Saturday, November 01, 2008

The Tough, Playful Alpha Male, Part 2: Well-Timed Mischief in Your Relationship or Marriage?

Another reader sounds off with a great display of imagination and new-found skill in heading off testing, drama-seeking and brattiness, and you’re going to love this!

I hope every one of you is having a better day than I’m having so far. Really. It’s not that it’s that bad; it’s just one of those days in which lots of little things keep popping up and getting in the way of doing the things I have planned for the day. Like finding a leaky pipe under the kitchen sink…

Well, there’s a quick but very powerful lesson in that, so I’ll go ahead and point it out while I’m thinking about it – at least this distraction from what I had planned has a productive purpose! LOL! Seriously, after discovering the leak I started shutting off the valves under the sink to stop the expansion of a pool that was forming in my kitchen and living room, and one of the valves broke and water started spewing out from where the valve stem entered the valve. So I cut the water off at the meter and started cleaning up all the water that had escaped before I found it.

That took quite awhile, and as I went to the garage to get the tools to fix the leak and replace the valve, I thought, “Nope, I’ve already lost half my morning fooling around with this. I’ll do my job and pay the plumber to do this because he can do it faster and cheaper than I can.”

Wait! He can do it cheaper than I can? Sure he can! He’ll be in and out of here in half an hour or less, and charge me fifty bucks or so. I can do the work, but it will take me 2-3 times as long as it will take a professional plumber simply because I don’t do it every day and I’m not used to having to work around all the other pipes under the sink to get the job done. Plus, the risk of turning the water back on and finding something still leaking is higher for me than for the guy who does this all day every day; I’m a “do-it-yourselfing” amateur who can do it in a pinch if there’s nothing pressing, nowhere near as skilled as a professional.

So I can give up a couple of hours of income to do something that I really don’t like doing, or I can give up about a half-hour of income to pay the plumber and do something I love doing, which is helping all of you. To me, that’s a no-brainer.

The lesson? Being an alpha male doesn’t mean that you always have to do everything yourself. You should always try to strike the correct balance between the alpha male qualities of independence and assertiveness and the other alpha male qualities of leadership, delegation and making sound decisions for the benefit of your household. Do it yourself only when it makes sense to do it yourself, and be respected for it, because if you go overboard, you’ll just end up being labeled a control freak who can’t get anything important done.

Now on to what I had planned to give you today, a stunning display of male attitude and ingenuity in dealing with feminine testing and pissitude. Meet “Logan,” whose name has been changed to protect his privacy, who writes in response to a lesson on “The Great Female Contradiction” of wussitude being boring but being non-wussy makes you “mean.” Check him out:


Your timing is ironic. It is that time of month for my wife, which usually means some big blow-ups. On Sunday, as my wife was starting to go down that path towards a bad day, instead of tip-toeing around her, I started joking with her. At one point in the middle of her ranting over something silly, I walked up and pulled her pants down, then casually walked away. Within a minute or two the ranting had stopped. She did tell me that I was being mean to her, but she had a bit of a grin on her face, almost shock. Then as we were trying to get on our way to church -- always a challenge to get the three little guys ready and loaded in the van and my wife ready on time, the boys and I waited for her.

Now, during this time of the month, she usually takes even longer to get ready, because nothing fits right, and she is just generally unhappy with the way she looks and feels. So the usual custom is for her to arrive late to the car and be even more upset over the fact we are now going to be late for church. So just to be different, I found a Rolling Stones CD and started blasting the song “Let's Spend the Night Together,” as she finally arrived in the car. By the way, the Stones have a ton of songs that you can use for this type of move (Satisfaction, Wild Horses, You Can't Always Get What You Want, She's So Cold, Crazy Mama). Anyway it seemed to do the trick, as she, in a very frustrated voice, said while stifling a smile, “Stop trying to make me laugh, I'm crabby and I have my period.”

Then, later that night, she takes me and grabs me in the pantry and starts to attack me while my Dad happened to be over and in the next room. I told her that I would continue to be “mean to her.” This time she laughed.

Thanks for the timely articles,

Priceless! Absolutely, utterly priceless! And how many of you “newbies” would have thought you could go that far and get away with it? The truth is that almost all of you could have; the few who couldn’t would be those whose wife had some sort of trauma in her past (like rape or having her clothes torn off of her in public) and would hence have very bad memories triggered by such an act.

The key to pulling it off is two-fold. First is the attitude. The naughty kid who just threw the huge “spitball” at the blackboard over the teacher’s shoulder and when they turn around, furious, there he sits, looking anywhere but at the teacher, with a big cheesy grin and a “who, me?” look on his face. The guy who will do anything for fun, no matter how irreverent, as long as nobody gets hurt, because mean people “suck.”

