Friday, April 14, 2006

Break-up Busting 101: Choose Your Battles

Part of effective communication in any relationship with anyone, especially your life partner, is knowing how to choose your battles and how (or IF) to fight them.

When I first published this series of newsletters, I did what marketers call a “split test” to find out whether my newsletter and book readers had any marked preference for either of the terms “divorce” or “break-up” by referring to the series of letters as either “Break-Up Busting 101” or “Divorce Busting 101.” After a couple days of the test, I received a letter from an associate of someone who was already using the phrase “Divorce Busting” and had trademarked it. The situation opened the door for creating and sharing a very important lesson in halting a break-up and normalizing relations with your partner, and I’d like to share that lesson with you now. Following is the very terse, anonymous e-mail from a reader who had only been signed up for a couple of days:

Regarding: Divorce Busting 101

I repeat:Are you aware that Divorce Busting is a registered trademark owned by Michele Weiner-Davis? Are you aware that its use, unless authorized by Michele Weiner-Davis, is illegal?

As I said, unsigned, entirely anonymous. I replied:

As the title of a book or any other product, I'm sure it is, but as far as I know, you can't call the subject of an e-mail a trademark, especially when it's a free newsletter. It's not being used as a trademark, brand, or anything else, and the term has been around since before the movie "Ghostbusters" was new. If you feel we need to discuss this, I'd be happy to, but I'm not in violation of any law that I'm aware of since I'm not selling anything with that term in the title, nor is it my desire or intention to infringe on anybody's copyright. As for your "repeating," this is the first copy of this e-mail I've seen; I never ignore questions of any nature from anyone.

Sincerely,
David Cunningham

I’m expecting to hear back from them, whoever they are, probably this morning, both because they seem agitated and because I invited them to discuss it. Why? (Hang with me here, because there is a HUGE lesson that will benefit EVERY relationship!)

An author’s stock in trade is what’s called “intellectual property,” the product of their brain, and most of us try to respect each other’s products, “turf” etc., even when we’re competing. Things just go easier that way for all of us; if we spend all our time and effort suing each other, we don’t create any new product, and any profit we may have made ends up going to our attorneys instead of our families. So, I did a little homework….

Michelle Weiner-Davis has built up a sizable following using the term "Divorce Busting" to describe her program. A Google search came up with over 52,000 hits, many of which did refer to her site. There were some that did not, and in the course of going through the Google listings, several pay-per-click ads (those little sidebar listings some search engines refer to as “sponsored listings” that appear in the margins) also appeared that pointed to places l like marriagemedics.com that appeared to be non-affiliated sites offering competing products, not hers.

This told me that while I’ve heard terms like “Divorce Busting,” “Drunk Busting,” “Gang Busting,” “Union Busting,” “Boredom Busting,” etc., all my life, and from her picture, this author appears younger than me, she does have quite an interest in having that phrase associated with her before anything else. Hence, whether my use of it is illegal or not, she or somebody in her staff may indeed want to pick a fight over it. Now begins the lesson…

I have no interest in the term. It was cute, to the point, and I was using it in split testing against another copy of the same newsletter to see if readers were more likely to read something using the word “break-up” or “divorce” in the subject line; a sample of only about 300 people even saw the letter using the word “Divorce” and it’s of no consequence to me. After four days of using it, the stats for both words came out to be about a third of those who received it read it, which is about average for the last couple of months.

Since my readers don’t care whether I talk about “break-up” or “divorce,” there’s no reason for me to care. So why put the other author through the expense of having her legal staff start sending me nasty letters and so forth when I can just make life easy for both of us by ending the split testing and sending everybody the same letter?

The same exercise should be completed every time your partner comes to you with something to discuss, especially when they are upset. Before you jump into a defensive or combative posture, which never does anyone any good, listen to what they have to say, invite them to discuss it with you instead of fighting about it, and look for a peaceful and equitable solution. There is ALWAYS a peaceful and equitable solution to be found as long as both partners are capable of being reasonable and working together to find it, and in male-female relationships, it’s even easier than you might think. Why?

Because as we discussed yesterday, women are driven to negotiate, not dictate. They thrive on discussion. While they respond positively to being lead (it’s attractive), they don’t want to be bullied around or ignored. They want to negotiate, but they want you to be man enough to lead the negotiation once they’ve brought the need to negotiate to your attention.

That means you have to recognize their request, and acknowledge it by inviting them to enter the negotiation instead of being a jerk and cutting them off with “I don’t care, do what you want,” or telling them to get out of your face. Then you listen, develop options, and when there is agreement, make a formal declaration that things will be done as the two of you have agreed to do it. It’s that simple, and you cannot imagine how well your partner will respond to it when you do it.

As for this situation, I’m going to see if the people who broadcast my newsletter can somehow change the subject line in the e-mails in the archive; unfortunately, the title from the “divorce” version ended up being the one shown in the archive because of the order in which I posted them. If they cannot or will not, for the sake of consistency and out of respect for a colleague with whom I might want to have an affiliate relationship some day, you may see repeats of the four issues with the word “divorce” in the subject retransmitted with a subject line similar to this one, using “break-up busting” instead. Please accept my apology for any inconvenience this may cause and simply delete them if and when the four of them show up.

(As a post script, they did indeed write back, explaining that the other author's publishing company was extremely aggressive in defending even casual use of copyrighted and trademarked phrases. While they never disclosed their full identity, their intimate knowledge of past events and current policy was strong evidence that they were indeed a legal representative for the publishing company, and when I told them that the use of the phrase was not important to me and that I would be happy to discontinue using it and make reasonable effort to remove it from any archives, which was ultimately unsuccessful, they were satisfied and very polite, instead of igniting a legal battle that would have won me nothing and cost me a lot to win it. Hence, it turned out to be a VERY good choice.)

The future begins with this moment, every moment of your life. Whatever action you take in this moment will ripple through the future and shape it to some degree, because events that are forgiven are seldom forgotten. The choice of what goes rippling through your future at any given moment is yours. Do you want it to be a fight, carrying the message of “I’m a jerk who chose a fight over a negotiation” or “I’m a smart, attractive guy who can lead my family through a situation to a peaceful resolution”? I should think that would be a no-brainer.

Relationships are like democracy; you must understand how they work in order to function within them and protect them, both from internal forces that can erode or implode them and external forces that would conquer and destroy them. The choice before you today is whether you continue trod along in the dark or whether you make a very small investment in your future and happiness, not to mention that of your family as well. We’re talking about less than the cost of a good meal for two in a decent restaurant, and the return is guaranteed if you do nothing more than use the information. It’s an instantly downloadable e-book called “How to Be Attractive to the Woman You Love,” and it’s waiting for you at http://www.makingherhappy.com. Go ahead and do it now, because life’s too short to spend it stumbling around in the dark looking for answers that you can’t see.

