Saturday, May 06, 2006

Lying, Part 3, Detection, How and Why

Part of determining whether you should attempt to reverse a break-up is determining whether you can trust your partner. Knowing how to detect a lie is a VERY useful skill…
No discussion of lying in a relationship would be complete without a discussion of lie detection, especially for men, because women are naturally more adept at both lying and its detection than we are; their brain structure makes them more sensitive to “tells” (and are VERY dangerous poker players if they have math skills!) and more creative. It could in fact take years with a woman to determine how her character dictates whether, when, and for what reasons she will lie to you, but chances are that if you are lying to her, you’re already busted whether you know it or not, so let’s level the playing field a bit.

The following is from an article I first published as part of my crash course in stopping and reversing a break-up, called “Break-Up Busting 101” back in early March 2006. I’m reprinting it today both because it gets the job done and because my subscriber list has doubled over the last two months, and many of you have not visited the archive yet (
http://www.aweber.com/z/article/?mhh_tips). If you’d like to go back and pick up all nine lessons, the first article was on March 5, 2006.

Lie detection is a necessary survival skill in all facets of your life, because unfortunately, there are those who think that lying is a survival skill. It’s not. The truth always ends up coming out, and then on top of whatever mistake you’ve made, you’ve destroyed trust. The only people who get away with lying in the long term are those who spend their life on the run bouncing from place to place and not staying anywhere long enough for anyone to catch them in a lie before they’ve left. That’s not going to work in a long-term relationship, is it?

Gentlemen, the deck is stacked against you from the beginning with regard to lying, because women are better at doing it than men and they are better at detecting it than men. Both of those advantages come from their more highly-evolved communications infrastructure and skills (as compared to our own). However, since you shouldn’t be lying anyway (statistically, women will tolerate just about anything before they will tolerate a liar, even if they are chronically “factually challenged” themselves), you need only concern yourself with how to detect if and when she is lying.

Making you an expert on the subject would require an entire book, and we only have the space of this article to work within, so I’m going to hit the high spots for you to show you how easy it is if you have good information and then point you to some other very good information which, incidentally, I am not selling. (I am developing a primer on lie detection to include as a free report with my other e-books, and anyone who has purchased “How to Be Attractive to the Woman You Love” at the time of its release will be receiving a free copy if I have your current e-mail address on file.)

First, everyone has heard about how body language can be used to detect lies. That’s true, yet not true. There are many body language clues that indicate both that a person is lying and that they are very nervous about telling an unpleasant truth. When attempting to determine if someone is lying, you must watch for several different indicators and make sure they are all consistently pointing in the same direction. A person who exhibits a single indication of lying may indeed only be nervous about the truth, have an itchy nose, be trying to cover bad breath, etc., but when the signs start stacking up and you see five or even ten signs that someone is lying, the statistical probability that they are telling the truth becomes such a long-shot that a penny placed on that bet would win you roughly the sum of the world’s oil and currency trade for a day – literally trillions-to-one. So where do you start?

Let’s start with the eyes. The eyes move when the brain does certain things. When a right-handed person attempts to access short-term memory, their eyes will move up and to the left, where if they are lying, which engages a creative center in the brain, they go up and to the right. Oddly, this is reversed in left-handed people. A big clue as to whether someone is right- or left-handed (if you don’t know them well enough to know) is to look for their wristwatch, which will be on the opposite hand, if you can’t get them to write something down for you. (Ask for their phone number, and if they try to hand you a business card, get them to write something on the back like their cellular phone number, business hours, secretary’s name – anything at all will do, just to see which hand wields the pen.)

People also tend to become less animated when they are lying, clasping their hands or crossing their arms when you have observed them “talking with their hands” in most of the rest of the discussion. The will also tend to look away from you and even move away from you as they lie, a subconscious effort to try to distance themself from an uncomfortable situation. Touching the nose and covering the mouth while speaking are classic body language signs, but when you look at these, you’re looking for CHANGE in behavior, not so much the behavior itself. People do sometimes get an itch in their nose, or realize they have bad breath or ugly teeth, or shift their posture because of an aching joint.

