thunder struck…

Abreu was chewing a huge wad of gum, as usual, and started blowing a bubble that was as big as his head, and just held it there for a few seconds, let it pop, and then grinned the most classic naughty-boy grin I have ever seen, taunting the pitcher, who was so rattled by the comedy of it that he had to step off the rubber (the thing at the top of the pitcher’s mound that they brace against and push off of to help them throw harder and more consistently) to try to compose himself. The next pitch was very nicely hit, indeed crushed, because (according to the pitcher in the post-game interview) Abreu’s stunt had destroyed the pitcher’s concentration and it was a little too close to the middle of the strike zone to be missed, especially by a skilled batsman like Abreu.

I asked some female readers and friends who were Yankees fans about it and the response went pretty much like, “I like him. I wasn’t sure about him before, but after that bubble-blowing stunt, I like him a lot. He’s fun to watch!” Think about that, and let’s analyze…

First, this big guy comes walking up looking very strong, confident, and pretty much swinging a club. Very primal, and if you don’t think it has an effect on women, who seldom play the game, take a look in the stands sometime and see how many are WATCHING the game, often in groups of women! I’ve sat near groups of them at games and listened to them, and some of them know baseball, but the majority of them are there to see the guys in their tight pants swinging their clubs with authority, having fun, and making things happen. Why else do you think Derek Jeter is one of the world’s most eligible bachelors? Look at any picture of him and what do you see? That same “naughty little boy out to have a good time” ear-to-ear grin, and women eat that attitude like candy.

Now add to that the confidence and confident expression of a guy who’s batting very well and an excellent fielder – basically an expert in his chosen profession, a huge display of authority – who walks up to the plate and in open defiance of a pitcher who is regarded to be among the best, says, “You don’t scare me a bit,” by blowing a huge bubble in his face and grinning like the Cheshire cat from Alice in Wonderland. It put me in mind of a ten-year old boy getting ready to smack a teacher in the back of the head with a grapefruit-sized spit ball and getting caught, and cracking that grin as he said, “Who, me?” in true Alfred E. Newman (MAD Magazine) style.

Which brings up something else, something that may be even more important! The average guy, if he had seen his wife responding to another man like that and was smart enough to realize that he was seeing attraction would have immediately been insecure and started either wussing out or getting jealous and angry with his wife. Why? And more important, why should he NOT?

He would have done it because he didn’t know any better, and would have seen valuable information as a threat to his ability to maintain his fragile fantasy of being enough to satisfy his wife instead of seeing it as an example of something he could do to make things better in his relationship or marriage. You may have a tendency to do this as well; let’s face it, if everything was good at home you probably wouldn’t be reading this. But why should you not get angry, and instead see this as an opportunity to learn?

For starters, another man’s attractive behavior isn’t necessarily a threat, nor is your wife’s reaction to it, at least not at first. Remember, it’s the behavior, not the guy, that excites her; a biological trigger, not a conscious, logical value judgment that makes her respond to him. Most of all, it’s a big clue as to what you should be doing if you’re not doing it! And if you get mad when she does something like this, you lose all opportunities to learn what flips her switches, where if you take note and play along, she feels free to “let it all hang out” and “open the window to her soul,” so to speak, for you to learn all you can about her inner desires and automatic responses.

Never, ever allow yourself to see something that is better than you are currently capable of to be perceived as a threat. It’s a choice, so frame it as a goal, an opportunity to improve, and an example to follow as you try to make things better. Treat the person who excels more than you as a mentor, not an enemy, and you’ll go much farther in life.

I’ve given you some VERY valuable lessons today, unfortunately more valuable than most of you will ever realize; I’d like to think that these lessons won’t be lost on any of you, but the truth is that only half or less of the people who receive this e-mail will actually read it, and a large percentage of those who do will mistakenly think self-defeating thoughts like, “Treat somebody who’s better than me as a mentor? Yeah, right! Like somebody successful would want to teach me something.”

Well, yes, a lot of people would love to teach you something, especially me, if you would just wake up and realize that the world is not against you, and people do enjoy seeing others succeed so they have somebody to swap stories with. That’s part of what being a guy is all about, isn’t it??? We do things, they work out, we learn from them, and we swap stories and celebrate our victories, and tell each other how to avoid making the same mistakes. Has it not occurred to you that what you are reading is just such an effort? WAKE UP!

You will have noticed in your life that not everything you pay for has value; also notice that not everything you don’t pay for is without value. Sometimes people want something other than money in exchange for their effort, and sometimes they want a mixture of things, and money is only a small part of it. I want to see the world populated with real men, because I’m tired of the wuss attitude, laziness, incompetence, and the gaping “black hole” where male self-respect used to be.

I need to earn a living like most other people, but I need to live an enjoyable life, too, and for me, that means meeting and creating men who are a lot more like me and a lot less those bumbling, neurotic, wussy jackasses on television and that I interact with nearly every day of my life. Men are not nearly as social as women, but we still crave the company of others from time to time to beat on our chests, dance around the fire, and tell stories of great hunts and battles.