The second is knowing when to play naughty boy and when to be serious. You can’t deal with all of a woman’s negative emotion by being a clown. That works for the testing, the drama-seeking, and when she’s just being a pissy little brat who wants to feel bad for awhile and wants you to feel bad with her, but when she has a real problem or a real issue with you, trying to play it off with something like that will get you in the doghouse for awhile, if it doesn’t get you killed. ;-)

In those cases it’s strong character, strong leadership, and a fair hand that she needs to see. If you’ve done something wrong, you need to admit it and show that you have learned from the mistake and won’t be making it again. If she’s having some other kind of trouble, she needs for you to hear her out instead of trying to jump in and “save her” from her problem. If she needs help, she’ll let you know…


You’ll have to listen to hear her when she lets you know. You probably won’t hear a direct request like, “Can you help me?” It will probably start out sounding a lot more like, “This would be a lot easier if somebody would…” Yeah, you’re “somebody.” Remember that…

There is so much about living happily with a woman that we all spend our lives thinking – because we’re being taught! – that it’s all some huge and terrible mystery that women don’t want us to solve, and Gentlemen, that is one big, nasty load of unmitigated crap. I had almost 200 of them volunteer to teach me about the mysteries of womanhood, and all I had to do was ask and be willing to listen to the answer.

The first thing we found out was something I’d suspected for a long time. We speak with the same words, but we don’t speak the same language! We have different meanings for the same words, and we use entirely different protocols for conveying and gathering information. Once those differences were understood and we all got over the shock of it, learning the rest was fun and easy.

The next step was to test everything they had told me, and I got 118 of their husbands and boyfriends to take what they had taught me and test it on them. We found a few contradictions along the way, too, things that women only thought they wanted until they got it (and the reason I frequently recirculate that “Be Careful What You Wish For, You Might Just Get It” newsletter series). We ultimately found out what women really want, need, and expect from men, and what they really respond to, favorably and unfavorably.

The end result is "THE Man's Guide to Great Relationships and Marriage" and you can download your copy at with a few mouse clicks and be reading and learning the truth behind the great mysteries of womanhood yourself in just a few minutes. So you can be a guy who’s in the dark or a guy who’s “in-the-know.” It’s your choice, so choose well…

In the meantime, live well, be well, and have a wonderful day!
David Cunningham

Friday, October 31, 2008

The Tough, Playful Alpha Male: Just How Far Can You Go to Keep the Spice in Your Relationship or Marriage?

Our friend in recent editions, Kevin, writes of a stunning success you can all learn from in handling his wife’s fits and turning it around into fun.

You might remember us discussing women pitching a fit for no apparent reason in the
October 9 and October 10 issues. Reading those two will bring you up to speed for what’s about to follow…

One of your fellow readers, Kevin, and I were discussing women who scream and pitch a fit but the instant a man gets upset and raises his voice one iota in response to their yelling, she comes off with something like, “I’m not talking to you while you’re yelling at me,” and Kevin replied:

(she comes off with "I'm not talking to you while you're yelling at me." )...LOL!! Oh man did that hit home!!! They flip it back to us all the time!! With mine its, "how ugly I talk to her and that she is certain I don't talk that way to the people I work with" ...David, I am like a deer in headlights every time!!!

I need to come up with something fun to flip back at her when I get that!!


I replied with this:

"I don't spank the asses of the people I work with either, and I'm about to commence spanking yours. Are you wearing your big girl panties or are you going to wuss out and want a head start when I chase you?"


Now, keep in mind that remark was just an example, intended to define an attitude of a swaggering, fun-loving naughty boy. Kevin ran with it, and get a load of what happened:

David ...I just had to drop you a line and tell you that this suggestion to me has been golden man...I have been using variations depending on what she might say since you gave it to immediately turns everything playful from the onset!!...I can see it in her face and what she replies every time I say something about pulling her panties off of her and spanking her, etc.!!! She wants her panties pulled down!!!!


I’m telling you in earnest, Gentlemen, if you’re sitting on the fence waiting for somebody else to do it first, you’re missing the boat, because everybody who’s doing it is getting the same results!

So how far can you go? As far as you can go with her looking like she’s having fun, of course! Some women even find a little playful wrestling, spanking, hair pulling, etc., quite hot, so you should experiment, and ramp it up slowly and watch for signs of discomfort or displeasure. Everybody has limits, and if you’re going to play rough, you want to find them by brushing up against them and being able to back off, not by plowing right through them and creating a traumatic event.

You have to be careful about not overdoing the frequency as well. You can’t turn into a full-time prankster or clown, else nobody, including her, will respect you or take you seriously. It’s not an act or a false identity that you put on. It’s something that comes out naturally when you know that she’s just as naughty, playful, and fun as you but waiting for you to lead her into it.

So the big question is in striking the balance. The answer there is in being able to read her and yourself accurately. It’s not too difficult to read yourself; basically, if you feel you’re pushing it, you are, and if you feel you’re holding back, you are. Go for the gusto however often you enjoy it and she’ll enjoy it with you, as long as you don’t turn into a prankish jackass who can never get serious and take care of business.

Reading her is another matter. She wants and needs to have fun, but she also needs to see that you can get serious and handle things that need to be handled, including her! That takes knowing a lot more about women than any of us ever had the opportunity to learn in high school, but…

It’s still not that much. The problem is finding the information. Everybody and their brother claims to know what women want, including a lot of women, but often you (and they!) find that what they think they want is entirely different from what they actually respond well to. Indeed, take a look at any of the three articles I’ve given recently whose titles begin with the words “Be Careful What You Wish For” and you’ll see. You’ll see something else, too…

You’ll see that I’ve rounded up a bunch of women, had them teach me how to speak girly-ese so we could communicate effectively, and then had them tell me what they wanted and needed. That was all translated into “man-speak” and released to their husbands and boyfriends as the first working draft of "THE Man’s Guide to Great Relationships and Marriage." And we proved that not only are there some common misconceptions among women about things like nice guys, we found the things that they really respond to by having their men try other things when what they said they wanted didn’t work.

