Saturday, April 05, 2008

The Path to True Manhood and a Great Relationship and Marriage, Part II, the Epiphany Continues

My buddy David saw his letter in yesterday’s episode, and erupted with a continuation of his epiphany, which has even more valuable insights that you won’t want to miss, so read on!

If you missed yesterday’s episode, you really missed a treat, so go back and catch up. Today’s is even more insightful and significant than yesterday, as the floodgates appear to have been opened. Without further ado, more from my friend David:

THANK YOU!!!

I could tell it had all the earmarks and thanks for further clarifying some of the points, which inspired me further:

Stress basically comes from what? Doing things we don't want to do, feel compelled to do or don't enjoy doing. Being an Alpha Male is who we are meant to be and nature gears us up for it from the moment of conception according to all scientific evidence. We are genetically programmed for it and are hence born to be precisely and elegantly an Alpha Male, nothing less.

So when you throw in the BS of trying to get us to be anything other than MALE, our stress levels rise accordingly because we are doing something AGAINST OUR NATURE! As you pointed out, it is not a question of gearing ourselves up for more stress to save our relationships, it's a question of how much relief we want in our lives, our relationships and our minds.

How popular was the song "Take This Job and Shove It!" because it echoed so many peoples despair over their jobs? When it finally clicks in men’s minds how HUGE a stress it is for a woman to be bored, is it any surprise she's ready to sing "Take This Relationship And Shove It?" because it has all the earmarks of being a JOB now and not a source of pleasure, safety, trust, fun and excitement, or anything positive at all?

We all fantasize about being free. How magic a honeymoon is because you have PERMISSION to enjoy yourselves with no restraints. Run on the beach naked? No Problem! Tickle and tease? Go for it! Get frisky wherever and whenever? Hoo Yah!

What restrains this behavior at home? It's not the kids, it's not the job, it's not her. You have stopped giving yourself PERMISSION to be yourself. You have now become locked up behind the cell door of "expected behavior" and the constant stress that goes with it. Your creativity goes by the doormat, your fun hangs on the coat rack by the door, and your stress amps up as you walk in. You now have two jobs. Work and home. Is it any wonder things go south? Now your relationship and marriage has turned into a job, a bad job, for both of you! And at this point, could life together such any worse? Not much!

Why do we lose patience with those who are not men any longer? Because nobody tolerates a fake. Someone who lives a lie in an attempt to please. Our natures scream against it. We are following our nature when we seek to open the eyes of those in lock down. Yet they - like a caged bird - have grown so used to it being "normal," they no longer see the bars. It has become safe, and they have become your “comfortably unhappy.” Our frustration grows because we are trying to free them and they don't want it. It's too hard. It's too much work. They’re safe. The constant bombardment of whining wears anyone down. You can hear so much of it before it becomes sickening. It becomes so clear, so obvious you stare in disbelief how obvious it is and they can't see it!

And just how safe is it if she's out the door after trying, fighting and begging you to step up and you keep closing the door every time she tries to open it? She wants her man back and he only wants his safety. It is a fact lions, tigers and most any large animal in a zoo will fight to keep its territory in that little cage even when offered a larger open space in front of it. They have to poke and prod it into freedom. What size prod will it take for men to learn?

D.H. Lawrence wrote a lot of poetry, and some of it sounds strange until you find the context, such as one that was featured in “G.I. Jane” (another shining example of women acting more like a man than men do):
“I never saw a wild thing feeling sorry for itself. A bird will fall, frozen dead, from a bough, without ever having felt sorry for itself.”

I never saw the significance of that until we started discussing this, and the lion analogy reminded me that we were once wild, but now, like the lion, we can’t tell the difference between what we have and something better, and feel sorry for ourselves because “she just doesn’t understand,” and “we do everything for them and they just don’t care.” Yeah, right.

The question would then simplify to - "Do you give yourself permission to be a man or do you enjoy your cage too much?" Asking someone else's permission does not free you of responsibility. It adds to it. It now makes YOU responsible for yours and her decisions because you didn't make them. You may see the responsibility as being hers because she made it. What you have done in fact is make her FEEL responsible for not only her issues, but now she has to take care of yours as well. Now she is feeling more caged by the minute. Trapped behind bars she does not want, did not build and YOU put her there. Any wonder she starts to resent you?

So if any man ever asks a woman for permission as an attempt to be sensitive, what he is asking her in her mind is, consciously or not, for her to join him in his cell, in his enslavement, in his BOREDOM. What woman in her right mind would agree to any such thing? Is it any wonder every instinct in her is screaming 'LEAVE RIGHT NOW!" Or that eventually, if he doesn’t straighten up, she listens to the voices inside and either leaves or puts him out?

Think about what being true to our nature means. One aspect is being able to sense the falseness in others. It becomes easier to tell from the smallest of hints. Women cultivate their true nature as a part of growing up. It builds and enhances their nature to more effectively deal with life and their relationships. Because they are strengthening their true nature, anyone being false hasn't a chance of fooling them. It's also why when they are not being true to their nature but fighting against it as most feminists do, it's harder for them to tell when someone is false.

Understanding body language helps, but when you sense it as a part of your nature, it takes minimal education to its nuances for the recognition to expand.

Is the light of truth harsh reality or a beacon of freedom?

Harsh reality slaps you in the face with papers, storming out the door in anger, or affairs.

The beacon of freedom frees you from the need to act, to pretend, to lie to yourself or her any longer.