Thursday, April 13, 2006

Break-up Busting 101: Understanding Her In Conversation

As we continue our study of what leads you into break-ups and divorce and how to stop it, it’s time to talk about communications.

What a day this is turning out to be already! I sincerely hope yours goes as smoothly as mine has as your daily challenges arise. It’s one of those that in spite of all the problems and nuisances that show up make you know that it was worth living and like a good night’s sleep at the end of it has been well-earned, not because you’ve endured it, but because you’ve still managed to achieve what you set out to do that day in spite of all the interference.

As I mentioned yesterday, we definitely need to talk about communications and how the differences between how men and women do it are caused by the difference in how they are equipped to do it, so while it’s possible to prove your ability to understand and respond to the other gender, they also need to better understand and better respond to you to make it possible to “meet in the middle.”

If you can’t meet in the middle, the end result is the stereotypical impressions that women talk too much about nothing, whine all the time, and get upset over nothing, and that men are insensitive boobs who got married to have a woman serve them instead of sharing a life with them. Boredom and frustration set in, the partners drift apart and ultimately into the arms of another and/or divorce.

I’ve published an excerpt from “How to Be Attractive to the Woman You Love” a couple of times in my newsletter in the past to demonstrate how serious a problem this is, and according to the statistics and comments it’s been widely read and considered a big help, so I’m going to reprint that excerpt here with some additional commentary at the end. But before we get into it, I’ll warn you…

By the end of the excerpt, most of the women will be thinking, “Yep! That’s it. I need to call David and see if he’ll do private tutoring for my man.”

The guys, on the other hand, will be split up into several distinct groups. One will say, “There’s no way that it works like that,” (these are the ones that should just forget it, and consign themselves to an unhappy life, because well over 100 women were involved in developing and verifying this little scenario, so it’s accurate).

Another group will say, “Well, now I know why she’s always getting pissed at me,” (this group has an excellent chance of learning from this blog and my book and successfully kicking their relationship up to levels unknown to mankind).

And another, smaller group, that will say, “I get it! This guy’s good! I gotta get that book!” (these will be the Jedi masters of keeping their partners lit up like a Christmas tree, because they’ve already got a head start in both intellect and attitude).

Again, it’s a little over two fairly dense pages straight out of the book, and it’s some pretty critical material, so if you don’t have time to sit down and study it now, mark it for study tonight. It will be a long time before anybody does you this big a favor again, so don’t sell yourself short.

Without further ado, here are pages 43-45 of “How to Be Attractive to the Woman You Love”:


Men State, Women Negotiate

This one will probably be an eye-opener as well, probably for both men and women. With regard to male-female relations, when men speak, it’s most often in a context of obtaining or distributing information, and ethics notwithstanding, you can pretty much take him at his word – what you see is what you get – no hidden agenda, no ulterior motives, no signal, no hints, additives, preservatives, or fillers. Women, on the
other hand, seldom speak directly about anything, and quite often you find that questions are statements, statements are questions, and being far more social in nature than men, the purpose of speaking is to negotiate.

As an example, consider a man and a woman in a car driving somewhere, and the woman says, “Are you hungry?” If the guy isn’t, he just says, “No,” and keeps driving.

Now, every woman reading this will immediately know that she’s pissed off at this point, and every guy will be scratching his head wondering why the woman would be pissed off and why it should be so obvious.

What has happened is that her question was actually a statement: She is hungry, and what’s more, she’s attempting to open negotiations as to where they are going to eat. But wait! There’s more, and guys, go ahead and just consign yourself right now to being momentarily confused and frustrated, remember that you love her or you wouldn’t be trying to improve or protect your relationship, and try to learn something here and be amused by this truly fascinating revelation.
She’s probably already decided where and what she wants to eat! But, she has to go through this ritual to comply with the social forms that she’s wired for.

Incidentally, as you will see in a later section on defining authority, overtly leaving the decision about where and what the couple (making a unilateral decision that affects nobody but her is not a problem) is to eat to the woman is anything but considerate. We’ve all been led to believe that this is somehow gentlemanly or polite, but the plain truth is that women don’t enjoy decision-making in most cases, and do enjoy seeing a man able to make a decision about what he wants, or at least take the lead in making a suggestion.

Dumping the decision in her lap is one of those “nice guy” things that will get you labeled as a wimp, relegate you to “just a friend or buddy” status, frustrate her to death, and possibly irritate her to the point of starting a fight. It may sound overly simplistic, but to be considerate, you must actually consider her point of view. Being a social creature by nature, she usually wants to be involved in the decision, but rarely wants to take the lead in making it. If she does have a preference, even an extreme one, there will still be a negotiation, one in which she hopes you agree with her choice, but doesn’t want you settling for her choice, which is ass-kissing, and women hate that.

Getting back to our example, how is this scenario to play out? There are several twists and turns, depending on whether he’s hungry and whether she has a taste for something special. There are only four possible right answers at this point, two good ones and two great ones:

  • “No, I’m not. Are you?” (Good, because it shows consideration.)
  • “Yes. Are you?” (Good, because it also shows consideration.)

  • “Yes, let’s go to (whatever).” (Great, because it shows leadership and decisiveness.)

  • “Yes, let’s go to (whatever). Will that work for you?” (The Jedi master answer, because it not only shows leadership and decisiveness, it shows consideration and overtly leaves the door open for and invites the negotiation that she expects to ensue.)

Women hate to be ignored, and while they like to see a man acting as a leader and able to make decisions, they hate being bossed around and being completely left out of decisions. Are you with me so far? If not, go back through it again, and think back to exchanges of this nature you’ve had with women in the past. It will become clear.

Now, the next step depends on her mood at the moment. Regardless of where she wants to go, she wants you to make the first suggestion to show that you’re capable of it. So if you answer with one of the first two options, her response will be something to the effect of, “Yes, I am,” or “I’m getting there,” or if she’s really coy about it and not wanting to admit that she has an appetite, “Well, it’s getting late and if we don’t get something soon we’ll (run into traffic, run into long lines, be eating too late, be late for our appointment, etc. – something to blame the clock instead of her hunger). Where would you like to go?”

It gets really amusing here, because this is where you find out how you’re being tested today. She’s either looking for you to make the decision or for you to be a good boy and open the door for her to voice the one she’s already made. Your best bet at this point is to name your own favorite place to go as long as it’s not someplace that she hates to go, which is insensitive and will be taken as an insult, followed by asking her for input, but not her approval. The difference is subtle, so be careful here. To a woman, there is a huge difference between, “Will that work for you?”, “Do they have something you like?” and “Is that okay with you?” If you speak as though you are seeking her approval you have just done what a wimp would do and she’s disappointed because she’s now in a public place about to share a meal with a wimp.

