Tuesday, September 08, 2009

Making It Up On Volume -- When More of the Same WON'T Fix Your Relationship and Marriage

Sometimes people hear a really bad idea, don’t recognize it as such, and think that the reason it isn’t working is because they’re not doing it enough instead of because it’s never going to work. Unfortunately, relationships are area that is extremely prone to this because it is such an emotional issue, often leaving one’s judgment at least temporarily impaired. Let’s explore…

When I was in college, several economics courses were required to graduate, and economics professors talk about everything concerning supply and demand in terms of “widgets.” Thanks to The Yahoo Widget Engine, formerly known as “Konfabulator,” (a neat software gadget that runs little JAVA apps on the Windows desktop also called “widgets”) we now have real widgets, but in those days the widget was a theoretical thing, kind of like the tachyon from nuclear physics; they’re everywhere and some people claim to know what they do, but nobody can prove they exist because nobody has ever SEEN ONE. LOL!

One of the jokes these guys used to tell when they realized that they’d put their class to sleep by drawing one too many supply vs. demand curves went like this:

Bob and Tom owned a business that made widgets. They were selling widgets for $1.99, and sales were sagging.

Tom came in the office one morning and Bob jumped up and said, “Tom! Tom! Good morning! I’ve got great news! Our sales are sky-rocketing!”

Tom said, “That’s great! What did you do?”

Bob said, “I told the sales department to start selling our widgets at half-off, and they’re going out the door at 99 cents just as fast as we can make them!”

Tom looked horrified as he screamed, “Bob, you daffy bastard! You’ve ruined us! It costs us $1.34 to make each widget!”

Bob said, “Don’t worry! We’ll make it up on volume!”

I always found that joke hilarious, until I started seeing people taking that approach to problem-solving in my consulting business. They’d get some new and really BAD idea, and when it didn’t work, instead of realizing it was a bad idea, they’d assume it wasn’t working because they weren’t doing ENOUGH of it, and would accelerate their self-destruction by ramping up their efforts to use more of the bad idea. Kind of like our government raising taxes and spending more money on “special interests” instead of “the general welfare” as our Constitution provides, huh?

Unfortunately, people take this same approach in their relationships. They hear some really bad idea, and being desperate for improvement, they don’t stop to ask questions like, “Has this ever worked for anybody before?” or “Do we have any factual evidence that this can help us?” and just “dive in head-first,” as the saying goes.

Then, when it doesn’t give them the results they were looking for, now being invested in the idea because they’ve spent time and effort trying it, they try to “make it up on volume” by doing even more of what at best wasn’t working and at worst was fouling things up even worse. And then they start talking to other people about it, looking not for help or expertise, but validation of their ill-conceived idea and plan.

Take for example that nonsense we ran into in the 1980’s when women said they wanted a more sensitive man. We tried that, and when it didn’t work out, we thought, “well, women wouldn’t say it if they didn’t know what they were talking about,” so we stepped it up from just being sensitive to sitting with them at sad chick flicks and crying with them.

The harder we tried, the worse it got, because we were doing the wrong thing and nobody stopped to ask if it was proven to be the right thing by virtue of somebody having tried it and succeeded with it, until eventually the VAST majority of us have become such wusses that women are bored to death with us, and some are even exploiting our weaknesses, as Dhaliwal mentioned in his treatise, “How Feminism Destroyed Real Men.”

You know what has been tried, and has worked? Being a real man! Knowing what women want! Knowing that what women say they want – or what we THINK we hear them saying they want -- is often different from what they actually respond to, and how to know the difference! Knowing how to communicate with a woman, and how to catch and interpret the signs and hints that she uses! Knowing how to flip-flop between the strong, virulent leader and that naughty kid who threw spitballs and poured soap in the fountain at school to make bubbles go everywhere!

Yes, all that works! It’s been done for centuries, and has always worked, yet nobody seemed to notice what exactly it was that did work. And what’s more, I found out that I didn’t know, and got so ticked off that I rounded up everything I could find on the subject and 118 couples to test it to find out what did and what didn’t!

The result was "THE Man’s Guide to Great Relationships and Marriage," and you should go right now and download your copy at
http://www.makingherhappy.com because there’s about to be some additions and new developments that cause the price to go up about 25%, and everyone who has purchased before that increase will be receiving the new and enlarged edition free of charge upon its release (any purchase is entitled to free updates for life). It works, it’s been proven, and the more you do what you find inside, the better things in your home will be.

In the meantime, live well, be well, and have a wonderful day!
David Cunningham

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