Saturday, August 02, 2008

Flirting: Gateway to Fun, Adventure and Hot Times Between the Sheets, Especially in Relationships and Marriage!

Do you flirt with your partner? If not, it’s no wonder she’s bored! Flirting is the gateway to attraction, fun and excitement, and in a woman’s eyes, a mark of a real man!

Before we start, I want to remind everybody that my free Break-up Busting 101 course is still available, so get it and pass it around before I remove the link. If you haven’t read it, I strongly suggest you do so. The primary causes of break-ups are not affairs and other problems; those are merely symptoms of other underlying problems, like boredom and gross incompatibility. Knowing how these root causes of problems work and how to cure them can keep you out of trouble even easier than they can get you out of trouble, and spending a half-hour or so to read that report is definitely worth everyone’s while. And my free and highly-informative “What Women REALLY Want” report is still available as well!

Today, we’re going to talk about a lost art, flirting. In a world seemingly bent on instant gratification, speed dating and speed seduction techniques appear to have supplanted good old fashioned flirting in the dating world, and believe it or not, that’s a bad thing, and losing the knack of flirting in a committed relationship or marriage is an invitation to disaster! Why?

Flirting is a series of steps before seduction. It ranges from general poking and chiding a woman to get her smiling to a playful way of ambiguously using naughty but nebulous innuendo to ease into seduction later. Joking about “floppy drives and hard drives” in a way that can be construed as talking about arousing a man instead of speaking directly of the arousal is a good example. But why is it so important and why would you want to do it with your wife or girlfriend of many years?

For the same reason you would want to do it if you were single! First, flirting is extremely complimentary without being a wussy, kiss-ass kind of maneuver. It says, “I noticed you, and want to have fun with you.” Women live for stuff like that to break up or escape the boredom of their lives, and appreciate it when ANYBODY does it for them, so if you’re not the top flirt in her life, you can bet that somebody else will be applying for the position whether she awards it to somebody else or not. Do you want to take that chance, especially when neutralizing that risk requires you only to do something that’s totally fun and leads to a “heated exchange” (damned spam filters! LOL!) in the bedroom? I should think not!

Second, it can be used to transition from almost any mental state to a playful mood, which is extremely beneficial in waking up your partner’s “urges,” since the leap from flirting to seduction is a simple transition from ambiguously naughty to directly naughty.

If you’re not flirting with your wife, you’re causing both of you to miss out on a whole lot of fun, both inside and outside the bedroom. It is truly the gateway to fun and excitement, and one of the easiest ways in the world to stir up attraction if done correctly, and in case you haven’t heard, it’s attraction, not love, that keeps the sheets warm, worn and wrinkled.

Relationships start going stale and sour when things like flirting and naughty play start to wane. Maybe you got lazy, maybe you got stressed out, maybe you forgot how, or maybe you just did it naturally at that time and really didn’t understand how important it was and what it was that you were doing that really flipped her switches. In any case, it’s fixable…

All you need to know is waiting for you in my e-book, "THE Man’s Guide to Great Relationships and Marriage," which you can easily download right now at
http://www.makingherhappy.com, and start reawakening fun and excitement that neither of you have felt in too long. Or maybe you’d like to waste a few more years of your life waiting for things to get better on their own? They don’t just get better; you have to DO SOMETHING about them to MAKE THEM BETTER, and this is your best shot, so take it.

In the meantime, live well, be well, and have a wonderful day!

David Cunningham

Friday, August 01, 2008

Distant Early Warnings Can Help Save Your Relationship and Marriage

Let’s talk about some of the most commonly-missed early symptoms of relationship trouble, and what needs to be done about them.

Like many of you, I grew up in the Cold War era (will politicians never figure out that the vast majority of us, in all nations, don’t care about spreading political and economic ideas around the world and just want to try to get along with our families and our neighbors, and that we’re far more interested in the exchange of goods and information with others and raising our standard of living through those activities than exchanging bullets and bombs and destroying the wealth that generations have worked to build, lowering the standard of living for everyone? Sorry…getting off my stump…), and one of the things we learned about in school was a surveillance system called “The D.E.W. line.”

“D.E.W.” stood for “Distant Early Warning,” and was basically a line of radar “listening posts” along or near the Artic Circle in Northern Canada that would detect an Intercontinental Ballistic Missile (ICBM) coming over the North Pole (the shortest distance from the launch sites in the former Soviet Union) to strike U.S. targets. Thankfully either they never heard anything coming over, or we never heard about it.

The Soviets had their own version of the DEW Line, and frankly, you should, too. You should look around you and determine what is in your life that could prove as an early warning of impending trouble and allow you to take whatever is necessary to fix the problem before it gets out of hand. Let’s face it, it’s a lot easier to work out a problem or even shoot down a missile than to bury the remains of a million people and treat another five million for burns, injuries, and radiation exposure, then live with nuclear fallout for a few thousand years, right? The same principle applies to your career and your family life.

I’ll let you address your career observation system on your own, but I can help you to identify early warning signs of relationship problems, and you’ve no doubt noticed that it’s also easier to smooth a few ruffled feathers or even better, tie a string around your finger to remind you of your anniversary than it is to work your way out of a break-up or divorce. It just doesn’t make sense to wait for a catastrophe, hence that old adage: “A penny’s worth of prevention beats a pound of cure.”

So what are some early warning signs of relationship trouble? I’ve been alluding to some of them in the closing paragraphs of a lot of these e-mails, but apparently a lot of you aren’t reading the last paragraph because you know there’s a sales pitch in there somewhere (wink!), and you’ve missed some pretty crucial information as a result. Instead of just listing them all, I’m going to lead you through the thought process of identifying them to help you learn how to construct your own “DEW Line.”

First, women like to talk, a lot, right? They like to discuss feelings and events, and many of them have a powerful drive to give an accounting of the events of their day and the people they interact with, even when the parties don’t know each other and really don’t care. (For example, I once had a secretary who would tell me about her cat’s activities and what her aging father had for dinner the night before, knowing full well that I was allergic to cat dander and didn’t like the way her father brow-beat her, and didn’t want to hear about either of them.)

Their biological wiring compels them to be extremely social and share tons of information, and their need to escape boredom causes them to sift through their own and each other’s experiences looking for relief via adrenaline spikes from the emotional reactions to memories. Most of them don’t know or understand that we men don’t do this, and find much of it truly annoying, especially the drama, so they’re driven to give us big doses of it, too, thinking that we do the same thing for the same reason. So what do you think it means if your wife is talking to you less and less, and has devolved from answering “How was your day, Dear?” with a 20-minute account of everything she did, saw, heard, tasted, felt, thought, etc., to “Fine’???

