Sunday, August 17, 2008

Who's Seducing Whom? Cause and Effect and Getting to the Bedroom in Relationships and Marriage

A reader says I never write about seduction. Really? Sure I do! Let’s take a closer look.

I received the strangest e-mail from one of the guys, and I’m still trying to make sense of it. He said I never talk about seduction, and wants to know how to get his wife into bed. I’m still shaking my head in disbelief because I write about it frequently, so I’m going to spell it out to make sure that there is no misunderstanding from this point forward on anyone’s part:

One of the first symptoms of a relationship starting to fail is a decrease in the frequency and intensity of sex. It’s not just age and busy schedules, nor hormones. It’s the slipping away of attraction, which leaves a void that has a name: BOREDOM. (And guys, you know that boredom is the bane of a woman’s existence, her archenemy, right?)

So you see, celibacy isn’t so much a problem as a symptom of a bigger problem: the lack of fun and excitement that leads to attraction, which in turn leads to adventure and more frequent sexual encounters with your partner. It takes both love and attraction to hold the relationship together, and that’s why we must talk about it and make sure that it gets fixed if it’s broken.

Hence, the sexual goal (there are many goals, both sexual and non-sexual) of creating attraction isn’t to get your wife into bed, but to make her want to get YOU into bed! Then you just take them where they want to go and score bonus points in the process! (Among the other obvious goals are the aforementioned fun, adventure and excitement that keep life interesting.)

Yes! Really! A quick reality check: They get excited just like we do, just as much, just as often. They’re more sexually powerful than we are too! You don’t think so? Look around you. How many women do you know that have multiple “O’s” vs. how many men? Yeah, that’s what I thought. They enjoy the process of seduction just as much as, if not more than, we do, as long as we give them the motivation to do it and make it worth their while by taking the time to let them do it right. How’s that?

Well, in a great many cases, when a woman “does it right,” she’s actually seducing both of you. Tell them, girls! When women act sexy for us, it turns them on as well. They don’t wear negligees for us; they wear them for themselves, to help them ramp up! (So guys, when a woman talks to you about what kind of lingerie you’d like to see her in, don’t shut her down by pointing out that it will just end up in the floor! Give her some input!)

When you escalate their excitement by giving them a little of what they’re after, and then withdrawing a bit, the anticipation eats them alive with delight, and they get even sexier trying to take you both to that next level, where you reward her with a little bigger taste and then pull back a bit, two steps forward, one step back, until she finally can’t take any more and just jumps your bones outright!

I’m just telling you what hundreds of women have told me, which is this: if you can grab your date or wife and body slam her up against the wall, ravish the hell out of her for a minute or so, kissing deeply, nibbling at her neck and ears, etc., hungrily, until you catch her breathing heavily as she comes back at you with it, and then walk away with a grin and a coy remark about what you need to do next, or how she might get some more later, she’ll pump her fist and yell, “YES! I married SO freaking WELL!”

But you have to act like a man, not a schoolboy wuss who’s afraid of her, and you have to start well before bedtime to give her time to anticipate and daydream about what happens next, enjoying each step up and reveling in each minor withdrawal, until she is ready to eat you alive. Then you reward her by giving her what she’s been dreaming about all day long – and then some! It’s that dream of what comes later that make some women swoon when passionately kissed, not the kiss itself.

Seriously, if you follow the advice in “THE Man’s Guide to Great Relationships and Marriage” and learn the skills of attraction and sexual mastery it contains, even if your partner has never responded to you aggressively in the past, she will tear you up (as long as she’s not been emotionally damaged by some trauma, like a rape) when you start flipping those attraction triggers and then slowly building up the tension and anticipation for her as described.

So you see, nearly EVERYTHING I’ve been writing about concerning attraction has also been about seduction, YOUR SEDUCTION AND HERS, and heightened communications skills have an indirect yet nonetheless profound bearing on seduction as well – how to get your partner interested in you again, closer to you, excited to be around you, enjoying seeing you being the alpha male, being turned on by you being a naughty, manly man who jumps in and out of naughty mode, creating and building sexual tension until she MUST have you. It’s one of several fool-proof methods of eradicating boredom that I teach!

The difference is subtle, but it’s profound, and for those who know the difference, the rewards are HUGE; hence, I’m going to keep writing about it, no matter how many newsletter editions and books it takes, until everybody who can “get it” does. Life is too short to live it lonely, celibate, and thinking that lonely and celibate or sneaking around in affairs are the only way to live, so go to and download your copy of “THE Man’s Guide to Great Relationships and Marriage,” and start living the good life while you’ve got some good life left to live!

In the meantime, live well, be well, and have a wonderful day!

David Cunningham

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