And if you don't have to pretend any more, think what freedom that gives you to have some fun again! There is no longer any pressure to "perform!" No longer wondering what will set her off or make her happy. It's now simply a matter of who you are that makes her wet just thinking about what is to come.

Her tests are easy to pass because you simply react as a man. You don't have to learn how to handle each situation in detail. You don't need examples. You simply call it what it is, make it clear you know what's up and she'll love you for it.

Maybe that's why there's such a negative reaction by women growing stronger and more outraged at all the dating and attraction "skills" being taught. They find out about them, check to see if you're using them and make it clear in no uncertain terms what they think of you. I even saw a CSI Miami episode where the women were having great fun making fun of and embarrassing men "caught in the act" of “running game” on them.

To my mind it also taints the image of what men perceive about fixing relationships. It's learning another set of skills to deal better with their women when in fact it's nothing of the kind. Like you said. It's about being reborn as the man you were intended to be. Stop looking at it as a skill, an act, a set of learned behaviors you need to practice. It's learning to forgive yourself for the mistakes you've made and realizing nothing would please her more than to see you making mistakes and having successes on your way to being the man she wants. The mistakes she'll forgive, and help you learn from when she sees you actually doing something. The successes she'll reward you with in ways you had no clue she was ready to give you to make sure they keep coming!

Finally it will begin to sink in she REALLY DOES want you to succeed. It's in her best interest, her long term sanity and safety. She can relax and be your woman when you relax and BE her man. The nagging and carping stop when you begin. Then maybe you'll realize the picking at you is not her trying to drive you nuts, it's her trying to wake you up! Once she knows you are back among the living again and not hiding behind "expected behaviors" anymore, the rewards won't cease.

Oops! Gotta get ready for work. I've been thinking the logical conclusion to this is how misunderstood the picture of an Alpha Male is in most men's minds. It's gotten so idealized it seems unapproachable, when indeed it is our natural state.

Later!
David

Are you getting all of this? Could it be made any clearer for you? This is the way of the world, and if you don’t “believe” it, ask a woman! Ask her what it feels like to be with a man who bores her, a man who doesn’t listen to her, a man who won’t step up and act like a man, a man who won’t lead, and either whines about having to make decisions or even worse, is so insecure that in lieu of leading, he attempts to control everything, including her. I did…

Indeed, I asked a great many, and learned from them. And I taught their boyfriends and husbands, and we then refined everything and once it was all proven, I began teaching other men, and they in turn are teaching thousands more as they live in relationships and marriages that most would think impossible, when indeed if a foundation of compatibility is there, true happiness that lasts is easily attainable.

Care to join us? Go to
http://www.makingherhappy.com and download your copy of "THE Man's Guide to Great Relationships and Marriage" and get started. Or stay in your cage. It’s your choice, so make a good one.

In the meantime, live well, be well, and have a wonderful day!
David Cunningham

Friday, April 04, 2008

The Path to True Manhood and a Great Relationship and Marriage

A long-time reader and close friend goes on a rant that paints a strikingly clear picture of where most men are today and the short, simple, and straight path they can take to true manhood and a great relationship and marriage with a great woman. Give him a listen…

I ran a contest a couple of years ago wherein readers were challenged to read a fable and glean from it any of several profound lessons concerning getting along with women. One of the winners quickly became a very close and valued friend, and helps me with advertising copy on my web site.

His command of my information is outstanding, and his deployment of it has been flawless. And his job, managing a convenience store in a large city, gives him a never-ending stream of exposure to examples of what I teach of both male and female behavior. He is truly a master, and he occasionally sends me something that I have to send to all of you because its value to you is so self-evident. My good friend, David:

What if it turned out every man was who he was supposed to be? Right now. This minute.

What if all he had to do to live it was to see it, understand it and cultivate it?

What if the reason he wasn't was because he was so buried in bulls**t about "today’s man," the idea of why the old Marlboro Man ads were so frigging successful, and still are, completely eludes them?

What if being the man they dream of being, the success they want to be, the lady killer they dream of has little to do with learning something new, but everything to do with following our true nature?

How can you know who you are when you are so wrapped up in trying to fit yourself into a mold of someone else's devising?

It seems to me no one buried us in it. We gladly wrapped the thick smelly coat of dried BS around ourselves out of what, fear?

Fear of disappointing whom? Mom, Dad, brother, sister, boss, girlfriend, or wife?

Fear of losing girlfriend, wife, or boss?

Fear of being seen as less than a man while hiding every sense, urge and instinct to scream "Screw this!"

Are we so afraid of being ourselves, men, real men, manly men who do manly things, that we see the coat as silk, smell the stench as sweet, and feel the bloody abrasion against our nature as soothing?

Can you tell I've had to deal with a bunch of wimps and wussies all week?

I was having this nice conversation with myself about how I finally realized I AM the man I always wanted to be. I have spent so much of my life covering it all up with BS because I never learned to trust myself. That understanding was key to releasing all the garbage holding me back and acting on what I know I am capable of. How it was all finally beginning to gel in my mind. Becoming clear enough I could finally see it, believe it and know it. Some may think of this as cocky but would have no idea it means I understand I am not perfect, don't know nearly as much as I want to, not the shape I want to be in BUT I am happy with me. I believe in me.

What brought this all to a head was all the whining, complaining and groaning I've been hearing, especially some of these tough guys, young and old, gladly surrendering the fight to the women in their life to try to make them happy. And no matter what I say, they just scoff like I'm trying to blow smoke up their butt or something.

Has being a wimp to women become so commonplace and downright mainstream for men that being a man is heresy now?

