Saturday, May 09, 2009

It's the Simple Things That Create Attraction and Make a Great Relationships and Marriage

It’s the simple things that create attraction, as this woman explains as she relates an event from her past that most people would have seen and still completely missed its meaning and significance.

What a great day this has turned out to be. I’ve accomplished exactly nothing that was on my To-Do List when I started the day, but I’ve still accomplished more than I usually manage on an average day, and it feels good. There’s nothing that can boost your self-esteem like simple achievement.

It’s often the simple and obvious things that could make the biggest impact in our life and yet go completely unnoticed. A perfect example is in this letter from Candy:

Dear David,

I have been reading your newsletters for awhile now and have recently finished your book. I found your information for both men and women to be right on the money. As a woman I really did not think there was a man out there capable of understanding us much less being able to share it with all men and I would like to say “Thank you.”

I was reading in your book about how men should pay more attention to the little things their wives say and do because it’s like magic in making us feel appreciated and special, and it reminded me of something that took place in my life that shows just how attraction can happen in a heartbeat.

A few years ago I was at my senior prom hanging out with my friends, my friends were the cheerleaders, football players and that kind of crowd and I will admit we could be hard to get along with especially if we did not like someone. Well I was outside of the hotel where the prom was being held waiting on my date to bring the car around so we could leave. It was a cool night and like most young women I was wearing a strapless dress that was revealing and anything but warm. As I was standing there waiting for my ride the wind kicked up and I shivered from the cold when out of nowhere I felt a coat fall over my shoulders.

I looked around and standing there was a guy I had known all my life, but never really paid attention too. You know he was not in the same crowd I was in and was rather “looked down on” because he did not have a flashy car or play sports. He had taken off his tux coat and placed it around my shoulders to shield me from the wind. As I turned to look at him he just smiled and said, “I noticed you shivering.” I don’t know what hit me the hardest, the shock of a man noticing I was cold and doing something about it or the sudden urge to have him take me, right then and there.

The urge passed pretty quickly, especially since my date pulled up and opened the door for me before I had really recovered from the shock, but it was there, and it literally swept me off my feet before I knew what hit me. It wasn’t the drama of some sappy romance crap, this was a real guy protecting me from the chill, something my boyfriend did not even do for me at the time, and it triggered a very deep, primal sensation of being possessed and protected that I’ll never forget.

From that minute forward I looked at Troy differently. I felt safe while he stood there with me, and every other time I was around him. I began to get to know him better and better because there was always that connection, even though we didn’t have enough in common to ever form a deep relationship and did not end up married or anything like that, I still have a very strong attraction for him to this day, and it doesn’t take much to remind me of him and those feelings. I also have an overwhelming urge to check on him, nurture him, and catch myself from time to time doing things that a wife would do. It’s rather obvious, because after seeing us together more than one person has asked if we were once married. We do still see each other from time to time and he will smile and ask me if I need a jacket.

Attraction can happen to anyone anywhere and it does not have to be something grandiose or flamboyant to knock you off your feet. It can be something as simple as placing a jacket over a young woman’s shoulders, anything that makes her see you in the context of a leader, protector, caregiver, etc., and that shows that you noticed something about her and that your reaction went beyond sizing up your chances to bed her down.


That’s a great story, Candy, and I’ll bet that only one out of ten women and one out of a thousand men that witnessed that act would have had any clue what was happening unless they had been through it and knew from their own experience. Every day we do things that create attraction or witness things that create attraction in us or in those around us, but we don’t stop to notice and fully experience those things and try to learn from them.
Men barely notice, and women tend to get lost in exploring the emotional impact rather than trying to discover the source of the feeling. There’s so much that goes on around us that we could learn from but don’t, even when we live with someone for twenty or thirty years.

So what is Candy saying that every man needs to know? Two things:

1. That when you pay attention to a woman and notice that she needs something it makes her feel very special and kicks her into “nurturing mode” to reward you for protecting, providing for, and/or nurturing her, and

2. Any act that resembles a primal act of protection or benevolent possession can trigger intense feelings of attraction.

Notice that I said “benevolent possession.” It’s important that you know the difference. Benevolent possession would be doing something that a husband would normally be expected to do for a wife, such as sharing his own food (feeding her from your plate) or a garment (putting your coat on her). This is very different from being jealously possessive, which is an act of control that telegraphs a lack of self-esteem, and will kill attraction as quickly and surely as benevolent possessiveness can turn it on.

Creating attraction and navigating your way through the minefield of inter-gender communications are not that difficult, but the knowledge you need to develop the skills to do either one is not obvious; you could walk right by example after example of it over the course of a lifetime and never see it, as most people do. That’s why I sat down with 118 couples and extracted everything that was useful and reliable and put it in "THE Man’s Guide to Great Relationships and Marriage," and why this incredible e-book has continued to evolve since its inception as hundreds more couples write to me with success stories and their own insights, which we run through the test group and add to the text if their thoughts pass muster on the large scale. So now you have a choice…

You can continue to stumble around, blind and ignorant, or you can be one of the few men who really know what women want, what makes them tick, how to listen to them and talk with them, how to lead them without intimidating them and how to make them enjoy being around you instead of resenting your existence. You can be the guy that you may have been when you were young and carefree and had women falling at your feet, before you forgot what it was that turned them on, or if that was never you, you can finally be that guy, and the guy that your wife wants to show off to all her friends, not because you’re a pretty boy, but because you’re a manly man that will make her friends green with envy.

Sound like something you want to do? I thought so, because I’m loving every minute of living like that (at 47 years old, slightly overweight and we’ll not even talk about what’s happening to my hair!), so join us, the men who make our women truly happy (and hence, have them nurturing us like no other!) by going to and getting your copy of "THE Man’s Guide to Great Relationships and Marriage" right now, before you do another thing, because life’s too short to put off until tomorrow the success and happiness you can enjoy today.

In the meantime, live well, be well, and have a wonderful day!
David Cunningham

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