Friday, April 21, 2006

Be Careful What You Wish For, You Might Just Get It, Part 1

A female reader cautions women to be careful what they wish for, because they might just get it. Like many women who don’t realize that what they think they want and that to which they respond are often two entirely different things, she wanted a nice guy, got one, and was bored to tears, but with some help from “How to Be Attractive to the Woman You Love,” everything is finally the way she likes it.

Today’s episode is a success story from a woman who wrote me once before with a problem, with terrific lessons for both men and women on what women think they want and what happens when that’s radically different from what they respond to, namely, yes, the dreaded “B” word: boredom. Meet Daphne:

Dear David,

I hope it is ok that I am writing to you more than once, but I have something I think needs to be put out there for all to read. I am sure a lot of women have said "IF I could just meet a nice guy I would love that!" Well I am here to tell you be careful what you wish for. I used to say those exact words and I did find a nice guy. Then I wished he had found someone else besides me.

The trouble with a nice guy is just that. He is a nice guy. Now I am not saying all men should be jerks. I have had a couple of those as well. What I am saying is a typical nice guy is not attractive to a real woman. Women have all these ideas as to what a real man should be like sensitive and open and always doing everything for us and waiting on us and to be honest we are dreaming. Nice guys are fun for about an hour and after that you find yourself looking over his shoulder and yours for the naughty boy because the naughty boy excites us and we find ourselves so attracted to him he is all we think about or want especially in our beds.

After I bought your book and read it myself I left it for him on the bedside table in hopes he would take the hint, because I got goose bumps reading parts of your book and thinking about a man doing all those things with me and to me and wanted him to be the one to do them. I know men do not take hints very good, but I was hoping for once it would work and I would not have to totally crush him with the truth. No such luck. I finally had to tell him either read the book or I was out of there. After a few days of really taking your work serious I have a real man starting to form right here in front of me. I still have a nice guy sometimes but we’ll get past that eventually and the man’s man I see him becoming is great. But when I have the naughty boy come out to play I’m on fire all over again. He’s hot and he definitely makes me hotter than I care to mention.

If I could give some advice to your male readers, take this book to heart do what it says and you will never find yourself alone in the bed or in life again. No woman wants a wuss or a total ass. What we want is the best of all things in one package, and with some reading and a few attitude adjustments you could be what every woman is dreaming of in a man. Is that not what it’s all about? Being a man who is wanted enjoyed and loved by the woman of your dreams?

Men you can take things as they are and pretend all is well or you can make your wildest dreams come true. Women like to be just as sexually aggressive and free as most men so let us out and let’s enjoy the passion and heat with each other. Make it work for your life the way we have made it work for us. I can tell you our bed is never still and even when we are out I know the look in his eyes when he is thinking about us and now I want this man all the time.

David I know your wife has to be the luckiest woman ever since you already know the true secrets of making us happy. Thank you for giving the rest of us the chance to live it as well.

Daphne


Wow! What do you say to something like that, except “thanks for writing it and congratulations on finding what you want”? Well, on second thought, there is a thing or two.

Daphne’s right about the “nice guy” thing in several respects, if you know what she’s saying, which the women here probably do, and anyone who has read “How to Be Attractive to the Woman You Love” does as well, but many of you men probably don’t have a clue. No, she’s not saying that women want a man to be mean to them, in spite of the reference to the naughty boy. What she’s saying is that when a man spends all their time together aggressively seeking to please and appease her, it’s weak, approval-seeking behavior that bores the mortal hell out of them, and they don’t like it at all. Yes, they want a man who is considerate, moderately well-mannered, etc., but ass-kissing, trying to buy their affection with gifts, especially expensive ones, etc., is not going to get it done; indeed, constantly being the considerate and well-mannered gentleman isn’t going to go over very well, either. There must be that naughty element of fun and mischief popping up when she least expects it, and several other things, all of which are interesting and fun for a man to be and do, brought to bear before you can sweep her off her feet and keep her up and happy.

I need to comment on one other point. Daphne seems to say that some reading and a few attitude adjustments are all that is required. That’s not always the case, but that’s probably what she saw, and it’s pretty close. To be the man that every woman wants and the woman you love wants to stay with, you will most likely have to make some fundamental changes in either your life or your knowledge base and habits, changes that you will enjoy, but which may take some getting used to, like becoming independent so you can act and feel independent, becoming a man who enjoys his life so you can act and feel as if you enjoy your life, genuinely, not as part of some fa├žade. Faking it causes stress that kills relationships as fast or faster than the problems you try to fake your way through. Besides, who wants to fake being happy when you have the option of really doing it??? Or fake feeling confident when you have the option to really do it? Do you want to fret over blowing your cover or do you want to be calm and relaxed in your relationship because things really are going well? Yeah, I thought so… ;-)

You really can do it, and people like you are proving it every day. In my newsletter I’ve mentioned Phill, who in one week snatched his marriage from the jaws of the divorce monster – they were negotiating the visitation agreement! – and had his wife moved back into his house and making long-term plans with him within a week of buying the book. Last I heard from Phill, now that the fire is out he’s rebuilding the forest, steadily making changes that his wife, coworkers, and everybody else are seeing and liking, and he’s enjoying his new confident “Jedi Master” self (as we call him). He had been attractive while they dated and after they got married; it was the birth of his son that somehow caused him to start catering to his wife, second-guessing his decisions, and doing wussy stuff that annoyed the hell out of her to the point that she left moved out with most of their belongings and filed for divorce. He’s still learning and making adjustments, rising to the eternal challenge that is “woman,” and he says life just keeps right on getting better and better.

Do you really want to put this off any longer? I advise you to get your copy of "How to Be Attractive to the Woman You Love" now and start fixing problems and improving your relationship, not because I’m selling a book, but because the book I’m offering to sell you has what you need to fix existing problems, large and small, and prevent those that haven’t started or are just starting from becoming huge, painful issues, especially since it’s far easier to prevent any problem than to fix one. The fix and the preventive medicine are the same, it’s just a matter of how much pain and pressure you can endure if you put it off until it forces you to deal with it. Ask yourself, is the interest you save on spending $39.95 a year or two from now, or even five or ten years from now, worth the hassle of the boredom, fighting, temptations, suspicions, affairs, and heartache that you may endure before you finally decide it’s time? Five percent interest on $39.95 is just a hair under $2.00 per year you’ll save by waiting until the last minute. I don’t know about you, but I wouldn’t endure an hour of boredom to save $2.00 a year, let alone a fight, and we’ll just not talk about what I’d do to avoid the affair…Or would you like to compare that $2.00 to the cost of having an attorney involved in a worst-case scenario while you try to do what Phill did? There just doesn't seem to be an upside, does there?