That might actually be the start of a great headline... or a newsletter...

Ah well, to bed. I am off tomorrow and working 2-10's for the next week starting on Friday.

Later!
David

Interesting points he makes. For starters, all of the “what-if’s” he opens with are rhetorical questions, a train of thought for a letter advertising my book that eventually turned into a rant. We ARE already the man we were born to be, and ARE cloaked in a veil of wussy “bovine manure” of dubious origin. And we took it on ourselves by choice. No woman, nor any other authority, twisted our arms and said, “You will be a wuss or suffer the consequences.”

We didn’t know what to do, misinterpreted women’s stated desire to have men be a bit more aware of women’s emotional needs, and turned into a bunch of insufferable wusses that women want no part of because they can’t respect us, can’t follow us, and we bore them to tears by always asking them what they want to do instead of leading into a conversation with at least a suggestion if not a tentative decision.

He also discloses something that I’ve been sensing in myself for a long time now: once a man has returned to being a real man, he has very little stomach for those who are still wallowing in wussdom. Based on conversations with women over the last few years, I seem to have as little tolerance as any of them, maybe even less, for indecisive, emotionally-overwhelmed men. You may not think this information has much of a direct effect on your relationship or marriage, but consider this:

“Alpha males” are what they are mainly because they exhibit leadership qualities. This gets them promoted into leadership positions, and one of them may well be your boss. If you’re acting wussy and indecisive as a result of having remade yourself to suit a woman (which we both know isn’t working, by the way), you can bet you’re annoying the life out of an alpha male boss, and since he knows how to spot leadership qualities, you can bet that a promotion isn’t in your future. A chilling thought? Spending the next thirty years of your career without advancement because you can’t take the reins? Scares the hell out of me.

And how do you think a wife might respond to it? With respect? Admiration? Attraction? I can assure you that most would respond to it by shifting into mother mode for awhile before losing interest and having an affair or dumping you, while the rest would move straight into having an affair or dumping you at some point. A woman has to respect you to love you, and being indecisive and failing thereby to improve and advance yourself certainly does not invoke respect.

Getting back to things that directly affect your relationship and marriage, the other big thing that David points out is that since we’re not talking about a reinvention, but a rebirth, a return to what you really are, we’re not talking about adding stress to your life; we’re talking about removing it. You don’t have to put up with your wife being a brat. You can call her on it, as a man should, and in truth, AS SHE EXPECTS YOU TO DO!

You don’t have to defer all decisions to her. You can ask for her input and make the decision, as a man should, and in truth, AS SHE EXPECTS YOU TO DO!

To this day, I’m still amazed by the letters I get from men who are reading my newsletters and saying how hard they think it will be to do what I propose, and how they don’t think they can do it. The only thing more amazing is the letters I get from the ones who have read my book and returned to being a man, stating how EASY IT WAS, and how much THEIR WIVES LOVE IT AND LOVE THEM FOR IT.

Okay, I’ve preached enough for one day. It’s decision time. Can you make one? Are you going to continue to bore your wife to tears, and embarrass the life out of her by being a wuss, or are you going to straighten up, stand tall, and start enjoying your life, and allowing her to enjoy hers with you? It’s really that simple a choice. The former is hard, and takes a lot of effort on your part, while the latter is easy, as any man who has put my book to work will tell you. You already have everything you need to do it except the know-how, and you can have that in the next few minutes.

Just go to
http://www.makingherhappy.com and download your copy of my book, "THE Man's Guide to Great Relationships and Marriage" and see for yourself. And when you’ve turned a new leaf and find yourself being annoyed by girly-men as you enjoy a renewed marriage with a woman who thinks you walk on water, you can write me a letter like David’s, and I’ll publish it here for all the world to read and we men and our women will celebrate it with you.

In the meantime, live well, be well, and have a wonderful day!
David Cunningham

Thursday, April 03, 2008

What Baseball and Bubblegum Can Teach You to Improve Yourself and Your Relationship and Marriage

Baseball players are notorious for letting their “inner child” out, doing everything from throwing tantrums by destroying the water cooler to the ritual bonding displays of their 40-step “handshakes.” There’s an attitude amongst all that which women find irresistible, and that once you recognize it, you can easily live with, because it’s naturally part of YOU, too!

Baseball season is finally here again, and I wanted to tell you my favorite baseball story for men looking to be more of a man, because it’s a great one. Even if you’re not a baseball fan or have never seen a baseball game, there is something you can learn from baseball players about being that attractive mix of alpha male and naughty little boy that no woman on the planet can resist. I saw a perfect example at a Yankees game, and it’s been proven perfect by the reactions of several women, too!

Bobby Abreu is a Venezuelan-born player who was traded by the Philadelphia Phillies to the New York Yankees. He’s a very good player, and one of those guys who is always playing like he enjoys the game, frequently cracking a big grin on the field and at the plate. (Phillies fans have written that they don’t care much for him, but he’s been a great addition to the Yankees.)

I was watching a game between the Yankees and the Detroit Tigers, and the Tigers had some pretty tough pitchers. The game was close, and Abreu walks up to the batters box and starts going through the ritual gripping, mock-swinging, etc., that all players go through when getting ready to bat. As the pitcher caught the signal for what pitch to throw from the catcher and stood up straight to deliver, thunder struck…

Abreu was chewing a huge wad of gum, as usual, and started blowing a bubble that was as big as his head, and just held it there for a few seconds, let it pop, and then grinned the most classic naughty-boy grin I have ever seen, taunting the pitcher, who was so rattled by the comedy of it that he had to step off the rubber (the thing at the top of the pitcher’s mound that they brace against and push off of to help them throw harder and more consistently) to try to compose himself. The next pitch was very nicely hit, indeed crushed, because Abreu’s stunt had destroyed the pitcher’s concentration and it was a little too close to the middle of the strike zone to be missed, especially by a skilled batsman like Abreu.