Now for the last step of this little dance. She’ll most likely either say that your choice will be fine and smile, or she’ll say she’d rather go elsewhere, and give you a specific place. Go there, and do it with mild enthusiasm, unless you just despise the place, and especially if she knows you despise the place, in which case you’re being tested a bit extra today. Another sign that you’re being tested further is if instead of saying “yes” in some form with a smile, or offering a specific alternative, she says something vague like, “Well, if that’s what you want,” and doesn’t smile about it, an indeed looks and sounds just a tad negative, which is your hint that she’s being very considerate in dropping, at least in her mind.

Don’t be alarmed, it’s still possible to come out of this one alive, but you have to pay attention to what you do and to her body language at this point. You can take the easy way out, and say, “Well, I certainly won’t die if we don’t eat there today. Actually, I think I might enjoy (name of some other place) just as much. Do they have something you can enjoy? I wouldn’t settle for something I didn’t like, and I don’t want you to settle for something you don’t like on my account.” This is a declaration of sensitivity and respect that she can’t miss or refuse, and will likely at this point get back on cue and either accept some suggestion or finally make the one that she’s been holding back.

The other option, for advanced users of body language only, is to name several options and watch for her pupils to dilate or eyebrows to raise at one of them, which will be the one she really likes, and quickly jump on it, something like “Well, there’s Chung’s, Morton’s, The Crab Shack, Il Dolce Vita (pupils dilate here) – Yeah, Italian! That really sounds good. Are you up for a good wine and a garlic fix?” She’ll most likely agree with you if you got the cue right, but if not, she’ll at least give you credit for making a game of it and finally voice a preference.

Yes, it sounds complicated. It’s a sexual form of diplomatic relations, and until you understand the basics, it is complicated. However, the basics, while not obvious to the uninitiated, are really very basic:

  • Women don’t speak directly without making some announcement that they are about to do so, and if they do, there’s probably about to be some real trouble. Generally, opening questions are statements, opening statements are questions, and the purpose of her using these devices is to start a negotiation.

  • You have to feel your way through the negotiation, just like you were buying a car or something. Make suggestions in such a way as to leave a dignified channel for her input without seeking her approval for your own. Treat her as an equal, not as a superior or inferior party to yourself in the negotiation.

  • Always vigilantly watch for the dreaded “double jeopardy” test, the second test that occasionally follows the first if she’s in a slightly needy mood.

You see? That long, complicated affair came down to three simple rules applied to every juncture of a conversation. Remember these three rules and employ them and you’ll not only be far more attractive to your woman and women in general, you’ll never again be stuck in that sickening void of “What do you want to do?” “I don’t know, what do you want to do?” which kills relationships fast, because by taking part in it, you are declaring that you don’t know how to communicate, she’s not important enough for you to consider learning proper communication, and that you can’t make a decision – three things that are on every woman’s list of top “X” things that they hate about men.


If you have any doubt whatsoever about the validity of what you just read, put it in front of as many women as you care to. The only ones with dissenting opinions will be those who exhibit markedly masculine communications habits themselves, and possibly some mildly masculine physical traits as well. Remember that the hormone balances related to gender do determine brain structure and function to a degree. It’s not that unusual to encounter a woman who looks quite womanly, but upon close inspection you notice that her shoulders are slightly (or more) broader than her hips, her cheekbones are not as high nor her cheekbone-to-chin area quite as “heart-shaped” as for other women, and her manner and communications style are noticeably more direct than what you notice in most women

This doesn’t make her any less of a woman, but her hormone balance has induced a brain structure and chemistry that has caused these traits that are caused by higher levels of testosterone to manifest. By the way, a woman with high levels of both estrogen and testosterone will have a very active libido, because testosterone levels are the cause of libido…it’s the only true aphrodisiac known to science.

Getting back to communication, you should now see just how much of a gap there can be between a man and woman, and this gap MUST be bridged successfully for a relationship to last beyond the initial year or two of intense attraction before it starts causing serious problems, the kind in which little “spats” end up exploding into catastrophes where partners don’t speak for days or one spends several nights in the guest bedroom, and then things just start “swirling around the drain” before “going down the tube.” This happens because she thinks he isn't listening, while he thinks she's being unreasonable, but the truth is that neither is really hearing or understanding the other. But, the good news is…

After you’ve spent years appearing to be an insensitive boob and suddenly start “getting it,” your partner will notice, and she will definitely respond as long as there have been no restraining orders issued, just as she will respond to you suddenly understanding what she wants, how she feels, why she does the things she does, taking the lead and trying to save her from the total damnation of boredom, etc. There is nothing in the world to stop a divorce and reinstitute a honeymoon like a whirlwind romance if you can start one with her, and I don’t have to tell you what happens if some other guy beats you to it, do I?

I hope you enjoyed this lesson and find it useful. Feel free to share it with your friends, and you and your friends are invited to visit the main website at http://www.makingherhappy.com, subscribe to my free newsletter (if you prefer using RSS feeds to blog), and maybe even grabbing a copy of “How to Be Attractive to the Woman You Love”and putting it to work in your life. Life is too short to waste it waiting floundering around and fighting because you don't know what else to do. Be smart and start fixing it now, before you’re in a crisis like a break-up or divorce, because it’s many, many times easier to heal a few small wounds than lots of big ones, and to overcome a short period of unrest and bad habits than a long period.

In the meantime, live well, be well, and have a wonderful day!
David Cunningham

Wednesday, April 12, 2006

Break-up Busting 101: How Appearance Affects Attraction

It’s a busy day! Lots of exciting stuff happening everywhere, lots of phone calls, some great testimonials and compliments in the e-mail today – I live for these kinds of days. They’re the kind of day that I can reach the end of feeling not just productive, but downright heroic.

Speaking of which, I caught an article in the Wall Street Journal a few days ago that I just can’t get out of my head. It’s relevance and timeliness are as perfect as it’s message, that being that women are turned on by men who act and look like men, not boys (slackers), wusses (needy little whiners who can’t survive without someone to cook and clean for them), girlfriends (metrosexuals who are fun to shop with and fun to be seen with on a date as a trophy but who, without alpha male behavior, are treated like girlfriends and kept around to network, share, and dramatize with instead of having an intimate male-female relationship), etc.

To help you get a mental picture of what women want and the kind of images they respond both positively and negatively to, I’m going to post that article in it’s entirety before we discuss it.