So you finally see the light? Good. Get on over to
http://www.makingherhappy.com and buy your copy of “How to Be Attractive to the Woman You Love” right now, and don’t forget that all who buy before the women’s companion book is available will receive a free copy the day it’s posted for download. It’s even bigger than the men’s book, and covers a lot more material, because their needs are a lot more sophisticated than ours (we need about three shades of red: medium rare, candy apple, and blood – take a look at a lipstick and nail polish display rack to see how many women need!), and if all goes as planned, will help them avoid the bad men and find and enjoy the good ones, like us, so make sure you get a copy for your daughter, sister, or some other special woman.

In the meantime, live well, be well, and have a wonderful day!
David Cunningham

Thursday, April 20, 2006

The Biology of a Happy Relationship and Marriage

If you make her happy, she can’t help herself but to make you happy, as this most wonderful joke demonstrates.

I very seldom use jokes as the focal point of instruction, but this one, while hilarious, also has a ring of truth that a man will ignore only at his own peril. Observe:

Jack wakes up with a huge hangover after attending his company's Christmas Party. Jack is not normally a drinker, but the drinks didn't taste like alcohol at all. He didn't even remember how he got home from the party. As bad as he was feeling, he wondered if he did something wrong.

Jack had to force himself to open his eyes, and the first thing he sees is a couple of aspirins next to a glass of water on the side table. And, next to them, a single red rose!

Jack sits up and sees his clothing in front of him, all clean and pressed. He looks around the room and sees that it is in perfect order, spotlessly clean. So is the rest of the house. He takes the aspirins, cringes when he sees a huge black eye staring back at him in the bathroom mirror. Then he notices a note hanging on the corner of the mirror written in red with little hearts on it and a kiss mark from his wife in lipstick: "Honey, breakfast is on the stove, I left early to get groceries to make you your favorite dinner tonight. I love you, darling! Love, Jillian"

He stumbles to the kitchen and sure enough, there is hot breakfast, steaming hot coffee and the morning newspaper. His son is also at the table, eating. Jack asks, "Son, what happened last night?"

"Well, you came home after 3 A.M., drunk and out of your mind. You fell over the coffee table and broke it, and then you puked in the hallway, and got that black eye when you ran into the door."

Confused he asked his son, "So, why is everything in such perfect order and so clean, I have a rose, and breakfast is on the table waiting for me??"

His son replies, "Oh THAT! Mom dragged you to the bedroom, and when she tried to take your pants off, you screamed, "Leave me alone, lady, I'm married!"

Broken Coffee Table, $39.99
Hot Breakfast, $4.20
Two Aspirins, $.38
Saying the right thing, at the right time, PRICELESS!

Stop and think for a minute about why this is funny. It’s because it is so universally true! It’s something that you don’t think about, but when called to your attention, you can see virtually every woman you’ve ever known having the same response! Why?

As humans, we are the only species of life on this planet that lives by the power of volitional choice. Every other species simply reacts to its environment with regard to any issue of survival. There is even room for debate on the question of whether if you put a piece of steak and a piece of cheese in front of a dog if he chooses one over the other because he has a personal preference or whether something the dog smells triggers a response that is based on a nutritional need within the dog’s body.

However, contrary to what many academians have been saying for decades, the scientists who are mapping brain activity are showing conclusively that we do still have some instinctive responses to stimuli. Some of us may be strong enough to consciously over-ride these responses, but few can, and in practice, few want to!

For instance, they’ve shown that when they show sexy pictures of women to men, activity in the area of the brain that controls sex drive, the fight-or-flight response, and several other things, called the “limbic system” or “lizard brain” since it’s the oldest part of the human brain, lights up with activity. In most men, there is a greater response to ample breasts, rounder hips, good skin, etc. Why?

This isn’t because men are pigs, it’s because these are characteristics consistent with a physical structure of a woman who could survive childbirth and bear strong children. Being in the limbic system, the response is entirely biological, not logical, just the same as if a hungry bear charged you, you would automatically run like hell.

In women, when shown pictures of sexy, naked men, there is only a mild stimulation of these same areas. HOWEVER, when alpha male behavior is demonstrated, their limbic system lights up just like ours do over the sexy photos. This isn’t because women are weak and worthless; it’s because these are the traits exhibited by a man who could contribute good genes, creating a strong fetus, and be able to provide for an protect the family unit, formed thousands or even millions of years ago through the process of natural selection – evolution was kind to those bloodlines who had good survival skills and who made the best contributions to the gene pool.

Just as a woman responds biologically to alpha male behavior with sexual attraction, she responds to the feeling of loyalty, commitment, and emotional protection with nurturing. Women are smart, too. While they like to hear that you love them and are committed to them, they are ultimately watching for proof of it in your actions, and testing you for it, too. You might fool them for a little while, but if your commitment isn’t genuine, they will find out, and pretty quickly, so don’t think that a “fake it until you make it” ploy is going to work.

To engage her natural nurturing behavior, appreciate her! If she’s not doing sweet, nurturing things for you now, remember the things that she did in the past, appreciate them, and respond to them with loyalty, commitment, and love, in word and deed. Listen when she talks with you. Learn how to listen better. Prove to her that she is the woman you love above all others by showing her real love, not in the form of senseless sacrifice, but consideration, which proves to her that you do indeed love her and think her worth the investment of your time and life’s energy. She will see this commitment and – unless she is the most unscrupulous of parasites or predators – respond by nurturing you in ways that will make you want to come home from work instead of stopping off for happy hour.

Biologically, a woman responds to being protected from boredom, which she responds to with sexual attraction, and being protected from rejection and other forms of fragmentation of her nest and household, which she responds to with nurturing. If you can find a better trade than that anywhere on this planet, I’ll quit right here and eat a bullet, because I really don’t think I would want to live in such a world.

All you need to know to evaluate your relationship, find out what kind of woman your partner is, and how to make both your lives as great as they can be is in "How to Be Attractive to the Woman You Love," derived from working with hundreds of couples and tested to make sure it will work for everyone who tries it. So far it has; not one person has asked for a refund yet, and a great many have written success stories and other compliments that occasionally even show up in these newsletters and on my blog, with their permission, of course. You can join them by going to http://www.makingherhappy.com right now, and getting your copy. Never put off until tomorrow the happiness and success you can enjoy today!

In the meantime, live well, be well, and have a wonderful day!
David Cunningham

Wednesday, April 19, 2006

Break-up Busting 101: Wrap-up -- The Action Plan

It’s time to wrap up the Break-up Busting 101 course and make an Action Plan. Pay attention, as there will be a quiz…

We’ve been through all the major points of causing, stopping and preventing a break-up, and we should now review to see what you learned and what you need to go back and see. Or, in the words of one of my favorite teachers from high school, “Let’s review…”

In the final analysis, most break-ups are caused by one of two things, either you were intolerably mismatched from the beginning, or else one or both partners became bored with the other and things deteriorated from there.