I asked some female readers and friends who were Yankees fans about it and the response went pretty much like, “I like him. I wasn’t sure about him before, but after that bubble-blowing stunt, I like him a lot. He’s fun to watch!” Think about that, and let’s analyze…

First, this big guy comes walking up looking very strong, confident, and pretty much swinging a club. Very primal, and if you don’t think it has an effect on women, who seldom play the game, take a look in the stands sometime and see how many are WATCHING the game, often in groups of women! I’ve set near groups of them at games and listened to them, and some of them know baseball, but the majority of them are there to see the guys in their tight pants swinging their clubs with authority, having fun, and making things happen. Why else do you think Derek Jeter is one of the world’s most eligible bachelors? Look at any picture of him and what do you see? That same “naughty little boy out to have a good time” ear-to-ear grin, and women eat that attitude like candy.

Now add to that the confidence and confident expression of a guy who’s batting very well and an excellent fielder – basically an expert in his chosen profession, a huge display of authority – who walks up to the plate and in open defiance of a pitcher who is regarded to be among the best, says, “You don’t scare me a bit,” by blowing a huge bubble in his face and grinning like the Cheshire cat from Alice in Wonderland. It put me in mind of a ten-year old boy getting ready to smack a teacher in the back of the head with a grapefruit-sized spit ball and getting caught, and cracking that grin as he said, “Who, me?” in true Alfred E. Newman (MAD Magazine) style.

Which brings up something else, something that may be even more important! The average guy, if he had seen his wife responding to another man like that and was smart enough to realize that he was seeing attraction would have immediately been insecure and started either wussing out or getting jealous and angry with his wife. Why? And more important, why should he NOT?

He would have done it because he didn’t know any better, and would have seen valuable information as a threat to his ability to maintain his fragile fantasy of being enough to satisfy his wife instead of seeing it as an example of something he could do to make things better in his relationship or marriage. You may have a tendency to do this as well; let’s face it, if everything was good at home you probably wouldn’t be reading this. But why should you not get angry, and instead see this as an opportunity to learn?

For starters, another man’s attractive behavior isn’t necessarily a threat, nor is your wife’s reaction to it, at least not at first. Remember, it’s the behavior, not the guy that excites her; a biological trigger, not a value judgment that makes her respond to him. Most of all, it’s a big clue as to what you should be doing if you’re not doing it!

Never, ever allow yourself to see something that is better than you are currently capable of to be perceived as a threat. It’s a choice, so frame it as a goal, an opportunity to improve, and an example to follow as you try to make things better. Treat the person who excels more than you as a mentor, not an enemy, and you’ll go much farther in life.

I’ve given you some VERY valuable lessons today, unfortunately more valuable than most of you will ever realize; I’d like to think that these lessons won’t be lost on any of you, but the truth is that only half or less of the people who receive this e-mail will actually read it, and a large percentage of those who do will mistakenly think self-defeating thoughts like, “Treat somebody who’s better than me as a mentor? Yeah, right! Like somebody successful would want to teach me something.”

Well, yes, a lot of people would love to teach you something, especially me, if you would just wake up and realize that the world is not against you, and people do enjoy seeing others succeed so they have somebody to swap stories with. That’s part of what being a guy is all about, isn’t it??? We do things, they work out, we learn from them, and we swap stories and celebrate our victories, and tell each other how to avoid making the same mistakes. Has it not occurred to you that what you are reading is just such an effort? WAKE UP!

For those of you who do realize the value of what’s written here, whether it was before the ass-tearing or after, this doesn’t even scratch the surface of what I have that will help you. Over 3,000 man-hours went into the research and writing of "THE Man’s Guide to Great Relationships and Marriage," and it contains the wisdom of the experience of hundreds of couples, 118 of them in the first writing and hundreds more since. Download your copy right now at
http://www.makingherhappy.com and take advantage of all of us who are offering to be your mentor, giving you what you need to make your life and relationship better than it’s ever been, maybe even better than you ever dreamed it could be, from our own experiences.

In the meantime, live well, be well, and have a wonderful day!
David Cunningham

Wednesday, April 02, 2008

Be a Manly Man Who Does Manly Things to Enjoy a Great Relationship and Marriage

A female reader is displeased with her husband’s recent evolution from “manly man who does manly things” to “metrosexual guy who acts like a girlfriend instead of a husband. What can I say? Chicks dig manly men, so be one!

A lot of men have trouble dressing themselves, especially those of us that have no artistic sense of proportion, color-matching, etc., and many of us don’t have the self-respect to learn how to dress and groom ourselves. Unfortunately, many of us are also so insecure about what our partners like that if they suggest anything that they like, we have a tendency to go overboard, inundating them with something they really would have like to see just a little more of until it ruins it for them (think chocolate three meals per day or back rubs that last so long it chafes their skin and hurts) and has the opposite effect of what either of us want: they end up bored and/or frustrated. Meet Nancy:

Hi David,

I love your newsletter. I wish I could get my husband to read it and your book. I’m at my wits end with him.

