Tuesday, April 07, 2009

The Path to REAL Manhood and a Great Relationship and Marriage, Part 4

My buddy David got everything out that he wanted to say to those of you who are to follow him, and now he’s followed up with a guiding principle to help you in your quest. Listen up, as the student once again becomes the teacher.

I live several times zones to the east of my buddy David, who has been swelling your brains for the last few days with vital lessons and examples of what and who a man needs to be, why he should do it, why he will ENJOY IT, and how to get there. When I woke up this morning he had dropped something else in the mail that all of you will find useful when you decide to get off the fence and get in the game, observations and explanations of what he’s already been through that doesn’t work, and further guidance in what does. Your undivided attention for about five minutes, please:

Good Morning!

I didn't really get to the sickening parts of all the crap out there about being an Alpha Male. I was having several brainstorms at once while writing it and lost track a few times. Pointing out examples was one way of highlighting some of the behavior in an obvious way.

However, we come to the White Knight Syndrome of delusion. While many men mired in the BS of what they think are romantic ideals picture themselves being the White Knight coming to rescue their princess in the dark castle of the evil king, she's dreaming of the stable boy. She knows a codependent and an approval-seeker when she sees one.

While men may picture themselves as the Macho Man proving his manhood on the weak and less fortunate by being the bully, she's having fantasies of the mail clerk teasing the secretary. She knows if he’s bullying everyone else, he’ll want to bully her, too, and she wants a leader, not a bully.

While he's cruising the streets proving his success in his new Escalade, BMW, Mercedes, or Corvette, she's fantasizing about the guy driving his girl down the street on his Moped, weaving around just enough to get her laughing and screaming in delight. She knows that a man who thinks he needs devices to impress people has nothing within him that will do the job, and only those who don’t have to try to impress anyone and don’t care to are the only ones who can.

While he's checking himself out in the glass as they walk by the stores to make sure his clothes and hair are just so, she's checking out the guy in t-shirt and jeans who just dropped an ice cube down his girlfriends blouse when she thought he was putting his arm around her. She knows that a while a man needs to be well-groomed to project respect, a man who’s that worried about his looks isn’t going to have time to have fun with her.

While he's proving his sensitivity by tearing up at the sad scene in the movie, she's tearing up over the desire for the guy rolling his eyes, throwing out his lower lip in mock pout and teasing his lady about it. She knows that she needs a man who can bring her out of an emotional quagmire, not sit and drown in it with her.

An Alpha Male lives by the KISS principle. Keep It Simple Stupid. That's why it's such a relief to free yourself to be the man you were meant to be. Sure, you'll be fighting the urge to habitually commit further atrocities of wimpdom until you learn to recognize that they are not part of your natural behavior and stop them before they happen, but now you'll be equipped with a vigilant eye to root them out.

When you stop trying to figure out what you should do and do what your instincts and understanding tell you is right, confidence begins to soar. When you stop trying to act the part and live it, stress goes further and further away. It doesn't mean things don't happen that try any man’s soul. It means you now have the means to act freely, decisively, vigorously and with gusto, and move on.

In your relationship you respond in a natural way. You don't have to figure out what you should be doing, you know. Like the man in your favorite poem, “Invictus,” wherever he is, he is free. Like the bird who fell from the tree without feeling sorry for itself, he is not whining about his present circumstances but relishing the freedom with which he lives. He will not apologize for himself. Feel sorry about it. Or rail against the circumstances that brought him there. He responds to the world from a heart and mind free of complication. No matter how hard others may try to cage him, he will always be free.

He will be open to learning new skills and new talents, and accepting and learning from mistakes he has made. And will triumph over them all. He will always understand this does not give him a license to bully, belittle or demean others. Far from it. While he may have little patience for a wimp, he will gladly work with anyone willing to discover for himself how he too can be who he was meant to be. And he’ll just as quickly take the bully off at the knees if need be, because he has the goods that the bully wants everyone to THINK he has.

From fear to freedom. The journey of any man willing to KISS his old life goodbye and be reborn as the man he was intended to be. The man he is right now. Shedding his old dried skin and walking fresh and clean, hungry for new challenges. Instead of whining and bemoaning his present state, he seeks answers. If your relationship is heading south, resentment, boredom and confusion the rule of the day, stop making it worse by floundering around. KISS it. Believe me, she'll love and respect you for it in ways you would not have believed. When you simplify your life by being true to yourself, leading and taking charge, her life becomes simpler as well. Her stress goes down. She is now free to KISS you as well. Like Ripley with the Alien dragon, she will fight any and all comers to protect her Man. She will be at your side in full power, glory and beauty to support, nurture and delight you as you journey together.

Forget fantasy. It can’t even come close to what you can have in real life. One KISSed by freedom, fun and happiness. Like Occam's razor, the simplest answer is the best. Adding complications only moves you away from the sharp edge of truth. That sharp edge is not there to cut you. It's there to cut away the crap weighing you down. Remove the burden of trying, pretending and acting and live free to move, run and laugh at the rain.

Off to work,

David

Folks, I don’t think there’s much I can add to that. I’ve been saying exactly the same thing for years: You can live a life of complication, fear, deceit, and discomfort, or you can be yourself and enjoy your life. Unless you have been severely deprived of testosterone during childhood and developed without its masculizing influence, what David and I have been describing is your natural state, not the act you’ve been putting on, or more accurately, the world that has been pulled over your eyes to hide from you your true identity – and birthright.

No, I’m not going to start into “red pill or blue pill” metaphors from The Matrix...


But I will tell you that the only regrets in life are the things you didn’t try, the risks you never took.

So what happens when you can no longer hide from your life by working late, or having an affair, or when you find that your wife is tired of hiding from her life and serves you the divorce papers because she’s finally met the stable boy, or the mail clerk, the guy on the moped, or the Harley? Or that “bad boy” that convinces her that she needs to take everything you have so he can enjoy it with her? That’s when regret sets in, and that’s when you’ll remember that you had the chance to fix it while it was still easy, but stayed on the fence instead of getting in the game.

Sitting on the fence will get you nothing more than a splinter in your ass. Period. If you’re moving, even if you’re moving in the wrong direction, you can make a course correction; if you’re not moving, your dying, rotting away. So unless your relationship or marriage is everything you – and she – want it to be (and we both know it’s not or you wouldn’t be reading this!), it’s time for you to go to
http://www.makingherhappy.com and download your copy of "THE Man's Guide to Great Relationships and Marriage" and get in the game while it’s still fun to play.

In the meantime, live well, be well, and have a wonderful day!

David Cunningham

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