Some project, huh? Well, it saved my ass, and my marriage, and theirs, too! We all came out of it, men and women alike, with a new understanding of what makes us all tick, how we respond to things, how we really prioritize things, and most important of all, solid proof that we’re different and that those differences can be used to compliment each other’s existence instead of being points of contention or competition! We found one other thing, too…

Some couples are so incompatible that they never should have come together, and no matter what they do, their only shot at a happy life is to go their separate ways. We also found that when they agree that the problem is one of gross incompatibility and not some failure to be “good enough for,” or even worse, “good enough to CHANGE FOR,” they could behave like adults and end their relationship with dignity, as friends, instead of combatants trying to punish each other into oblivion for their rejection.

It was quite a trip, and still is. There are a lot of things, like a happy marriage, a successful career, self-improvement, etc., that people mistakenly treat as a destination, when in fact they are a journey, an on-going process of exploration and growth. It would not surprise me to find out that I know more than any man alive about getting along with women in any kind of committed relationship, and yet I still find myself learning about them. And quite frankly, I hope that on the last day of my existence I’m still saying the same thing, because they are certainly worth learning about. After all, they outnumber us in the world population!

It’s true! And unlike us, they’re organized and methodical when it comes to learning about the opposite sex and managing relationships. We’re way behind the curve, so to speak, and not born with the natural resources to make it easy to pick up on, either, but…

We’re men! We take on problems and fix them! So while the women are sitting around milking the emotion from their problems with us, we can be playing catch up! LOL!

Seriously, we have a lot of catching up to do, and I’m here to make that easier for you. I have an e-book that has given men such a jump-start that they’ve pulled marriages literally out of divorce court in as little as a week, and you can download it at I’ll say nothing else, except that every minute you waste wondering what you should be doing is a minute you could be spending fixing your problems and going back to your honeymoon, so your best bet is to take action, now, while the means are available. You don’t want to find yourself a day late and a dollar short when your marriage – and life as you know it -- is on the line.

In the meantime, live well, be well, and have a wonderful day!

David Cunningham

Thursday, October 30, 2008

Feeling Guilty or Apologizing for Being a Man Is Unnatural, and Will Kill Your Relationship or Marriage

An advertising copywriter’s take on the idea of feeling guilty or apologizing for being a man, and that idea’s impact on both men and women, is both revealing and instructive. Take heed…

Many of you might remember the “King Arthur” contest we did. One of the winners of the contest is an advertising copywriter, someone who writes the copy for direct sales letters like those you get in the mail and the main page on my web site, and we’ve been working together on an overhaul of my web site as something that will help us both in a lot of ways, including improved advertising copy for me and a deeper understanding of both copywriting and women and relationships for him, a true win-win situation.

We were looking at the concept of men, influenced by the politically correct crowd, feeling guilty for and apologizing for being men and having our natural, biological tendencies (which incidentally are the very things that trigger curiosity, intrigue, and ultimately attraction in the female subconscious). I told him to look at the use of “feeling guilty for” versus “apologizing for” as a sort of exercise, and what he came back with in his analysis is even more relevant to proper male attitude than it is to the ad copy, and demands sharing with all of you. Meet my good friend and fellow copywriter, Dave:

Okay. Playing this out, I get the following feelings: I think of being guilty as a place I'm in when I've made a mistake. I did something wrong. Whether by accident or intention, I still made the mistake; hence I need to apologize for it. Guilt is about something that's wrong, apologizing is for admitting it and moving on. However, this brought up another, much bigger issue:

Being a man is who we are. Feeling guilty about being a man is an attack on our very nature and according to popular culture, the only way to overcome that is by changing yourself into some kind of metrosexual and being another girlfriend to your wife. It stinks of propaganda on a large scale – "Social Engineering" to diminish the power instincts in men? Why should being what nature or "evolution," whether you agree with it or not, determined to be our absolute best survival skills as a species, be apologized for?

That should be a line or turned into a paragraph in the copy as a supportive and illustrative example of how we are being "engineered" towards something we aren't by nature and it's time we woke up. Even if it doesn’t sell anything, it’s still a congruent, factual and provable message that every man on this planet needs to hear. They should be asking themselves whether the "delicious personal fusion" is being drained from our way of life by a bunch of politically correct, societal pool cleaners, and finding that idea totally unacceptable.

For us to feel guilty about being men, at some point we bought the line that what we feel natural and comfortable doing is not what women want. Being confident, secure about who we are, taking a leadership role because it is instinctual had to be abandoned, even though it went against every fiber of our being, which somebody should have taken as a huge red flag that this was a bad idea, since our species’ population was expanding, not contracting, at the time. Simply, we bought the idea being a man and acting like a man is somehow wrong, a mistake needing correcting, and if we get too strong, we should be ready to apologize for your error. What utter crap!

I think your newsletter today even hints at this fallacy in a very subtle way because women who have "take me now you hunk" fantasies love and respond to the power and submission aspects because it frees them to really dig into their most basic nature as well, instead of having to play the prim and proper little vessel of purity that they’ve been programmed to be (which is more utter crap).