He started watching that TV show, “What Not to Wear” a couple of years ago because he wanted to look better for me, but he went overboard, got obsessed with clothes, fashion, scents, etc., then came the hair products, then the skin products, and if he wasn’t pursuing me like he does I’d swear he was gay. He has become one of those “metrosexual” men. It was fun for awhile, because he’d go shopping with me, and we’d sit and talk about what everybody else was wearing and stuff. After awhile he was more fun than most of my girlfriends, but the more we did this, the less I responded to his advances,” and it’s come to the point where he takes longer to get ready to go somewhere than I do and it’s just too much, if you know what I mean. He gets more attention than I do when we go out, at least more compliments.

I guess I should be grateful because other women used to approach him right in front of me, servers were always flirting with him, etc., but they don’t anymore, and frankly, neither do I. My husband was a sexy man until this started, and now I see what people were talking about when I started hearing the term “girly man” awhile back. He was a manly man, and very sexy acting, but I’d remarked a few times that I wish he’d upgrade his wardrobe a bit because the shorts and graphic T-shirts just weren’t doing anything for him, and now, I wish I’d kept my mouth shut. Can you help?

Nancy


My reply:

Well, Nancy, I can help by pointing out the obvious, but you could help him as much as I on this particular issue by simply telling him, bluntly, that while you appreciate his effort, he’s gone too far down the wrong road, and you want your “manly” man back, because while he’s now a lot “spiffier” than he was, he’s just not sexy anymore because he’s turned into a girlfriend.

When you said something about his wardrobe, something snapped and his sense of self-esteem and security went down the tubes, possibly because he realized how bad he looked and was quite embarrassed about it. That could have been all it took to stop him from acting confident and displaying the alpha male behavior that you found so attractive, and he needs to regain that confidence by returning to doing the things he enjoys and can feel competent in doing instead of trying to compensate for a history of dressing badly by seeking the approval of everyone who saw him looking like a slacker.

The main problem with the metrosexual behavior, which you have expressed but may not have noticed, is that the two of you have started doing “girlfriend things” together, and your husband, once a “manly man who did manly things” is now in effect another social relationship (“girlfriend”) to manage. What was once special, exciting, unique, and sexy is now mundane, to the point of boring and frustrating you.

It’s good that he’s “upgraded his wardrobe,” as you put it, but what he needs to understand is that for men, dressing to project self-respect is far, far more important than dressing with the latest fashion trend. The shorts and graphic T-shirts didn’t bug you so much because they were ugly as because in your eyes, he was both capable and deserving of better, and he didn’t treat himself with respect nor project the respectability that you knew he commanded.

Now, if his dressing habits are “going overboard,” it’s likely making a subconscious impression on you that he’s insecure, and looking for approval and enjoying the extra attention. Approval-seeking behavior is one of the wussiest, most attraction-killing things that a man can engage in. Taking more time than you to get ready to go somewhere is reinforcing that projection of insecurity, because the excessive and fussy use of facial products smells of a fear of wrinkles, signs of aging, and aging itself; a man needs to take care of himself, but looking and acting “girly” is a bad move, no matter what action you’re talking about.

Take care, and keep in touch,
David

Gentlemen, it’s like this. Women (at least heterosexuals – I’m not qualified to comment on lesbians) like men. They like being around men, having relationships with men, and sleeping with men – real men, manly men who do manly things. They like having a man define and exercise authority (NOT CONTROL!) by taking the lead in things, making decisions, and exhibiting confidence. Don’t ruin it for them by doing “girlfriend stuff” with them and turning into another girlfriend to keep up with.

Do “guy stuff” and do it with self-respect and respect for them. Go fishing, hunting, and to sporting events, or whatever “guy stuff” you enjoy doing, with or without them, but if you go without them, don’t go on their birthday, your wedding anniversary, or the day that they told you that you needed to go with them to see one of the kids in the school play.

Yes, there is a bit of a double-standard there, but it’s a good thing, because having her do guy stuff with you lets her see you being an alpha male, the “Right Guard Guy,” “Old Spice Sailor,” or “Marlboro Man” from the old commercials, and it makes her hot because it differentiates you from her girlfriends instead of homogenizing you with them. Besides, “guy stuff” is often fun for everybody, but women are too busy managing relationships, social circles, and other things to check them out.

In addition, women hate being bored so badly that if you do ANYTHING with enthusiasm, they usually want to watch or join in. This is especially true if you announce that you are going to do it and then just tell them they can come along instead of hounding them to come and do it with you. The next biggest thing that most women hate after boredom is feeling like they missed out on something fun or interesting. Indeed, the more enthused you are about the activity and less you act like she needs to be there, the more she’ll expect it to be interesting and want to get involved.

And if she doesn’t, you’ll be giving her the gift of missing you, as David DeAngelo says. She doesn’t want you in her face all the time because she needs to think about you, fantasize about you, and long for you in your absence. Yes, we hate that feeling ourselves, but women thrive on it, and especially the anticipation it creates, so let her enjoy it.

If you’re going to be gone for a long time, make sure that she hears or sees from time to time that you’re thinking about her – daily, not hourly like some wimp checking in with his mama or jealous jerk checking up on her. Women like knowing you think about them when they’re not around, which heightens the anticipation of your return, so don’t spoil it for them by calling every two hours with the same lame “Whatcha doing?” thing. And either leave her something or bring home something for her “treasure box;” leaving something is often better because it ensures that she has it out while you’re gone. (The rules and recommended methods for letting her know you’re thinking about her are in "THE Man’s Guide to Great Relationships and Marriage".)