A Lady's Lament
Where have all
the Hollywood hunks gone?


BY KIMBERLEY A. STRASSEL
Friday, March 3, 2006 12:01 a.m. EST

This year I plan to conduct my own Academy Awards. And in my newly created category of "Best Red-Blooded Male," I regret to say that I can offer up only one nominee: King Kong.

Where have all the tough guys gone? Really, it's enough to make you cry--that is, if all our leading men weren't already doing it for me. From its earliest days Hollywood has had a glorious tradition of punch-throwing, gun-toting, testosterone-oozing leading men, and the world has loved every one of them. James Cagney, Humphrey Bogart, Gary Cooper, John Wayne, Lee Marvin, Charles Bronson, Steve McQueen, Sly Stallone, Mel Gibson, these were men. Some were strong and silent, some artisans of broken noses and busted rib cages, some villains, some heroes. But there was no doubt that they had a reason to walk with bowed legs.

And today? These marvelous males have given way to a new generation of Hollywood consumptives, metrosexuals if you will, the most solid thing about whom are their perky cheekbones. Jude Law, Johnny Depp, Orlando Bloom, Leo DiCaprio, Adrien Brody, Ashton (Ashton!) Kutcher. I make it a general rule to withhold my regard from any man I could bench-press on a feeble day, much less those who've never had need of a razor. If producers are wondering why box-office sales keep falling, they might consider that America wants something more from its men than pouty lips and foot-long eyelashes.

Early cinema specialized in the supermasculine sort, providers and achievers and gangsters who were always in control. They were cool ("Here's looking at you, kid"), daring ("Made it, Ma! Top of the
world!") and cocky ("Frankly, my dear, I don't give a damn"). Some were tough through their moral rectitude; think Jimmy Stewart.

Others, like Cary Grant, made up for a lack of outright macho with wit, class and unbelievable suits.
The 1950s brought about yet a new type of tough guy, heroes who specialized in fighting wars, protecting the innocent and getting the job done. They weren't "hunks" in today's sense of that word, but they didn't need to be. They had such presence that they didn't even need to speak. James Coburn had precisely 11 lines in "The Magnificent Seven," including such masterpieces as "You lost" and "Three." But if ever a Western has produced a tougher, more deadly gun-slinger and knife-hucker than "Britt," I'd like to know. By the 1960s and '70s, these tough guys had also discovered the value of props. Clint had his .44 Magnum. Steve had his Mustang GT 390. Sean had his martini.

Starting about 1980, tough guys changed again. This was the beefcake era, and the guys were maniacs. Arnold Schwarzenegger terminated everything in sight. As near as I can figure, Mel Gibson, via "Braveheart" and "The Patriot," single-handedly killed off the entire English population. Sylvester Stallone sealed his career with characters named "Rocky," "Rambo" and "Cobra," for goodness' sake. None of this was highbrow film, but there was something wonderful about the brute strength. Even women came to appreciate the, ahem, upside to testosterone-flicks. I know girls who will admit that they own "Top Gun" for the sole purpose of watching the volleyball scene over and over.

Sadly, reruns are about all we babe-loving women have these days.

The new Hollywood man isn't noble or daring or silent or even beefy. He emotes. He is fragile and flawed. He is a 40-year-old virgin. He is a hobbit. Take a look at the guys who are up for Oscar nominations, and let's go immediately to the elephant in the room. Three -- count 'em, three -- are there for playing men who bat for the other team. Yes, yes, I loved both "Brokeback Mountain" and "Capote," but that's not the point.

Some of the older toughies are still knocking around, but it's getting to be a bit of a geriatric ward. Stallone will be 60 this summer. Even Denzel Washington is past 50. Eastwood is clocking in at 76 and has (wisely) taken to playing senior citizens. My hat goes off to Bruce Willis, who continues to churn out reliable hard-man flicks, even if the tank tops are now gone. As for the younger generation, I find myself grateful to Matt Damon, who had the courage to make two old-fashioned spy thrillers (as Jason Bourne), the first of which revitalized the concept of a car chase.

Oh, and Vin Diesel rocks.

Where is the next generation of tough guys? They're out there. They just happen to go by the names Michelle Yeoh and Angelina Jolie.

These are our new bad boys: cool, clever and deadly with a six-foot samurai sword. Still, call me a traditionalist; I like my heroes with facial hair, a deep voice and bulging biceps. Which is why, when it comes to this year's nominees for truly manly men, I'm sticking with the ape.

Ms. Strassel is a member of The Wall Street Journal's editorial board.


What does this tell you? Is the tone of boredom and frustration in this woman’s writing not painfully obvious to you? And it’s no secret that most men take their cues from the silver screen on how to dress, talk, and act. I’m not going to say or think that Hollywood and the media are behind some huge conspiracy to wussify the entire male gender as part of some liberal or gay pride political sentiment like some of the conspiracy theorists. I don’t know, and frankly don’t care. What’s important isn’t the reason that it’s happening, it’s the FACT that it’s happening, and the outcome.

Men are looking less like Gary Cooper, Humphrey Bogart, and John Wayne and more like Hugh Grant every day, and if you know that women tolerate boredom and frustration even less than men do, that it is indeed torturous to them, you know that this is contributing to today’s divorce statistics.

A woman who is bored and frustrated will try to tell you she’s bored and frustrated, but it won’t come across in language you can understand if you are in the vast majority of men. Questions like, “Are you wearing that tonight?” that sound to us like a general query are actually statements that read like, “Please don’t embarrass me to death by wearing that out tonight!” (Consequently, we’re going to break away from attraction for a couple of days and talk about communications in our next editions!) In the end, not knowing that we don’t interpret what they say to mean what they want us to understand, they think that we are insensitive and don’t care that we are embarrassing them, ignoring them, etc., and frustration is added to their boredom. Would you care to guess what happens next?

“Well, if he’s going to just ignore me after I told him what I need, I’ll just find somebody who won’t ignore me!”

It might be an affair, or it might be “the papers,” but either way, you’re now in deep manure. Is this ringing any bells? It should be, because this is the root of virtually all divorce that occurs between partners that were well-matched in the beginning. She gets bored, gets frustrated, disengages, he gets bored, and then it’s pretty much a race to see who steps out or wants permanently out first.

This doesn’t have to happen, and if it’s already started, it doesn’t have to continue to spiral out-of-control until your relationship ends in a bitter war. What you need to know to negotiate these obstacles and get your relationship back on track quickly – and a whole lot more – is included in “How to Be Attractive to the Woman You Love.” Men who have read it have pulled their marriage out of the jaws of the divorce monster in as little as a week; others have found that they’ve spent many years in a bad marriage that made them unhappy and made with confidence the decision to cooperate with their soon-to-be-ex spouse to correct the mistake they had made years ago and move on to have a happy life.