It doesn’t mean that she’s learned that drama annoys you. It means that she thinks that you don’t want to listen to her at all and are asking as a formality because you’ve shut her down in so many other conversations. Women who learn that you find the drama annoying will simply filter out some of the drama, not give you curt, monosyllable answers. Communication is one of the primary ways they seek intimacy, and if she’s not communicating, she’s no longer interested in intimacy with you on any level. See how that’s done?

How about the bedroom? How often in your life have you ever really been too tired for really great sex? Or had a headache so bad that it would prevent it? I grew up on a farm and have worked my butt off frequently since leaving the farm, and have been too tired precisely once, and that was in my military days when I was injured, hadn’t slept in two days, was dehydrated, and my muscles were so fatigued and stiff that I literally couldn’t stand up. People just don’t get that tired but a few times in their entire life, no matter what’s going on, if they’re even of average health.

The same goes for headaches, unless there is some kind of migraine or brain tumor issue, or possibly a neck injury. The really bad ones just don’t come that often, and if they do, whomever is suffering them is looking for medical help, not just sitting around complaining, right? It’s just not that hard to pop a couple of aspirin or something, and there really aren’t that many people around who prefer the attention they get from the martyrdom of drug-free endurance of a headache so much that they’d actually do it. There’s no logic to it.

When you hear hooves beating the ground, expect horses, not zebras, unless of course you happen to live somewhere in Africa where zebras are more common than horses. That’s a very common way of expressing “Occam’s Razor,” which states that the simplest explanation or solution is most often the best. You could call that one of the laws of the universe with regard to troubleshooting, right up there with Sir Arthur Conan Doyle’s formula for finding truth, as spoken through Sherlock Holmes, “When you have eliminated all possibilities, whatever is left, no matter how unlikely, must be the truth.”

So if you’re hearing excuses like that, what does it tell you? What MUST it tell you? That you’re not creating attraction and desire, and it’s just easier to tell a common lie than to hurt your feelings with the truth and deal with the confrontation and the guilt that is likely to follow. Hence, if you’re hearing frequent medically-oriented excuses and not seeing medical bills, somebody’s trying to let somebody off easy.

What if there are no excuses, and just no sex? What if you were “throwing down” (as one of my best friends calls it) 4-7 times per week, and now you’re at once per week, or once per month, or have fallen all the way down to that nasty statistic of once every two months, the average frequency for couples world-wide who have been together more than two years? This one is going to scare the pants off of you, because it’s two-fold…

Why? Because it’s a symptom of a big problem, and in the bigger picture, it’s also a cause of a bigger problem. Decreasing frequency is a symptom of lack of attraction and increasing boredom, and it’s also a cause of non-sexual marital boredom and affairs, the lack of intimacy that destroys solid relationships, and ultimately break-ups and divorces. Didn’t see that one coming at you, huh? Marriages seldom break up solely because of sexual infrequency, but they nearly always break up because of the things that cause sexual infrequency and lack of interest, so it’s yet another early warning sign of current problems with bigger ones to come.

By the way, I’m talking about a change in behavior here, not somebody who has had a diminished libido all their life because of low hormone levels. And even then, according to my readers, many people who have had diminished libido, upon gaining love and intimacy with someone, will more often than not seek a hormone supplement or other libido booster from their physician or over the counter. So in the end, there is very likely something that can be done for nearly anyone to help them have physical intimacy with their mate. Men are paying $15-$20 per tablet for Via’gra or some other enhancer, and there are some testosterone supplements that cost less for a whole month’s supply than a single dose of some sort of enhancer. It’s not beyond your reach. But I digress…

What about not talking because there’s nothing to talk about? What does that tell you? If it’s happening frequently, and you’re both finding yourselves driven to outside hobbies and friends and avoiding spending time together doing anything that requires conversation (like one of the few things you do together is watch television or a movie or sit in the same room reading but not discussing what you read), it tells you that now that you’ve come to know each other you have nothing in common to keep the relationship going (common values, common interests, etc.) and may well be so mismatched that you don’t make it.

Look for common ground to give you something to talk about, and if you don’t find any and can’t make any, consider easing out gracefully before you wind up getting frustrated with keeping up pretenses and bored to death because there’s nothing fun, interesting, or important to do together, and can logically discuss what is happening without the interference of being angry with each other over problems that developed and couldn’t be fixed and getting into “the blame game.” It’s a lot easier to part friends who acknowledge the common mistake of being incompatible than to fight a war because you’re hurt and frustrated and everybody’s wanting to punish everybody else for making them feel “not good enough to change for.” You can’t change who you are to suit someone else any more than someone else can change for your sake.

There are lots of early warning signs because there are many potential pitfalls in committed relationships. Being able to identify the pitfalls and warning signs are a simple matter of knowing what it really takes to make a relationship work, which in turn takes knowing what your partner needs and wants from both you and the relationship. That will require knowing how to communicate effectively with her, which is a lot more complex than simply marrying someone who speaks the same language; a man and woman can say the same words in the same tone of voice and the meanings be very different, even stark opposites.

Yes, it’s pretty much a minefield, but there’s a map through the minefield, called "THE Man’s Guide to Great Relationships and Marriage," and you should download your copy at
http://www.makingherhappy.com right now, and get your own DEW Line developed and in place, or if the missiles are already inbound, find out how to shoot them down and get yourself into some “intense diplomatic negotiations,” fast!

In the meantime, live well, be well, and have a wonderful day!

David Cunningham

Thursday, July 31, 2008

What Rudyard Kipling Knew About Being a Man and Building Great Relationships and Marriages

The great poet Rudyard Kipling knew a lot about being a man, and unlike most poets, his poetic liberties were taken only with his choice of words, not with the image of a man as he is born and should live. Check this out….

As a general rule, I don’t have a lot of use for most poets. I enjoy good poetry as much as anyone else, but I’m told I’m a picky bastard when it comes to what constitutes good poetry. Indeed, I just avoid anything that would argue against being human, being a man, being happy being a man, or being attractive as a result of being happy being a man, and enjoy art and poetry that celebrates all of the above. You should, too. Think with me for a minute or two:

For me, and any Objectivist, fact and reality are the keys to the universe, and humans are acknowledged as being the top of the food chain because we are the only species that has the power of reason, granting us the ability to use facts to improve our lives and standard of living beyond the bare minimum requirements for survival; we are the only species of life on the planet able to do this. This makes us at least somewhat heroic, as we go beyond what all other life forms do in the pursuit and achievement of excellence.