A huge contributing factor to coming together when you are poorly matched and continuing to try to hold onto a bad relationship is not understanding the nature and differences of love, attraction, need, and lust, all entirely independent emotions that if confused can rip you apart at the seams.

A huge contributing factor in growing bored and then frustrated is the failure of the partners to recognize that men and women communicate differently, have different motivations, and respond differently to different stimuli because of biological differences that create strong, sometimes even uncontrollable tendencies to act in a particular manner. Hence, things done out of simple ignorance are attributed insensitivity, pettiness, and bitchiness, which destroys both love and attraction and both creates resentment over feelings of no longer being good enough, which pushes you apart, and leaves you vulnerable to attractive behavior exhibited by those outside your relationship, which pull you apart.

This failure to understand and communicate also compels people to try to live up to the often incorrect perception of their partner’s expectations, grossly displeasing both partners, but when communication breaks down, resolution is not possible.

People in crisis have an overwhelming tendency to be overwhelmed by emotions that often are not even founded upon reality, and when things get that badly out of control, arresting the cycle is easiest achieved by triggering biological responses that disrupt negative emotion and make it possible to come to the negotiating table and try to resolve problems. Continuing this behavior by making it a part of yourself will make living together fun and exciting, including in the bedroom, so it’s not just a short-term bandage, it’s a long-term cure for a serious problem.

The behavior that trips these biological triggers is a part of heterosexual men that is also biological, and has been with us for as long as we’ve been on the planet. Hence, exhibiting it is not a matter of developing it, but of returning to it by letting it happen and enjoying it when it does instead of continuing the developed bad habit of wuss behavior that women find boring, child-like, etc. Any man who naturally wraps his hand around a glass without extending the little finger, salivates at the smell of fat burning in a fire pit, and looks at a woman with desire is not only capable of this behavior, he is in virtually all cases (barring mental defect or disease, extreme trauma at the hands of an abusive female, etc.) much more comfortable with this behavior than that of the typical subjugated, indecisive, and terribly boring “nice guy,” so results, satisfaction, and ultimate happiness are long-term, even permanent with very little effort, not just some quick fix that appears to work while everyone is hopeful only to quickly fail as boredom and frustration inevitably return.

That’s it, short, sweet, and blunt – yeah, man-style. Probably a little too short and blunt for the ladies, and possibly still a little too verbose for some of the guys. Just like day-to-day communications for men and women. So now, since we’re reviewing, here’s the action plan for crisis intervention, whether you are in crisis or want to prevent it from developing, because the steps are the same either way (it’s just a whole lot easier and less painful and stressful if you do it now as a preventive measure!):

First, go to
http://www.makingherhappy.com and buy your copy of "How to Be Attractive to the Woman You Love." (And yes, you do have to buy something, albeit something inexpensive. I know the world wants free newsletters and blogs to provide all the information the world has to offer for free, but it doesn’t work that way. Good information will cost you something, either in cash, time, effort, having to read somebody’s pop-up or banner ad, or something. However, in this case, the cost is less than the cost of a decent dinner, and compared to the cost of losing half or more of all you’ve worked to build and save plus attorney fees, alimony, etc., it’s close enough to free that the difference is negligible. Now keep reading or you’ll miss the really important stuff, like proof that what I’m telling you works, which is what you’re really after, isn’t it?)

Next, go through the first section and evaluate the relationship and the two partners and determine if your relationship has the solid foundation to work or if it has been the unfortunate product of wishful thinking. If your evaluation tells you that it can’t work in a way that can make both you happy (not just comfortably unhappy!), get out, using the tips for making a clean and hopefully non-combative exit described.

If your analysis shows you that you are well-matched, have been truly happy and can be happy again, but like most couples have tripped up and slipped into a rut and spiraled downward from there, which will be entirely obvious by the time you get there, continue through the next section on what women want…

(including a section on “sexual mastery” that may shock you when you find out what she may or may not have been trying to tell you but wants desperately and which you should be able to easily fulfill, regardless of your “endowment”!)

…and how to communicate with them so that you are prepared to take charge and work things out when you get them to the table. There’s no use bringing them to the table until you know exactly what to do once you get them there; to do so would just confirm what they already think, that you’re not worth the trouble.

Continue through the last section, learning about the natural male behavior that makes men so wildly desirable that women will kill to keep them, how and why it does what it does, and about the behavior that kills this attraction so that you are empowered to never, ever make the mistake of doing so again. Then…

Use what you have learned to flirt and have fun with your wife in your next encounter. The new, fun, manly behavior will interrupt ill feelings momentarily; she will be confused, then curious, intrigued, and feeling drawn in to engage with you. Then some of the ill feelings may return, but it will be too late by then; the little voices and “itches that need to be scratched” will have taken their toll, and she won’t be able to withdraw for long at a time. Why?

She’ll be driven to keep coming back, both to test and check up on you and to experience that inexplicable thrill of being with an attractive man again. Being with an attractive man – a man she feels drawn to, not just a guy with a buff bod and a handsome face – will make her feel good about herself, something else every woman craves, which will make it easier for her to set aside negative emotions and thoughts of punishment and revenge to have a serious discussion with you about working out your problems.

There will be several discussions, and as long as she’s talking to you, she’s interested in fixing them. It’s a three-step process from the point where you finish reading "How to Be Attractive to the Woman You Love." First, you put out the fire by interrupting the negative emotions by showing her a new you, one that she wants to spend time with…

Next, you use what you have learned about attraction to hold her attention and enhance her willingness to come to an equitable solution for your relationship problems and bolster her confidence in your combined ability as a couple to do so, rather like spreading grass seed and setting trees after the fire…

Finally, after all is worked out, you enter into a quest of sustainable growth in your life and happiness by engaging in interesting and productive self-improvement exercises and hobbies that give you an on-going source of achievement, no matter how small or large, to feed your own confidence and feelings of self-worth. The more she sees of you feeling good about yourself and acting the way that genuine, earned achievement makes a man act, the more attracted she will be and the more fun and excitement you will share to enhance your love for each other.

It really is that simple, not by virtue of opinion, but reality, and more to the point, history! Hundreds, maybe thousands by now have done it, and to this day, nobody has written to me saying that they couldn’t make it work or asked for a refund for any reason. On the other hand, I’m getting lots of letters describing successes, gratitude, and some who are even taking their success to such levels that they are writing in with suggestions to be shared in newsletters and future books. Check out my readers (these e-mails are on file and can be produced instantly for any doubting Thomas’s that might happen by!) like “G” here:

Yes. Great. I will do exactly that. I am grateful to have found you. You're the real deal.