I grew up amongst such men, and watched them slowly die out as I went through my 20’s and 30’s, until in my 40’s I found myself being viewed as a barbaric anachronism by most of the men I knew and seeing every woman’s head turn as I walked into any room, in any situation, not because I have movie-star looks, but because I was the first “man” they’d seen in a long time. They like it when they see a guy who “owns the room” before he walks in, and they don’t try to hide it.
We were just taught to ignore them when they showed it.


So a bunch of those women and I, along with some other authors like Shelley McMurtry, John Alanis, F.J. Shark, Jason King, Ann May, John Alexander and others, are trying to turn things back around, because we’re all pretty much sick of the way things are and know not only that things can be better, but how much better they can be, because we help people make it happen every single day. And once it happens, their relationships and marriages quickly and significantly improve, even if sometimes it means they find another one because they realize they don’t need the needy parasite or predator they are with and are ready to step up from a dependent to a real partner and be truly happy for the first time in their life.

So for those of you who do realize the value of what’s written here, whether it was before the ass-tearing or after, this doesn’t even scratch the surface of what I have that will help you. Over 3,000 man-hours went into the research and writing of "THE Man’s Guide to Great Relationships and Marriage," and it contains the wisdom of the experience of hundreds of couples, 118 of them in the first writing and hundreds more since. Download your copy right now at
http://www.makingherhappy.com and take advantage of all of us who are offering to be your mentor, giving you what you need to make your life and relationship better than it’s ever been, maybe even better than you ever dreamed it could be, from our own experiences.

In the meantime, live well, be well, and have a wonderful day!

David Cunningham

Thursday, April 02, 2009

Be a Manly Man Who Does Manly Things (and Looks the Part!) for a Great Relationship and Marriage

A female reader is displeased with her husband’s recent evolution from “manly man who does manly things” to “metrosexual guy who acts like a girlfriend instead of a husband. What can I say? Chicks dig manly men, so be one. After all, it’s entirely YOUR CHOICE!

A lot of men have trouble dressing themselves, especially those of us that have no artistic sense of proportion, color-matching, etc., and many of us don’t have the self-respect to learn how to dress and groom ourselves. Unfortunately, many of us are also so insecure about what our partners like that if they suggest anything that they like, we have a tendency to go overboard, inundating them with something they really would have like to see just a little more of until it ruins it for them (think chocolate three meals per day or back rubs that last so long it chafes their skin and hurts) and has the opposite effect of what either of us want: they end up bored and/or frustrated. Meet Nancy:

Hi David,

I love your newsletter. I wish I could get my husband to read it and your book. I’m at my wits end with him.

He started watching that TV show, “What Not to Wear” a couple of years ago because he wanted to look better for me, but he went overboard, got obsessed with clothes, fashion, scents, etc., then came the hair products, then the skin products, and if he wasn’t pursuing me like he does I’d swear he was gay. He has become one of those “metrosexual” men. It was fun for awhile, because he’d go shopping with me, and we’d sit and talk about what everybody else was wearing and stuff. After awhile he was more fun than most of my girlfriends, but the more we did this, the less I responded to his advances,” and it’s come to the point where he takes longer to get ready to go somewhere than I do and it’s just too much, if you know what I mean. He gets more attention than I do when we go out, at least more compliments.

I guess I should be grateful because other women used to approach him right in front of me, servers were always flirting with him, etc., but they don’t anymore, and frankly, neither do I. My husband was a sexy man until this started, and now I see what people were talking about when I started hearing the term “girly man” awhile back. He was a manly man, and very sexy acting, but I’d remarked a few times that I wish he’d upgrade his wardrobe a bit because the shorts and graphic T-shirts just weren’t doing anything for him, and now, I wish I’d kept my mouth shut. Can you help?

Nancy


My reply:

Well, Nancy, I can help by pointing out the obvious, but you could help him as much as I on this particular issue by simply telling him, bluntly, that while you appreciate his effort, he’s gone too far down the wrong road, and you want your “manly” man back, because while he’s now a lot “spiffier” than he was, he’s just not sexy anymore because he’s turned into a girlfriend.

When you said something about his wardrobe, something snapped and his sense of self-esteem and security went down the tubes, possibly because he realized how bad he looked and was quite embarrassed about it. That could have been all it took to stop him from acting confident and displaying the alpha male behavior that you found so attractive, and he needs to regain that confidence by returning to doing the things he enjoys and can feel competent in doing instead of trying to compensate for a history of dressing badly by seeking the approval of everyone who saw him looking like a slacker.

The main problem with the metrosexual behavior, which you have expressed but may not have noticed, is that the two of you have started doing “girlfriend things” together, and your husband, once a “manly man who did manly things” is now in effect another social relationship (“girlfriend”) to manage. What was once special, exciting, unique, and sexy is now mundane, to the point of boring and frustrating you.

It’s good that he’s “upgraded his wardrobe,” as you put it, but what he needs to understand is that for men, dressing to project self-respect is far, far more important than dressing with the latest fashion trend. The shorts and graphic T-shirts didn’t bug you so much because they were ugly as because in your eyes, he was both capable and deserving of better, and he didn’t treat himself with respect nor project the respectability that you knew he commanded.