For us, art, in all its forms must imitate and enhance life, not mock it, distort it, disparage or discourage it. It should be uplifting and inspiring or it serves no productive purpose. Hence, poetry, prose, music, plays, and films that reject or distort reality, or attempt to socially engineer our actions to go against that which we are born to be, is offensive, and there’s a lot that falls into that category. Pretty direct and pretty simple.

I’ve published W.E. Henley’s “Invictus” (see this article in the archive) in more than one newsletter because it is such an uplifting work, along with some translator’s notes based upon Henley’s own comments because his choice of language and the period in which he wrote it made parts of it a little difficult to decipher enough see the picture that Henley was trying to paint with his words, but that won’t be necessary with Kipling…

He describes the man women want to know and love in great detail, calling out characteristics of leadership, confidence, character, courage, sense of humor, and everything else women want with example after example of the behaviors that flow from having an attitude proper to a man. Study and learn from him.

Without further ado, Rudyard Kipling’s “If”:

If you can keep your head when all about you
Are losing theirs and blaming it on you,
If you can trust yourself when all men doubt you
But make allowance for their doubting too,
If you can wait and not be tired by waiting,
Or being lied about, don't deal in lies,
Or being hated, don't give way to hating,
And yet don't look too good, nor talk too wise:

If you can dream--and not make dreams your master,
If you can think--and not make thoughts your aim;
If you can meet with Triumph and Disaster
And treat those two impostors just the same;
If you can bear to hear the truth you've spoken
Twisted by knaves to make a trap for fools,
Or watch the things you gave your life to, broken,
And stoop and build 'em up with worn-out tools:

If you can make one heap of all your winnings
And risk it all on one turn of pitch-and-toss,
And lose, and start again at your beginnings
And never breath a word about your loss;
If you can force your heart and nerve and sinew
To serve your turn long after they are gone,
And so hold on when there is nothing in you
Except the Will which says to them: "Hold on!"

If you can talk with crowds and keep your virtue,
Or walk with kings--nor lose the common touch,
If neither foes nor loving friends can hurt you;
If all men count with you, but none too much,
If you can fill the unforgiving minute
With sixty seconds' worth of distance run,
Yours is the Earth and everything that's in it,
And--which is more--you'll be a Man, my son!

This was passed on to me by one of my star students, a top executive in a very large company who is about as much a real guy as you’ll ever meet; despite a six-figure income he eats mostly game he kills himself and builds furniture in his garage when he needs something. It’s not a matter of what he can afford, it’s the satisfaction and pride that a man feels in being competent, self-sufficient, and entirely independent that motivates him. (After reading "THE Man’s Guide to Great Relationships and Marriage," he’s a recruiting poster for ultimate males who know exactly what women want, say, and think and know how to respond!) Here’s what he had to say when he passed this poem on to me:

“I've had this posted in my office for years - one of only two things of the sort - I'm sure you've read it, but it's a newsletter in itself, I think. Men were better in those days-“

He’s right. Men were better in those days, before we all fell under the spell of bad programming that made us believe – in spite of generations of evidence to the contrary – that women want a nice guy who cries in public and leaves all the decisions up to her. But men are getting better…

They’re reading "THE Man’s Guide to Great Relationships and Marriage," and their partners are responding as they shed this old programming and learn things that most men never knew about understanding and communicating with women to boot! Break-ups and divorces are being stopped, sometimes in as little as a week, as men find out that the root of their problem was some combination of being a wuss, not understanding what their wife was telling them, and allowing their wife (or girlfriend) to become bored and recognizing neither their part nor their responsibility in that mistake.

The causes were simple but mysterious, yet the cure is simple, and no longer has to elude you. Simply go to
http://www.makingherhappy.com and download your copy of "THE Man’s Guide to Great Relationships and Marriage," right now, and get your relationship back on track, quickly, or just go right ahead and keep thinking that those conversations and romantic interludes in the bedroom that are growing shorter and less frequent don’t really mean anything, and then come see me when she says she’s leaving and it’s ten times harder to stop and reverse the damage. The hard way, or the easy way – what’s your choice? Choose well, because your relationship and a good chunk of your life is riding on it.

In the meantime, live well, be well, and have a wonderful day!

David Cunningham
The great poet Rudyard Kipling knew a lot about being a man, and unlike most poets, his poetic liberties were taken only with his choice of words, not with the image of a man as he is born and should live. Check this out….

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Good morning, {!firstname_fix}! As a general rule, I don’t have a lot of use for most poets. I enjoy good poetry as much as anyone else, but I’m told I’m a picky bastard when it comes to what constitutes good poetry. Indeed, I just avoid anything that would argue against being human, being a man, being happy being a man, or being attractive as a result of being happy being a man, and enjoy art and poetry that celebrates all of the above. You should, too. Think with me for a minute or two:

For me, and any Objectivist, fact and reality are the keys to the universe, and humans are acknowledged as being the top of the food chain because we are the only species that has the power of reason, granting us the ability to use facts to improve our lives and standard of living beyond the bare minimum requirements for survival; we are the only species of life on the planet able to do this. This makes us at least somewhat heroic, as we go beyond what all other life forms do in the pursuit and achievement of excellence.

For us, art, in all its forms must imitate and enhance life, not mock it, distort it, disparage or discourage it. It should be uplifting and inspiring or it serves no productive purpose. Hence, poetry, prose, music, plays, and films that reject or distort reality, or attempt to socially engineer our actions to go against that which we are born to be, is offensive, and there’s a lot that falls into that category. Pretty direct and pretty simple.

I’ve published W.E. Henley’s “Invictus” (see http://www.aweber.com/z/article/?mhh_tips&ID=AEwMDBy0DMy0jMwEDIxcrExcDMx0HCycTCxMtAwsAA== in the archive) in more than one newsletter because it is such an uplifting work, along with some translator’s notes based upon Henley’s own comments because his choice of language and the period in which he wrote it made parts of it a little difficult to decipher enough see the picture that Henley was trying to paint with his words, but that won’t be necessary with Kipling…

He describes the man women want to know and love in great detail, calling out characteristics of leadership, confidence, character, courage, sense of humor, and everything else women want with example after example of the behaviors that flow from having an attitude proper to a man. Study and learn from him.