I'll keep you posted. G


He’s still working on something, so I’m not going to divulge the nature of his problem, but I was pretty much just confirming for him something he saw in "How to Be Attractive to the Woman You Love." Notice the confidence and exuberance, the conviction and courage to carry on and get it done in that short message. Men don’t say things like that when they are unsure of their information, their actions, or their anticipated outcomes.

He wrote back a few days later with this:

I thank you pal. I have been following your book and news letters religiously. I don't think my marriage would even BE without the path of the "Manly Man". You can chalk up another save to your records.

Feel free to post this on your site. I stand behind it 100%. It's not the proverbial blowing smoke up your ass, but a sincere thank you. I have read quite a few eBooks during this low point. Some were OK. But no one really addressed the married man, and in a no BS approach that really made sense for me. Your's did...does!

Kind regards. G


A few days! That tells you two things: that the information is solid, and that it’s easy to learn and implement.

Check out J.:

Hi David,

I have to say that I really found the information in your book useful. I wish that I had found it a year ago.

As for things with T., it was very ironic to me that your email was waiting when I got back from having coffee with her. It's been 3 months and I wanted to come up with a plan or get closure ... I got closure.

She 27 (I'm 36) and she feels that she is at a point in her life where she needs to find some inner independence and that I represent too much safety in her quest. As you also probably also know, these can be journey that last a couple months to a couple years ... I hope that she finds what she wants.

I know that I will be able to use what you have helped me learn in my next relationship ... so thanks!

J.

He’s moving on, and not only is he moving on with the courage of his conviction, she, in working with him to resolve their problems, has identified a major problem in her own character and is moving forward to resolve that so that she can have a happy life with someone as well, and they are wishing each other a happy life apart instead of engaging in bitter divorce war. You gotta love that.

And what about J.G. here:

Hi David,

I just had to tell someone about an incredible response I had from my wife's best friend. This woman has never liked me, she even told my wife not to marry me. I have not told my wife or anyone else that I have your book, but I have been using it to slowly change my attitude back to they way I was before I became "whipped".

Anyway, back to the best friend story. My wife and I were at a community event when she started to tell her friend that we had enrolled in ballroom dance lessons. I was very self-conscious about everyone knowing this. But to shift the attention from me I began to tease her friend and bust on her for not really being able to dance herself. After a few minutes of quick verbal jabs between us, she grabbed my arm and said "I've never seen this side of you before; you’re a bad boy".

During the entire exchange I had my arm around my wife holding her while she was holding onto me. When we got home we barely got our children to bed before she jumped me right in the kitchen. It was of the most intense sexual encounters of our life. The attraction between us seems to grow stronger every day. I just had to tell someone! I never knew how good I could have it, until I started acting like a man, and not apologize for it.


Thanks

Do you see what I mean? These men were all in crisis when they bought "How to Be Attractive to the Woman You Love," and now listen to them. And contrary to what you see on diet ads and so forth, I’m not going to give you one of those “These results are atypical, your results may vary” disclaimers because these results are ENTIRELY typical. Everybody who uses the information in this book gets what they go after and more. (So what difference does it make who tells you about it???)

Join them! Stop settling for sitting on the couch with a beer channel surfing or hanging out in anonymous chat rooms until you fall asleep. Stop settling for wishing your “love life” was more active. Stop settling for looking back for good memories instead of making new, great memories. It doesn’t matter how bad your relationship is, you can return to a happy life, with your partner’s cooperation and even help, even if the two of you end up going your separate ways! Go to
http://www.makingherhappy.com and get your copy of "How to Be Attractive to the Woman You Love" right now, and get started on fixing what’s broken, whatever it is, and get yourself back on the path (or on the path, if you’ve never been on it) to a happy life, because life really is too short to walk any other path, or waste it meandering about looking for a path to walk.

I hope this series has helped you to see that no matter how bad your situation, your relationship and your life can be better, and above all else, the choice to make it better is YOURS. Choose well…oh, and that quiz I mentioned…your partner will be administering it shortly…women test men constantly, remember?

In the meantime, live well, be well, and have a wonderful day!
David Cunningham

Tuesday, April 18, 2006

Break-up Busting 101: Attraction - Alpha Male, Not Alpha Dog

Continuing our “Break-up Busting 101” course, now that we’ve laid the groundwork for identifying and ironing our the problems in your relationship that brought you to crisis, it’s time we resume our discussion of attraction to help you understand what exactly she’s looking for so you can get her attention in the right way, make her desire your company (even if she’s ticked off), and set the stage for the problems to be resolved. A woman who is feeling attraction is obviously more prone to engage in any kind of discussion with you if it makes her feel good than if it makes her bored or angry.

I hope the timing for this edition worked out well for at least most of you, because understanding the information in this post is critical to creating the turning point in a relationship crisis, so take your time and study it.

Over the years, people who really annoy the dickens out of me have erroneously referred to the feeling of attraction as being “in love” or some other poetically liberating but otherwise nonsensical term instead of what it is: pure, raw excitement and desire for intimacy, sexual and otherwise, directed at a particular person, “attraction” for short, because the feeling forces you to want to be in their company and closer and closer to them as time passes; it’s like the closer you get, the closer it makes you want to get.

As we talked about in the edition on love, attraction, need, and lust, this state is entirely biological, not logical. It is also triggered differently in men and women, and you need to understand the difference in order to create it for her. HUGE question: WHY do you want to create it for her in a time of relationship crisis?

The answer has several parts:

• A huge and common reason for relationships being in crisis is because the man has stopped creating the feeling of attraction for her in the first place.

• Being biological and not logical, feeling attraction makes it very difficult for a woman to emotionally or logically convince herself to stop dramatizing or continuing to punish you instead of engaging in a discussion and activities that can correct the problem. It cuts through the anger and grief to focus her attention on trying to save the relationship by giving her evidence of a good reason to save it.

• Making her feel good about spending time with you will motivate her to spend the time required to discover and fix the problems instead of spending it with her girlfriends milking the emotion from the moment and listening to them bash you, which many are more prone to do than to try to address the situation logically. This is because their brain structure makes their response to crisis and change is very emotionally-driven. Since the emotional state is enhanced biologically, getting through it to a state where problems can be solved also requires tripping biological triggers.

There’s more, but you get the idea. The attraction triggers in men are mostly visual; anything that creates the appearance of being a good candidate for giving birth and caring for a child (ample breasts, wide pelvis and round hips, good skin, thick hair, etc.) causes the chemical cascade in our brain that makes us feel attraction.

However, for women, it’s quite different…

This goes back to that hunters and gatherers model, pure human evolution. It doesn’t matter whether or not you believe in Darwin’s theory that we all came from something like an amoeba; there has been enough evolution just in the last few thousand years of recorded history to explain what has happened between the sexes. Very long ago until just recently (less than 100 years), marrying well was the most important of all survival skills for a woman. In early times, when women routinely spent their entire day tending children and fires and trying to forage edible plants and tan hides, men were either hunting, protecting the group, or making tools and building infrastructure.

