Wednesday, August 19, 2009

Women Respond to Feminism Destroying Real Men and the Politics of Relationships and Marriage

Some women responded to yesterday’s quote of Nirpal Dhaliwal’s “How Feminism Destroyed Real Men,” and guys, you’d better pay attention!

The responses to yesterday’s newsletter were enlightening and entertaining, to say the least. I’m going to break from tradition and let the ladies do most of the talking today, because what they had to say is both valid and valuable.

Let’s start with Peggy, a divorced mother who made a career change to be near her son who is serving in the military who has written before and always has something brilliant and insightful to add to our discussions:

David,

I couldn't agree more with the article.

There are a couple of stories I would like to share involving my ex-husband. He remains my best friend; but we divorced because of his infidelity. He became extremely depressed over a two-year period after losing his job in Saudi Arabia. His whining about how "unfair" life was caused me to feel nothing but pity for him. He advanced into a more depressed state and became slothful in his appearance. He did little around the house and didn't even venture out to look for work.

There was no way this pathetic creature was getting anywhere near me. His depressed condition caused him problems in the bedroom. I was working one full-time job and two part-time and I totally lost respect for him.

I'm glad to report that he is now working and we remain good friends. The point is the "emotion" of his despair is what turned me off. If he had said, "I don't know how I'll get through this or when; but I will," I would have worked the extra jobs as long as necessary.

Two of my favorite stories concerning my ex. One Saturday I was cleaning the bathroom toilet. He called for me and I answered "I'm cleaning the bathroom". He said, "Something so beautiful should not be bent over cleaning the toilet. From now on, I have toilet duty." That meant more to me than five dozen roses and a hundred boxes of chocolate!

Another cherished memory: One cold winter’s evening, I started the car and heard a loud thump. I got out and to my horror, discovered the neighbor’s kitten had been inside the engine. I'm an animal lover and ran inside crying and told my husband what had happened. He said, "There is no way you could have known, just go tell her." I said, "Please don't make me go." He then went to the neighbor, buried the kitten, and told me the neighbor was fine and understood completely.

That evening the attraction was so strong, I almost attacked him. He said, "If you kill anymore kittens, just come get me!"

I think these stories support the author's point.

Keep up the good work!
Peggy


They do indeed, and they support some things I’ve been telling you gentlemen for a long time. For starters, women know that drama sometimes gets the best of them and they get caught up in the emotion of crisis, and when that happens, they want a man who is strong enough to cut through the drama and lead the charge out of the crisis instead of a man who gets caught up in the drama, wusses out, and wants to turn into a girlfriend, comiserator, or an object of pity.

Also notice that in spite of infidelity and problems, they remained friends. A divorce is a declaration of irreconcilable differences, not a declaration of war, and it can be handled with reason and dignity if those involved simply choose to handle it appropriately.

What do you see in the “toilet duty” story? What was the cause of Peggy’s happiness? Was it flattery? No. Was it being told that she was beautiful? Hell no. Was it the fact that she didn’t have to clean toilets anymore? Hell no, again. It was the fact that he recognized her effort, appreciated it, and found a rather poetic way of announcing that he was going to join in and help out. It was shocking, bigger than life, and delightful, and there’s a word for that: ROMANTIC. And yes, romance is indeed where you find it, even in the toilet. ;-)

What about the kitten story? He could have been afraid to face the neighbor like she was, or could have been a jerk and just said, “you made the mess, you fix it.” But, recognizing that she was genuinely distraught because she was an animal lover, had killed an animal, and didn’t want to be the one to hurt the neighbor with the bad news if they were also an animal lover like she was, he took the heroic leader’s role and just handled it. She could have done it, and would have if she lived alone, but he saved her from a pain that she didn’t want to inflict on someone else. Being heroic is highly attractive, but being sensitive enough to recognize the real reason behind a woman’s emotions and respond to that is a super-aphrodisiac that amplifies the heroism a hundred-fold.

