Tuesday, May 12, 2009

Projecting Self-Respect, Another Cornerstone of Attraction and Great Relationships and Marriage

Gentlemen, let’s talk about something you can fix very quickly, appearance, especially pertaining to how you project self-respect.

It’s a busy day! Lots of exciting stuff happening everywhere, lots of phone calls, some great testimonials and stories in the e-mail today – I live for these kinds of days. They’re the kind of day that I can reach the end of feeling not just productive, but downright heroic.

Speaking of which, I am frequently reminded of article in the Wall Street Journal. It’s relevance and timeliness (and maybe timelessness, too!) are as perfect as its message, that being that women are turned on by men who act and look like men, not boys (slackers), wusses (needy little whiners who can’t survive without someone to cook and clean for them), girlfriends (metrosexuals who are fun to shop with and fun to be seen with on a date as a trophy but who, without alpha male behavior, are treated like girlfriends and kept around to display, network, share, and dramatize with instead of having an intimate male-female relationship), etc.

This particular reminder came in the form of a letter from Steve, one of my new readers:

Hi Dave,

I’ve been reading your newsletters for a couple of weeks and I just got your book last night. So far it’s great, but I really need for you to tell me something that concerns an immediate problem I’m having. My wife is constantly dogging me about how I dress, getting a hair cut, etc. She says I dress like a teenager and I just want to be comfortable. I don’t see anything wrong with over-sized clothes and my old running shoes. She also says she doesn’t like my goatee, and wants me to either grow a beard or shave it off, because she’s tired of looking at them. What can I tell her to get her off my back?

Thanks for your help,
Steve

My reply:

Hi Steve,

For the record, it’s “David,” not “Dave.” Don’t ask me why, I just don’t like it, and not even my closest friends call me that. To answer your question, there’s nothing you can tell your wife that will get her off your back, because from what you describe, your choices in dress and grooming project a profound lack of self-respect, and that’s a big problem as far as any woman is concerned.

Check tomorrow’s newsletter for a good lesson that will supplement what you have there in my book, or download my free “Break-Up Busting 101” Report and read it; the lesson will be an excerpt from that report that you and others have missed. By the way, the rest of that report will be worth your while, as will my “What Women REALLY Want” report. It’s not just a poorly-camoflaged sales letter, like you might be expecting. There’s more information in either of them than you will find in a lot of for-fee reports.

Take care, and keep in touch,
David

Well, guys, here it comes. To help you get a mental picture of what women want and the kind of images they respond both positively and negatively to, I’m going to post that article in it’s entirety before we discuss it.

A Lady's Lament
Where have all the Hollywood hunks gone?

BY KIMBERLEY A. STRASSEL
Friday, March 3, 2006 12:01 a.m. EST

This year I plan to conduct my own Academy Awards. And in my newly created category of "Best Red-Blooded Male," I regret to say that I can offer up only one nominee: King Kong.

Where have all the tough guys gone? Really, it's enough to make you cry--that is, if all our leading men weren't already doing it for me. From its earliest days Hollywood has had a glorious tradition of punch-throwing, gun-toting, testosterone-oozing leading men, and the world has loved every one of them. James Cagney, Humphrey Bogart, Gary Cooper, John Wayne, Lee Marvin, Charles Bronson, Steve McQueen, Sly Stallone, Mel Gibson, these were men. Some were strong and silent, some artisans of broken noses and busted rib cages, some villains, some heroes. But there was no doubt that they had a reason to walk with bowed legs.

And today? These marvelous males have given way to a new generation of Hollywood consumptives, metrosexuals if you will, the most solid thing about whom are their perky cheekbones. Jude Law, Johnny Depp, Orlando Bloom, Leo DiCaprio, Adrien Brody, Ashton (Ashton!) Kutcher. I make it a general rule to withhold my regard from any man I could bench-press on a feeble day, much less those who've never had need of a razor. If producers are wondering why box-office sales keep falling, they might consider that America wants something more from its men than pouty lips and foot-long eyelashes.

Early cinema specialized in the supermasculine sort, providers and achievers and gangsters who were always in control. They were cool ("Here's looking at you, kid"), daring ("Made it, Ma! Top of the
world!") and cocky ("Frankly, my dear, I don't give a damn"). Some were tough through their moral rectitude; think Jimmy Stewart.

Others, like Cary Grant, made up for a lack of outright macho with wit, class and unbelievable suits.
The 1950s brought about yet a new type of tough guy, heroes who specialized in fighting wars, protecting the innocent and getting the job done. They weren't "hunks" in today's sense of that word, but they didn't need to be. They had such presence that they didn't even need to speak. James Coburn had precisely 11 lines in "The Magnificent Seven," including such masterpieces as "You lost" and "Three." But if ever a Western has produced a tougher, more deadly gun-slinger and knife-hucker than "Britt," I'd like to know. By the 1960s and '70s, these tough guys had also discovered the value of props. Clint had his .44 Magnum. Steve had his Mustang GT 390. Sean had his martini.

Starting about 1980, tough guys changed again. This was the beefcake era, and the guys were maniacs. Arnold Schwarzenegger terminated everything in sight. As near as I can figure, Mel Gibson, via "Braveheart" and "The Patriot," single-handedly killed off the entire English population. Sylvester Stallone sealed his career with characters named "Rocky," "Rambo" and "Cobra," for goodness' sake. None of this was highbrow film, but there was something wonderful about the brute strength. Even women came to appreciate the, ahem, upside to testosterone-flicks. I know girls who will admit that they own "Top Gun" for the sole purpose of watching the volleyball scene over and over.