Evolution was kind to women who chose skilled hunters and protectors, especially the leaders. Women’s brains developed to respond to that image, recognizing a skilled hunter and protector, an intelligent man who was good with his hands, and a strong, commanding personality as the best candidates to take care of them. Hence, while visual attributes like healthy, muscular bodies with broad shoulders get their attention, it’s only at the level of curiosity, not attraction.

To push a woman past curiosity and intrigue requires a demonstration of that very male behavior that shows intellect, leadership, and confidence, incidental signs of which are things like a good sense of humor, ability to have fun, and ingenuity – characteristics of the “alpha” or ultimate male. However, there seems to be some confusion as to the characteristics a human alpha male should exhibit. I was talking with an old friend recently about alpha male behavior, and she kept insisting that there were parts of alpha male behavior that no woman could stomach. She wasn’t feeling well and was being a little “pissy,” and I hadn’t talked with her in a few weeks so there was some drama thrown in there for good measure, but when I finally pinned her down to list the things that no woman would find attractive about an alpha male, they were:

• Possessive of a few favorite women, and very jealous
• Controlling
• Uses force to get his way

I about hit the roof, because these are not “alpha man” characteristics, they are “alpha DOG” characteristics (or any other non-human animal), and it is VERY important that this distinction be made and fully understood by all or some hideous mistakes will be made.

First, think about what you know about dogs. Even the most ferocious dog is inherently insecure, especially when it comes to his food supply, his bed (turf) and female dogs. He’ll fight a running sawmill to guard any of them. When dogs come together in a pack, the first thing that happens is the dogs challenge each other for the “top dog” position of alpha dog, and then the alpha dog doesn’t just lead the pack, he controls the actions of the individuals as well. In any dispute, there’s either a fight, or the alpha dog just takes what he wants and walks off. Dogs live like most wild creatures, fearing scarcity because they are not capable of productive work and creating their own means of survival. Now, compare this to humans…

We are at the top of the food chain. For the alpha – or “ultimate” -- male, his self-confidence level is so high, he could care less about possessing or controlling a woman because he knows they are standing in line to take the place of any woman that falls out of favor with him. He doesn’t try to control anyone because he doesn’t have to. He’s a leader and people want to do what he says, at least the kind of people he wants to have around him; he has no use for people who look for excuses to avoid performing. His attitude is “lead, follow, or get the hell out of my way!” He’s not afraid of competition; he looks forward to it in most instances.

He demands loyalty of those with whom he shares his life because he knows the value of his life, but unlike the dogs and other wild creatures, he doesn’t live in fear of scarcity. Being human, he has the power of volitional choice, the distinguishing characteristic above all others that puts humankind at the top of the food chain. Hence, he knows that if something isn’t the way he wants it, he can change it or create it. He knows that jealousy over anything is a sign of weakness and finds it repugnant in others and couldn’t begin to feel it himself; if he wants something, he earns it, or it simply comes to him, like friends, underlings looking for leadership, women looking for an attractive man, etc.

He doesn’t have to use force to get his way because he’s intelligent, a skilled leader and negotiator, and generally gets his way anyway, although he’s more than capable of using it if he has to. That’s not to say that he won’t protect that which he has earned, because he certainly will, but he’s focused on WHAT’s right, not WHO’s right, so fights for him are purely defensive, unless he’s a cop, soldier, etc.

This attitude is natural in most men; we’re born with it, but over the years, different things teach and train us to shy away from this natural behavior. Examples?

How about your mother telling you that you need to be “nice” to women, and buy them lots of gifts and let them make all the decisions to be “considerate” of them?

What about the “experts” in the 1980’s who, when women said they’d like for men to be more in touch with their feelings, advised all men to cry in front of women? (Anybody that tries to tell you that a man crying, in any context, is sexy, is either a feminist propagandist, has some sort of fetish for boys, or is just plain psycho as far as I’m concerned, because that invokes maternal behavior triggered by the image of a crying little boy, not a strong, virile hero.)

Or, as I’m seemingly constantly complaining about, Hollywood’s portrayal of weaker and more feminine men with every passing day?

Or maybe the various forces in the “romance” industry assaulting us with ideas like paying two months’ salary for an engagement ring (like a woman can or should be “bought”) or the sickeningly submissive and subservient image of a man kneeling before a woman asking (or begging) her to marry him?

Think about that last one for a minute. Your courtship was spent having fun, coming together, and being exciting, and if you followed tradition, you made two HUGE mistakes during the proposal, the beginning of your married life. It’s no wonder that attraction and sex lives seem to end with marriage! I think I once discussed the perfect proposal, in which I would dip a woman at the peak of a highly sensual dance, hold her suspended above the floor, look her straight in the eye, and say in a strong but not belligerent tone, “Marry me,” then pull her up, twirl her away and back up close to me, and hold her there until she said, “Yes!” You think not? Ask a woman…

The women in the panel (those 118 who helped with the research and writing of "How to Be Attractive to the Woman You Love" ) responded to that scenario with everything from, “Oh, YES!” to “Thanks, I’m wet now,” to just being plain speechless, which is interesting, because they were the ones who contributed the various parts of the scenario, having the man in the superior (head above the woman’s) position instead of kneeling, saying, “Marry me,” “I want you to marry me,” or “Let’s get married,” instead of asking, speaking of dancing and sensual, sexual and exciting (“the vertical expression of a horizontal desire”), etc.

If you can get a woman talking she’ll tell you exactly what she wants and needs, if you can speak “girly-ese.” Well, not exactly; she’ll give you every part of the answer without putting it all together as the answer, but with all the parts, the answer pretty much falls together itself. Sometimes the parts are contained in what they say, others are obvious in what they do, once you learn how to see them and interact with them instead of just staring at their breasts and butts and wanting to ravish them. Indeed, they’ll tell and show you all of that, too.

The problem is that it can take years to pick up on all of it, and most men spend a lifetime with a woman at their side without ever picking up on much, if anything. (Hence, the woman at their side is a long chain of short engagements with a lot of women.) And if you think it’s hard when times are good, I’m sure you can estimate how much harder it would be when the chips are down and she’s ready to kick you out of the house or leave. When things are that bad, often one more mistake is all it takes to put her over the top.

That’s where "How to Be Attractive to the Woman You Love" comes in. I talked at length with these women and their partners (whether husbands or boyfriends), and we nailed it all down, how to know if you’re in the right relationship, how to communicate to keep the love alive, and how to trigger attraction to keep the excitement and fun alive.