Without further ado, Rudyard Kipling’s “If”:

If you can keep your head when all about you
Are losing theirs and blaming it on you,
If you can trust yourself when all men doubt you
But make allowance for their doubting too,
If you can wait and not be tired by waiting,
Or being lied about, don't deal in lies,
Or being hated, don't give way to hating,
And yet don't look too good, nor talk too wise:

If you can dream--and not make dreams your master,
If you can think--and not make thoughts your aim;
If you can meet with Triumph and Disaster
And treat those two impostors just the same;
If you can bear to hear the truth you've spoken
Twisted by knaves to make a trap for fools,
Or watch the things you gave your life to, broken,
And stoop and build 'em up with worn-out tools:

If you can make one heap of all your winnings
And risk it all on one turn of pitch-and-toss,
And lose, and start again at your beginnings
And never breath a word about your loss;
If you can force your heart and nerve and sinew
To serve your turn long after they are gone,
And so hold on when there is nothing in you
Except the Will which says to them: "Hold on!"

If you can talk with crowds and keep your virtue,
Or walk with kings--nor lose the common touch,
If neither foes nor loving friends can hurt you;
If all men count with you, but none too much,
If you can fill the unforgiving minute
With sixty seconds' worth of distance run,
Yours is the Earth and everything that's in it,
And--which is more--you'll be a Man, my son!

This was passed on to me by one of my star students, a top executive in a very large company who is about as much a real guy as you’ll ever meet; despite a six-figure income he eats mostly game he kills himself and builds furniture in his garage when he needs something. It’s not a matter of what he can afford, it’s the satisfaction and pride that a man feels in being competent, self-sufficient, and entirely independent that motivates him. (After reading "THE Man’s Guide to Great Relationships and Marriage," he’s a recruiting poster for ultimate males who know exactly what women want, say, and think and know how to respond!) Here’s what he had to say when he passed this poem on to me:

“I've had this posted in my office for years - one of only two things of the sort - I'm sure you've read it, but it's a newsletter in itself, I think. Men were better in those days-“

He’s right. Men were better in those days, before we all fell under the spell of bad programming that made us believe – in spite of generations of evidence to the contrary – that women wanted a nice guy who cries in public and leaves all the decisions up to her. But men are getting better…

They’re reading "THE Man’s Guide to Great Relationships and Marriage," and their partners are responding as they shed this old programming and learn things that most men never knew about understanding and communicating with women to boot! Break-ups and divorces are being stopped, sometimes in as little as a week, as men find out that the root of their problem was some combination of being a wuss, not understanding what their wife was telling them, and allowing their wife (or girlfriend) to become bored and recognizing neither their part nor their responsibility in that mistake.

The causes were simple but mysterious, yet the cure is simple, and no longer has to elude you. Simply go to http://www.makingherhappy.com and download your copy of "THE Man’s Guide to Great Relationships and Marriage," right now, and get your relationship back on track, quickly, or just go right ahead and keep thinking that those conversations and romantic interludes in the bedroom that are growing shorter and less frequent don’t really mean anything, and then come see me when she says she’s leaving and it’s ten times harder to stop and reverse the damage. The hard way, or the easy way – what’s your choice? Choose well, because your relationship and a good chunk of your life is riding on it.

In the meantime, live well, be well, and have a wonderful day!David Cunningham

Wednesday, July 30, 2008

Don't Win the Battle to Lose the War: Handling Conflict in Relationships and Marriage

E-mails and blog posts gave more coverage to Darren Sherman’s stalking behavior after a date didn’t go his way than about the problems of the world. Could it be that’s because this kind of behavior is a far bigger problem than crooked politicians and (alleged) oil shortages? Look at what you can learn from this poor idiot’s behavior concerning your marriage or committed relationship.

If you didn’t see one of the e-mails floating around about Darren Sherman’s post bad date behavior last summer, you’ve missed one of the most pathetic yet funny incidents I’ve ever heard. Here’s a hugely entertaining rendition of it at Peter Shankman’s “PR Differently” blog
and there’s a lot you can learn from reading it and listening to the voice mail message that isn’t so obvious at first glance. Jump over there and check it out before continuing here…

Pathetic just doesn’t really scratch the surface, does it? But since we’re talking about committed relationships and marriages here, let’s move past the idiotic, crass, and utterly uncouth bit of demanding a refund on her half of the check (because she was out of town and didn’t get his messages, leading him to believe there would be no second date, which, from his behavior, seems to have been a reasonable expectation on his part anyway!) and look at his behavior in from a broader perspective.

First, according to the girl’s letter, he apparently assumed that she didn’t want to see him again in spite of no facts supporting such a conclusion. Since it may have been awhile since you were in the dating world and possibly out of touch with current practices, if you’re going to call somebody you’ve been out with to acknowledge a good time and chat them up for another date, you call one time, and then you go about your business, and if they haven’t called by the time you need to make another date for the weekend, you simply call somebody else. A lot of people are subject to go out of town suddenly, especially in a town of movers and shakers like NYC, and you have to give them a bit of time to “clear out the clutter” and get their schedule stabilized before calling you back.

He apparently jumped into wuss mode, assumed that since she didn’t immediately call back that she didn’t want to see him again and was just snubbing him, and his ego jumped into the driver’s seat. And then what does he do?

He starts very childishly looking to punish her for the assumed rejection, and continues to escalate it, apparently without any regard for the risk he’s taking under today’s stalking laws, or for the mathematics of the situation; the guy is the CEO of a compliance consulting firm, and that’s “big bucks” anywhere you go, and double in NYC, and there is no way in the world that $50 came close to covering the value of his time in pursuing it. Got the picture? Okay, now let’s bring this closer to home…

How many times have you made or seen these mistakes made in your own or other relationships?

1. Letting an incorrect assumption motivate an act of reprisal against someone

2. Continuing to escalate a situation after finding out that your assumption was incorrect and that there’s really nothing to be pissed off about (but possibly something to be terribly embarrassed about, such as the original absurd assumption!)

3. Getting so hung up on “who’s right” and “winning” that you lose track of “what’s right” and “the risks and cost of fighting the battle.”

Silly things like assuming that somebody didn’t pick up something you wanted at the store while they were out when in fact the store was out of stock on the item can spur an incident that follows this path of escalation and destruction to the point that it causes a break-up or a divorce, and if you haven’t seen it happen at least once in your lifetime, I’d like to hear from you just to know that you exist. I’ve watched it all my life, and frankly, over half a lifetime ago, I did it myself, and ended up screwing up a very good relationship that could have easily turned into a life-long partnership. Now for the big question…

What can you do to stop this from happening?