Sadly, reruns are about all we babe-loving women have these days.

The new Hollywood man isn't noble or daring or silent or even beefy. He emotes. He is fragile and flawed. He is a 40-year-old virgin. He is a hobbit. Take a look at the guys who are up for Oscar nominations, and let's go immediately to the elephant in the room. Three -- count 'em, three -- are there for playing men who bat for the other team. Yes, yes, I loved both "Brokeback Mountain" and "Capote," but that's not the point.

Some of the older toughies are still knocking around, but it's getting to be a bit of a geriatric ward. Stallone will be 60 this summer. Even Denzel Washington is past 50. Eastwood is clocking in at 76 and has (wisely) taken to playing senior citizens. My hat goes off to Bruce Willis, who continues to churn out reliable hard-man flicks, even if the tank tops are now gone. As for the younger generation, I find myself grateful to Matt Damon, who had the courage to make two (now three) old-fashioned spy thrillers (as Jason Bourne), the first of which revitalized the concept of a car chase.

Oh, and Vin Diesel rocks.

Where is the next generation of tough guys? They're out there. They just happen to go by the names Michelle Yeoh and Angelina Jolie.

These are our new bad boys: cool, clever and deadly with a six-foot samurai sword. Still, call me a traditionalist; I like my heroes with facial hair, a deep voice and bulging biceps. Which is why, when it comes to this year's nominees for truly manly men, I'm sticking with the ape.

Ms. Strassel is a member of The Wall Street Journal's editorial board.

What does this tell you? Is the tone of boredom and frustration in this woman’s writing not painfully obvious to you? And it’s no secret that most men take their cues from the silver screen on how to dress, talk, and act. I’m not going to say or think that Hollywood and the media are behind some huge conspiracy to wussify the entire male gender as part of some liberal or gay pride political sentiment like some of the conspiracy theorists. I don’t know, and frankly don’t care. What’s important isn’t the reason that it’s happening, it’s the FACT that IT IS HAPPENING, and the outcome.

Men are looking less like Gary Cooper, Humphrey Bogart, and John Wayne and more like Hugh Grant, Will Farrell, and the Wilson brothers every day, and if you know that women tolerate boredom and frustration even less than men do, that it is indeed torturous to them, you know that this is contributing to today’s divorce statistics. The only manly men I’ve seen in movies in the last few years have been Liam Neeson in “Taken” and Tom Jane in “The Punisher.” Otherwise, the “silver screen” has been more like “the estrogen ocean.”

Speaking of Liam Neeson, look at what Hayden Christiansen did in Episodes 2 and 3 of “Star Wars.” The most cool, suave, alpha male villain you can imagine in the first three movies becomes a pouty, out-of-control approval-seeker who throws temper tantrums. Maybe they should have continued to dub James Earl Jones in as the voice of Vader; at least he could have whined and railed with authority. And it’s obviously not Hayden at the root of the problem; he performs as he’s directed to perform. Somebody wanted us all to see Darth Vader being weak and crying.

We won’t even discuss “Paul Blart, Mall Cop”…

A woman who is bored and frustrated will try to tell you she’s bored and frustrated, but it won’t come across in language you can understand if you are in the vast majority of men. Questions like, “Are you wearing that tonight?” that sound to us like a general query are actually statements that read like, “Please don’t embarrass me to death by wearing that out tonight!” (Consequently, we’re going to break away from attraction for a couple of days and talk about communications in our next editions!) In the end, not knowing that we don’t interpret what they say to mean what they want us to understand, they think that we are insensitive and don’t care that we are embarrassing them, ignoring them, etc., and frustration is added to their boredom. Would you care to guess what happens next?

“Well, if he’s going to just ignore me after I told him what I need, I’ll just find somebody who won’t ignore me!”

It might be an affair, or it might be “the papers,” but either way, you’re now in deep manure. Is this ringing any bells? It should be, because this is the root of virtually all divorce that occurs between partners that were well-matched in the beginning. She gets bored, gets frustrated, disengages, he gets bored, and then it’s pretty much a race to see who steps out or wants permanently out first.

This doesn’t have to happen, and if it’s already started, it doesn’t have to continue to spiral out-of-control until your relationship ends in a bitter war. What you need to know to negotiate these obstacles and get your relationship back on track quickly – and a whole lot more – is included in “THE Man’s Guide to Great Relationships and Marriage.” Men who have read it have pulled their marriage out of the jaws of the divorce monster in as little as a week; others have found that they’ve spent many years in a bad marriage that made them unhappy and made with confidence the decision to cooperate with their soon-to-be-ex spouse to correct the mistake they had made years ago and move on to have a happy life.

Join them! There’s not one thing in the world that sitting around worrying is going to accomplish for you, except stressing you out, making you old, and letting the problems get worse. Take action now while it’s still possible to have some influence on the outcome. Go to
http://www.makingherhappy.com and download your copy of this truly amazing book, find out where you stand, make a decision about where you are going, and then use the rest of the book to get there, just like all those who came before you. Life’s too short as it is; don’t waste any more of it worrying – ACT! And do it now.

In the meantime, live well, be well, and have a wonderful day!
David Cunningham

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