With this book, you can use it as preventive medicine and ultimately not only stop your relationship from going downhill, but kick it up notches previously unknown to mankind. If you’re already in crisis, you can quickly figure out whether to try to save your relationship or move on to someone with whom you can be happy (in a case where you married somebody who is just plain wrong for you), and if it’s worth saving, very quickly get a handle on inter-gender communications so that you can work together to fix the problems and then trigger attraction within her to give her a reason to discuss salvaging the relationship with you instead of just starting over herself.

It’s all that, really, and it can be yours in the next few minutes if you click over to http://www.makingherhappy.com, for less than the cost of a good meal for two! Restoring your relationship and rekindling your honeymoon is pretty much a bargain at any price, but at the cost of dinner – not dinner and a movie, JUST DINNER! – that’s a steal. Or maybe you’d prefer to pay the attorney fees and lose half or more of everything you own for nothing more than lack of trying?

Try it, and if at any time during the year that follows you don’t think it was worth every penny, I’ll return every penny you spent. By the way, out of all the copies sold, not a single refund has been requested to date. That’s because it works, so go get it!

In the meantime, live well, be well, and have a wonderful day!
David Cunningham

P.S.

If you missed it, see the March 1, 2006, newsletter article on Alpha Males vs. Alpha Buffoons to make sure you know the difference – it’s important, and to many men, it’s not obvious until after it’s been pointed out.


Monday, April 17, 2006

Break-up Busting 101: Lie Detection, a Survival Skill

Part of determining whether you should attempt to reverse a break-up is determining whether you can trust your partner. Knowing how to detect a lie is a VERY useful skill…

We’re drawing close to the end of “Break-up Busting 101” and there are really only two or three more topics that we will be delving into. Today, we’re going to wrap up communications with a brief discussion of lie detection.

Lie detection is a necessary survival skill in all facets of your life, because unfortunately, there are those who think that lying is a survival skill. It’s not. The truth always ends up coming out, and then on top of whatever mistake you’ve made, you’ve destroyed trust. The only people who get away with lying in the long term are those who spend their life on the run bouncing from place to place and not staying anywhere long enough for anyone to catch them in a lie before they’ve left. That’s not going to work in a long-term relationship, is it?

Gentlemen, the deck is stacked against you from the beginning with regard to lying, because women are better at doing it than men and they are better at detecting it than men. Both of those advantages come from their more highly-evolved communications infrastructure and skills (as compared to our own). However, since you shouldn’t be lying anyway (statistically, women will tolerate just about anything before they will tolerate a liar, even if they are chronically “factually challenged” themselves), you need only concern yourself with how to detect if and when she is lying.

Making you an expert on the subject would require an entire book, and we only have he space of this post to work within for this lesson, so I’m going to hit the high spots for you to show you how easy it is if you have good information and then point you to some very good information that I am not selling. (I am developing a primer on lie detection to include as a free report with my other e-books, and anyone who has purchased “How to Be Attractive to the Woman You Love” at the time of its release will be receiving a free copy if I have your current e-mail address on file.)

First, everyone has heard about how body language can be used to detect lies. That’s true, yet not true. There are many body language clues that indicate both that a person is lying and that they are very nervous about telling an unpleasant truth. When attempting to determine if someone is lying, you must watch for several different indicators and make sure they are all consistently pointing in the same direction. A person who exhibits a single indication of lying may indeed only be nervous about the truth, have an itchy nose, be trying to cover bad breath, etc., but when the signs start stacking up and you see five or even ten signs that someone is lying, the statistical probability that they are telling the truth becomes such a long-shot that a penny placed on that bet would win you roughly the sum of the world’s oil and currency trade for a day – literally trillions-to-one. So where do you start?

Let’s start with the eyes. The eyes move when the brain does certain things. When a right-handed person attempts to access short-term memory, their eyes will move up and to the left, where if they are lying, which engages a creative center in the brain, they go up and to the right. This is reversed in left-handed people. A big clue as to whether someone is right- or left-handed (if you don’t know them well enough to know) is to look for their wristwatch, which will be on the opposite hand, if you can’t get them to write something down for you, so as a general rule, looking not at the watch or at the hand with the watch, but upward to the same side the wristwatch is worn on is a strong indication they are tellign the truth. Obviously, if you're in a committed relationship with someone, you're going to know whether they are left- or right-handed, but again, this is a universally useful skill.

People also tend to become less animated when they are lying, clasping their hands or crossing their arms when you have observed them “talking with their hands” in most of the rest of the discussion. The will also tend to look away from you and even move away from you as they lie, a subconscious effort to try to distance themself from an uncomfortable situation. Touching the nose and covering the mouth while speaking are classic body language signs, but when you look at these, you’re looking for CHANGE in behavior, not so much the behavior itself. People do sometimes get an itch in their nose, or realize they have bad breath, or shift their posture because of an aching joint.

It’s because of this that you must realize that it takes several minutes of observing someone to make this determination, not just a quick jab with an incriminating question. You must see enough of how they act when they are speaking normally and truthfully (by getting them to talk about something non-threatening or non-incriminating) before bringing up the subject you think they lied about or before thinking they’ve lied about something they brought up with you. That’s the value of small-talk, something that most men are very, very poor at engaging in because we really just don’t like to talk that much; we prefer to take action. That’s another reason women have such an edge on us; they enjoy small talk and are very good at conducting it (and hence, are very good at catching us in a lie!). However…

There are some techniques that can be combined with body language reading that nobody, not even experienced con-artists, can beat. They involve such things as watching for hesitation in response to a question. Let’s say you think your partner was on a date with someone else, and you say that somebody she works with whose name you can’t remember stopped you in the grocery store to say hello and asked how you were getting along after the break-up, and mentioned that they assumed there had been a break-up since she was dating this other guy. If she is innocent, she will immediately protest, because she has no idea what you are talking about, but if she hesitates, it’s because she’s guilty and has to think and make a choice about whether it is safer in that moment to accept that she’s been caught or to try to deny it and bluff through. The hesitation before she speaks, not whatever she says, is what tells you that she was indeed on the date.

Another good tactic is a diversionary one. You tell a partner that you know all about something they’ve been doing (that you really are only suspecting), and that you understand how and why it happened and are willing to let that go if they will promise that something lesser won’t be happening again, like hearing it from her friends instead of her. When she agrees to make the promise, which is easier than the confession, she has confessed to the event, otherwise she would be denying it, and then you're back to the hesitation test -- instant denial indicates truth, while a hesitation preceding a denial indicates guilt, unless you see very obvious signs of confusion, which could indicate that the hesitation was in trying to figure out why you might be acting so crazy, but that is really, REALLY rare.

Even here, you can still take advantage of hesitation. A person with nothing to confess will immediately deny they did anything, and a person with something to confess looking for an easy way to do it will immediately make the promise. Hesitation here indicates that they are weighing their chances of getting away with another denial, because it’s the only reason for them to hesitate.