Now let’s hear from Margaret:

Hi David,

I thoroughly enjoyed that article and would like to comment. Cheating on his wife notwithstanding, this young man is wise beyond his years. I rather envy his wife. He may be a pain in the neck sometimes, but she’ll certainly never be bored.

Margaret

Okay guys, remember what I said about boredom after hearing it from several hundred women? Boredom is their worst enemy, and a man who acts like a man is anything but boring. Add to that the sensitivity that comes from good communications skills, compatibility, and a good understanding of women and you’ve got a recipe for a happy relationship that will last a lifetime.

Susan, another regular, had this to say:

Hello David,

Another great newsletter. My husband read this and his only comment was, “Why did she stay with him if he cheated on her?” He’s such a moron sometimes, and I’d give anything if I could get him to read your book. I bought it and he refuses to look at it, and it’s about to cost him dearly, because I’ve about had it. Anyway, it was obvious to me that she stayed with him because he has that one-in-a-million personality that makes a woman feel alive, and she missed having that feeling. There’s no other explanation for the sex they had when he came back. He may think he was in control, but she wanted it more than she wanted to breathe.

If I would have been her, I wouldn’t have kicked him out. I would have gone after her and made sure she didn’t come back around. When I finally find that feeling again I’ll not let anything or anybody get between it and me.

Susan


A cheating husband can be a whale of a dilemma for a woman; on the one hand, he’s cheating, and on the other hand, the fact that another woman wants him constitutes what F.J. Shark describes as “social proof,” or external verification that what she has is valuable and desirable. I do NOT recommend that you sleep with another woman to get your wife’s attention and make her jealous, but don’t act aloof or hen-pecked around other women when your wife’s around, either.

It’s good for her to see them desiring you, as it helps her to see that she has a prize; just don’t make the mistake of letting her see you desiring them enough to think you might see them on the sly. Knowing you still look around can actually make her feel good because then she knows that you are aware of the “social marketplace” and have still chosen her; suspecting that you’re PLAYING around instead of LOOKING around can be disastrous, and usually is.

Are you paying attention here guys? These women are literally handing you the keys to the universe; I hope the message is getting through. If not, here’s Gina with a last attempt to open your eyes and ears:

Hello again, David!

Did this author read your book? I’m kidding, of course. No man who read your book would be cheating on his wife. But he understands a lot about us, in spite of saying that a man shouldn’t try to understand a woman, which is crap. A man doesn’t need to understand us so he can make excuses for us, but he certainly does need to understand us to know when to listen to us and when to tell us to “go tell it to a girlfriend.” As you say, maybe he’ll grow wiser as he grows older. Maybe he will end up reading your book after all! LOL!

Best wishes, and thanks again for all you’ve done for us,
Gina


There’s more, but if you’re not getting the message by now you’re not going to get it. Women aren’t stupid. Whether they were actively involved in Dhaliwal’s alleged “feminist conspiracy” or not, they recognize that they miss the men of old just as much as we miss being the men of old. It’s time to rise from the ashes of wussitude and be the man you were born to be. All it takes is to shed some long-standing bad programming…

…and if you want to kick it up a few notches, you can add inter-gender communications skills and a thorough understanding of women to the mix and be the guy that every woman wants and yours will kill for. Interested?

If so, it’s easier than you’d ever dream. A few hours reading and studying to gain understanding, and a lifetime of applying what you’ve learned, and having fun and reward as you do it. Want me to twist your arm a little harder?

Okay, just go to
http://www.makingherhappy.com and download your copy of "THE Man’s Guide to Great Relationships and Marriage” and get started. Or do you want to stick with what you have now, the unexplained fights, the bedroom boredom, the frustration and isolation, or maybe it’s the confusion when she gives you “that look” and stomps out of the room that you enjoy so much…

In the meantime, live well, be well, and have a wonderful day!
David Cunningham

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