I’ve preached enough on the law of cause and effect and when trying to fix a problem you should seek to treat the cause and not the symptom, so I’ll spare you the justification for that approach and say that the cause of Darren’s problem and all occurrences of this kind of mess is low self-esteem. That’s right! If you feel good about yourself, you have no reason to be anxious and jumping to negative conclusions with nothing but fear of the unknown as the basis for that conclusion.

Nor do you have the need to get competitive and try to punish somebody for a disagreement and force yourself or your opinion on them or make them regret having disagreed with you. Right?

And most of all, when you feel good about yourself, you’re much more interested in what’s right than who’s right, so you focus on finding the truth instead of securing an empty victory. People who feel good about themselves also avoid putting themselves at risk unless the possible benefit justifies that risk.

Assuming for the sake of discussion that a man has a six-figure or even seven-figure salary and will lose it if he goes to jail for stalking, is that in any way justified in the recovery of fifty bucks for a meal check? Or is the risk of a divorce and having your family torn apart, life turned upside down, and losing half or more of everything you have justified by getting your partner to admit that to doing something that they haven’t really done, or say that they agree with you when they really don’t, just to placate you and shut you up?

It’s intriguing to see how many of the laws of physics apply to relationships; for every action, there is an equal and opposite reaction. Granted, in the case of a relationship the reaction may indeed be disproportionate, and it’s likely to be an over-reaction if you make somebody fairly angry or hurt them. Monitor your emotions carefully, and next time you catch yourself feeling like you want to “uncork on your partner,” stop and think, “What am I going to gain by going through this, and what am I going to risk losing?” Then answer!

The easiest rule of thumb to follow is if you’re going to gain or maintain your self-respect, then you should continue (although you should try to keep your anger in check and ask questions and discuss rather than just jumping down your partner’s throat), and if you are going to risk losing your self-respect (through embarrassment over assumptions, etc.), it’s very likely going to be a bad idea and you definitely have some more thinking and fact-finding to do.

Another of my favorite laws of physics is the Law of Inertia. It states that an object in motion tends to remain in motion and an object at rest tends to remain at rest, until acted upon by an equal or superior force. This can be universally applied by merely simplifying the language:

If you always do
What you’ve always done
You’ll always get
What you’ve always got.

The limerick format just makes it easier to remember. So now think about this. If you’ve always had problems and do nothing to change the underlying cause, is there any reason to expect them to just fix themselves? Of course not, and you there, in the back, nodding your head “yes” with a dumbfounded expression on your face, will stay after class for remedial training and possible scheduling for a brain transplant. Where problems are concerned, a continuation of the problem without escalation is your best-case scenario if you don’t do something to fix it, and continuance with escalation and disaster is the most likely course if it’s causing any kind of ill feelings.

No ill feelings? Are you sure? Are you hearing things like, “You never listen to me?” Or are you hearing nothing at all? Have things slowed down at the dinner table discussions, or in the bedroom? Are you getting short or even monosyllable answers to questions that you’d think would invite a more verbose answer? Are you going separate directions when you go places that you used to explore together? An answer of “yes” to any of these questions is a highly-reliable indicator that there are indeed problems, either unresolved issues or boredom at least.

Didn’t know boredom was a major problem? You don’t know much about women, do you? Ask one how she feels when she gets bored. You and I aren’t that uncomfortable with it, indeed, it’s often a good excuse for a nap, but in women you’ll find that they are so stricken by it that they start exhibiting some of the same symptoms we do when we feel anger or fear: trembling, inability to focus, sensation of desperation, willingness to do anything, even if it’s wrong, just to cause some change in the situation, just to name a few. The greatest gift you can give any woman is to love her enough to remain vigilant and protect her from boredom.

That sounds like a pretty tall order, but if you talk to people who have been married fifty years and are still happy together (especially those who still have “the heat” for each other, and yes, there are plenty of them), you’ll find that the secret to their success is that they have learned, usually the hard way, how to cope with these problems or they are so well-matched that they never experience them enough to notice.


Whether subconsciously or consciously, they keep an eye on the status of their relationship, and they fix things when they break. They recognize that men and women have different needs and ways of doing things, especially communicating and dealing with problems and emotions, and they consider and accommodate these differences to reduce stress and build trust. They know what each other likes and values, and they share common values. They also know what turns each other on and off, and reserve their bedroom for sleep, sex and intimacy instead of taking their problems in there.

I’ve worked with hundreds of such couples, and imparted the knowledge that worked for some to the rest of the group to see what was universally true and what was more appropriate for only some participants. Everything that worked for 90% or more of the couples is in "THE Man’s Guide to Great Relationships and Marriage," and you should download it at
http://www.makingherhappy.com right now, and have the benefit of all those who succeeded before you to do wonderful things in your own relationship…

…or, you can keep doing what you’ve always done, and keep getting what you’ve always been getting, like frustration, confusion, fear, celibacy, affairs, fights, questions with no answers, dirty looks, spousal abuse and sabotage – I really don’t need to give you the whole list, because you’re living with it. By the way, I’m not living with it anymore, and from the testimonials I’m receiving from readers, they’re not either. So how about joining us?

In the meantime, live well, be well, and have a wonderful day!

David Cunningham

Tuesday, July 29, 2008

Saving Your Relationship and Marriage

One of my readers is a research hound, a very skilled one, and he’s gathered proof that what I’ve been telling you folks is true and accurate on a global scale. There’s much here to learn and use in what he’s dug up, so tune in and turn on!

I hope you’re having a great day! I sure am. I am yet again reminded of how sharp my readers are. Many of you will remember “Rick,” one of my more avid and astute readers and contributors.

Rick read my book and turned himself around well over a year ago, and has since been on a crusade to help other men discover that what I teach works, especially that being a man, and indeed human, may not be popular or politically correct, but it is nonetheless something to which one should aspire, not apologize for, and that relationships worth saving can be saved if we will but spend a little effort to be what we were born to be instead of what certain sorry elements of society would have us be. Prepare to have your mind expanded and filled (I’ll be injecting some parenthetical commentary:

Hey David,

Reading that email (The July 24 edition speaking about women and affairs in the real world) brought back some fond memories. It also inspired me to email you and show you how much things have evolved on this topic.

As you're probably aware, I'm an avid researcher, like yourself. I've found more evidence to support that what you tell your readers hits the bullseye for accuracy.

Look - over 50% of women surveyed have confessed to having submissive fantasies. Why do you think Anne Rice novels are so popular? Or why so many women wear clothing that hints at a BDSM lifestyle? Many women fantasize about these things but have never found someone to help them live the fantasy. If you become that man, you become her living dream! It is what it is.