People also tend to objectify and generalize when they are lying. A person who really worked late will tell you that they worked until 10:30PM, while someone who is lying is much more prone to say they “worked really late.” Also, they will tend to say, “left MY office” if they were really there, as opposed to, “left THE office” if they were not. Again, this must be weighed with other indicators, as the use of these pronouns can vary because of personality, level of detail-orientation, etc. It’s the change from using words like “my” to words like “the” or the change from speaking actively, like “I did this,” to passively, like “this was done,” focusing on the event or act rather than on them that tells the tale.

There is a book by David Lieberman, PhD, called “Never Be Lied to Again,” that has been on the NY Times Best Seller list and is an excellent book if you really want to dig deep into this subject and become a true expert. I’ve also used a lot of the hand-held lie detection gadgets and computer software that do voice print analysis, but was not impressed; there were too many false positives and false negatives for me to see them as useful tools at the time, but over time, you can expect these products to increase in accuracy, just as voice recognition software that lets you give input to your computer has improved.

Communications is a tough subject, even when everyone is telling the truth. There are good and bad ways to ask questions of women, good and bad ways to start conversations, and good and bad ways to end them as well. When you’re already in a stressful situation like a fight or after a break-up, the last thing you want to do is trip over some protocol that you don’t know about and end up with your foot in your mouth and your signature on divorce papers because of it. Let me help you with that…

Go to http://www.makingherhappy.com and get your copy of "How to Be Attractive to the Woman You Love" right now, and get with the program. If your relationship is not in crisis, it will show you exactly how to not only keep it from getting there, but how to make it better. If you are in crisis, it will show you how to determine whether you should indeed reverse it or let it go, and if it has a good foundation and could last a long time, it will show you what to do to quickly get things on stable footing and get everyone in a state where they are receptive to working things out and making positive change. I’m sure you’ve heard that “an ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure;” this is about a pound of prevention and it’s worth several tons of cure, and it can be yours for less than the price of a good meal for two, so get it done!

In the meantime, live well, be well, and have a wonderful day!
David Cunningham

Sunday, April 16, 2006

Break-up Busting 101: Dangerous Words: Okay, Sure, Fine, Whatever!

In our next “Break-up Busting 101” installment, we need to talk about communication under stress, and how to know when you’re in trouble.

Before I begin, I want to apologize for missing yesterday's post. It was my birthday, and I ended up on an impromptu road trip doing lots of fun "guy stuff" and didn't realize until this morning that I'd missed the post. The one advantage of e-mail over blogs, at least with regard to trying to provide structured lessons, is that you can prepare for holiday downtime by queueing a couple of lessons in advance in case family or friends drop last-minute schedule changes in your lap. Otherwise, I'm preferring blogging more and more. There are no spam filters to mistakenly intercept lessons, no size limits, they look better, and I know that the only people reading this material here are the ones interested in it because they have to come here to get it. (You'd be surprised how many people try to "help out" or pull pranks on friends by signing them up for e-mail they don't want, which I don't condone with my own newsletter.)

Getting down to today's lesson, I’ve discussed, lectured, harped, preached, and nearly yelled about the need for couples in any relationship, but especially a committed relationship, to communicate effectively, and some people are so dense that when I’ve pointed this out to them and had members of the opposite sex write down their definitions of words to compare, they argued that the other sex’s definition was wrong instead of just accepting the fact that men and women have their own languages; there are a lot of common elements, but enough differences to start a war if one doesn’t know what they are.

In the process of trying to bring your relationship out of the crisis of divorce or other break-up, things are going to be tense, especially at first, and at times when you are trying to work out any differences that remain from the past. You’re also going to be at risk of undoing all the good you’ve done by letting another fight get started for as long as things are tense and unsure, and you absolutely MUST be able to recognize when the situation is heading that direction.

To that end, I’ve identified four seemingly innocuous words that are a constant source of problems when the two partners don’t attach the same meaning to them. This is because their gender-specific meanings in many contexts are quite opposite, and that makes them dangerous.

The three most dangerous words in the English language, with regard to male-female relations, may be ““okay,” “fine,” and “sure,” although “whatever” may take out any one of the other three if the right woman says it. They are universally understood between members of the same sex, and almost universally misunderstood between members of opposite sexes. What’s worse, what these words mean to men are grossly opposite to what they mean to women.

Men pretty much stick to dictionary definitions at best. We’re simple, very simple, with regard to communications. Few of us are adept at the elevation of language to a tool of diplomacy and espionage, and ladies, since I know you’re reading, we don’t have ulterior motives or hidden meanings when we speak. What you hear is what you get, right guys?

Women, on the other hand, are born diplomats and politicians. Nothing is spoken directly, everything has multiple meanings and ulterior motives, and exchanges are almost always negotiations. Hence, while they always know what they’re saying to each other, men often don’t have a clue what a woman is really saying. We hear words that we recognize and take them literally, much to the chagrin of our female acquaintances at all levels. To the average woman, conversing with the average man is at times no different from conversing with a four-year old boy, because we lack this sophistication and they have to explain things over and over again, usually without success because they just can’t manage to spit something out directly until pushed to the point of male-like aggression brought on by anger and frustration, if then.

Let’s look at these three words from a man’s point of view:

Okay (male):

1. From the last-century acronym for “Our Kind,” meaning, “we like that.”
2. In good health, as in “I woke up hung over, but now I’m okay.”
3. Affirmative, as in “I need your help with this, okay?” or “Okay, I’ll do that for you.”

All positive meanings, pretty much right out the dictionary, right? Let’s move on…

Fine (male):

1. Of high quality, as in “fine China” or “a fine automobile.
2. Satisfactory, as in “We’re doing fine,” or “he’s fine, and thanks for asking.”
3. Very small, as in a “fine mesh,” “fine-toothed comb,” or “fine sanding grit.”

It’s a positive word in either of the first two connotations, and benign in the third instance. Again, all pretty much straight out of the dictionary, right? Keep going…

Sure (male):

1. Affirmative, and with enthusiasm, as in “Sure! I’ll be glad to help with that,” or “Sure is!” – conversationally synonymous with “Certainly!”
2. Certain, as in “I am sure this will work” or “this is a sure bet.”

As with the other two, fairly positive, simple, straight out the dictionary. And here’s a beauty:

Whatever (male):

1. Anything, usually used in being agreeable, as in “Whatever you want is great.”

No surprises, right guys? Well, some of the ladies might be surprised, because to them, these words have many meanings, and you can’t always tell the difference from the context. To wit, consider these examples from some of the women on my support team’s comments on the subject:

Okay (female):

1. You aren't listening and I am going to shut up now.
2. You are screwed, Mister!
3. Screw you, you don't care...
4. I understand but am not happy about it.
5. Yeah, we’ll do it your way, and you will pay for it later!

