Tuesday, May 19, 2009

What Holds a Man Back from a Great Relationship and Marriage?

My readers are having such successes that some of them have started sending me their own versions of my newsletter and telling me to publish them. And they’re good, too! Tune in…

You know you really have something that works when the people you advise start trying to help you spread the word. I occasionally get suggestions for newsletters from readers, and lately, I’ve even been getting drafts of newsletters asking me to publish them. And they’re good, too, taken from these readers’ own experience.

So I’m going to start publishing some of them, and keep in mind as you read them, these people came to me for help and were in as bad a shape as any of the rest of you when they did; these students have become masters. This one from David C., one of the winners of my “King Arthur and the Witch” contest.

I've had this question floating around for a while and some of it started bouncing around in my head and I can't seem to get it into clarity. You see with all the rewards of being the Alpha Male in any relationship, I've often wondered what could hold someone back?

Alpha: Noun - the first in a series of related items: frequently used in chemistry and physics. Adj. - being the most prominent, talented or aggressive person in a group: the alpha male of investment bankers.

Male: Noun - a person bearing an X and Y chromosome pair in the cell nuclei and normally having a penis, scrotum, and testicles, and developing hair on the face at adolescence; a boy or man. Adj. - pertaining to or characteristic of a male person; masculine: a male voice.

What has held me back in the past? While there is an intense desire to succeed, there is always that underlying risk or fear of actually becoming successful. Then I began to see that what I was picturing in my mind was my own lack of self-confidence and hence the fear of making mistakes and imagining the ridicule that would result from it.

Notice here that I am building a picture in my mind, despite all evidence to the contrary, of what a failure I would be and how I would be made fun of because of it.

Defeated before I ever entered the contest.

Now I be could fully justified in choosing the passive voice, the kind and understanding guy, a nice friend. Buried underneath all this is the basic rule that there is no conflict, there is no challenge and there is no pressure to succeed; hence there is no failure. Something or someone else is always at fault for my problems in this victims’ universe of how being nice will save us all. Blame can be passed off as lack of training, lack of knowledge or lack of other people understanding how nice you are.

"She'll appreciate how nice I am when she gets tired of that jerk she's with now." Yea right! LOL!

"The Princess Bride" syndrome as I like to call it. How this lowly stable hand became the true love of her life after being the passive Mr. Nice Guy for so long, she was overwhelmed with love for him. And we've seen just exactly how much evidence of this? Reality is the antagonist in this kind of thinking because no matter how much of it attempts to intrude, subtly or with a slap across the face, it is always "THEY" who don't understand or appreciate what YOU do for their love everyday.

This got me to thinking the only possible way this could succeed is if the natural drive to excel got buried so deep in BS, that any attempt to help them see it for what it is means they would have to look around and see, smell and taste what the world they are living in is really like. Remove the rose colored glasses, the potpourri infused nose filters, soothing sound filters for the ears and the velvet gloves to see a harsh, cold world waiting to stomp on them. "But I love them warts and all. Why can't they see that?" Because reminding them of their warts is fine, reminding you of yours proves they don't understand how nice you are. The most selfish person in the room is a martyr for the noble cause of themselves.

The Alpha Male - The first to generate the chemistry of attraction in those around him by being the most prominent, talented, or aggressive person wherever he goes by demonstrating that “having a pair” is not just about what's between his legs.

Like a babe born into a cold new world, it may seem harsh at first but that birth had to happen before they could experience a life of their own making. If you haven't read "THE Man’s Guide to Great Relationships and Marriage," you're still waiting to be born. Because while a baby is in a controlled environment, seemingly comfortable, warm and happy, it also has no clue why things that jostle, push and prod it are happening and no way to stop it when it does.

The question is “Are you going to keep letting life happen to you or does life need to get ready to for you?”

Straight from the hip, straight from the source; I corrected a couple of spelling and punctuation errors that his word processor software didn’t pick up. And he’s asking the right question, too!

“Are you going to keep letting life happen to you or does life need to get ready for you?” Are you going to keep sitting there taking what comes, or are you going to stand up and start making things happen? One of my favorite movie lines comes from the football spoof, “The Replacements,” when Gene Hackman says to Keanu Reeves, “Winners ALWAYS want the ball.”

Men who want really success want to act, because they know that’s how to make success come fastest. They don’t wait for things to just work themselves out because they know that seldom if ever happens. They get tools, information, and whatever else they need and they get busy. And women love them for it.

So now it’s your turn. The question has been put to you. Are you ready to step up and make life happen the way you want it to? If so, go to
http://www.makingherhappy.com and download your copy of “THE Man’s Guide to Great Relationships and Marriage” right now, before you do another thing. Live the life you’ve dreamed of instead of just dreaming about the life you’d like to live.

In the meantime, live well, be well, and have a wonderful day!
David Cunningham

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