Be a man’s man, not a girly-man, and not a pig. Clean yourself up and clean up after yourself as any self-respecting man would, but let her make the big fashion statement when you go out. Her girlfriends will be checking every last detail on her, and only whether you dressed with self-respect; don’t complicate your life by trying to join in that competition. Take a look at the most expensive formal wear and you’ll see what I mean; gowns are as varied as snowflakes, yet if you’ve seen one black tuxedo, you’ve seen nearly all of them. Take the hint. If you’ve out-spiffed her, it will embarrass her, and you’ll find that to be quite bad for your love life.

Ladies, since I know that a third of my readers are ladies, do guy things with your guy if you enjoy any of his hobbies, like sporting events, etc., and keep the girl stuff for your girlfriends, and that includes all the emotional chit-chat over problems. Your man is there to fix problems, not to listen to you milking the emotion from them, so try to avoid taking a problem to him until you are ready to discuss it in earnest and at least entertain suggestions on fixing it. If you don’t like any of the guy things he does, then enjoy the time away and savor that anticipation of meeting up after an afternoon, evening, or even a day or days apart.

Much of being attractive to a woman is a simple matter of doing simple, manly things – things that guys like to do. A lot more of it is simply enjoying being a man instead of apologizing for it and asking permission to do the things that men of self-respect do at will. Get out there and do those things! Just don’t mess the house up in the process and leave it for her to clean up. That’s what a grab-asstic teenager does to his mother, not what a self-respecting manly man does to his partner.

Sounds complicated? Sure it does, if you try to reconcile what you know a manly man is supposed to do and enjoys doing with all the effeminate, touchy-feely crapola that we made the mistake of buying into since the 1980’s, from crying on your woman’s shoulder to being her metrosexual shopping buddy (girlfriend!).

Jump back and get back in touch with your inner naughty boy and manly man with “THE Man’s Guide to Great Relationships and Marriage,” and take on or get back to that attitude and corresponding behavior that has you feeling and acting like a manly man and has her seeing you and wanting you as a manly man. It’s the only way to go – one reader referred to it as “The Keys to the Universe” – and it’s at
http://www.makingherhappy.com, guaranteed to work, for less than the cost of dinner for two at about any place that puts cloth napkins on the table. Now get on over there and get it done, because life is short, yesterday is gone, and tomorrow may never come!

In the meantime, live well, be well, and have a wonderful day!
David Cunningham

Tuesday, April 01, 2008

Women's Biggest and Loudest Complaint About Men, Destroyer of Relationships and Marriage, and What You Can Do to FIX IT

Boredom is every woman’s arch-nemesis; it literally poisons them and threatens their life and sanity. How can you spot it, and what can you do about it? You’d better know, because left to her own devices, you may not be part of the solution!

When I was researching "THE Man's Guide to Great Relationships and Marriage" women’s biggest and loudest complaint about their men could be summed up in a single word: “BORING.” It’s the last word you ever want to hear a woman use to describe you in any interaction with them, no matter who they are or the nature of the relationship.

I received a letter that I want to share with you, because in one respect it’s sad and in another it’s downright annoying. Meet Dan:

Dear David,

I am writing this letter in hopes you can help me. It seems of late that my wife is not as interested in me as she used to be. I have tried all types of things to get her back to where we were a year ago when we got married, but nothing seems to work. I feel neglected, and it’s starting to feel like she is getting bored with me. The tone in her voice is different and sometimes she makes me feel like I am just a toy to be used when she needs one.

I want her back the way it was when we had fun and I was not worried about upsetting her with what I had to say. I love this woman in every way possible and can not imagine my life without her in it. It’s just like I never say the right thing to her anymore. Could you please tell me what I could be doing wrong?

Thank you for your time,
Dan

Yes, Dan, I can, but before I do, I want to ask you a question: I get letters literally every day from people who read this newsletter and especially those who are using "THE Man’s Guide to Great Relationships and Marriage" talking about the great results they get and how fast they get them, and how their wives no longer see them as a boring dolt, but as exciting and fun. You’ve been subscribing since the middle of August. Do you know why are you not getting the same results?

The short answer is because you’re not really reading these newsletters, which describe all these problems to you, and you’ve not yet read and used "THE Man’s Guide to Great Relationships and Marriage" in your relationship to learn how to recognize and fix these problems. I give more advice on this subject than any other, and you haven’t been paying attention. Now your situation has become critical, so listen up while you still have a chance to fix this.

Your wife is indeed bored, and if you’ve been reading even a small percentage of the newsletters I’ve been sending you every day you know that she needs you to do something about it. That’s your job as her husband. Take responsibility and get it done.

You should also know by now that she has been trying to communicate precisely what she needs to you, but because you and she are not wired with the same biological communications circuits, you’ve not been hearing her, and she’s thinking that you’ve heard her and chosen to ignore her. That’s a bad problem, and the reason that she is now making you feel neglected.

In addition, you should know that what she is needing for you to do to break her boredom is to create attraction for her, to give her that “swept off her feet” feeling from time to time, which gets her neurotransmitters, endorphins, hormones, and everything else in balance, saving her from that antsy torment that causes women to seek and create drama to substitute for the attraction you are failing to create.

The other thing that you should know by now is that if you don’t do something about this, she will, and at best, you’ll find yourself dealing with the spill-over from the drama she creates and at worst you’ll be dealing with affairs and even divorce that are used in a last-ditch effort to communicate to you that either you shape up or one of you is shipping out, if she gives you that last chance; many women will just divorce a man outright without a second thought once you push them this far.