It’s sort of like throwing off the shackles of conditioning to be free, even if it’s once in awhile, because there are so many ways to explore having fun together otherwise, but usually in fairly defined roles that don't always require letting it all go. Like a vacation from who we "have" to be, to who we have a fantasy about being, which in truth, is who we REALLY are to start with after you flush away all the programming. One of the fantasies my ex had was us running down the beach totally unclothed with no one around and gettin' with it whenever we felt like it. Being men and women were eons ago, after we realized we were men and women and before some demagogue told us that there was something wrong with it.

We grow up as boys with an instinct to tease and play with girls as long we can be the leaders and choosers on how the game is played. It's amazing how easily I got girls to do things for me other boys couldn't because I simply defined the terms of the game and they responded big time. Now that's food for thought! LOL! Even when we did things they knew they shouldn't, because it was a "part of the game," they responded and were happy to do so. Interesting...

Interesting, yes, but not magical, not by a long shot. What Dave saw as a kid was the power of defining and exercising authority, something the politically correct would tell us is a barbaric, demeaning insult to women. Really? Excuse me. How about clarifying this for me: Is it barbaric because it makes them involuntarily smile and move closer to us or because it makes them lubricate and think about being taken by us in a public place? I’m just not clear on that point…

I just copied that paragraph to a friend, one of the women on the support staff, through an instant messaging program and she came back with this:

SoccerMom1966a: LOL! If that’s demeaning, all I can say is “Demean me baby! Demean me now!!!” My hubby’s getting pretty good at that!

See what I mean?

You see Guys, this isn’t rocket science. I gave Dave that book a couple of months ago, and in the midst of working full-time and helping me with this web site overhaul and his own continuing education in copywriting, he’s become a guru in his own right, and has proven it by making contact with his ex-wife and both gaining and giving her closure on the issues that they had outstanding at the time of their divorce, and they are now good friends instead of bitter, hardened enemies with open wounds. It’s life-changing, world-changing stuff precisely because every man can grasp it and do it if he simply has the desire to improve his life and is able to read on about a fourth grade level.

So what’s holding you up? You’ve been listening to me say this and prove it for days, weeks, even months; I’ve been doing it before many witnesses, many of whom have given me unsolicited testimonials, for years. Indeed, there are a few of you who have been on my mailing list for over a year but still are not on my customer list. Are you waiting for me to reprint the entire book in these newsletters and blog posts? Not gonna happen. Are you waiting for somebody to just pop up on your doorstep and say, “Here, let me do that for you?” Not gonna happen. And there’s no reason it should have to, because you can do this.

I’ll make you a bet. Well, no, I can’t do that. Gambling is still illegal in a lot of places where this newsletter is going. So I’ll issue you a challenge. Go to and download your copy of "THE Man’s Guide to Great Relationships and Marriage," and read it. Then just do what it says for a few days and watch what happens. And something WILL happen, by the way. Just ask some of the guys who have stopped divorces cold in less than a week of downloading this book.

Then take your pick, a refund or continuing down the path you’ve begun walking. I have yet to see a man turn from that path once he started down it, and you’ll stay on it too, because it just feels too damned good to be a man and have your life coming together to give it up.

In the meantime, live well, be well, and have a wonderful day!

David Cunningham

Wednesday, October 29, 2008

The Right Attitude To Be a Happy Man In a Great Relationship or Marriage

My favorite motivational poem, which projects the true spirit of the unconquerable alpha male, who does takes both action and full responsibility for his actions, and how the confident attitude it projects will make you absolutely ooze attraction.

I have a special treat for your, my favorite motivational poem of all time. Many of you may have read it, but I’ve met few who ever gave it serious study and consideration. And that’s a shame, when you see what it holds for you that could help a relationship and marriage.

Most people remember that last line or two, but have never really studied the poem, trying to live the part of the main character, and exploring and adopting the attitude expressed. Read it carefully, once for understanding of what the character is saying, and then a second time to try to feel what they are feeling, and we'll discuss it and how it relates to your relationship and building attraction afterward.

By W.E. Henley

Out of the night that covers me,
Black as the pit from pole to pole,
I thank whatever gods there be
For my unconquerable soul.

In the fell clutch of circumstance
I have not winced or cried aloud;
Under the bludgeonings of chance
My head is bloody but unbowed.

Beyond this vale of doubt and fear
Looms but the terror of the Shade
And, yet, the passing of the years
Finds, and shall find me, unafraid.

It matters not how straight the gate,
How charged with punishments the scroll
I am the Master of my Fate,
I am the Captain of my Soul.

So let’s dig into this, deeply, and see what Henley knew about being a man. To make sure you get the context, “Invictus” is "soliloquy," defined in "The American Heritage Dictionary" as “A dramatic or literary form of discourse in which a character reveals his or her thoughts when alone or unaware of the presence of other characters." He’s not trying to impress anyone; he’s alone and thinking or speaking only to himself.

Speaking of gender, we don't know whether the character is a man or woman, but everyone assumes it is a man when they read it, because the feeling generated is that typical of an alpha male - independent, strong, railing against the storm so to speak. He is in complete darkness, according to the first paragraph, possibly in a prison or dungeon cell, or in an apartment or bedroom, utterly alone and celebrating his own sense of self and character. In the second stanza, he says that no matter what has happened to him, he's taken it and moved on.