Now, if his dressing habits are “going overboard,” it’s likely making a subconscious impression on you that he’s insecure, and looking for approval and enjoying the extra attention. Approval-seeking behavior is one of the wussiest, most attraction-killing things that a man can engage in. Taking more time than you to get ready to go somewhere is reinforcing that projection of insecurity, because the excessive and fussy use of facial products smells of a fear of wrinkles, signs of aging, and aging itself; a man needs to take care of himself, but looking and acting “girly” is a bad move, no matter what action you’re talking about.

Take care, and keep in touch,
David Cunningham

Gentlemen, it’s like this. Women (at least heterosexual women – I’m not qualified to comment on lesbians) like men. They like being around men, having relationships with men, and sleeping with men – real men, manly men who do manly things. They like having a man define and exercise authority (NOT CONTROL!) by taking the lead in things, making decisions, and exhibiting confidence. Don’t ruin it for them by doing “girlfriend stuff” with them and turning into another girlfriend to keep up with.

Do “guy stuff” and do it with self-respect and respect for them. Go fishing, hunting, and to sporting events, or whatever “guy stuff” you enjoy doing, with or without them, but if you go without them, don’t go on their birthday, your wedding anniversary, or the day that they told you that you needed to go with them to see one of the kids in the school play.

Yes, there is a bit of a double-standard there, but it’s a good thing, because having her do guy stuff with you lets her see you being an alpha male, the “Right Guard Guy,” “Old Spice Sailor,” or “Marlboro Man” from the old advertisements, and it makes her hot because it differentiates you from her girlfriends instead of homogenizing you with them. Besides, “guy stuff” is often fun for everybody, but women are too busy managing relationships, social circles, and other things to check them out.

In addition, women hate being bored so badly that if you do ANYTHING with enthusiasm, they usually want to watch or join in. This is especially true if you announce that you are going to do it and then just tell them they can come along instead of hounding them to come and do it with you. The next biggest thing that most women hate after boredom is feeling like they missed out on something fun or interesting. Indeed, the more enthused you are about the activity and less you act like she needs to be there, the more she’ll expect it to be interesting and want to get involved.

And if she doesn’t, you’ll be “giving her the gift of missing you,” as David DeAngelo says. She doesn’t want you in her face all the time because she needs to think about you, fantasize about you, and long for you in your absence. Yes, we hate that feeling ourselves, but women thrive on it, and especially the anticipation it creates, so let her enjoy it.

If you’re going to be gone for a long time, make sure that she hears or sees from time to time that you’re thinking about her – daily, not hourly like some wimp checking in with his mama or jealous jerk checking up on her. Women like knowing you think about them when they’re not around, which heightens the anticipation of your return, so don’t spoil it for them by calling every two hours with the same lame “Whatcha doing?” thing. And either leave her something or bring home something for her “treasure box;” leaving something is often better because it ensures that she has it out while you’re gone. (The rules and proven enjoyable methods for letting her know you’re thinking about her are in "THE Man’s Guide to Great Relationships and Marriage".)

Be a man’s man, not a girly-man, and not a pig. Clean yourself up and clean up after yourself as any self-respecting man would, but let her make the big fashion statement when you go out. Her girlfriends will be checking every last detail on her, but only whether you dressed with self-respect; don’t complicate your life by trying to join in that competition. Take a look at the most expensive formal wear and you’ll see what I mean; gowns are as varied as snowflakes, yet if you’ve seen one black tuxedo, you’ve seen nearly all of them. Take the hint. If you’ve out-spiffed her, it will embarrass her, and you’ll find that to be quite bad for your love life.

Ladies, since I know that a third of my readers are ladies, do guy things with your guy if you enjoy any of his hobbies, like sporting events, etc., and keep the girl stuff for your girlfriends. That includes all the emotional chit-chat over problems. Your man is there to fix problems, not to listen to you milking the emotion from them, so try to avoid taking a problem to him until you are ready to discuss it in earnest and at least entertain suggestions on fixing it. If you don’t like any of the guy things he does, then enjoy the time away and savor that anticipation of meeting up after an afternoon, evening, or even a day or days apart.

Much of being attractive to a woman is a simple matter of doing simple, manly things – things that guys like to do and that trigger the primal responses to manhood. A lot more of it is simply enjoying being a man instead of apologizing for it and asking permission to do the things that men of self-respect do at will. Get out there and do those things! Just don’t mess the house up in the process and leave it for her to clean up. That’s what a grab-asstic teenager does to his mother, not what a self-respecting manly man does to his partner.

Sounds complicated? Sure it does, if you try to reconcile what you know a manly man is supposed to do and enjoys doing with all the effeminate, touchy-feely crapola that we made the mistake of buying into since the 1980’s, from crying on your woman’s shoulder to being her metrosexual shopping buddy (girlfriend!).