Obviously, the thing to do to fix all this is to go ahead and get your copy of "THE Man’s Guide to Great Relationships and Marriage" and put it to work. Depending on how fast you read, the average person can get through it the first time in 2-4 hours, and it’s a book that you’ll want to re-read periodically as your experience base broadens and your skills develop.

In its pages, you will learn how to evaluate yourself, your wife, and your relationship, making it easier for you to know what’s broken before you start trying to fix things, or if you and your wife are so mismatched that fixing it will never be possible. You’ll learn how she communicates, so that you can finally pick up on all those signals that you’ve been missing all your life. You’ll know what makes women tick in general, and what they want, and with your newly-developed communications skills, will know your wife so well that she’ll describe you to her friends as “he always just knows what I want.”

And finally, you’ll learn about attraction, what creates it and what kills it, and that because it is a biological, not logical, process, you will always be able to give your wife that “swept off her feet” feeling that keeps the two of you intimate and keeps your life fun and exciting, both in and out of the bedroom, and save her from her arch-enemy, boredom.

So there it is, Dan (and YOU!), all spelled out. All that’s left for you to do is go to
http://www.makingherhappy.com, download your copy of "THE Man’s Guide to Great Relationships and Marriage" and put it to work for you, because it’s the best thing you as a man can do for your marriage, and one of the most fun things you’ll do in your entire life to boot!

In the meantime, live well, be well, and have a wonderful day!
David Cunningham

Monday, March 31, 2008

How’s Your Attitude, and How Is It Affecting Your Relationship and Marriage?

BIG HINT: attitude directly affects relationships of all kinds. Find out what you can do for yours, easily, and why you should bother…

Let’s talk about attitude today, especially how it can affect attraction and your relationship. The vast majority of the women who keep me honest in giving you advice on female perspective have shown me that a positive attitude can create massive, overwhelming attraction FAST, especially when coupled with fun, playful behavior. Conversely, a poor attitude can kill it instantly to such a degree that it can be hard to impossible to bring back until she’s had time to forget it.

Let’s be clear here, I’m not talking about ruining your relationship by coming in once in six months frowning and saying you’ve had a crappy day. Everybody has a crappy day now and then. It’s no license to be abusive to others around you (and that’s another discussion we’ll have soon), but nobody expects you to be “up” 24/7/365. That’s an event, not the by-product of an attitude. What I am talking about is having and keeping the kind of attitude that causes you to treat a crappy day for what it is, just a day when things were difficult to some degree, and expect things to get better and be better because you deserve better and are capable of making them better.

People of both sexes love to be around an achiever, because achievers are at heart romantics: they look inside themselves and around them for the biggest, best and most beautiful that can be found, and they recognize it. Among the several definitions for “romance” found in “The American Heritage Dictionary” are these:

2. A mysterious or fascinating quality or appeal, as of something adventurous, heroic, or strangely beautiful.

3. a. A long medieval narrative in prose or verse that tells of the adventures and heroic exploits of chivalric heroes: an Arthurian romance. b. A long, fictitious tale of heroes and extraordinary or mysterious events. c. The class of literature constituted by such tales.

Life for the achiever is about the big, the heroic, the beautiful – about what CAN be done and not what can’t -- and hence the attitude is one that women (and men, in case you’re one of those guys who doesn’t have any friends or a woman who has a hard time attracting a guy!) find exciting and fun to be around, because when things get bad, they’re still looking for improvement, and often looking for a way to make it happen themselves, which involves things like leadership, courage, self-assertion, etc., that women also find incredibly sexy. They keep their wits and sense of humor about them, something women also find incredibly attractive, whether sexually, professionally, or casually.

Really, do you even want to sit at a bar or in a coffee shop or waiting area and try to have a beverage or think while sitting next to some moron yapping about how “the system” is against him? Not just no, but hell no! Neither does anybody else. They gravitate toward that “life of the party sort,” who is the life of the party because they have that positive, attractive attitude that draws people to them like bees to flowers.

Now, what about the other side of the coin? How sexy do you think whining and complaining is? Indeed, chronic complaint is taught by a great many relationship experts as a HUGE red flag. Why? BAD ATTITUDE! Chronic complainers don’t make things happen, they gripe about what others make happen. How sexy can that be? How much fun is such a person? Such a display of bad attitude is an instant turn-off to everyone around, not just members of the opposite sex. You’d better do a quick reality check and make sure this isn’t you!

The most pathetic of all the complainers is the paranoid, the person who, no matter what happens, thinks it’s directed at them if it’s bad and away from them if it’s good. You’ll hear them say the most ridiculous things, like when approaching a traffic light, “That light just turned red because I’m in a hurry,” and when somebody has something good happen to them, says, “it would never turn out that way if I tried it, because good things just can’t happen to me.” Guys, I kid you not, this kind of behavior can make a woman want to live somewhere besides your house about as quickly and as vigorously as finding you in bed with her sister!

A close second (and parallel) to the paranoid is the guilt-ridden, the guy who has mucked up his life and/or career by being deceitful, and projects his own deceit onto those around him. He differs from the generally paranoid because the closer you are to him, he more he expects you to do to him what he’s already done to you and others, i.e., the guy who has had an affair and is constantly in fear that his partner is having one, either on the premise that she’s doing it to punish him or the uglier premise that since he can’t be trusted, nobody can be trusted.

