Wednesday, April 19, 2006

Break-up Busting 101: Wrap-up -- The Action Plan

It’s time to wrap up the Break-up Busting 101 course and make an Action Plan. Pay attention, as there will be a quiz…

We’ve been through all the major points of causing, stopping and preventing a break-up, and we should now review to see what you learned and what you need to go back and see. Or, in the words of one of my favorite teachers from high school, “Let’s review…”

In the final analysis, most break-ups are caused by one of two things, either you were intolerably mismatched from the beginning, or else one or both partners became bored with the other and things deteriorated from there.

A huge contributing factor to coming together when you are poorly matched and continuing to try to hold onto a bad relationship is not understanding the nature and differences of love, attraction, need, and lust, all entirely independent emotions that if confused can rip you apart at the seams.

A huge contributing factor in growing bored and then frustrated is the failure of the partners to recognize that men and women communicate differently, have different motivations, and respond differently to different stimuli because of biological differences that create strong, sometimes even uncontrollable tendencies to act in a particular manner. Hence, things done out of simple ignorance are attributed insensitivity, pettiness, and bitchiness, which destroys both love and attraction and both creates resentment over feelings of no longer being good enough, which pushes you apart, and leaves you vulnerable to attractive behavior exhibited by those outside your relationship, which pull you apart.

This failure to understand and communicate also compels people to try to live up to the often incorrect perception of their partner’s expectations, grossly displeasing both partners, but when communication breaks down, resolution is not possible.

People in crisis have an overwhelming tendency to be overwhelmed by emotions that often are not even founded upon reality, and when things get that badly out of control, arresting the cycle is easiest achieved by triggering biological responses that disrupt negative emotion and make it possible to come to the negotiating table and try to resolve problems. Continuing this behavior by making it a part of yourself will make living together fun and exciting, including in the bedroom, so it’s not just a short-term bandage, it’s a long-term cure for a serious problem.

The behavior that trips these biological triggers is a part of heterosexual men that is also biological, and has been with us for as long as we’ve been on the planet. Hence, exhibiting it is not a matter of developing it, but of returning to it by letting it happen and enjoying it when it does instead of continuing the developed bad habit of wuss behavior that women find boring, child-like, etc. Any man who naturally wraps his hand around a glass without extending the little finger, salivates at the smell of fat burning in a fire pit, and looks at a woman with desire is not only capable of this behavior, he is in virtually all cases (barring mental defect or disease, extreme trauma at the hands of an abusive female, etc.) much more comfortable with this behavior than that of the typical subjugated, indecisive, and terribly boring “nice guy,” so results, satisfaction, and ultimate happiness are long-term, even permanent with very little effort, not just some quick fix that appears to work while everyone is hopeful only to quickly fail as boredom and frustration inevitably return.

That’s it, short, sweet, and blunt – yeah, man-style. Probably a little too short and blunt for the ladies, and possibly still a little too verbose for some of the guys. Just like day-to-day communications for men and women. So now, since we’re reviewing, here’s the action plan for crisis intervention, whether you are in crisis or want to prevent it from developing, because the steps are the same either way (it’s just a whole lot easier and less painful and stressful if you do it now as a preventive measure!):

First, go to
http://www.makingherhappy.com and buy your copy of "How to Be Attractive to the Woman You Love." (And yes, you do have to buy something, albeit something inexpensive. I know the world wants free newsletters and blogs to provide all the information the world has to offer for free, but it doesn’t work that way. Good information will cost you something, either in cash, time, effort, having to read somebody’s pop-up or banner ad, or something. However, in this case, the cost is less than the cost of a decent dinner, and compared to the cost of losing half or more of all you’ve worked to build and save plus attorney fees, alimony, etc., it’s close enough to free that the difference is negligible. Now keep reading or you’ll miss the really important stuff, like proof that what I’m telling you works, which is what you’re really after, isn’t it?)

Next, go through the first section and evaluate the relationship and the two partners and determine if your relationship has the solid foundation to work or if it has been the unfortunate product of wishful thinking. If your evaluation tells you that it can’t work in a way that can make both you happy (not just comfortably unhappy!), get out, using the tips for making a clean and hopefully non-combative exit described.

If your analysis shows you that you are well-matched, have been truly happy and can be happy again, but like most couples have tripped up and slipped into a rut and spiraled downward from there, which will be entirely obvious by the time you get there, continue through the next section on what women want…

(including a section on “sexual mastery” that may shock you when you find out what she may or may not have been trying to tell you but wants desperately and which you should be able to easily fulfill, regardless of your “endowment”!)

…and how to communicate with them so that you are prepared to take charge and work things out when you get them to the table. There’s no use bringing them to the table until you know exactly what to do once you get them there; to do so would just confirm what they already think, that you’re not worth the trouble.

Continue through the last section, learning about the natural male behavior that makes men so wildly desirable that women will kill to keep them, how and why it does what it does, and about the behavior that kills this attraction so that you are empowered to never, ever make the mistake of doing so again. Then…

Use what you have learned to flirt and have fun with your wife in your next encounter. The new, fun, manly behavior will interrupt ill feelings momentarily; she will be confused, then curious, intrigued, and feeling drawn in to engage with you. Then some of the ill feelings may return, but it will be too late by then; the little voices and “itches that need to be scratched” will have taken their toll, and she won’t be able to withdraw for long at a time. Why?

She’ll be driven to keep coming back, both to test and check up on you and to experience that inexplicable thrill of being with an attractive man again. Being with an attractive man – a man she feels drawn to, not just a guy with a buff bod and a handsome face – will make her feel good about herself, something else every woman craves, which will make it easier for her to set aside negative emotions and thoughts of punishment and revenge to have a serious discussion with you about working out your problems.