It’s because of this that you must realize that it takes several minutes of observing someone to make this determination, not just a quick jab with an incriminating question. You must see enough of how they act when they are speaking normally and truthfully (by getting them to talk about something non-threatening or non-incriminating) before bringing up the subject you think they lied about or before thinking they’ve lied about something they brought up with you. That’s the value of small-talk, something that most men are very, very poor at engaging in because we really just don’t like to talk that much; we prefer to take action. That’s another reason women have such an edge on us; they enjoy small talk and are very good at conducting it, especially in getting to the truth. However…

There are some techniques that can be combined with body language reading that nobody, not even experienced con-artists, can beat. They involve watching for hesitation in response to a question. Let’s say you think your partner was on a date with someone else, and you say that somebody she works with whose name you can’t remember stopped you in the grocery store to say hello and asked how you were getting along after the break-up, and mentioned that they assumed there had been a break-up since she was dating this other guy. If she is innocent, she will immediately protest, because she has no idea what you are talking about, but if she hesitates, it’s because she’s guilty and has to think and make a choice about whether it is safer in that moment to accept that she’s been caught or to try to deny it and bluff through. The hesitation before she speaks, not whatever she says, is what tells the tale.

Another good tactic is a diversionary one. You tell a partner that you know all about something they’ve been doing (that you really are only suspecting), and that you understand how and why it happened and are willing to let that go if they will promise that something lesser won’t be happening again, like hearing it from her friends instead of her. When she agrees to make the promise, which is easier than the confession, she has confessed to the transgression.

Even here, you can still take advantage of hesitation. A person with nothing to confess will immediately deny they did anything, and a person with something to confess looking for an easy way to do it will immediately make the promise or will pause while weighing their chances of getting away with another denial, the only reason for them to hesitate.

People also tend to objectify and generalize when they are lying. A person who really worked late will tell you that they worked until 10:30PM, while someone who is lying is much more prone to say they “worked really late.” Also, they will tend to say, “left MY office” if they were really there, as opposed to, “left THE office” if they were not. Again, this must be weighed with other indicators, as the use of these pronouns can vary because of personality, level of detail-orientation, etc. It’s the change from using words like “my” to words like “the” or the change from speaking actively, like “I did this,” to passively, like “this was done,” focusing on the event or act rather than on them that tells the tale.

There is a book by David Lieberman, PhD, called “Never Be Lied to Again,” that has been on the NY Times Best Seller list and is an excellent book if you really want to dig deep into this subject and become a true expert. I’ve also used a lot of the hand-held lie detection gadgets and computer software that do voice print analysis, but was not impressed; there were too many false positives and false negatives for me to see them as useful tools at the time (the manufacturers’ reports of their own tests indicated that they were proud of numbers like 62% accuracy, which is only 12% better than half the time!). Over time, you can expect these products to increase in accuracy, just as voice recognition software that lets you give input to your computer has improved, but it may not happen until most of us are too old to care.

 


Communications is a tough subject, even when everyone is telling the truth. There are good and bad ways to ask questions of women, good and bad ways to start conversations, and good and bad ways to end them as well. When you’re already in a stressful situation like a fight or after a break-up, the last thing you want to do is trip over some protocol that you don’t know about and end up with your foot in your mouth and your signature on divorce papers because of it. Let me help you with that…

Go to
http://www.makingherhappy.com and get your copy of "How to Be Attractive to the Woman You Love" right now, and get with the program. If your relationship is not in crisis, it will show you exactly how to not only keep it from getting there, but how to make it better. If you are in crisis, it will show you how to determine whether you should indeed reverse it or let it go, and if it has a good foundation and could last a long time, it will show you what to do to quickly get things on stable footing and get everyone in a state where they are receptive to working things out and making positive change. I’m sure you’ve heard that “an ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure;” this is about a pound of prevention and it’s worth several tons of cure, and it can be yours for less than the price of a good meal for two, so get it done!

In the meantime, live well, be well, and have a wonderful day!
David Cunningham

Fake It 'Til You Make It Part 2: A Reader Responds

A reader tells of her own experience with lying to the one she loves. It’s not pretty, and is a perfect example of what I warned you about in yesterday’s newsletter.

I want to extend a special welcome to Shelley McMurtry’s “First In Her Mind” readers. Glad to have you aboard. For those of you who are not familiar with Shelley, she’s one of the VERY few women who really understand female attraction and is able to discuss it intelligently, especially for those of you who are in the dating world, and you can catch her at http://www.firstinhermind.com/. She has a very informative and entertaining newsletter in which she tells men about attracting high-quality women in the dating world, and if you’ve had to make a “defensive exit” from a bad committed relationship, I STRONGLY suggest you check her out to help make sure you don’t repeat your mistakes in choosing a life partner this time around.

