Sunday, April 09, 2006

Dear Bored, Frustrated, Confused, Or Celibate Friend,

Welcome to the makingherhappy.com web log! I'm David Cunningham, your host, personal coach, and author of "How to Be Attractive to the Woman You Love," the most effective tool you will ever find, bar none, for reviving a committed relationship that has drifted off-course and in a rut, or even in outright crisis.

Relationships, whether you’re married or not, go stale – the excitement fades, the sex slows down and nearly stops, schedules get filled with jobs, kids, hobbies, and chores, and before you know it, you’re both crawling in the bed at night and falling asleep, whether that’s why you went to bed or not. It may feel like the end of your life and damage your self-image, but at worst, it’s just the end of the honeymoon, and you’ve got yourself a lonely housewife or girlfriend who just might already be listed in the online personals or some lonely wife club.

What’s a Guy to Do? What Have You Tried?

Solid relationship advice that you can immediately put to work for you is hard to find. Some go out to the library, bookstore or search engines looking for everything they can find on “marriage help” or “marriage advice,” “seduce my wife,” “love advice,” “relationship help,” or "relationship advice," or my favorite, “what women want,” and get a very vague and inaccurate picture from people who’d be better suited to writing psychology textbooks or religious sermons.

Sound familiar?

Others go to the other extreme, flooding Google and other search engines with queries for sources on extra-marital affairs or dating sites, such as “speed dating,” “dating advice,” “how to get a girlfriend,” “one night stand,” and even “macking” (the art of the one night stand), and don’t accomplish anything except setting themselves up for a divorce or other bad break up and having it hit the “Girly Grapevine” that they are a cheating scumbag.

Is this you?

There are a few who realize that creating and maintaining a happy and fulfilling relationship needs a more direct approach, especially those into self-help and self-improvement systems, and they go to millions of sites Google serves up with such search terms as “attract woman,” “seduction tip” and “sexual attraction,” but these pages and products, developed by some of the world’s more brilliant minds, like John Alanis (“The King of Let ‘em Come to You”), David DeAngelo (“Double Your Dating”), Shelly McMurtry (“First in Her Mind”), Tiffany Taylor (“Guy Gets Girl”), and Mari-Jo Tyler (“Laugh Into Love,” a relationship expert, sex therapist, and comedienne!), and which get huge results for people trying to become successful in the dating world, are developed mainly for someone IN the dating world.

But Wait!

Going back into the dating world and meeting strangers is what you’re trying to avoid, isn't it?! Trying to employ such attraction tactics, such as being unpredictable, which is irresistible to a woman you’ve just met, to a mature relationship will scare the living hell out of a woman with whom you are sharing a mortgage and a few kids, married or not!

She wants predictability, but is attracted to unpredictability.

There are a great many “toy boys” around who can give her that little thrill while you continue to provide stability, so the whole issue is a double-edged sword and a huge trap for both of you, as are many other things that trip a woman’s attraction triggers.

How do you sort it out? What do women want, especially in a long-term relationship? What feelings can you enjoy giving her that she will enjoy?To make matters worse, you may have already been doing some research, and come across some of the dating gurus mentioned above. The advice they give is rock solid for the dating world -- it just doesn't get any better -- but they repeatedly say to their readers, "Once attraction is lost, forget it and move on, because it's gone, it's near impossible, if not entirely impossible, to bring it back."

Maybe for their readers, but take a closer look...

In the short window you have to create attraction in a new person and try to make it bloom into a lasting relationship, this is true. But, the rules and timeframes are different for committed relationships. Have you already given up? You shouldn't, because the fact that you're in a committed relationship works in your favor, and can actually motivate your bored girlfriend or wife to help you set things right under the right conditions.

How? Keep reading...
This problem of a “stale” relationship, one in which both parties, whether married or not, still love each other and are committed to staying together, or at least want to be, but their relationship is in a rut – their sex lives are near non-existent, their lives are routine and boring -- has happened over time and has become a “comfortable” habit. Judging by the results of studies conducted by people qualified and equipped to conduct them, the average married couple has sex only six times a year, in spite of studies conducted on these same people indicating that they think about sex hourly and often every few minutes.

How can this be a recipe for a happy marriage?

I’m going to make a bet that if you’re still reading this, either you’re in the same boat, or you’re the proactive sort that tries to stop problems before they start and don’t want to be part of that statistic. I’ve been happily married for the last ten-plus years at the time of this writing, and I can tell you from experience, my own and that of hundreds of other couples, that the good news is that reigniting her attraction for you is all that this situation requires for short-term success, and keeping that success this time around is a simple matter of completing two tasks and starting up two on-going processes, one of which will be on “auto-pilot” and one you will actively manage:

Task 1: Make sure you are a good match for each other. Some people just aren't good for each other; indeed, some couples are downright mutually destructive, and think they're happy, when they are actually comfortably unhappy. A bad match-up can’t work well because there’s always the stress of trying to bend and stretch to meet somebody in the middle, and it’s such a stretch that neither of you will ever be able to enjoy the relationship.