(Women LOVE being led by a man with the confidence to lead! And the lifestyle Rick mentions is not about perversion, control, and demeaning behavior; it’s about leadership and trust. Ask some of the participants and they will tell you the same thing they’ve told me. While it may seem extreme and even “sick” to the uninitiated, there is a thrill in being led through a potentially intense and dangerous situation finding time and again that you can trust your partner to lead without being abusive. And no, I don’t participate. I’m simply reporting what the participants have said, so I’m not defending my own predilections here.)

With regards to romance novels, here's the best way I explain it to men so they understand: Romance novels are to women what adult videos are to men. Again statistics bear this out. 95% of all romance novels sold are purchased by women, and 95% of all adult videos sold are purchased by men.

(I strongly recommend to men that they read a popular romance novel or two to help understand what gives women the rush of attraction, even if they have to enlist the help of a female friend to help them understand the important parts.)

The following are examples that some women really do have these thoughts running in their heads:

"Mary", 26 year old wife and mother of 2: Mary's husband was a typical, boring man, which is a poor match for a woman with an incredible sexual imagination. Mary got online and started searching for a "Master", someone that would control her mind, body, and soul. She finally found one - and this "Master" told her when, where, and how she was allowed to have sex with her own husband! The husband eventually filed for divorce, but was humiliated for months before finally waking up.

(As I’ve told you many, MANY times, Gentlemen, stand up, take the lead in your household, and make sure that your wife has no reason to be bored, or someone else will! It’s as sure as the sun rising in the east and setting in the west, biological, not logical.)

"Amy", 19 years old: Amy was a fresh young girl that was into older men. Through some local searching she found one - a 51-year old that she has wild times with! This older man is now enjoying some teenage lovin', all because he knew how to trigger and sustain her attraction to him. As a side note, when Heidi Fleiss was 19, she had a fling with a 61 year old man, so these encounters are NOT uncommon!

(I have a great many reader letters and have read excerpts from letters in other authors’ newsletters bearing this out: Attraction is seldom bound by age, looks – other than the appearance of self-respect – wealth, or anything else that men have mistakenly thought came to bear on their attractiveness, whether to new dates, their girlfriends, or wives.)

"Paula", 35 years old: Years of suppressing fantasies of submission led Paula to really go wild when she finally started acting on these thoughts - she enjoyed used by several men at once. Not what you would expect from a highly-paid executive with a husband and child at home.

(Are you listening? A highly-paid executive with a family, risking losing it all, not because she is immoral, but because she denied her own needs and desires too long and was finally overwhelmed by them after she entered circumstances at home and at work where her whole world was at risk. Don’t wait for your wife to try to tell you about her secret wishes and wants, ask her about them, and listen carefully. Try to oblige them, too, because if you don’t, somebody else may end up doing it for you!)

Now I realize these examples are on the extreme side, but I felt it was necessary to share them so that men can realize what can happen to them if they don't make the effort to maintain their relationship or marriage. In the cases of the two married women, they're the results of boredom unchecked by a inattentive husband who wasn't flipping his wife's attraction triggers.

(And based on what I’ve been told by readers, their wives, and women who have responded to surveys, these examples are not so extreme. Indeed, they’re almost common, and the circumstances that give rise to them are entirely common. Make sure that you protect your relationship, marriage, and family from these conditions at all costs!)

The solution is what you said in that email:

“Be a man! And be a husband. A real husband, one who makes her feel alive, engaged, challenged, understood, and appreciated, as she tries to make you feel, not some guy who goes to work and sits with a remote control and a beer in front of the television all evening while she tends the kids and spends the rest of the evening in some Internet chat room. Get a clue!”

(A direct quote from that same newsletter. According to letters from women, the advice of “making her feel alive, engaged, challenged, understood, and appreciated” were the most commonly occurring women’s needs that went unmet. The reference to the channel surfing couch potato whose wife spends her time with kids and Internet interlopers in chat rooms was taken directly from those same letters from women as a huge mistake men make.)

Otherwise the future is grim. A study in the 1980's revealed that 90% of the relationships were ended by women. Currently, almost three quarters of all divorces in the US are filed by women.

(Yikes! Do we – the women and I -- have your attention now?)

Gentlemen the choice is yours, make the right one.

Hope you're well,

Rick.

Thank you Rick, as always. Seeing guys like you take this stuff and run with it like this is what keeps me going sometimes.

Gents, I don’t know what else to say here. Some of you are in or just out of relationships and marriages that you never should have entered, and entered because you thought need, attraction, or lust was love. You need to get out, and learn what a good woman and good relationship looks like before you try again.

The rest of you are in good relationships and marriages, but while your compatibility has remained intact, attraction is waning, she’s getting bored, and your communications skills are too poor to be able to figure out what’s going on and fix it. What’s interesting, and indeed, ironic, is that you need the exact same things that the other group of guys need.

All of you need to shrug off all of the crap you’ve been fed for the last 20-40 years and get back to being a real man. A man who leads, who creates and knows his own value, who understands and communicates well with women, who entertains himself and others with competence and authority, not as a court jester, but a man, a mentor, and a respected figure in his social circle, no matter where on the ladder that happens to be.

For that, you need to know what it really means to be a man. You need to know the one and only way to build genuine self-esteem so that you have the confidence to be a man and a leader, especially in the presence of women. You need to know how women communicate, and try to match their methods and protocols while you help them to understand the much more basic and direct male methods. And you need to know how to evaluate the relationships in your life, all of them, but especially those with the people close to you, so that you can encourage the good ones and terminate the bad ones that suck the life out of you instead of enriching your life.

And all of that, and more, is contained in the pages of "THE Man's Guide to Great Relationships and Marriage," which you can download at
http://www.makingherhappy.com with little more than a few mouse-clicks. You now have the choice to continue screwing up or to know that which not even Sigmund Freud, the renowned psychologist, knew when he said, “The great question, which I have not been able to answer, is ‘What does a woman want?’”

As Rick said, make the right choice. And make it now, while you still have time to fix your problems the easy way; it gets much harder as time goes on.

In the meantime, live well, be well, and have a wonderful day!

David Cunningham

Monday, July 28, 2008

Reader Responses Confirm: Your Diet Can Kill Your Relationship and Marriage

A reader comments about his experience after eliminating soy and the feminizing effects of the estrogen it contains from his diet. In short, he’s feeling like a man again! And other readers confirm that they're better off without it.