Yesterday’s newsletter (if you missed it, see this archived article) on lying to your partner got some pretty predictable responses. Those who don’t lie to their partners wrote in agreement, while the vast majority of those who do wrote in defense of their actions, saying ridiculous things like, “Good relationships are based on lies,” “It’s only a problem if you get caught,” etc. I feel sorry for those people, because they will never experience the wonderful feelings that true love and respect generate, which I’m glad to say that many of you, based on your responses, do seem to appreciate.

There was one letter in particular that I wanted to share with you, from a woman who got caught in a lie and almost destroyed her relationship with someone who seems to be a really good man. Meet Darla:

Dear David,

I wanted to share with you what really can happen when you tell a lie to the one you love. My story I guess is simple to many people, but it is hard for me to tell because I have to face something horrible to me. I come from a long line of people with addictive personalities. By addictive I mean to drugs and drinking. My mother was and is addicted to pain medication among other things and my brother has spent time in jail for his addictions. As for me I had started down the same road with prescription medications. Every day I thought I had to have one kind or the other, uppers in the morning and downers at night and had lived this way for awhile. I was in a marriage that was the worst of nightmares and two kids who could care less if I were living or dead.

I met this wonderful man one that loves me and God only knows how much I love him. He noticed right off I could have a problem if I did not control myself. We have had long talks about it and I really had made the choice to give up the drugs. I wanted to be with him and I wanted to love him and to be sober to enjoy what I had finally been given.

Yesterday morning I awoke with a migraine. I have them from time to time and it was bad enough for me to try a new medication my doctor had given me. I took the pill and a short time later he called me to say good morning and I was spaced out on the pills. He asked me about it and in a panic I lied to him and told him I had not taken any medication. It was the worst choice I have ever made. I should have been honest and told him what was going on, but I lied.

He was so upset by what I had done that he would not hardly talk to me and when he did I felt like the lowest life form on the planet, not because he was abusive or belittled me, but because he pointed out to me that there was nothing in our history that gave me a reason to lie to him, and I was mimicking my mother’s behavior, and we both knew that the idea of me turning into my mother was not going to work for either of us.

He has no problem with me taking a pain medication for pain, and has told me so on several occasions. It is just the issue of me abusing pain killers for things other than pain that he has a problem with. We did talk it over and after many tears on my part we decided that since I had not lied to him in the past that the migraine medication may have been responsible for my choice to lie this time, and he forgave me on the condition that I never lied to him again, especially about drug use.

I will never lie to him again ever, because no matter what you think you are getting away with you are not. If you want to lose the man of your dreams because you want to be a dumb ass then you deserve what happens to you. I’m just thankful that my John loves me enough to work it out with me not throw me and nine years away because I was worried about the truth where if I had just said to him I was not feeling well and had taken the pills and since it was the first time and I was not sure what they would do to me it could have been avoided.

What I am saying is tell the truth not matter what. It hurts worse to lie to the one you love and you are not a good person if you can lie to the one you claim you love in the first place. Thank you so much John for loving me and letting me still love you and you still love me.

Darla

That’s quite a confession Darla; thank you for sharing it with us. I’ve studied people a lot over the years, and I’ve seen a few things over the years that I’d like to point out here. Chemicals notwithstanding (a lot of medications can alter your personality, adherence to your value system, inhibitions, etc.), you would be hard-pressed to prove to me how anyone who truly loves and respects another could lie to them, especially to cover their own ass. That’s an act of cowardice and need, not of love and respect. If your partner is claiming to love you but lying to you frequently (or vice versa), you and they need to take a look at the meaning of love, need, attraction, etc. (see this archived article), and get a fix on reality, because you’re not in it.

Another thing I’ve noticed, in my marriage, in the world around me and in the hundred of couples who have been involved in the development, testing, and tweaking of "How to Be Attractive to the Woman You Love," is that there is nothing that two rational people who truly love and respect each other can’t discuss, no matter how bad it is. Of all the things that come together to make a good relationship work, unfettered, honest, and factual communication is the most important tool in the tool chest, because through it, all the other things are achieved.