He's been beaten up, but not beaten down, and certainly not beaten into submission. In the third stanza, rather reminiscent of Psalm 23 of the Christian Bible ("vale of doubt and fear" is identical allegory to "valley of the shadow of death," "the terror of the Shade" being the angel of death or god of the underworld, as in the first stanza we see that Henley's character is religious, but not Christian, as his “gods” are unidentified and existence questioned – “whatever gods there be”), he says that life is uncertain, and the afterlife possibly more so, yet he has no concern for that.

He goes on in the fourth saying that it matters not how he is judged ("how straight the gate" is an allusion to several different versions of Heaven and Hell, and “the scroll” is the judgment of his life) because he lived his life making his own choices, and is perfectly prepared to accept the consequences of those choices. His world and his choices are simply, utterly, and inexorably (relentlessly, for those who don't keep a dictionary handy when I get in one of these moods and wax eloquent) his own.

Why? Is it ego? Conceit? Hardly. Ego and conceit are not signs of confidence, but of a lack thereof, the leper's bell of someone lacking self-esteem and trying to fake it. This character has simply chosen to command his own life, to do with it the best he can, to accept all challenges to his life and well-being, and if he is to lose a battle, he will regroup, re-engage, and ultimately win the war.

What image does this paint for you? A sniveling, craven little wuss huddled in a corner of a dark room? I should say, "not just no, but hell no!" A man standing straight, tall, shoulders back, feet at shoulder width, head held high, ready for action; he may not own the world, but he certainly commands what part of it is around him. So blatantly heroic an image that it's not hard for a cape whipping in the breeze to enter the picture if you're not careful.

Why do I bother going through all of this about a poem? Wake up, gentlemen! This is the guy every woman wants her partner to be! At the very least, it is the image of him that she wants to hold, strong, confident, moving through the world with a purpose that is his own, in command (not CONTROL, mind you!) and in demand. Do you want to know one of the best kept secrets in all of existence? Every one of us is born this way!

Really! Look at small children. They try to do things assuming that they will succeed. They don’t jump off the back of the couch and land face-first on the floor because they’re stupid; it’s because they’ve not yet learned that there are things that are impossible. Unfortunately, as they grow older, they learn a lot more than the simple physics of gravity, inertia, and motion that would keep them from jumping off the couch and busting their face again.

It is failure that they (we!) learn, and which plagues us all for the rest of our lives if we let it. The operational phrase there is "if we let it." It's a choice. Failure of any kind is a choice, a choice to be defeated instead of a choice to learn all we can, give something our best effort, and if it doesn't work out, to acknowledge that it required more resources - whether time, money, energy, relationships, or whatever - than we were able to muster, and to make course corrections so that we continue the journey toward something desirable. No matter what the outcome of any endeavor, it is only a failure if we choose to declare it so. And as long as a man truly gives something his best effort, he cannot fail; the only failure is to fail to rationally address an issue and meet it with whatever he can reasonably muster.

Do you realize that humans are the only species on this planet with the power of volitional choice - the power to think and choose everything, instead of simply growing to the point of being able to survive and then having all development stop? Intellect allows us to reach a point of being able to survive, then surpass that point and flourish, improving our standard of living, and possibly that of others around us and in generations to come. We are the top of the food chain for that reason and none other. Contrary to popular belief, particularly that of the altruists, being human isn't something for which one should apologize (..."I can't help it. I'm only human..."), it's something to which one should aspire! (Be a REAL man! Or be a REAL Woman! I think, therefore I succeed!)

Those whom women find the most attractive are those who have aspired to be and finally became supremely human men, the alpha male - the strong, confident male, able to make logical decisions, formulate successful plans, and carry them out with all the confidence in the world that he can do just that, who looks not at his feet, but at the horizon, and onward to the next world he is to master. Be that man; it's your choice, and her dream. Make both of you happy. If you have to, print this poem and put it where you can read it while you shave every morning. (Yes, EVERY morning! Real men have more self-respect than to run around with two-day old stubble on their face and “bed hair” trying to look like a thug or a flake, no matter what might be “in style”!) Memorize it, and recite it several times throughout the day. Get it done.

It’s time to take charge, and make the world your own. She'll notice. It’s not an act. It’s a matter of first learning how things work and what the best behavior is, then toning down your bad behavior while enhancing the good behavior, and then adding to the good behavior with other traits that you can enjoy having and she will enjoy seeing. There’s a full explanation of all of this and an effective training seminar to help you put it all to work in a natural, stress-free manner, in “THE Man’s Guide to Great Relationships and Marriage,” so download it now at Go ahead, do it now, and start living the “unconquered” life, because life is too short to live it otherwise.
In the meantime, live well, be well, and have a wonderful day!
David Cunningham

Tuesday, October 28, 2008

How Your Inner Child Can Make Your Relationship or Marriage Work, IF You Let It

I mentioned the “Inner Child” a few days ago and have been inundated with both success stories and questions and requests for more detail, so here goes!

Wow! What a weekend, especially for e-mail. I’ve been swamped with the usual requests for help with delicate and desperate situations, which is nothing unusual, but it seems that everybody is wanting to know about this “inner child” thing I mentioned a few days ago.

If you missed the October 25 issue on how your inner child can trigger either attraction or maternal drive, depending on how you let it show through, back up and read that one now so that the rest of this article will make sense and you can get the most out of it. And you’ll want to also make sure you caught the following issue on October 26, on ignoring women, because today’s most “interesting” response is from Kevin, the gentleman whose question spawned that issue. He’s sent us a status report that I’m going to have to lower the heat on a bit just to make sure it gets through all the spam filters.