Jump back and get back in touch with your inner naughty boy and manly man with “THE Man’s Guide to Great Relationships and Marriage,” and take on or get back to that attitude and corresponding behavior that has you feeling and acting like a manly man and has her seeing you and wanting you as a manly man. It’s the only way to go – one reader referred to it as “The Keys to the Universe” – and it’s at
http://www.makingherhappy.com, guaranteed to work, for less than the cost of dinner for two at about any place that puts cloth napkins on the table. (And if you think that means it’s expensive, think back to the last time your wife went shopping out of boredom, or the last divorce you heard about!) Now get on over there and get it done, because life is short, yesterday is gone, and tomorrow may never come!

In the meantime, live well, be well, and have a wonderful day!

David Cunningham

Wednesday, April 01, 2009

Women's Biggest and Loudest Complaint About Men, and What You Can Do About It

Boredom is every woman’s arch-nemesis; it literally poisons them and threatens their life and sanity. How can you spot it, and what can you do about it? You’d better know, because left to her own devices, you may not be part of the solution, or if you are, you may be wishing you weren’t!

When I was researching "THE Man's Guide to Great Relationships and Marriage" women’s biggest and loudest complaint about their men could be summed up in a single word: “BORING.” It’s the last word you ever want to hear a woman use to describe you in any interaction with them, no matter who they are or the nature of the relationship.

I received a letter that I want to share with you, because in one respect it’s sad and in another it’s downright annoying. Meet Dan:

Dear David,

I am writing this letter in hopes you can help me. It seems of late that my wife is not as interested in me as she used to be. I have tried all types of things to get her back to where we were a year ago when we got married, but nothing seems to work. I feel neglected, and it’s starting to feel like she is getting bored with me. The tone in her voice is different and sometimes she makes me feel like I am just a toy to be used when she needs one.

I want her back the way it was when we had fun and I was not worried about upsetting her with what I had to say. I love this woman in every way possible and can not imagine my life without her in it. It’s just like I never say the right thing to her anymore. Could you please tell me what I could be doing wrong?

Thank you for your time,
Dan

My reply:

Yes, Dan, I can, but before I do, I want to ask you a question: I get letters literally every day from people who read this newsletter and especially those who are using "THE Man’s Guide to Great Relationships and Marriage" talking about the great results they get and how fast they get them, and how their wives no longer see them as a boring dolt, but as exciting and fun. You’ve been subscribing for several months now. Do you know why are you not getting the same results?

The short answer is because you’re not really reading these newsletters, which describe all these problems to you, and you’ve not yet read and used "THE Man’s Guide to Great Relationships and Marriage" in your relationship to learn how to recognize and fix these problems. I give more advice on this subject than any other, and more free advice in these newsletters than most authors provide in their premium products, and you simply haven’t been paying attention. Now your situation has become critical, so listen up while you still have a chance to fix this.

Your wife is indeed bored, and if you’ve been reading even a small percentage of the newsletters I’ve been sending you every day you know that she needs you to do something about it. That’s your job as her husband. Take responsibility and get it done.

You should also know by now that she has been trying to communicate precisely what she needs to you, but because you and she are not wired with the same biological communications circuits, you’ve not been hearing her, and she’s thinking that you’ve heard her and chosen to ignore her. That’s a bad problem, and the reason that she is now making you feel neglected.

In addition, you should know that what she is needing for you to do to break her boredom is to create attraction for her, to give her that “swept off her feet” feeling from time to time, which gets her neurotransmitters, endorphins, hormones, and everything else in balance, saving her from that antsy torment that causes women to seek and create drama to substitute for the attraction you are failing to create.

The other thing that you should know by now is that if you don’t do something about this, she will, and at best, you’ll find yourself dealing with the spill-over from the drama she creates and at worst you’ll be dealing with affairs and even divorce that are used in a last-ditch effort to communicate to you that either you shape up or one of you is shipping out, if she gives you that last chance; many women will just divorce a man outright without a second thought once you let them go this far if another man creates attraction for them.

Obviously, the thing to do to fix all this is to go ahead and get your copy of "THE Man’s Guide to Great Relationships and Marriage" and put it to work. Depending on how fast you read, the average person can get through it the first time in 2-4 hours, and it’s a book that you’ll want to re-read periodically as your experience base broadens and your skills develop.

In its pages, you will learn how to evaluate yourself, your wife, and your relationship, making it easier for you to know what’s broken before you start trying to fix things, or if you and your wife are so mismatched that fixing it will never be possible. You’ll learn how she communicates, so that you can finally pick up on all those signals that you’ve been missing all your life. You’ll know what makes women tick in general, and what they want, and with your newly-developed communications skills, will know your wife so well that she’ll describe you to her friends as “he always just knows what I want.”

And finally, you’ll learn about attraction, what creates it and what kills it, and that because it is a biological, not logical, process, you will always be able to give your wife that “swept off her feet” feeling that keeps the two of you intimate and keeps your life fun and exciting, both in and out of the bedroom, and save her from her arch-enemy, boredom.

So there it is, Dan (and YOU!), all spelled out. All that’s left for you to do is go to
http://www.makingherhappy.com, download your copy of "THE Man’s Guide to Great Relationships and Marriage" and put it to work for you, because it’s the best thing you as a man can do for your marriage, and one of the most fun things you’ll do in your entire life to boot!

In the meantime, live well, be well, and have a wonderful day!