Do you know what kind of a relationship you’re in? Do you know if your partner really loves you, or if they’re just clinging on because they’re afraid to be alone? Do you communicate effectively across the gender gap? Has the honeymoon ended and left you as part of that ugly statistic wherein the average couple who has been together longer than two years has sex once every two months?
If you’ve become part of that statistic, it may seem like a problem, but you’ll soon see that it’s merely a symptom of a MUCH bigger problem. In any case, it’s logical to expect that you’ve got or are anticipating at least one of these problems or you wouldn’t be spending the time to read these newsletters, so why keep putting off the solution?

Yes, what you need to know is in “How to Be Attractive to the Woman You Love,” and it’s not going to get into your head where you can use it until you go to http://www.makingherhappy.com/, download it, and then read it. What you need to know is in there, laid out point by point and step by step, and people are using it every day to make their relationships better and better, some even snatching their marriage from the jaws of the divorce monster in as little as a week after receiving it. Do yourself and your partner a favor; get it and get busy, because life’s too short to spend it unhappy, bored, frustrated, scared, cheating, or celibate.

In the meantime, live well, be well, and have a wonderful day!
David Cunningham

Thursday, May 04, 2006

Fake It 'Til You Make It? Bad Idea in a Healthy Relationship!

Is lying to your partner ever a good attraction tactic? Is it ever good for anything in your relationship? Only if you’re a predator…

I’ve been asked frequently about the tactic of “fake it ‘til you make it” when trying to revive a stale relationship or rescue a failing one. We’ve not talked about it yet this year, and since many of you have commented (all comments are welcome and read; see the text below my signature for instructions if you need them) that you like it much better when we focus on a subject for a few days and thoroughly explore it, we’re going to focus on lying and deceit in general for a few days, such as detecting it, damage it can do that you may not expect, etc. Let’s dig in!

I recently read (for the third time) the scariest book I’ve ever found. It’s entitled “The Rules: Time-tested Secrets for Capturing the Heart of Mr. Right,” by Ellen Fein and Sherrie Schneider, in an effort to find out why women do so many things that are bad for them and their relationships with men, and I don’t know if this book is “the root of all evil,” but while some of the advice it gives is sound, practical advice, especially on personal security for women, parts of it are pure poison, and there’s much for both genders to learn from it if you can filter the good advice from the bad.

Frankly, I’d recommend that every man read it to see what kind of tricks and ploys are used to pull a man into a bad relationship to help him know that either his partner is a great woman who didn’t prey upon his insecurities or that he got sucked in and is being manipulated so he can take appropriate action with confidence. Make no mistake, there are good relationships with problems, and there are bad relationships that need to be dissolved, and no matter which you’re in, you need to know what you’re in to fix it. Your first responsibility is to yourself and your own happiness, and until you’ve met that responsibility, you might contribute to someone else’s needs or cause, but not their happiness.

“The Rules,” according to its authors, is based on advice that a woman gave her daughter a hundred years ago or more on how to catch and marry a man. At that time, marrying well was a survival skill because many women could not make it on their own due to social prejudices, etc. Being “in love” was a luxury; “finding support” was a prime motivator in finding a husband; being “cared about” took a back seat to being “cared for.” Hence, much of the advice given under “The Rules” is how to prey upon a man’s insecurities to make him jealous and over-react to her scarcity, marrying her in order to control her availability.

This will get the job done, if simply getting married and being “cared for” is a woman’s goal, but at what cost? In short, turning him into a sniveling wuss that no woman could possibly be attracted to because a woman won’t respect and can’t feel attraction (that “swept off her feet” feeling that is an integral part of female sexual arousal) for a man she can control. This is a sure-fire recipe for disaster (especially if you have a healthy libido!).

I’ll get into more of this in a future newsletter, but what I want to talk about today, and the reason I bring this up, is that much of the advice given in this book entails lying to men to attract them. I’m going to address that issue for the women in my upcoming book written for them, but it begs the more general question: “Is lying ever a good way to handle anything in a relationship, especially the building of attraction?”

The short answer, for both genders, is “Not just no, but HELL NO!” unless you are indeed some kind of predator or a total loser. Among other things, it leaves you feeling that you had to lie to attract the partner and aren’t good enough to have him or her, even if you are! It also labels you as needy and weak, and is a tactic for losers and predators who cannot be attractive in their own right. That alone is devastating to self-esteem, and when you look at the bigger picture, how can you feel or express love or respect for a person you lied to in order to have them involved in your life? Even without getting into what happens when you get caught, it’s a losing proposition for both sides.