Join them! There’s not one thing in the world that sitting around worrying is going to accomplish for you, except stressing you out, making you old, and letting the problems get worse. Take action now while it’s still possible to have some influence on the outcome. Go to
http://www.makingherhappy.com and get your copy of this truly amazing book, find out where you stand, make a decision about where you are going, and then use the rest of the book to get there, just like all those who came before you. Life’s too short as it is; don’t waste any more of it worrying – ACT! And do it now.

In the meantime, live well, be well, and have a wonderful day!
David Cunningham

Tuesday, April 11, 2006

Break-up Busting 101: Love, Attraction, Need, and Lust

In part two of our Break-up Busting 101 series, we talk about the four basic reasons people get into relationships and how to know if you’re there for the right reasons or the wrong ones.

Welcome to Lesson 2 in our Break-up Busting 101 crash course. Today we’re going to talk about the reasons and emotions that cause people to come together in long-term relationships, how to identify them and distinguish between them, and most important of all, how to know if you’re in a relationship for the right or wrong reasons.

I write about this subject frequently because it is so vital to the success of anyone seeking a happy life in a relationship, and I want to write about it every day, because it is indeed the cornerstone of every well-rounded, well-matched, and happy relationship. These emotions, needs, and reasons are love, attraction, need, and lust. What happens if you confuse them? Did you know that they are different?

Unfortunately, most people don’t, and they are indeed not only different, but entirely independent of each other, as you are about to see. Thanks to Hollywood, poets, and poor grammar, among other things, many people use the word “love” in referring to all four of these very different and entirely unrelated conditions. Do you have any idea of the potential impact of such a mistake?

What if you feel as if you can’t live without somebody, which is need, and mistake that for “love,” which simply is “to value”? Will you be valued by someone whom you need, treat with jealousy and fear of losing them, causing you to try to control them and abuse them when they scare you? Hardly.

What if you are addicted to sex, and confuse the gratification it gives you with love, or if your sense of self-worth mistakenly comes from self-medicating your insecurities about your masculinity with frequent sex and marry someone thinking that the feeling you have will make the marriage work, when you don’t value the other person, and worse, don’t share their values? It’s a disaster that you can look around you and see every day, and an all-too-common cause of broken marriages.

Let’s stop with the what-if’s, since many may not see the difference at this point, and define these four conditions:

To love is to value, to hold in high regard. Over the years, dictionary writers have included the other three conditions in their listed definitions for love, not because it was correct, but because it had become prevalent in our language as everyone sought prudish euphemisms for emotions and conditions they did not want to name because they would then have to face them.

Lust is a purely physical, biologically-caused desire to engage in sexual acts with another person – any person. Lust can even be at least partially satisfied by masturbation because it is just physical. The orgasm (sometimes multiples are required) sets off a cascade of chemical reactions that ends the state of heightened sexual desire. Neither love nor attraction is required to experience lust; in can indeed by induced by oral or injected medication, including testosterone, the male sex hormone.

Attraction is also biologically-triggered, automatically and consistently, but it manifests as emotional excitement and desire for intimacy and sex with a specific person who has triggered it; engaging a person for whom you do not feel attraction will not fulfill the desire it creates, which differentiates it from lust. It is not, however, a feeling or indication of value, because a person can feel attraction for someone they literally despise, such as women who crave the attention of men who beat them and wait for them to come home for prison, telling themselves it will be different this time, or men who try to drink themselves to death or engage in other self-destructive behavior because they can no longer sleep with the wife that just left them and took everything he owned to boot.

Need is just that, a demand placed upon another person for something they have, usually their life. Where love is characterized by a strong feeling of happiness when with its object, and wanting the object of your love to be happy as well, looking forward to your next meeting, etc., need is characterized by a fear of losing another person, and thoughts center around what will happen if they are no longer in your life, creating an overwhelming concern for not being able to live without them. Where love causes one to do nice things for another and enjoy it, need causes one to either try to “buy off” someone with nice gestures or to overwhelm, manipulate, and/or control them, resenting them and the power they hold over one at some – if not all – times.

Not one of these four conditions is in any way related to or dependent upon another; any of the four can be experienced in the total absence of the other three. This blows a lot of poetic notions and language right out of the water, such as “making love,” “in love,” “love child,” etc., but that’s irrelevant. What is supremely relevant is that you must accept these conditions and their differences as they are, understand them, and appropriately create them, enjoy them, or guard against them (as in the case of need, lust, and at times, even attraction) in your own committed relationship or marriage:

Yes, you want to love and be loved. If you’re not valued by the person you value, or don’t value a person who values you, you’re mismatched, and doomed to a life of boredom and resentment at best, and most likely headed for conflict, resentment, affairs and divorce.

If you experience lust and indiscriminately desire sex with people outside your relationship, your partner may resent it tremendously, as you might if the shoe is on the other foot (not all people regard sex as exclusive to a single partner – “open relationships,” etc.). Such hedonistic desire and values can only work in a relationship where both partners share such a value structure and view of sex, and rarely if ever is it enough to support a relationship.

Attraction for your partner is a wonderful thing, as is having them attracted to you, but attraction outside the partnership can be disastrous in the same way and for the same reasons as lust, except it can be worse because of the emotional element that goes with attraction. A relationship without attraction between the partners is a simple friendship, and a boring one. Such a relationship with love but no attraction is the relationship where you hear about partners having affairs, saying, “I love my husband/wife dearly, but I need more.” That “more” is the excitement, fun, etc., that are created by attraction, and if they are missing, trouble’s coming or already upon you.

Need is bad for everybody. If you or your partner is being needy, the negative emotions described above will be present, especially in a codependent pair. If the symptoms of need are found, somebody needs to start an intense effort to increase self-esteem to a healthy level. If it can’t be done, the relationship is virtually doomed, and a “defensive exit” must be considered after all other options are exhausted. Partners want partners, not dependents, and I can’t tell you how many times I’ve heard women say, “He was fun when we met, but he turned out to be so needy I just couldn’t stomach him,” or men say, “Well, she waited on me hand and foot, and that was the problem. It wasn’t because she cared that much about me, it was that she was that insecure and just smothered me to death.”

Gentlemen (and Ladies!) I know many of you may be thinking that this is a load of crappy opinion and that it doesn’t work that way for you, but it’s not. It works this way for everyone, and unfortunately, many are unable to see it until so much damage has been done that they are forced to drop all pretenses in a last-ditch effort to salvage and redeem their lives. Don’t let this happen to you. Accept reality and make the choice to use it to your advantage in fixing and enhancing your relationship instead of fighting it while your relationship continues to come apart. It’s not hard to do when you know how.