Fine (female):

1. If you want, but you will regret this later.
2. Go screw yourself. You are an idiot and I am not going there.
3. If you say so, but I will do it my way anyway.
4. You think you know, I will let you think you know, but you know nothing, and I'm going to enjoy watching you find out that you know nothing.
5. Keep talking but I am not listening.
6. You are a complete a**hole if you think I am listening to what you are saying and would ever consider doing that.
7. Keep telling me what to do and you will be sleeping on the couch, Buddy!
8. Yeah, you want me to wear that so I can look like a ho in front of your friends.
9. Yeah, you want to see that movie and don't care if I don't.
10. Yeah, nice restaurant, don't ask my opinion, you will pay for it (Lobster and Moet, anyone?)

Sure (female):

1. Go screw yourself!
2. What a moron!
3. You wish, buddy!
4. What the hell are you thinking???
5. Is he still talking?
6. You think I will do what you say....ha!
7. Damn, he is a jackass!
8. He can't be serious!
9. Please tell me he's not thinking I agree with him!
10. You have your views, I have mine, never the twain shall meet, but I will say I agree just to shut you up!
11. I have to do WHAT with your mom???
12. I have to WHAT with your friends???
13. Damn, I really don't want to do this...
14. Crap! I have to do this, but he will pay SOOOOO dearly later
15. Oh no he DIDN’T just…(say/do/whatever)

Whatever (female):

1. Screw you!
2. Screw you and die!
3. Go screw yourself and die the Death of 1,000 cuts!
4. Screw you, and you will be dying, slowly, painfully, and without even knowing it, just as soon as I figure out how I’m going to torture you to death.
5. Right now, I have more regard and respect for whale dung on the floor of the ocean than I have for you.

Do you see a pattern here? All of these words have somewhat to very positive meanings for men, but negative to life-threatening meanings as women use them; "fine" to a man means really great, where to a woman, it means at best, "well, if that's the best I can get, I'll settle, but you're going to make it up to me later."

In general, any one-word answer given by a woman to a question from a man is probably bad. It gets worse. When these words appear in the same sentence, the amount of trouble you are in and the punishment you will endure as a result increase exponentially. Case in point, have you heard, “Okay, fine!” recently? That happened right before she stormed out of the room, huh? And there was nothing pleasant in your life for some time after that, was there Big Guy? “Okay, fine!” does not mean “Alright, you win.” Quite the contrary; it pretty much means, “War has just been declared, and you've already lost!”

Indeed, did you lose your keys and find them in a place you didn’t remember having them, and a calm air of satisfaction on her face when you found them, or in extreme cases, you looked for them for half an hour, got frustrated because you were late to do something with your friends (it wouldn’t make you late for work), and then SHE finds your keys in a really ridiculous place, like in the clothes dryer, claiming you left your keys in your pocket and she laundered the pants this morning? or in a place that you know you had already searched several times? Uhhh, yeah…thought so.

Speaking of the dryer, did you happen to notice your underwear were rather scratchy feeling, like the fabric softener had been left out? Or a mysterious stain appeared on your favorite garment, or worse, your golf clubs or bag? Did the remote for the TV disappear just in time to inconvenience the hell out of you when there were about a half-dozen different sporting events on that you wanted to surf? Who woulda thunk it?

It can be anything from semi-benign little jabs like these to "grudge sex" with your brother or one of your friends, or if she’s really mad, grudge sex with somebody you really despise, and you may never find out about it. Being able to keep you in the dark about it is a sort of everlasting punishment that causes her to smile or smirk ever-so-slightly as she leaves the room when you’re being a real jerk.

So you now have to ask, what happens if you get all four together? If you ever hear the following sentence:

“Okay, sure, fine! WHATEVER!”

DUCK! COVER! RUN! And make sure your health insurance is paid up and you have fresh ammo. Trouble’s coming on a pale horse, and Hell will be following after. (Forgive the Biblical metaphor, I noticed an ad recently for Clint Eastwood’s “Pale Rider,” and couldn’t resist.)

Gentlemen, as you can see, they tell us when we’re doing things that are going to get us in trouble, but they use the same language we would use to say that everything is great. Incidentally, Ladies, what about “great”? It has a few juicy meanings too, does it not? This could make for a really fun study of you readers, if you’d like to make it one. Everyone is invited to write in (you can post comments here or e-mail me at tips@makingherhappy.com) with your own thoughts on these words and more, stories of altercations or misunderstandings, etc., and you really should do it, because if several people respond, it will make for some interesting reading for all of us! Just because the rest of the world chooses to wallow in a communications quagmire and remain boring and ignorant doesn’t mean the achievers on this list of readers has to join them!

As you can see, there’s a lot more to keeping a relationship on course and fun than they told us in the storybooks when we were little kids, or the textbooks when we were big kids for that matter. That’s why many of us end up in one or more divorces during the course of our life.

A good relationship takes some work, and stopping and reversing a break-up can take a lot of work, but you can work smart instead of hard. You can work hard every day trying to put up a front, making compromises that you later resent, biting your tongue, etc., or you can spend some effort in a one-time exercise to learn how to get along and how to be that attractive, funny, naughty alpha male stud muffin that every woman drools over. A no-brainer, huh?

After that exercise, you can spend a little time in what the corporate types might call a “self-directed improvement endeavor” to make those traits, skills, and behavior a part of yourself, so that being the man of your partner’s dreams is natural, effortless, automatic, and most of all, fun! I cannot overstress that above all else, doing the things that make for a perpetual honeymoon are the most fun you can have with your clothes on! And, most important, unless your relationship has been severely damaged by extreme substance, physical, or emotional abuse, making these changes have proven to stop a divorce cold in as little as a week!

As I said, it wasn’t in the storybooks, and it wasn’t in the textbooks, but it is now -- sort of! “How to Be Attractive to the Woman You Love” is like a textbook on the perpetual honeymoon and what it takes to have it, but unlike a textbook, it doesn’t just put the information out there in front of you in a sterile, academic presentation of theories and opinions. It’s a seminar in book form, telling you what you need to know and providing examples to train you to make the required behavior a part of yourself.

Go to http://www.makingherhappy.com/ and get your copy today, because no matter what kind of shape your relationship is in, you can make it better with the help of the information in this book, even if making it better means getting out of it (if it’s abusive, parasitic, or otherwise destroying your life instead of fulfilling it) and starting over with a worthy partner. It’s all that, and it’s yours for less than the cost of a good meal for two. Care to compare that to legal fees, loss in the property settlement, alimony, etc.? Another no-brainer, methinks…

In the meantime, live well, be well, and have a wonderful day!
David Cunningham