What should you do? Work your attraction magic with things that are really part of you, incorporating new things that fit well into yourself if necessary. Start by emphasizing your best behavior and avoiding your worst. Then, take on a bit of self-improvement in areas that are appealing to you. If you’re not naturally funny, learn to be. Don’t just try to fake it, and stress over it, study it, understand how it can brighten your life and your outlook on life, as well as make you more attractive to your partner, and treat it as a self-improvement exercise. Don’t try to act funny, BECOME funny. Join Toastmaster’s or something and learn how to tell a good story and see the humor in things.

Another example? Don’t try to act romantic, BE romantic. Develop a genuine appreciation for the great, the beautiful, the larger than life, and be able to spot it and point it out to others as you do in a way which helps them to get excited over it and appreciate it, as you see in the movie “Don Juan DeMarco.” This isn’t changing yourself for her, it’s changing yourself for you, to have what you want, which is a strong, positive, attractive personality that you enjoy living with, people enjoy being around and which will attract viable candidates for a great relationship.

Or, you could just try to “fake it ‘til you make it,” and be stressed out over having your cover blown and somebody seeing the real you and not liking what they see. No? I thought not.

This process not difficult; indeed, it’s most enjoyable. Most people who don’t engage in self-improvement avoid it because of fear of failure, not because there’s really any reason for them to fail, while most people who do engage in it succeed.

By the same token, if you don’t have any exciting stories to tell, don’t make them up – get off your butt and get out and do something exciting! If you’re not an expert at something, don’t fake it and make an ass of yourself, pick something interesting and useful to you (and hopefully fun for you as well) and BECOME an expert. It is far better to be silent and thought a fool than to open your mouth and remove all doubt!

Never, ever, lie to your partner. Even without regard for moral or ethical issues; it’s just too stressful for both of you, and too damaging to your self-esteem, whether you get caught or spend years trying to maintain a lie. It’s far easier to actually become attractive than to try to just put on the act, and once you do become attractive, BEING attractive isn’t just stress-free, it’s fun! And then, if the potential for love is there, it can develop and make for a truly great relationship.

There’s tons of solid, tested information in “How to Be Attractive to the Woman You Love” on what women find attractive, and just as important, what will kill it in a heartbeat, not to mention how to communicate with her in a way that has her talking with you instead of spending hours every day complaining about you to all her girlfriends, or the guy she’s having an affair with! It can even help you figure out if you’re in a relationship that has a good foundation and can make it or if you’ve been pulled in by a “Rules Girl” and are truly too mismatched for there to be any hope.

This is it, your best shot at getting things back on the right track no matter how far astray they’ve gone, so get your copy today at http://www.makingherhappy.com, because the product works, the price is right, the guarantee is unconditional, and life is too short to miss living it to the fullest.

In the meantime, live well, be well, and have a wonderful day!
David Cunningham

Sunday, April 30, 2006

Female Readers Describe the Man They Want Most

Female readers describe their perfect man, the Alpha Male, and they WANT him, NOW!

I love days that start out like this, a mail bag full of good questions, positive feedback, constructive criticism, etc. It shows me that readers of both my book and this newsletter are paying attention and thinking things through, and that makes all the long hours spent doing it all worth it.

Check these out:

David,

Where can I get a man that will propose to me in a dip at the end of a Flamenco????? (See
archived article) I watch that dance sequence in “The Mask of Zorro” all the time because it’s a better than any romance novel at getting me juiced up. It’s just too hot for words! And that fire in Aleandru, and the determination in Delavega, they are so smooth and so hot, and just take charge of everything around them, as if no matter how bad things have been or could get, they own the world they walk on! GAWD!!! Now, if you’ll excuse me, I’ve got to tend to something… ;-)

Denise

David,

Just some affirmation from one of your female readers ... I loved what you had to say today about the Alpha Male! And from this female's perspective, you're right on target. There is nothing sexier than a man who knows what he wants and sets out to get it, but still takes care not to trample on others to get there. It sounds lame, but "careful determination" is high on my list of traits that I'm looking for in a mate. I want the man who will set out boldly in the direction he desires, who will make sure he has gathered all the necessary data and considered all the important points of what his next step should be, so that when he makes each step, it is bold, sure, and determined. There is nothing wimpy about this man, because even though he's careful and considerate, he is those things in a way that comes across as prepared and in control, not insecure and second-guessing. He has all the facts, and he operates from logic and knowledge -- he IS the Alpha Male. From this gal's point of view, you've got it nailed! Thanks for your insights!