I can’t and won’t tell you that everything that you could possibly ever want to know is in “How to Be Attractive to the Woman You Love,” but there is more than enough included to fix issues that can be fixed and help you identify both major and minor issues that can’t be fixed (such as drug addicts, abusers, codependent partners, etc.) and deal with them appropriately as well. It’s been tested and worked for everyone that has used it so far, and to this date I have yet to be asked for a refund – can you imagine how significant that is in an industry where people frequently buy downloadable information with full intention of asking for a refund and keeping the information???


It’s so profound and works so well that even people who may not be intending to pay for it are deciding it’s worth every penny. Read the writing on the wall, make the choice to take responsibility and improve your life and relationship, and take charge by getting your copy today at http://www.makingherhappy.com. Life really is too short to spending it wishing you had answers when they are this readily available and affordable.

Monday, April 10, 2006

Break-up Busting 101: Taking Responsiblity

This edition starts our crash course on break-up busting. I’m going to try to take this in a logical order to make it easier for you to build a working mental model of concepts and processes, which in turn should help you evaluate your own situation and see where improvements can be made and how to implement them.

Identifying and correcting relationship problems is no different from any other kind of problem-solving where there is a human element. People are involved in the problem, usually caused it, definitely need the fix, and will benefit from it. Understanding the role of all the people involved and getting their commitment to action are just as crucial as defining the problem and the best possible outcome. Let’s start there.

As a man, your role, as far as relationships are concerned, is to lead. You’re biologically programmed to do it, and women are biologically programmed to respond to it. I don’t care how politically incorrect that statement is to anyone, you can’t argue with human biology. As the leader, you are responsible for everything, period, no matter what you may wish you could delegate. Maybe you’ve heard the old management axiom, “You can delegate authority, but you cannot delegate responsibility.” It’s called an axiom because it is self-evident and irrefutable; there is no escaping it or arguing with it, so accept it and move forward. What does this mean to you as the male in the partnership?

It means that when you take on the role of partner, you take on the role of leader – not tyrant, not dominator or dictator, not delegate or subordinate – LEADER. You struck this bargain when you asked your partner to marry you, whether you knew it or not. Forming that partnership was an agreement to support each other in your natural, biological capacities as man and woman along with everything else. So what exactly does this mean as you move through time?

As a human being, you have a responsibility to yourself to make a good choice in a partner, and as a man, you have a responsibility to keep your partner feeling like you’re holding up your end of the bargain. To do that you must understand her most basic of needs, some of which, like food, shelter, clothing, etc., she’s perfectly capable of providing for herself, and leave room for negotiating an arrangement as far as how to best apply your combined effort to best maintain and improve the household standard of living, but there are others which are entirely non-negotiable, and these are unfortunately the needs that most men are entirely unaware of these days, such as…

A woman’s need to avoid boredom! Believe it or not, that drive is often even stronger than the maternal drive, and often women will even engage maternal drive beyond what is healthy for the family to try to quell boredom if the male partner doesn’t do his part. You’ve seen it, the family of five or six in which the husband comes home from work, has dinner, and spends the rest of his evening with a beer in one hand and a TV remote in the other while the mother tries to manage the kids, and looks a little older than she really is because the stress is wearing on her.

There is a fundamental difference in male and female emotional structure that is responsible for all of this, and as a competent leader, you need to be aware of it and manage it. The male emotional scale has evolved to go from crisis to ecstasy, with neutral (uneventful, status quo, even boring) in the middle of the scale. We don’t really like a lot of excitement, good or bad, because it’s something else to manage, especially if it’s negative. When crisis occurs we spring into action immediately to try to bring things back to status quo; there’s a predator about threatening the village, and it’s up to us primal hunters to vanquish the marauding bastard, whatever it is, and return things to normal. However, women aren’t wired that way…

Women's emotional scale runs from neutral (status quo, uneventful, and very boring for them) to extreme, and internally they don’t differentiate very much between positive and negative. They need an emotional rush, frequently, or they will create one for themselves. Unfortunately, it’s a whole lost faster and easier to create a negative rush than a positive one, so when you fall down on the job as leader and don’t give her some positive “drama” to treat her boredom and she needs a fix, it’s going to come in the form of a tear-jerking movie or a pity party with her friends if you’re lucky, and she’s going to pick a fight if she’s gone the other route and you haven’t picked up on it and resumed your husbandly responsibility.

Yes, that’s really what that fight last week that seemed to be over absolutely nothing was really about. She needed a rush, you failed to provide one, and it went on so long that she picked a fight over absolutely nothing to get your attention and get her rush. That’s a warning shot across the bow, Gentlemen. She’s communicating to you that you are not taking care of her need for energy and excitement. And yes, it would be one hell of a lot easier on everybody if they would just grab us by the arm and say, “Hey, Moron! Can’t you see I’m so bored that I’m about to kick you in the testicles out of sheer frustration?” But they don’t do it that way. They’re not wired to. They’re wired to do exactly what they do, and it is our responsibility as leaders to understand that and deal with it.

This is all very short term. The really ugly picture comes in the long term. The boredom and fighting wear on a woman and make her depressed, and that makes her desperate. She withdraws, trying to find relief in her own world, and after the short time it takes for her to confirm that tactic is not working, she starts looking elsewhere, and is EXTREMELY vulnerable to anything that might trigger excitement, especially alpha male behavior in another man that can juice her up into the throes of attraction, the most desirable of all emotional states for a woman. That in a nutshell, is how women end up having affairs, and why ultimately you have to take responsibility for it, in preventing it or accepting that it happened because you didn’t do what you were supposed to do as a man.

That probably feels like a swift kick in the groin, doesn’t it? Before you get defensive and say, “Well, what about her responsibilities?” with venom and indignation in your voice, yes, she has responsibilities, but we are talking about your life, and your choices. It’s your responsibility to choose a stable, somewhat independent woman for a partner, one who genuinely values you as opposed to a gold-digger, codependent, substance abuser, or somebody just looking to have somebody else pay for them to have babies and play house. Once you’ve chosen such a person, it’s your responsibility to make it worth her while to remain in the relationship with you, just as she has the same responsibility with regard to keeping you in the relationship with her. But the bottom line is…

When you know what she requires and that you have taken on the responsibility of fulfilling those requirements, in exchange for her fulfilling yours, it’s much easier for you to succeed in doing so, and much easier to see where you have failed to do so and correct the problem if your relationship is in crisis.