There will be several discussions, and as long as she’s talking to you, she’s interested in fixing them. It’s a three-step process from the point where you finish reading "How to Be Attractive to the Woman You Love." First, you put out the fire by interrupting the negative emotions by showing her a new you, one that she wants to spend time with…

Next, you use what you have learned about attraction to hold her attention and enhance her willingness to come to an equitable solution for your relationship problems and bolster her confidence in your combined ability as a couple to do so, rather like spreading grass seed and setting trees after the fire…

Finally, after all is worked out, you enter into a quest of sustainable growth in your life and happiness by engaging in interesting and productive self-improvement exercises and hobbies that give you an on-going source of achievement, no matter how small or large, to feed your own confidence and feelings of self-worth. The more she sees of you feeling good about yourself and acting the way that genuine, earned achievement makes a man act, the more attracted she will be and the more fun and excitement you will share to enhance your love for each other.

It really is that simple, not by virtue of opinion, but reality, and more to the point, history! Hundreds, maybe thousands by now have done it, and to this day, nobody has written to me saying that they couldn’t make it work or asked for a refund for any reason. On the other hand, I’m getting lots of letters describing successes, gratitude, and some who are even taking their success to such levels that they are writing in with suggestions to be shared in newsletters and future books. Check out my readers (these e-mails are on file and can be produced instantly for any doubting Thomas’s that might happen by!) like “G” here:

Yes. Great. I will do exactly that. I am grateful to have found you. You're the real deal.

I'll keep you posted. G


He’s still working on something, so I’m not going to divulge the nature of his problem, but I was pretty much just confirming for him something he saw in "How to Be Attractive to the Woman You Love." Notice the confidence and exuberance, the conviction and courage to carry on and get it done in that short message. Men don’t say things like that when they are unsure of their information, their actions, or their anticipated outcomes.

He wrote back a few days later with this:

I thank you pal. I have been following your book and news letters religiously. I don't think my marriage would even BE without the path of the "Manly Man". You can chalk up another save to your records.

Feel free to post this on your site. I stand behind it 100%. It's not the proverbial blowing smoke up your ass, but a sincere thank you. I have read quite a few eBooks during this low point. Some were OK. But no one really addressed the married man, and in a no BS approach that really made sense for me. Your's did...does!

Kind regards. G


A few days! That tells you two things: that the information is solid, and that it’s easy to learn and implement.

Check out J.:

Hi David,

I have to say that I really found the information in your book useful. I wish that I had found it a year ago.

As for things with T., it was very ironic to me that your email was waiting when I got back from having coffee with her. It's been 3 months and I wanted to come up with a plan or get closure ... I got closure.

She 27 (I'm 36) and she feels that she is at a point in her life where she needs to find some inner independence and that I represent too much safety in her quest. As you also probably also know, these can be journey that last a couple months to a couple years ... I hope that she finds what she wants.

I know that I will be able to use what you have helped me learn in my next relationship ... so thanks!

J.

He’s moving on, and not only is he moving on with the courage of his conviction, she, in working with him to resolve their problems, has identified a major problem in her own character and is moving forward to resolve that so that she can have a happy life with someone as well, and they are wishing each other a happy life apart instead of engaging in bitter divorce war. You gotta love that.

And what about J.G. here:

Hi David,

I just had to tell someone about an incredible response I had from my wife's best friend. This woman has never liked me, she even told my wife not to marry me. I have not told my wife or anyone else that I have your book, but I have been using it to slowly change my attitude back to they way I was before I became "whipped".

Anyway, back to the best friend story. My wife and I were at a community event when she started to tell her friend that we had enrolled in ballroom dance lessons. I was very self-conscious about everyone knowing this. But to shift the attention from me I began to tease her friend and bust on her for not really being able to dance herself. After a few minutes of quick verbal jabs between us, she grabbed my arm and said "I've never seen this side of you before; you’re a bad boy".

During the entire exchange I had my arm around my wife holding her while she was holding onto me. When we got home we barely got our children to bed before she jumped me right in the kitchen. It was of the most intense sexual encounters of our life. The attraction between us seems to grow stronger every day. I just had to tell someone! I never knew how good I could have it, until I started acting like a man, and not apologize for it.


Thanks

Do you see what I mean? These men were all in crisis when they bought "How to Be Attractive to the Woman You Love," and now listen to them. And contrary to what you see on diet ads and so forth, I’m not going to give you one of those “These results are atypical, your results may vary” disclaimers because these results are ENTIRELY typical. Everybody who uses the information in this book gets what they go after and more. (So what difference does it make who tells you about it???)

Join them! Stop settling for sitting on the couch with a beer channel surfing or hanging out in anonymous chat rooms until you fall asleep. Stop settling for wishing your “love life” was more active. Stop settling for looking back for good memories instead of making new, great memories. It doesn’t matter how bad your relationship is, you can return to a happy life, with your partner’s cooperation and even help, even if the two of you end up going your separate ways! Go to
http://www.makingherhappy.com and get your copy of "How to Be Attractive to the Woman You Love" right now, and get started on fixing what’s broken, whatever it is, and get yourself back on the path (or on the path, if you’ve never been on it) to a happy life, because life really is too short to walk any other path, or waste it meandering about looking for a path to walk.

I hope this series has helped you to see that no matter how bad your situation, your relationship and your life can be better, and above all else, the choice to make it better is YOURS. Choose well…oh, and that quiz I mentioned…your partner will be administering it shortly…women test men constantly, remember?

In the meantime, live well, be well, and have a wonderful day!
David Cunningham

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