Task 2 (and the process on “auto-pilot”): Learning a bit about how men and women communicate differently and how to "meet in the middle." You may have always known that women go about it differently than we do, and that it makes us nuts, but getting a handle on it is really not as complicated as a great many of the people with lots of “alphabet soup” dangling after their names on their business cards would have you believe. Just being aware of the basic differences is often enough to start bridging the gap, because understanding often brings about cooperation and improvement, which in turn starts a continuous improvement process that you’ll find that you enjoy so much that it will quickly become automatic, because while it’s a little bit of work, it’s a whole lot of fun!

The actively managed process: Keeping that attraction alive once reignited, which isn’t at all difficult once you understand what she responds to, because it’s not just easy to do, it’s fun for both of you! Especially when you trip those triggers regularly, because not only will your sex life return to what you used to call “normal” (and exciting!), but you’ll once again find each other fun and exciting in more and more ways. She’ll respond to having her triggers tripped by automatically tripping your triggers as well, and as your communications skills improve you’ll discover more ways to trip each others’ triggers. It’s an upward spiral to long-term happiness, building fun, excitement, and security, and self-esteem for both of you.

As simple as that sounds, that’s really all there is to it, but there are quite a few toe-stumpers, pitfalls, and outright traps along the way. I’ve investigated them, and with the help of a significant and still-growing support staff of women who are in or have been in mature relationships, have prepared a sizable report on how to make this all work in your life. This support staff reviews all advice and examples to make sure that everything is as accurate as possible with regard to how women react to various thoughts, actions, and conversational elements by gauging their own responses to the recommendations (and you can bet their husbands and boyfriends are loving life now!), so what you'll read here (and what's in my book, "How to Be Attractive to the Woman You Love') isn’t just an opinion of what works for one guy with one gal, it’s what works, period! You’re getting information on what makes women tick that men have sought for centuries, and every woman wishes you knew, but few if any women would have ever told you in a way you could understand if you had just asked.

What you need, and what I'm going to help you to achieve, through my book, this blog, my daily newsletter, and for those in need, personal coaching, is to start with a fair and thorough assessment of yourself, your partner, and your relationship. It will help you to ask and answer the difficult questions that must be resolved before you can expect success going forward or find happiness elsewhere if this partner isn’t “the one.”

Once you're in that special relationship that you think is "the one," we'll speed you on your way to a more intimate (and more fun!) relationship, with not only a few technical details, but also great examples of conversations you’ve probably had, mistakes you probably made in those conversations, and ways in which you can come out better when you have them again in the future. Make no mistake, you can NEVER realize the full potential of any male-female relationship without knowing the differences in how men and women communicate and expect each other to communicate. Even if you both create maximum attraction for each other have the greatest sex life ever known and spent several hours every day engaged in it, there are still all those other hours in which you must be able to share your lives, else love dies, and with it friendship, respect, and trust.

Finally, we must dig deep into what attraction really is, how it works, and how to make it happen, not to mention what kills it! Pay attention here, because attraction, more than anything else, is what women want, whether they realize it or not, and you've got to create it for them or someone else will!

Why should you bother to take action and make this effort?

Well for starters, it works! Just the awareness gained by the support staff in focusing on the material and pulling it all together revived and improved their relationships to honeymoon status. If that's not a good enough reason, let’s talk money for a minute...

How many hundreds or thousands of dollars do you think you might spend on marriage counselors and/or lawyers trying to fix your current problems (especially if you get caught in an affair)?

Are there kids involved? Do you want to risk only seeing them every other weekend?

Speaking of kids, did it ever occur to you that girls are" women in training," and anything that you can do to learn to better understand and communicate with women is going to help you be a better father? It will help you to get along with and protect your daughters, and give you the most important of all knowledge to pass along to your sons: how to get along with women and how to go about choosing a great wife the first time around!

The reasons are plentiful and should be pretty obvious, don't you think?!

We're going to have a lot of fun together. Ultimately, you will learn a few things that most men have forgotten, such as the simple fact that being a man is something to which we should aspire, not something for which we should apologize.

There's a difference in what we think we hear women saying they want and what they really respond to. Master that and you will quickly see why when mama ain't happy, nobody's happy, and more importantly, when mama is happy, EVERYBODY'S HAPPY! Just for kicks, stop by http://www.makingherhappy.com and see the testimonials from some of the people who have saved their relationships, some of whom have been able to stop a divorce in the final stage of the proceedings in under a week.

Take care, and come back daily,
David Cunningham