On
July 17, I wrote to you about how soy estrogens have a feminizing effect on men because they tie up testosterone receptors and keep the male sex hormone from making you masculine while enhancing any potential feminine appearance and personality factors. I received the expected ranting and raving from people who feel (but don’t have one iota of scientific evidence) that soy is the ultimate healthful food, and prevents all sorts of diseases, including cancer (which incidentally, numerous scientific studies have proven can be CAUSED by soy estrogens, not prevented by it). However…

I also got several letters from men and a woman who have had the good sense to try removing soy from their diet for themselves and see if they notice any difference in their demeanor, appearance, etc., to confirm or contradict what I reported. Here are a few of their notes:

Hi David,

I did as you suggested and stopped drinking the two glasses of soy milk my wife had me drinking every day, and I’m already feeling a lot more like my old self, and specifically, a lot more like the MAN I used to be. I thought getting cloudy-headed and having trouble focusing on tasks, and getting frustrated and fussy over things that didn’t bother me in the past was just old age setting in, even though I’m only 46. My wife has noticed the difference, too, and now she’s beginning to question her vegetarian diet and its effect on our kids. Thanks for the heads-up!

John T.

Hey Dave, [For future reference, I really prefer people don’t call me “Dave” – it’s not all that offensive, it’s just not “me,” if you know what I mean.]

My wife and I have been trying to have another baby, and not having much luck. In fact, we were getting pretty frustrated. After reading your article on soy, we started researching and found that soy has been linked to fertility problems. We’re vegetarians and eat a lot of soy-substitutes for meat products and drink a lot of soy milk, and this has us questioning our choice. However, I want to thank you for the information and to let you know that in following your advice and taking the lead in the research and discussion on the subject and doing the naughty play things you mention, my wife’s acting differently toward me, like sex isn’t just a chore to have the baby. My guess is we owe you a lot, so thanks!

Gary

(Note: birth control pills contain estrogen and progesterone, so this is not a surprise.)

Hi David,

I was skeptical of your newsletter and of the book you mentioned [“The Whole Soy Story” by Dr. Kaayla Daniel], so I got a copy of the book and in trying to debunk what she says, ended up finding proof of most of what she said before giving up and accepting it as truth. My doctor has been harping at me over elevated homocysteine levels and estrogen levels, and I expect that when I see him next month I’ll see improvement. You may have saved me a heart attack, and I thank you.

Janelle

(It may have saved her from some form of cancer, too, as estrogen is a cellular reproduction hormone and elevated estrogen levels have been causally -- not casually -- linked to several types of cancer, especially of the breasts and female reproductive organs.)

So guys, here’s the scoop: Nothing that makes you feminine or unhealthy is going to make you attractive, and soy has proven and is continuing to prove to be a major cause of wussification and feminization of men, along with a whole bunch of health problems studies have causally linked to soy (while my work is entirely related to relationships, it’s still very valuable information, and I urge you to read it):

1. Elevated homocysteine levels, a crystalline amino acid that erodes blood vessels and causes them to hemorrhage, which is then filled with LDL cholesterol, which acts like radiator “stop-leak” and seals the fissure, but continues to collect and forms plaque as it picks up minerals like calcium from the blood and ultimately, if unchecked, causes a blockage, which can result in heart disease, heart attack, stroke, pulmonary embolus (if the plaque breaks loose and lodges in the lungs, which is often deadly), etc.

2. Cancer, especially of the breasts and reproductive organs

3. Allergies and reduced immunity

4. Thyroid dysfunction (caused by genistein, a major constituent of soy products, which is known to depress the thyroid gland, causing stunted growth, lower intelligence and heart disease, any of which can indeed cause relationship-impeding problems)

5. Malnutrition and digestive problems (many people are allergic to soy, especially soybean oil, which is why potato chips cooked in “Olean” and other modified soy bean oils that supposedly lower fat content causes some people digestive upset.)

6. Nutrient deficiencies, including calcium (vital for bone health and the prevention of osteoporosis, and doctors blindly parrot the propaganda that estrogen-containing HRT helps prevent bone loss when it in fact contributes to it!)

7. Reproductive disorders (another relationship-straining possibility) and infertility (also caused by ingestion of genistein)

8. Cognitive and mental decline (care to bet on whether this could put a damper on a relationship?)

9. Psychosexual problems (high estrogen levels make concentration difficult, and make one “edgy” enough to interfere with libido, as you’ve seen in women who tend to drift to the shopping list and chore lists while in the middle of sex)

I want to be perfectly clear about this: I am not “attacking” soy, and have no agenda, except to report to you things that bona fide scientists and doctors have discovered in well-structured and executed clinical studies and reported about something that can have a severe impact on both your relationship and your life together. I’m not in this just to help people light things back up in the bedroom; it takes a healthy sex-life to have a healthy and long-lasting relationship, but it also takes communication, intimacy, love, trust, respect, etc., and good health certainly facilitates all of the above, does it not?

In case anybody is wondering, this whole apparent myth about soy being healthy started in 1995 when a character by name of Dr. James W. Anderson did what is called a “meta-analysis” of soy. Meta-analysis is where someone who can’t conduct their own study and doesn’t know enough about a subject to get a grant or involvement in a bona fide study gathers data from a collection of other studies and renders an opinion based on nothing more than statistical analysis and their interpretation of the findings.

Since those who use meta-analysis don’t know enough about the subject to study it directly, they have no way of knowing if the studies they throw into the mix were conducted correctly, are scientifically sound, etc., and bad results often follow as things are either taken out of context or based upon studies that are flawed, merely “suggest” something instead of “proving” it, turn out to be a meta-analysis of other studies, or turn out to be biased by virtue of who paid for the study.

Anderson’s meta-analysis was funded by Protein Technologies International, a major promoter of soy products – a pretty big red flag – but everybody jumped on the band wagon. Since then, Anderson himself has admitted that other studies conducted over the past ten years have proven the inaccuracy of his initial study and findings by stating that these other studies have “reported less impressive results.” The U.S. Food and Drug Administration has also received warnings from its own staff experts about supporting the claims of a statistician, but they were ignored.

Consequently, governments of Israel, France, the United Kingdom, and New Zealand, among others, are issuing warnings against the use of soy formula for infants, especially regarding the effects of genistein. They’re slow to act, as any government is, but hopefully they and the U.S. Food and Drug Administration (FDA) get around to noticing that it’s bad for adults, too.

In a nutshell, possible benefits of soy use are clearly outweighed by PROVEN risks.