The good news is that you don’t have to wait for your relationship to be in crisis before fixing it, but if it is, it can still be fixed as long as she is still speaking with you; women who have truly had all they can take don’t move out of the house and keep talking to you. They move out of the house or kick you out and immediately get restraining orders in place to shut you out and your only contact is with her lawyer. They move so quickly when it’s really over that you’ll break your neck trying to watch them move.

So what this all means to you, bottom line, in a nutshell with no B.S., is that in one way or another, all problems are the result of your own choices, which sounds bad until you realize that all solutions can therefore also be the result of your own choices. If you chose the wrong partner, you can choose to take your lumps and get out so you can get a fresh start instead of desperately trying to hold on to a bad relationship. If you chose well but have not lived up to your responsibilities, you can immediately choose to learn what you need to know and be the man you’re supposed to be; believe it or not, it’s far easier to be the man every woman wants you to be than it is to be a man that no woman wants to be around. Did I really just say that?

You bet I did, and every man who has been in both positions will back me up on it, without exception. Being the kind of man women want men to be comes natural, and it’s a whole lot of fun. There is no feeling in the world like walking into a room and feeling like you own it, regardless of who is in the room, and being able to just talk to people and have fun with them, and every man can do this. There’s no feeling in the world like that of getting cocky and naughty with a woman and seeing the spark and fire in her eyes and hear her laugh as you verbally spar and challenge each other, until finally she can’t take one more ounce of anticipation and pounces on you like the wild woman you would have never dreamed she could be. A man needs nothing more than some self-respect and a little solid knowledge to live this way every day of his life. Think not?

Aside from myself (I’m 44, a little overweight, my hair is thinning and quickly turning gray, and what I’m losing in on my head is rapidly reappearing everywhere else), I personally know men who are in far worse shape than I, including one who is in a wheel chair because he lost both legs in a car crash, several others who are literally in bankruptcy, and others who so shy they wouldn’t smile for a camera that all live this life today, because they stopped apologizing for being a man and started celebrating being a man, then aspired to be more of a man than they had ever been. You don’t have to be a rich 20-year old super model who’s hung like a horse to be exciting and attractive to a woman, you just have to be a man who takes responsibility and aspires to be a man instead of apologizing for it.

We’ve all had our relationships on the rocks, and all pulled them out and kicked them up notches unknown to humankind by doing nothing more than learning what it really means to be a man and doing what comes natural, and learning what women need and how to communicate with them. With some good information and the “intestinal fortitude” to make a choice, you can and will do it, too.

I can’t make the choice for you; nobody can. But, if you’re ready to step up and make the choice, I can certainly put the right information in your hands. It’s been tested and proven to work by hundreds of couples, and it can be yours for less than the cost of a good meal for two at about any decent restaurant. Step up, make the choice to be a man who acts and feels like a man and whom women, especially the one you love, just love to be around, and then jump over to
http://www.makingherhappy.com and get your copy of “How to Be Attractive to the Woman You Love” and get started down what may be the most rewarding path you ever walk, because life’s too short to spend it walking the wrong path or just wandering around aimlessly, or cluelessly.

In the meantime, live well, be well, and have a wonderful day!
David Cunningham

Let's Get Busy

Hello, Fellow Bloggers!

I'm told that Blogging has been around since the late 1990's, but I've been so tied up with other things that I'm just now getting my feet wet. Yeah, yeah, shame on me, I admit it. But, it's my understanding that bloggers like to syndicate content if it's good, so I'm going to contribute some content that orginally appeared in my free daily newsletter (you're welcome to sign up at http://www.makingherhappy.com/ if you like!) on "break-up busting." It's some very good material for both stopping and preventing a break-up, and I know you'll enjoy it, so keep an eye peeled as these articles -- and others -- appear.

Take care,
David Cunningham

Sunday, April 09, 2006

Dear Bored, Frustrated, Confused, Or Celibate Friend,

Welcome to the makingherhappy.com web log! I'm David Cunningham, your host, personal coach, and author of "How to Be Attractive to the Woman You Love," the most effective tool you will ever find, bar none, for reviving a committed relationship that has drifted off-course and in a rut, or even in outright crisis.

Relationships, whether you’re married or not, go stale – the excitement fades, the sex slows down and nearly stops, schedules get filled with jobs, kids, hobbies, and chores, and before you know it, you’re both crawling in the bed at night and falling asleep, whether that’s why you went to bed or not. It may feel like the end of your life and damage your self-image, but at worst, it’s just the end of the honeymoon, and you’ve got yourself a lonely housewife or girlfriend who just might already be listed in the online personals or some lonely wife club.

What’s a Guy to Do? What Have You Tried?

Solid relationship advice that you can immediately put to work for you is hard to find. Some go out to the library, bookstore or search engines looking for everything they can find on “marriage help” or “marriage advice,” “seduce my wife,” “love advice,” “relationship help,” or "relationship advice," or my favorite, “what women want,” and get a very vague and inaccurate picture from people who’d be better suited to writing psychology textbooks or religious sermons.

Sound familiar?

Others go to the other extreme, flooding Google and other search engines with queries for sources on extra-marital affairs or dating sites, such as “speed dating,” “dating advice,” “how to get a girlfriend,” “one night stand,” and even “macking” (the art of the one night stand), and don’t accomplish anything except setting themselves up for a divorce or other bad break up and having it hit the “Girly Grapevine” that they are a cheating scumbag.

Is this you?

There are a few who realize that creating and maintaining a happy and fulfilling relationship needs a more direct approach, especially those into self-help and self-improvement systems, and they go to millions of sites Google serves up with such search terms as “attract woman,” “seduction tip” and “sexual attraction,” but these pages and products, developed by some of the world’s more brilliant minds, like John Alanis (“The King of Let ‘em Come to You”), David DeAngelo (“Double Your Dating”), Shelly McMurtry (“First in Her Mind”), Tiffany Taylor (“Guy Gets Girl”), and Mari-Jo Tyler (“Laugh Into Love,” a relationship expert, sex therapist, and comedienne!), and which get huge results for people trying to become successful in the dating world, are developed mainly for someone IN the dating world.

But Wait!

Going back into the dating world and meeting strangers is what you’re trying to avoid, isn't it?! Trying to employ such attraction tactics, such as being unpredictable, which is irresistible to a woman you’ve just met, to a mature relationship will scare the living hell out of a woman with whom you are sharing a mortgage and a few kids, married or not!

She wants predictability, but is attracted to unpredictability.

There are a great many “toy boys” around who can give her that little thrill while you continue to provide stability, so the whole issue is a double-edged sword and a huge trap for both of you, as are many other things that trip a woman’s attraction triggers.