David Cunningham

Tuesday, March 31, 2009

How’s Your Attitude, and How Is It Affecting Your Relationship and Marriage?

BIG HINT: attitude directly affects relationships of all kinds. Find out what you can do for yours, easily, and why you should bother…

Let’s talk about attitude today, especially how it can affect attraction and your relationship. The vast majority of the women who keep me honest in giving you advice on female perspective have shown me that a positive attitude can create massive, overwhelming attraction FAST, especially when coupled with fun, playful behavior. Conversely, a poor attitude can kill it instantly to such a degree that it can be hard to impossible to bring back until she’s had time to forget it.

Let’s be clear here, I’m not talking about ruining your relationship by coming in once in six months frowning and saying you’ve had a crappy day. Everybody has a crappy day now and then. It’s no license to be abusive to others around you (and that’s another discussion we’ll have soon), but nobody expects you to be “up” 24/7/365. That’s an event, not the by-product of an attitude. What I am talking about is having and keeping the kind of attitude that causes you to treat a crappy day for what it is, just a day when things were difficult to some degree, and expect things to get better and be better because you deserve better and are capable of making them better.

People of both sexes love to be around an achiever, because achievers are at heart romantics: they look inside themselves and around them for the biggest, best and most beautiful that can be found, and they recognize it. Among the several definitions for “romance” found in “The American Heritage Dictionary” are these:

2. A mysterious or fascinating quality or appeal, as of something adventurous, heroic, or strangely beautiful.
3. a. A long medieval narrative in prose or verse that tells of the adventures and heroic exploits of chivalric heroes: an Arthurian romance. b. A long, fictitious tale of heroes and extraordinary or mysterious events. c. The class of literature constituted by such tales.


Life for the achiever is about the big, the heroic, the beautiful – about what CAN be done and not what can’t. Hence, the attitude is one that women (and men, in case you’re one of those guys who doesn’t have any friends or a woman who has a hard time attracting a guy!) find exciting and fun to be around. This is because when things get bad, achievers are still looking for improvement, and often looking for a way to make it happen themselves, which involves things like leadership, courage, self-assertion, etc., that women also find incredibly sexy.

Every time this subject comes up, I am reminded of the character of Howard Roark in “The Fountainhead,” when he said, “The question isn’t who’s going to LET me; it’s who is going to STOP me.” They’ve chosen to succeed and something is going to have to work hard to stop them; they’re accustomed to getting things done. Thus, they keep their wits and sense of humor about them, something women also find incredibly attractive, whether sexually, professionally, or casually.

Really, do you even want to sit at a bar or in a coffee shop or waiting area and try to have a beverage or think while sitting next to some moron yapping about how “the system” is against him? Not just no, but hell no! Neither does anybody else. They gravitate toward that “life of the party” sort, who is the life of the party precisely because they have that positive, attractive attitude that draws people to them like bees to flowers.

Now, what about the other side of the coin? How sexy do you think whining and complaining is? Indeed, chronic complaint is taught by a great many relationship experts as a HUGE red flag. Why? BAD ATTITUDE! Chronic complainers don’t make things happen, they gripe about what others make happen. How sexy can that be? How much fun is such a person? Such a display of bad attitude is an instant turn-off to everyone around, not just members of the opposite sex. You’d better do a quick reality check and make sure this isn’t you!

The most pathetic of all the complainers is the paranoid, the insecure, fatalistic person who, no matter what happens, thinks it’s directed at them if it’s bad and away from them if it’s good. You’ll hear them say the most ridiculous things, like when approaching a traffic light, “That light just turned red because I’m in a hurry,” and when somebody has something good happen to them, says, “it would never turn out that way if I tried it, because good things just can’t happen to me.” Guys, I kid you not, this kind of behavior can make a woman want to live somewhere besides your house about as quickly and as vigorously as finding you in bed with her sister or another man!

A close second (and parallel) to the paranoid is the guilt-ridden, the guy who has mucked up his life and/or career by being deceitful, and projects his own deceit onto those around him. He differs from the generally paranoid because the closer you are to him, he more he expects you to do to him what he’s already done to you and others, i.e., the guy who has had an affair and is constantly in fear that his partner is having one, either on the premise that she’s doing it to punish him or the uglier premise that since he can’t be trusted, he can trust nobody.

What to do? I hope it’s obvious. Develop -- and KEEP -- a good attitude, no matter what it takes. Find reasons to succeed and enjoy your life instead of reasons to fail and hate it. If you have self-esteem issues, tackle some smaller things you can accomplish and start building some self-esteem from there. Achievement builds both self-esteem and character like nothing else can, and once you see that you don’t have to live in a rut and can get things done, it’s much easier to expect that kind of performance of yourself.

If you’ve had a bout with clinical depression and fallen into a habit of griping and keeping a bad attitude, break the habit. If you are currently depressed, find some competent professional help to determine if it is chemical/physiological or a matter of habit/attitude, and get it fixed. Life is too short to spend it roaming around whining and complaining, and it’s too short for the woman (and everybody else in your life) to spend it sitting around listening to you doing it.