Okay, now that everybody is up to speed, here’s Kevin’s response after applying the advice he was given in those two issues mentioned above:

David, so glad to have been able to offer that contribution as I know it will help other guys!! Your advice was golden!!! Last night the hand holding, etc. continued and I took the lead and pulled her to my shoulder this time!! It just was totally what she was wanting!!! The caressing began and before you know it, my wife was giving me the most fantastic [substitute your favorite totally raw term for “oral pleasure” here]!!!! Totally GOLDEN!!!!

Thanks man!!!

Ummm…yeah. Any questions? All that bouncing back and forth between leadership and the inner child creates tension that must be released, and the release usually starts with her removing somebody’s clothing. ‘Nuff said.

Well, no, not quite. You may remember that his wife was telling him that he could put his head on her shoulder, and he ignored it. Would anybody care to bet on whether she was telling him to put his head on her shoulder to induce him to snuggle her up to where she could put her head on his? Possible test, possible “’Are you hungry?’ meaning ‘I’m hungry’” sort of scenario, very possibly an indirect attempt to communicate the desire she obviously had. So next time I start talking about indirect communications, pay attention. It happens to all of us, every single time we interface with a woman in any context and for any purpose.

So what is this inner child stuff? Let me paint you a picture. Indeed, North American residents will have seen this. There is a company here, Midas Muffler, that has been around as long as I can remember and does all manner of automotive service, including brakes.

They have this television commercial in which they try to express how critical it is to have your brakes in good working order by staging a scene where a little boy rushes a group of three little girls with his pet lizard, causing them to squeal and laugh and run, and he chases them across an intersection. Half-way across, he drops his lizard, then runs back to get him. Meanwhile, a mother is coming up to the intersection and stomps on her brake pedal and stops short of hitting the boy, who is oblivious to her presence until he stands up and sees her.

What you’ll notice most if you watch these children is that first, they’re all laughing and having fun, and the little girls are enjoying the little boy’s attack. They’re not running and shrieking, they’re running and squealing with delight. Then, after Midas makes their pitch for having you come in and let them do a brake job on your car, there’s a scene with the four kids standing and grinning with their arms around each other – all four of them. And the little boy has a look on his face that most men would give their eye teeth to have on theirs, the look of the man who is the leader of the pack and all the woman are smiling at.

It’s that fearless sense of mischievous play, the one we all felt before we got old enough to let someone convince us that we needed to impress each other and fear losing each other, the one that makes you do wondrous, heroic, and fun things, and makes you enjoy telling and hearing a good story or a naughty joke, that makes it fun to steal a kiss when nobody is looking, that I’m talking about, and that women utterly adore and crave to see in a man.

Especially when he’s a manly man who doesn’t just dream things, but makes them happen. A man who will chase her with the lizard, but when he catches her, instead of saying, “EEWWWWW! Girl germs!” and running away himself, will hold her there, captive, looking her dead in the eye and teasing her with the promise of a kiss. A man who, when she’s crying, will ask what’s wrong, listen to her problem, and instead of trying to force a solution on her if she doesn’t ask for one, divert her from crying by teasing her and leading her into something fun instead of playing into her distraught state and getting upset himself, assuring her through his own bravery in the face of a problem that she can be brave too.

It’s not hard, Guys. Indeed, t’s pretty damned easy. The rules are really fairly few and simple, and the only reason you’ve been screwing up for so many years is because when you wanted to know what the rules were, every guy fed you a line of crap because he didn’t know and every girl or woman either didn’t know what she really responded to or knew but couldn’t tell you in a way you could understand. And until recently, you probably really didn’t think you needed to know any more than you do – also not surprising, is it?

But here you are, looking for information, and help. And there’s a whole bunch of people around who will tell you that you found it, too. It’s not just Kevin who’s kicking things up a notch, and by the way, all those exclamation points were his; I didn’t add a single one.

So do you want to get in on what he and the others are using to get their wives out of divorce court and into a second honeymoon that doesn’t involve travel to some exotic place and blowing a bundle of money on bad food and bad service? Sure you do!

So here’s how: Go to and download your copy of "THE Man’s Guide to Great Relationships and Marriage," and just read it and use what you learn, like the three simple rules that will break the inter-gender communications barrier (and stop all that damned eye-rolling and accusations of “You NEVER listen to me!”) and the few simple things that you need to do to make her see you as the man she married or better and shift back into honeymoon mode, even if you’ve been together twenty years or longer. It can happen to you just as easily as everybody else, and life’s too short to not go for it and MAKE IT HAPPEN, so get moving!

In the meantime, live well, be well, and have a wonderful day!

David Cunningham

Monday, October 27, 2008

Temptation Is All Around, So Don't Push Your Luck If You Value Your Relationship or Marriage

Men often forget that there are just as many temptations laying in wait for women as there are for us. If you let them get bored, they’re vulnerable, so don’t push your luck – or your limits…

I hope you’re having a great week. I’m having a busy one, between counseling/coaching appointments and putting the final touches on some new content for the MakingHerHappy web site, but it’s rewarding to do a good job in helping people through their problems and to close in on goal achievement, so I’m pumped, not complaining.