How do you sort it out? What do women want, especially in a long-term relationship? What feelings can you enjoy giving her that she will enjoy?To make matters worse, you may have already been doing some research, and come across some of the dating gurus mentioned above. The advice they give is rock solid for the dating world -- it just doesn't get any better -- but they repeatedly say to their readers, "Once attraction is lost, forget it and move on, because it's gone, it's near impossible, if not entirely impossible, to bring it back."

Maybe for their readers, but take a closer look...

In the short window you have to create attraction in a new person and try to make it bloom into a lasting relationship, this is true. But, the rules and timeframes are different for committed relationships. Have you already given up? You shouldn't, because the fact that you're in a committed relationship works in your favor, and can actually motivate your bored girlfriend or wife to help you set things right under the right conditions.

How? Keep reading...
This problem of a “stale” relationship, one in which both parties, whether married or not, still love each other and are committed to staying together, or at least want to be, but their relationship is in a rut – their sex lives are near non-existent, their lives are routine and boring -- has happened over time and has become a “comfortable” habit. Judging by the results of studies conducted by people qualified and equipped to conduct them, the average married couple has sex only six times a year, in spite of studies conducted on these same people indicating that they think about sex hourly and often every few minutes.

How can this be a recipe for a happy marriage?

I’m going to make a bet that if you’re still reading this, either you’re in the same boat, or you’re the proactive sort that tries to stop problems before they start and don’t want to be part of that statistic. I’ve been happily married for the last ten-plus years at the time of this writing, and I can tell you from experience, my own and that of hundreds of other couples, that the good news is that reigniting her attraction for you is all that this situation requires for short-term success, and keeping that success this time around is a simple matter of completing two tasks and starting up two on-going processes, one of which will be on “auto-pilot” and one you will actively manage:

Task 1: Make sure you are a good match for each other. Some people just aren't good for each other; indeed, some couples are downright mutually destructive, and think they're happy, when they are actually comfortably unhappy. A bad match-up can’t work well because there’s always the stress of trying to bend and stretch to meet somebody in the middle, and it’s such a stretch that neither of you will ever be able to enjoy the relationship.

Task 2 (and the process on “auto-pilot”): Learning a bit about how men and women communicate differently and how to "meet in the middle." You may have always known that women go about it differently than we do, and that it makes us nuts, but getting a handle on it is really not as complicated as a great many of the people with lots of “alphabet soup” dangling after their names on their business cards would have you believe. Just being aware of the basic differences is often enough to start bridging the gap, because understanding often brings about cooperation and improvement, which in turn starts a continuous improvement process that you’ll find that you enjoy so much that it will quickly become automatic, because while it’s a little bit of work, it’s a whole lot of fun!

The actively managed process: Keeping that attraction alive once reignited, which isn’t at all difficult once you understand what she responds to, because it’s not just easy to do, it’s fun for both of you! Especially when you trip those triggers regularly, because not only will your sex life return to what you used to call “normal” (and exciting!), but you’ll once again find each other fun and exciting in more and more ways. She’ll respond to having her triggers tripped by automatically tripping your triggers as well, and as your communications skills improve you’ll discover more ways to trip each others’ triggers. It’s an upward spiral to long-term happiness, building fun, excitement, and security, and self-esteem for both of you.

As simple as that sounds, that’s really all there is to it, but there are quite a few toe-stumpers, pitfalls, and outright traps along the way. I’ve investigated them, and with the help of a significant and still-growing support staff of women who are in or have been in mature relationships, have prepared a sizable report on how to make this all work in your life. This support staff reviews all advice and examples to make sure that everything is as accurate as possible with regard to how women react to various thoughts, actions, and conversational elements by gauging their own responses to the recommendations (and you can bet their husbands and boyfriends are loving life now!), so what you'll read here (and what's in my book, "How to Be Attractive to the Woman You Love') isn’t just an opinion of what works for one guy with one gal, it’s what works, period! You’re getting information on what makes women tick that men have sought for centuries, and every woman wishes you knew, but few if any women would have ever told you in a way you could understand if you had just asked.

What you need, and what I'm going to help you to achieve, through my book, this blog, my daily newsletter, and for those in need, personal coaching, is to start with a fair and thorough assessment of yourself, your partner, and your relationship. It will help you to ask and answer the difficult questions that must be resolved before you can expect success going forward or find happiness elsewhere if this partner isn’t “the one.”

Once you're in that special relationship that you think is "the one," we'll speed you on your way to a more intimate (and more fun!) relationship, with not only a few technical details, but also great examples of conversations you’ve probably had, mistakes you probably made in those conversations, and ways in which you can come out better when you have them again in the future. Make no mistake, you can NEVER realize the full potential of any male-female relationship without knowing the differences in how men and women communicate and expect each other to communicate. Even if you both create maximum attraction for each other have the greatest sex life ever known and spent several hours every day engaged in it, there are still all those other hours in which you must be able to share your lives, else love dies, and with it friendship, respect, and trust.

Finally, we must dig deep into what attraction really is, how it works, and how to make it happen, not to mention what kills it! Pay attention here, because attraction, more than anything else, is what women want, whether they realize it or not, and you've got to create it for them or someone else will!

Why should you bother to take action and make this effort?

Well for starters, it works! Just the awareness gained by the support staff in focusing on the material and pulling it all together revived and improved their relationships to honeymoon status. If that's not a good enough reason, let’s talk money for a minute...

How many hundreds or thousands of dollars do you think you might spend on marriage counselors and/or lawyers trying to fix your current problems (especially if you get caught in an affair)?

Are there kids involved? Do you want to risk only seeing them every other weekend?

Speaking of kids, did it ever occur to you that girls are" women in training," and anything that you can do to learn to better understand and communicate with women is going to help you be a better father? It will help you to get along with and protect your daughters, and give you the most important of all knowledge to pass along to your sons: how to get along with women and how to go about choosing a great wife the first time around!

The reasons are plentiful and should be pretty obvious, don't you think?!

We're going to have a lot of fun together. Ultimately, you will learn a few things that most men have forgotten, such as the simple fact that being a man is something to which we should aspire, not something for which we should apologize.

There's a difference in what we think we hear women saying they want and what they really respond to. Master that and you will quickly see why when mama ain't happy, nobody's happy, and more importantly, when mama is happy, EVERYBODY'S HAPPY! Just for kicks, stop by http://www.makingherhappy.com and see the testimonials from some of the people who have saved their relationships, some of whom have been able to stop a divorce in the final stage of the proceedings in under a week.

Take care, and come back daily,
David Cunningham