You don’t have to be in the Army to “be all you can be” (that is one of my favorite mottos or slogans), and when you’re doing it, and walking into the room with your head up, shoulders back, and sense of humor locked and loaded, it won’t matter if you’re tall, short, hairy, bald, too thin, too fat, or whatever; the woman in your life will see that self respect and respond to it, because in her eyes, you’re the perfect man and you’re hers.

The information and steps you need to be you can be, especially in your relationship, is in the 118 pages of high-quality, tested and proven advice in “THE Man’s Guide to Great Relationships and Marriage” at
http://www.makingherhappy.com. It’s an instant download and will fix what ails your marriage or relationship, so go for it! Give yourself and your partner the gift of a better life together, because it’s there for the making, for nothing more than a little time and effort, and it’s fully guaranteed for a year from purchase. It just doesn’t get any better than that, so get to it!

In the meantime, live well, be well, and have a wonderful day!
David Cunningham

Monday, March 30, 2009

Start Out Right If You Want a Great Relationship or Marriage That Lasts

A reader success story that proves that if you start out with good information and a clear picture of what you want in a relationship, you’ll have it. He started out right and kept going. What can I say? Gentlemen, this is something you can easily do too!

I found an e-mail that just made my day. This guy, Daniel, sounds like a fellow Southerner to me, and is an achiever. He gets the tools to get the job done, prepares himself at the beginning and follows through. As much as I despise censorship, I had to modify part of his letter to keep it PG-rated – I don’t want somebody’s children reading over their shoulder and asking questions that a parent isn’t prepared to answer. Check him out:

Hi David,

Early last year I meet a woman that just plain stole my heart. We dated for awhile, then dated steady, and finally got engaged. We put the wedding off a couple of times because of family problems, and I noticed things starting to go the same way another relationship had gone before. We were running out of things to talk about, she was breaking dates, and I knew there was a problem but she wouldn’t talk about it, and the more I tried to be nice to her and asked what was wrong, the worse it got.

Not wanting to screw things up and make the mistakes I had always made, I read your book and put all I had learned into action. All I can say it WOW!!!! I have never had a relationship like this and I never want this to end. It’s even better now than it was in the beginning, because I can understand her better and we have more fun because I’m not walking on eggshells anymore. I know for sure that my success with this woman is all due to you and your book.

The words “thank you” seem so small for what you have taught me on how to be attractive to my woman and keep her coming back for more. She even calls me to come home from work sometimes and I walk into the bedroom to find her totally naked on the bed [doing naughty fun things that I couldn’t reprint – D.C.] and I cannot get out of my clothes fast enough. We just keep going and going if you know what I mean.

From one guy to all the others, if you never do anything else for yourself buy David's book. It’s the one gift you can give yourself that will last you a lifetime and I truly believe that if you follow David's words you will never use your bed for just sleeping anymore.

Daniel L.


My reply:

Well, Daniel, congratulations on getting it done right. I am going to have to correct you on something, though. Your success with your partner and your relationship is not all due to me and my book. You had to read it, understand it, and put it to work to have your success. I put a lot of effort into writing this book, and so did all the people that helped me research it and then test and fine tune the advice it presents, but you had to make the choice to salvage your manhood and the relationship, learn the material and then diligently apply it to raise your attractiveness and your relationship to such an extraordinary level. I’ll accept some of the credit, but you have to accept some as well, as most men don’t care enough about themselves and their partners to do what you did.

Yes, I said that. Most men either think they know it all (and are still thinking that everybody else was wrong and everything was everybody else’s fault after the divorce is final, they’re broke and strapped with big alimony and child support payments, but no wife and limited visitation rights that are wielded like the ultimate weapon), or they subconsciously don’t feel worthy of a good relationship and sabotage their chances of having one at every turn. You saw that things were going somewhere that past experience told you that you didn’t want them to go, admitted the problem, got help, and worked it out. That’s what a real man does; he fixes problems by taking action. I need to print up some membership cards for the “Manly Men Who Do Manly Things Club” so I can send them to guys like you when they send in a success story like this. J Again, congratulations!

Take care,
David


Guys, there may come a time when you have to make the same choice. It may be staring you in the face right now for all I know; there must be some good reason you’re reading this newsletter. You can do what most guys do, be the know-it-all or wuss out – either way is what a loser would do – or you can do what real men like Daniel do: Take the bull by the horns, admit there’s a problem, get the tools to fix it (many, if not all of which are in “THE Man’s Guide to Great Relationships and Marriage,” which you can download immediately at
http://www.makingherhappy.com), and get it fixed, then get it “dialed in” and take it to the winner’s circle.

It’s your decision, and it really doesn’t sound like a hard one to make, does it? I mean, “alone, broke, and unhappy” versus “in a great relationship both in and out of the bedroom” – how much thought can that one take? Not much, huh? Then do it now, before you do anything else! ;-)

In the meantime, live well, be well, and have a wonderful day!

David Cunningham

Sunday, March 29, 2009

Confession! How Some Women Trap Men into Long-Term Relationships and Marriage

Another MUST READ! A female reader discloses several of the ways she was taught by her mother to trap a man into marrying her.