So there it is, folks. It’s a long, complex story, and I may have provided more detail than many of you care to stomach, but I’ll not apologize for trying to take good care of you and providing facts instead of unsupported opinion and theory. I sell books on improving long-term relationships to make my living, but I’m here to help you live long and happy lives together, and I’m going to report to you any factual information I encounter that will help you to do that.

Speaking of selling books (big wink!), I’ve got a winner for you. It’s called "THE Man’s Guide to Great Relationships and Marriage," and it covers so much more than attraction; it teaches the thorough evaluation of your relationship and its constituents, what you need to know to truly understand women, their needs, their habits and methods, and how to communicate with them, and how to build attraction for them to spice up your intimate life and protect them from their greatest enemy of all, BOREDOM.

Yes, I said boredom, and if you don’t believe me, just ask one of them! Then jump over to http://www.makingherhappy.com and download your copy and get started on kicking your relationship up to notches unknown!

In the meantime, live well, be well, and have a wonderful day!

David Cunningham

Sunday, July 27, 2008

Quitters Never Win, and Winners Never Quit: Attitude for Fixing Relationships and Marriage

A profound demonstration of an attitude that can kill a relationship in a heartbeat, from a man who will likely never be able to fix his relationship or anything else. Don’t make his mistake…

I get a lot of material for lessons from readers’ letters because most ask really good questions, but every now and then, somebody’s comment on the “unsubscribe” (how I hate what computers are doing to this language!!! Would anyone care to discuss the use of the word “input” as a verb? Try conjugating it, and let me know what you think when you get to the past tense, “inputted”! LOL!) form opens the door for a great one as well. Observe the comment at the bottom of this form:

-----Original Message-----
From: XXXXXXXX@hotmail.com [mailto:XXXXXXX@hotmail.com]
Sent: Wednesday, July 26, 2006 2:28 AM
To: David Cunningham
Subject: AWeber mhh_tips: This Lead Unsubscribed: XXXXXX@hotmail.com

This lead has unsubscribed by following the link at the bottom of one of your AWeber messages, and decided to provide comments. Why did I receive this email? http://www.aweber.com/faq_messages.htm#messages6b

Name: XXX
Email: XXXXX@hotmail.com
Signup Date: 05/05/06 05:06 AM EST

Comments:
your wasting my time

We’ll ignore the poor spelling (“you are” is “you’re,” not “your” which is possessive), lack of capitalization and punctuation, and the ridiculous notion that I’m wasting his time when the choice of how to spend his time is his own, not mine, and look at the communication issue, which is relevant to all kinds of relationships. I sent him the following reply, and after you read it, we’ll draw parallels into committed and other relationships:

Hi Wes,

Really? How so? What would make this worth your time, and why did it take you almost three months to come to this realization? Has there been something change recently that you dislike? Tell me what's making this a waste and I'll try to address it, or are you one of those people who sits and waits for validation of the bad choices they've made and when they don't find it, move on to another source? People who want information ask for it; they don't just turn their back on it and walk away. So tell me, what is it that you want to see and know?

David Cunningham

Yes, I goaded him a bit, hoping to wake him up and make him realize that he did have an input channel (he’s never written once in nearly three months to ask a question or make a suggestion as to how I could better serve his needs), and to possibly provoke him into taking a hard look at himself and determining if he was indeed looking for validation instead of information.

(Yes, Ladies, we guys can do stuff like that. We also jab each other with mild insults about our weight, signs of aging, etc., to help us thicken our skin a bit and be a bit better at handling criticism, and at least some of us know that it doesn’t work the same way with you, especially after I did that “What to Do When She Gains a Few Pounds” newsletter a while back.)

He never responded, but look at what we have here, because there’s plenty to learn from it:

How many times have you seen relationships end like this? Everything seems to be cruising along for months, no questions, no discussions, seeming like everything is on a pretty even keel, and suddenly, BOOM! A huge fight, or worse, a break-up or divorce, without there ever having been a word of discussion about a problem?

How many times have you found yourself being irritated or confused and wanting to say something, but didn’t? Or found yourself not understanding something and frustrated and wanting to ask something, but didn’t? We get pissed off at women for appearing to expect us to read their mind, but how many times have you been guilty of doing the same thing? Expecting her to “just know” that you need to say something or ask something, need her to do something, need se’x, or whatever is just as ridiculous, if not more so, than her expecting you to, because as a man, your job is to initiate and lead discussions and actions, remember? Demonstrating strength and leadership skills is one of those attraction-building activities we’re constantly discussing.

Your lesson for today? If you have an issue that involves your partner, don’t walk away from it, and don’t expect them to “just know” that there’s an issue. Talk to them about it – don’t whine about it, yell about it, or act needy or controlling because of it. Just put it out there and talk about it, and invite her to remain engaged and to discuss it with you, otherwise you’ll come across as just lodging a complaint and nothing more will happen.

Yes, I’m serious! If you need an answer, keep her talking until you have it. If you need her commitment to a goal or behavioral change, negotiate it. And if something comes up that you really do need to work on, suck it up like a man and fix it if you expect her to ever engage in any other discussion with you. Problem-solving is a double-edged sword; sometimes you find out that YOU are the problem, and that YOU are the only one who can act to fix something. Sometimes it’s going to be her. Sometimes it’s something both of you have to work on. Even on occasions where neither of you really did anything to contribute to the problem, both of you may need to contribute to the solution. Speaking of which, enter into problem-solving seeking the best solution for the problem, not the best solution for your convenience, or validation for your mistakes.

Women love to talk, as long as somebody is listening, and they love to listen as long as they will also be able to speak. They are, after all, far and away the more social gender of the two, and also far and away the most active and aggressive when it comes to managing relationships, so as long as you are talking and listening, you can usually expect her to do the same as long as you conduct yourself with respect, for yourself and for her. And you may be surprised at how adept many women can be at solving problems, too, especially if you can stay focused on the problem and stay away from discussing the people involved and the drama that comes from that. Focus on WHAT the problem is and WHAT can be done about it, not WHO caused and WHO needs to act.

“But how do I talk and listen to her?” you say? Thanks to the cooperative and combined efforts of several hundred women, it’s all laid out for you in "THE Man’s Guide to Great Relationships and Marriage," which you can download at
http://www.makingherhappy.com right now with little more than a couple of mouse clicks. Hop on over and get yours and start having answers and resolution instead of confusion and frustration.

In the meantime, live well, be well, and have a wonderful day!

David Cunningham