You may remember this recent edition in which a woman who left me a note while changing her subscription address saying that she had told her husband she was having a problem with marital boredom and had passed on newsletters for him to read saying that they directly addressed their problem, and he ignored them. It was quite a story, and you should read it if you missed it.

You may also remember this article in which a group of women were so bored they were holding an on-going contest to see who could manipulate their husband into buying the biggest gifts (and I’ve been told that there has been a recent development in that story, where somebody got busted, and I’ll be getting you details of that soon, when the story has unfolded and the lessons are obvious!). If you missed that one, you should catch it, too, because it’s a one-of-a-kind learning opportunity.

I mention these because the woman who left the note about her husband ignoring her prompting has written about the follow-up article to the contest, another article you should go back and read if you missed it, because it details a bunch of married women getting bored and hustling drinks and collecting phone numbers in a bar in a different contest that ended up putting one of them in the hospital due to a rape and beating, and her marriage and life are now irreparably damaged. Once again, meet “P.”:

Good we go again.......

2 weekends ago I spent a weekend away in a big city with an old neighbor of mine (yes...female). We spent 2 nights there. One of the nights we went to a bar and had a blast. Guys buying us drinks, showing interest, and paying attention. I was really enjoying the attention part of it, particularly since the 2 men who asked me to leave with them were 24 and 32 -- more than 10 years younger than me. That's an ego boost. They knew I was married, I had on my ring and was not out to get laid. But I did have fun and enjoyed the company.

I can see how lonely women can get wrapped up in this kind of was fun! It made me feel good about myself, knowing SOMEONE was interested. Our husbands need to be that someone though. One thought that went through my mind that night was "maybe I should give this guy my cell phone so he can talk to my husband and tell HIM what he wanted to do to me....."

I do think this is dangerous, and could be playing with fire, just like that lady's friend.


She makes an excellent point, in that men often mistake a woman’s expression of having fun as a “green light” that isn’t there, and things get out of hand and she gets hurt. It’s also not uncommon for a woman to go out for a drink with friends and get swept off her feet by some stranger, and in the throes of attraction does things that both she and you will have a hard time living with once she wakes up and realizes what she’s done (or even the thoughts she has while she is resisting the temptation), and there is no amount of blaming and finger-pointing that can fix such a problem.

She also points out that she (and in truth, every woman) wants her husband to be the one she has fun with and who makes her feel pretty, sexy, appreciated, and special. Think about this guys…

We marry for life, they marry for life. We are afraid of sexually transmitted diseases, they are afraid of sexually transmitted diseases. We are afraid of meeting a psycho on a date, they are afraid of meeting a psycho on a date, not to mention being beaten and raped. The majority of us are uncomfortable meeting and trying to date strangers, and so are they, most of them even more than us. When it comes to fidelity, we may not be identical, but we’re a lot more alike than we are different. And something else you need to realize…

Attraction is a biological drive, not a logical one. It’s difficult to mentally override it, and there is a point where it becomes impossible, where a cascade of neurotransmitters in the brain, your brain and her brain, cause inhibition to fail and logic to be faulty, and hence, rational, responsible choice to be impossible and self-validation, no matter how self-destructive the behavior, to become standard operating procedure.

And again, all the finger-pointing and blaming in the world will not fix what happens if either of you get to this point. It is not a matter of morality, but of chemistry.

Whether you think it’s fair, moral, or anything else is irrelevant. The simple fact is that when you’re in a committed relationship, if you expect fidelity you have to do what is necessary to facilitate it. So does she. If you’re bored, it’s because she’s letting you down, and if she’s bored, it’s because you are letting her down. You can argue about that until you’re blue in the face, but it won’t change the simple fact that that’s how the world – and the human mind – works, so you’re only choice is to deal with it or try to survive the aftermath.

Would you care to wager on which choice is easier and has the greatest chance of success? I thought not…

And to those of you who are sitting there saying, “He talks too much about boredom, it’s just not that big a deal,” let me be quite blunt: boredom kills. Do you think for one second that people who do things that significantly endanger their life do so because they really enjoy it? Does the man who jumps out of a perfectly good airplane do so because he knows there’s no chance of parachute failure? Does the guy who drives a minivan or a station wagon as fast as it will go do so because he really needs to get somewhere that fast? Does the social drinker who always ends up drunk and in trouble at parties do so because they like the taste of the booze and like waking up in strange places, or in jail?

No, they do it because they’re bored and looking for something, anything, that will give them even a moment’s relief. Just as the man or woman who gets too little attention at home takes a chance on wrecking their marriage and their life by carrying on an affair. Nobody gets away with it. Even those few who don’t get caught still have to deal with the guilt and the fear of getting caught – psychopaths and sociopaths notwithstanding, of course. So before you’re too quick to say, “It can’t happen to me,” bear in mind that everybody else who has ever been on either end of an affair “knew” that it couldn’t happen to them, too.

So what do you say? Are you ready to step up and make things better? Or are you going to keep your head in the sand and keep telling yourself that what I’m talking about is something OTHER men and women do, and something OTHER men and women have to deal with. Do you realize that you are implying with such nonsense that neither you nor your wife are human?