(unsigned)

Hi David!

I have your book, and I’ve been reading your newsletter for a long time now, and I’m starting to wonder why you’ve not yet been on “Oprah”. I keep forwarding your stuff to my guy friends, and some have said they’ve subscribed. The others just don’t get it. They continue to cower before the women around them, feeding us B.S. compliments in a sorry effort to win our approval, never realizing that if they want our approval, the first thing they have to do is stand up and stop seeking it.

Then they have to listen. They need to recognize when we’re serious about something and when we’re playing, when we’re really having a crisis and when we’re just testing to see how much drama they’ll put up with, and when we’re testing to see if they’re going to act like men or wimps, they need to calmly tell us to “put our big girl panties on” and straighten up. When we’re having a real crisis, we want a man to be strong enough to hear the outpouring of a problem without trying to jump to our rescue, and then tell us get on with handling it, and let them know if they can be of assistance, instead of getting frantic with us and assuming that we’re frantic because we can’t handle it ourselves. We can. We handle ourselves differently than men, but the vast majority of us do handle ourselves. It takes strength and brains to be that man, one who can recognize the difference between expressing crisis and a plea for help and being considerate enough to act appropriately, and those who are that man are the most desirable of all.

They also have to have themselves together enough to have fun with us. We don’t like being around sappy, whiney dorks, or boring sticks in the mud. We want to be with achievers, as you call them, who get things done and feel like they’ve earned a good time, and can have one, and bring us into it at will with laughter and enthusiasm. God! How we hate to hear the words, “I don’t know, what do you want to do?”

Yes, we’re hard to understand sometimes, and most of us know it, but more and more of us are getting past that dime novel idea that men should just know everything. We’re realizing that we don’t really want them to “just know,” but that we do want them to recognize it when we tell them, however subtly we may express it. To that end, many of us are starting to speak out in forums like this, because the time for improvement is at hand, and we all, men and women, deserve better.

(also unsigned)

Whoever these women are, they either have or will have a good man. The first is obviously taken with men who take charge, and the second certainly seems to be saying that she’ll accept nothing less than a true alpha male, one who is strong, but earns his way through the world – he doesn’t just beat somebody over the head and take what he wants, he works for it, knowing that he can earn it and is worthy of having it. In Objectivist philosophy, this is called “rational self-interest,” and is the cornerstone of appropriate human behavior.

The third seems to be confirming, albeit more verbosely, everything the first says. In short, They want this “alpha male” in their life, and aren’t leaving us to guess who he is and what he looks like anymore. All three of these women are very typical in their expression of their needs and desires; similar statements were made by all of the women in the 118-couple group that helped with the development and testing of "How to Be Attractive to the Woman You Love" before it was published, and are also very representative of the letters I get from women daily.

When you’ve finished “How to Be Attractive to the Woman You Love,” you might want to follow it up with one of Ayn Rand’s novels, like “The Fountainhead,” or “Atlas Shrugged.” They are incredibly well-written, and project man as a truly heroic being, strong, logical, motivated, walking tall and moving through life with a purpose, an image that every woman wants to see every time she looks at her man, not just because it’s exciting, but because they are “biologically wired” to recognize such characteristics and respond to them – it’s called “attraction.” (Now there’s a clue!) Whether you accept or reject Objectivist philosophy as your own is irrelevant; Ayn Rand was VERY good at describing men in a way that would create attraction in any woman, and there’s much to be learned from the image she creates of “the ultimate man.”

I’ve included pages upon pages of instruction and examples of how to be this ultimate man in “How to Be Attractive to the Woman You Love,” and Gentlemen, the women are constantly saying, “Hell YES! This is what I want!” so pay attention! The choice is yours, so choose well, and get on over to http://www.makingherhappy.com and get started, because life is just too short to spend it bored and wanting, or watching your wife have an affair with the man she wishes that you could become.

In the meantime, live well, be well, and have a wonderful day!
David Cunningham