What to do? I hope it’s obvious. Get, and keep, a good attitude, no matter what it takes. Find reasons to succeed and enjoy your life instead of reasons to fail and hate it. If you have self-esteem issues, tackle some things you can accomplish and start building some self-esteem. Achievement builds both self-esteem and character like nothing else can, and once you see that you don’t have to live in a rut and can get things done, it’s much easier to expect that kind of performance of yourself.

If you’ve had a bout with clinical depression and fallen into a habit of griping and keeping a bad attitude, break the habit. If you are currently depressed, find some competent professional help to determine if it is chemical/physiological or a matter of habit/attitude, and get it fixed. Life is too short to spend it roaming around whining and complaining, and it’s too short for the woman (and everybody else in your life) to spend it sitting around listening to you doing it.

You don’t have to be in the Army to be all you can be, and when you’re doing it, and walking into the room with your head up, shoulders back, and sense of humor locked and loaded, it won’t matter if you’re tall, short, hairy, bald, too thin, too fat, or whatever; the woman in your life will see that self respect and respond to it, because in her eyes, you’re the perfect man and you’re hers.

The information and steps you need to be you can be, especially in your relationship, is in the 118 pages of high-quality, tested and proven advice in “THE Man’s Guide to Great Relationships and Marriage” at
http://www.makingherhappy.com. It’s an instant download and will fix what ails your marriage or relationship, so go for it! Give yourself and your partner the gift of a better life together, because it’s there for the making, for nothing more than a little time and effort, and it’s fully guaranteed for a year from purchase. It just doesn’t get any better than that, so get to it!

In the meantime, live well, be well, and have a wonderful day!
David Cunningham

Sunday, March 30, 2008

Starting Out Right in Relationships and Marriage

A reader success story that proves that if you start out with good information and a clear picture of what you want in a relationship, you’ll have it. He started out right and kept going. What can I say? Gentlemen, this is something you can easily do too!

I found an e-mail that just made my day. This guy, Daniel, sounds like a fellow Southerner to me, and is an achiever. He gets the tools to get the job done, prepares himself at the beginning and follows through. As much as I despise censorship, I had to modify part of his letter to keep it PG-rated – I don’t want somebody’s children reading over their shoulder and asking questions that a parent isn’t prepared to answer. Check him out:

Hi David,

Early last year I meet a woman that just plain stole my heart. We dated for awhile, then dated steady, and finally got engaged. We put the wedding off a couple of times because of family problems, and I noticed things starting to go the same way another relationship had gone before. We were running out of things to talk about, she was breaking dates, and I knew there was a problem but she wouldn’t talk about it, and the more I tried to be nice to her and asked what was wrong, the worse it got.

Not wanting to screw things up and make the mistakes I had always made, I read your book and put all I had learned into action. All I can say it WOW!!!! I have never had a relationship like this and I never want this to end. It’s even better now than it was in the beginning, because I can understand her better and we have more fun because I’m not walking on eggshells anymore. I know for sure that my success with this woman is all due to you and your book.

The words “thank you” seem so small for what you have taught me on how to be attractive to my woman and keep her coming back for more. She even calls me to come home from work sometimes and I walk into the bedroom to find her totally naked on the bed [doing naughty fun things that I couldn’t reprint – D.C.] and I cannot get out of my clothes fast enough. We just keep going and going if you know what I mean.

From one guy to all the others, if you never do anything else for yourself buy David's book. It’s the one gift you can give yourself that will last you a lifetime and I truly believe that if you follow David's words you will never use your bed for just sleeping anymore.

Daniel L.

My reply:


Well, Daniel, congratulations on getting it done right. I am going to have to correct you on something, though. Your success with your partner and your relationship is not all due to me and my book. You had to read it, understand it, and put it to work to have your success. I put a lot of effort into writing that book, and so did all the people that helped me research it and then test and fine tune the advice it presents, but you had to make the choice to salvage the relationship, learn the material and then diligently apply it to raise your attractiveness and your relationship to such an extraordinary level. I’ll accept some of the credit, but you have to accept some as well, as most men don’t care enough about themselves and their partners to do what you did.

Yes, I said that. Most men either think they know it all (and are still thinking that everybody else was wrong and everything was everybody else’s fault after the divorce is final, they’re broke and strapped with big alimony and child support payments, but no wife and limited visitation rights that are wielded like the ultimate weapon), or they subconsciously don’t feel worthy of a good relationship and sabotage their chances of having one at every turn. You saw that things were going somewhere that past experience told you that you didn’t want them to go, admitted the problem, got help, and worked it out. That’s what a real man does; he fixes problems by taking action. I need to print up some membership cards for the “Manly Men Who Do Manly Things Club” so I can send them to guys like you when they send in a success story like this. J Again, congratulations!

Take care,
David

Guys, there may come a time when you have to make the same choice. It may be staring you in the face right now for all I know; there must be some good reason you’re reading this newsletter. You can do what most guys do, be the know-it-all or wuss out – either way is what a loser would do – or you can do what real men like Daniel do: Take the bull by the horns, admit there’s a problem, get the tools to fix it (many, if not all of which are in “THE Man’s Guide to Great Relationships and Marriage,” which you can download immediately at
http://www.makingherhappy.com), and get it fixed, then get it “dialed in” and take it to the winner’s circle.

It’s your decision, and it really doesn’t sound like a hard one to make, does it? I mean, “alone, broke, and unhappy” versus “in a great relationship both in and out of the bedroom” – how much thought can that one take? Not much, huh? Then do it now, before you do anything else! ;-)

In the meantime, live well, be well, and have a wonderful day!
David Cunningham