You are human, the top of the food chain on this entire planet, and that’s something to aspire to, not apologize for. You’re the top of the food chain because you have the power of volitional choice, the ability to think and make a decision that improves your life, making us the only species of life that continues to develop past the point required for bare survival. We don’t have to wait for evolution to raise our standard of living. We can do it ourselves, simply by making good choices and acting upon them!

And more to the point, you can do it yourself.

So start here. Go to and download your copy of "THE Man’s Guide to Great Relationships and Marriage." Read it, put it to use, and make the success that those before you are enjoying now your own. Then you’ll know, beyond any doubt, that if your wife leaves the house, she’s going to be in a hurry to get back to you, and you’re going to enjoy having her there.

In the meantime, live well, be well, and have a wonderful day!
David Cunningham

“P.,” maybe you should have your husband read this one!

Sunday, October 26, 2008

Small Changes Can Make a BIG Difference in Your Relationship and Marriage

A reader demonstrates how a small change in attitude can make a huge change in a marriage, in his case the excitement, energy, and intimacy levels, and how such changes are not difficult, but fun!

Before I get into today’s lesson, I need to remind you that we’re at the end of October, meaning that Christmas, Chanukah, Kwanza, and possibly other traditional gift-giving holidays are approaching, so do yourself a favor and start thinking about gifts for the women in your life now, while you have time to do it right. See
my October 19, 2008 article on choosing the perfect gift for a woman for details.

Now for today’s lesson!

Check out my buddy Steve here, who has had a revelation that brought him the kind of success that every man wants and can have, if he can read on a fourth-grade level and follow a few simple instructions:


It is amazing how sometimes a slight change in behavior by a man can trigger a much bigger response from a woman. A couple of weeks ago, I found myself wondering why my wife was being distant and seemingly uninterested in any approach I made to be even slightly romantic or sexual. In the past, I would have asked her what was wrong and spiraled into wussitude, making things worse.

Instead, I asked myself first if anything I had been doing could possibly be the problem and the light came on. Even though it might have seemed small or even insignificant, I realized that my approach had become more needy than manly. After giving myself a mental bitch slap, I relaxed and changed my approach to a more playful, I-can-take-it-or-leave-it one and dropped the neediness. The results put a smile on my face every time I think about it.

Last weekend, after a late lunch at one of our favorite restaurants, she asked if we could stop in a shop next door before we went home. I rolled my eyes (grinning all the time) and somewhat sternly said “OK, but make it quick.” Inside the shop, while we were walking through an aisle, out of anyone else’s view, she grabbed my hand and pulled it against a private part of her anatomy, for just a second.

Needless to say, the tension grew on the ride home and we ended up having a very hot afternoon. Keeping up with the same, over the next couple of days we teased each other back and forth, and after supper last night, she invited me to accompany her upstairs. After feigning a little indifference, I agreed and once again things continued quite nicely. Before turning off the lights last night, and again this morning, she told me how hot the sex was, and she sent me an email at work today saying she misses me. All this has occurred during the week before her “monthly” when normally her desires are somewhat diminished. And, by the way, we have been married for over twenty years.

David, the things you are trying to teach us really do work, and although I had been putting them into practice, I slipped a little. The good thing is that a quick evaluation of the situation and a slight change can make a big difference, and, as you say, it isn’t hard, its fun!

Thanks again for sharing your wisdom!

Steve gets a big “attaboy”! He bought his copy of "THE Man’s Guide to Great Relationships and Marriage" on September 20, 2005, and he was writing me with advanced questions and success stories within a couple of months of that, and consistently up through March 2006. But then…

He got sidetracked and lost focus a little bit (what few details I have must remain confidential) and temporarily eased back into old habits. BUT! He recognized it, and having learned how to recognize problems and what to do about them, made a quick adjustment to eliminate that old wussitude that had begun creeping back in and BOOM! Right back into the honeymoon! And after over twenty years of marriage!

Incidentally, that’s why I repeat some of these newsletters every six months or so and why I recommend to those who buy my book to re-read periodically: so you can make sure that bad programming isn’t slipping back in, unusual work stress isn’t tearing you down, etc. So if you see one with a title or subject that looks familiar, don’t skip it. USE IT to make sure you’re still on track, and explore it to see if your new experience brings you something even better than it did last time.

And yes, it does involve change. For some of you, BIG change, even RADICAL change, but still not DIFFICULT change; indeed, it’s quite easy and enjoyable change, because you’re changing from something external forces have programmed you to be back to what you were naturally born to be. All it takes is a release from the programming that is compelling you to do all the wrong things, things that you are in fact not enjoying at all. So embrace this change, revel in it, and celebrate it. Look forward to being better when you wake up every morning, instead of dreading whatever challenges the day might bring.

For some of you it will take a little longer, and for others not as long. It all depends on how much damage has been done to you and how quickly you can accept the simple truth that being a man is fun and easy, political correctness doesn’t amount to a hill of beans in your relationship or marriage except to work against it, and that male-female (“intergender”) communications are governed by three simple rules that any fourth-grader could understand and follow. In a nutshell, how long it takes and how well it works is entirely a matter of choice, YOUR choice. Are you feeling the power?

The power of choice is a wonderful thing when you feel it. You can be feeling it by the end of this day if you want. Just go to and download your copy of "THE Man’s Guide to Great Relationships and Marriage," and empower yourself to make a few good choices, then watch what happens. I dare you…

In the meantime, live well, be well, and have a wonderful day!

David Cunningham