What a day this has turned out to be! I got a letter from a whistle-blower!

The biggest reason for marriages to utterly and violently fail is that the “partners” never actually function as partners because they are badly mismatched, but desperation, deceit, attraction, need, or unfortunate circumstances (being abused in parents’ home, pregnant, etc.) cause them to choose to marry anyway.

Such couples may try to hack it out for years, but I’ve never seen nor heard of a couple that was happy or satisfied in an environment of tension and friction over conflicting values, philosophies, priorities, etc., and identifying that you are in such a situation is the first step in getting out of it and trying to make a happy life possible.

Before I continue, please note that, contrary to the comments of some morons who have read nothing more than one or two of my newsletters before passing a very erroneous and emotionally-driven judgment, I do NOT advocate divorce as a blanket solution to fixable marital problems. I advocate divorce only when reality dictates it because there are insurmountable marital problems.

For the record and your understanding, I mainly recommend divorce as a solution to problems that are 100% fatal to a marriage, such as a lack of compatibility or being tied to a parasite, predator, or an abuser, which cannot be corrected and no compromise will compensate for, so that individuals who are in a no-win situation can have a chance at enjoying a relationship with the foundation required to make a lifetime commitment not only reasonable, but enjoyable. It is and should only be used as a weapon of last resort when all other reasonable options are exhausted, not your first line of defense.

However, if a marriage was doomed before the participants ever said, “I do,” it should be deployed immediately and with both finality and the cooperation of the participants so that they have a chance to invest their time and effort in something that has a chance of bringing them happiness instead of frustration, resentment, and emptiness leading them to lie, have affairs, and destroy their self-esteem and their lives. So now let’s get on with today’s lesson.

A reader has written to inform us of some of the ways that her mother taught her to use to ensnare a man she thought would take good care of her. And before anybody decides to send me hate mail, I AM NOT saying that all women do this, or that most do it. Some do it, just as some men (using different tactics, of course) do it, and of those I’ve spoken with who did, most regretted it so much that they wouldn’t do it again. Then there are those few parasites and predators that can’t even discuss regretting it because they’re too damaged to realize how bad it is or how unhappy they are. This is about helping you to check to see if it’s happened to you, not to convince you that it has. So keep an open mind and a view of the facts as you proceed, and in case you missed it, the article from a couple of days ago, “Don’t ACT Attractive, BE Attractive for a Great Relationship and Marriage,” also speaks of this kind of scenario and has more advice that you wont’ want to miss. Read it
if you haven’t already.

So now, without further ado, meet Mary. She has a lot to say:

Hi David,

First of all let me say that your book was at first a pill I had a hard time swallowing, not because it was not the truth, but because it hit the nail on the head and made me realize just how much of a pain the ass I could be to my boyfriend. To this day I cannot believe I could look at myself and not see what I was doing, but it made me really start to think about my actions and the way I talked and took care of problems with Jack. So thank you for opening my eyes and letting the light in. Our friends look at us now and see the perfect couple instead of the couple most likely to kill each other.

The main reason I am writing to you is to tell you about a discussion I had with my mother last night. She asked me how things were going with Jack and me and when we were going to get married. I told her that things were fine but he hadn’t yet brought up getting married, even though we’ve been together for four years and living together for the last two years. She started telling me about all the things that her mother taught her about how to snare or trap a man into marrying.

I listened for over two hours to her describing things that her mother’s generation and her generation had done, the reasons they had done them, and the outcomes, and by the end of it, I was literally sick to my stomach. I was also angry at her for thinking I should even consider doing something like she described, because I have a good job and can get along quite well on my own, where in her day (she’s nearly 70) marrying the right man was like a hunting skill, because if you wanted to be comfortable, you had to marry a man of means.

She told me a dozen stories about friends and family members using pregnancy to get married. Some would get pregnant while others would claim to be pregnant long enough to get married and then “lose” the baby. One of my aunts would claim to be pregnant, get the engagement ring, lose the baby, break off the engagement, and then pawn or sell the ring for money for liquor. She died in a drunk-driving accident when she was 26.

She said that when a man has low self-esteem, playing the virgin card almost always worked. She told me a lot of stories about women who teased men and refused to have sex until they were married because they wanted to “save themselves” for their husband. I was amazed at how she could say that it “worked” when so many of the people she talked about were date-raped before they got married, some of whom ended up pregnant without a husband.

She also told me to make sure that I was “a chef in the kitchen, a lady in the parlor, and a whore in the bedroom,” but not to worry because I wouldn’t have to do it after we were married, because he only had to feel special until he said “I do,” and then I could train him to be what I wanted him to be. Yeah, right. I’m 39 years old, and have never been able to get a man to put a new bag in the trash when he empties it, and have only been able to get one to empty it. I’ll not get into the issue with the toilet seat. She called this “plan B” for when you could no longer claim to be a virgin, and under plan B, you have sex whenever he wants it, not when you want it.

She said to just go along with whatever he wants to do, and act like I enjoyed all the same stuff that he did so he’d think I was the perfect mate. She called this “the icing on the cake” that would make a man who wanted my body marry me to have it, and that I could quit doing all this stuff with him after the honeymoon too, just by claiming that I was too busy with the house or kids or whatever, because there’s always a way to look too busy to have fun with him, and he wouldn’t mind if I told him to go out and have fun with his friends. I just needed to make sure that I stashed money out of his paychecks so that he didn’t have enough to afford enough fun to involve another woman.

Sucking up to his family was another big ploy, especially if he called his mother a lot. She said getting along with his mother was more important than getting along with him, at least until the wedding. At the same time, a woman is supposed to make him feel like she would follow him anywhere, even if it meant never seeing her own family again.

Biting your tongue and never arguing, no matter what, was also a great tool for reeling a man in, and she said that giving in to his whims and not nagging about anything would make him feel like he owned me. No matter what the issue, he was to be right, until he said, “I do.”

Then came the hook. Doing all of these things to show him what kind of a life he could “expect” was followed by a sudden withdrawal, saying, “I don’t think you love me. I do all this for you, and you’ve not brought up marriage. I’m going to go away on a trip with my girlfriends for a few days to let you think about this, and I’ll call you when I get back, unless I run into someone who appreciates me more than you do.” She said it’s like dangling a treat in front of a dog, and the higher you hold it the higher they’ll jump to try to reach it.

I’m still upset with my mother, mainly because she really thought that I would want to do these things. I’ve been married once before, I was alone for eight years before I met Jack and had an active and enjoyable dating life, I have six-figure income, own my house and four rental properties, and my retirement is already secure. I do not need a man around, but I do enjoy a good one, and by the way, thank you for what you’ve done for Jack and me. We may never marry, but I’m quite happy with the way things are now. He’s an alpha male from the ground up now, listens when I talk with him, and I’ve not been bored since he finished your book. Thanks for getting us out of that rut we had slipped into.

Be well,
Mary T.


Wow! Thanks for the letter, Mary. I’m glad to see that things are looking up for you, and in addition to the tactics you shared, I want to thank you for showing my readers that women can in fact achieve just as much as men and that the old paradigm of using “The Rules” to trap a man into marrying you is a bad idea from a woman’s point of view as well as a man’s.

Guys, a good match-up breeds everything else that makes a relationship work. It’s what creates love, respect, trust, and all those things that are the foundation of a happy long-term relationship. If you’ve seen the symptoms of what Mary described and you’ve been constantly unhappy, you at least need to take a look at whether there is any livable future to be had by staying in your relationship.

Attraction makes for a lot of fun, but yo-yoing from fun to fight spoils the fun, and that’s just no way to live. Sure, and occasional disagreement or fight is going to happen, but if you’re into a major altercation once or more per month and your relationship doesn’t seem to work anywhere except the bedroom, you’re mismatched, and there is no amount of counseling, hoping, praying, or anything else that is going to fix that. The kind of change that would be required to fix such a problem would in turn require that someone remake their self to suit the other, and people just don’t do that; indeed, they generally resent any pressure to do so on any level and it adds hatred to an already-bad situation.

But, if you have that foundation, learning how to communicate with the women in your life, especially your partner, is an easily-developed skill that will make all of them enjoyable to live or work with, and will deepen and amplify all elements of the foundation; do you think you can have true intimacy with a woman when you can’t communicate with her?

Then, the real icing on the cake is to understand “what makes her tick” and what she really wants in her “perfect man,” to make life fun and exciting and save her from that most torturous of all female ailments, boredom. It’s done by simply understanding what flips her natural, biological attraction switches on and doing it, which is ridiculously easy because what flips those switches on is acting like a man naturally acts when you remove all the wussy programming that has been shoved down our throats since the 1960’s.

That’s right! Becoming the “ultimate” male doesn’t involve programming yourself, it’s requires DEPROGRAMMING yourself, when means getting rid of the stress of trying, even subconsciously, to be something that you naturally are not. We are born to be something that women find overwhelmingly sexually attractive to perpetuate the species, and somewhere along the line most of us “learn” things that takes us away from this behavior, because it’s not “politically correct,” or “socially acceptable.”

If you don’t think so, look at a playground and see the ease with which little boys pull pigtails and the insecurity they have later in life when it comes time to ask one – even the same one who’s pigtails he pulled earlier in life -- out on a date? Women have had enough of this wuss programming and behavior, and they’ve come forward in droves to tell us so, and to remind us of what it is they really want, and it’s been translated from “girly-ese” to “man-speak” for you to make sure you don’t miss a single point.

Great news, right? It gets even better! How you can shed this wussy programming and be exactly what you were born to be, and incidentally, what ever woman wants, is all contained in "THE Man’s Guide to Great Relationships and Marriage" in an instantly downloadable e-book (how’s that for immediate gratification?!) at
http://www.makingherhappy.com. Sure you can do it, because you were born to do it. That’s what that “Y” chromosome is there for.

Step up, shed the stress, enjoy your life, and in the process help your wife or girlfriend to enjoy hers. Then see the rewards she’ll heap on you for doing so. They are many and wonderful, so much so that you may not recognize her when it starts!

In the meantime, live well, be well, and have a wonderful day!
David Cunningham